62 Days (12 page)

I start up his pathway and then stop in total shock. I can see right through the kitchen window and into the hallway. And what I see is Mark and Charlotte stuck together tightly. Her red hair is unmistakable. She seems to be kissing his neck and he is holding her head. Her arms are around his back. I am frozen to the spot for a terrible staring moment. I can’t breathe. My head swims. Something sharp stabs me in the chest. I suddenly turn and run away, my heart pounding, back down the path and back towards my car.

I knew he still had feelings for her and it seems she still has feelings for him. Mark is so much nicer than Daniel and she wants him back.

My shock turns into a wild distress and a torrent of blinding tears start to fall. I am shaking like mad as I drive home in my tearful state. I don’t know how I manage to get there in one piece. I go inside and call Suze, thankfully she is home.

“Can I come over… I really need to stay.” I beg her in a choked sobbing voice

“My God, what’s happened? Of course you can stay but I’m not going to be home all weekend.”

“It’s okay, I don’t mind if you’re not home. I just need to be somewhere else right now.”

Somewhere he can’t find me.

I drive to Suze’s in another tearful shaky daze. Thankfully she doesn’t live too far away. I arrive at her door and she lets me in and gives me a tight hug. I can see she is shocked at the state I am in.

I tried to explain what I’d seen. I can hardly speak but I manage to get it all across somehow.

“
Why didn’t you go inside and confront them? Maybe there was an explanation?”

“
No, what explanation could there be! I don’t know why I ran away. I felt sick. I couldn’t face it.” I sob. All I knew was that I was a broken ruined person again. How could he love me so much and then do this?

I sent my mum a quick text to tell her I wouldn’t be round on Sunday as I was out and then switched off my phone for the weekend. I didn’t want to hear from him, whatever he had to say.

Suze went to Sam’s the next morning. She knew I was in a bad way and said she wanted to cancel and stay with me but I insisted she went out. I didn’t really want company. Not even Suze. I had her place to myself. I was back to sitting and staring. Not caring. Not anything. Almost numb with shock and disappointment. I made myself something to eat but couldn’t eat a thing. I watched TV but didn’t take anything in. The weekend passed in a blur of hurt and nothing. Suze returned at 4pm on Sunday evening and I realised I had to go home and face it all some time. It might as well be now.

I gave Suze a thankful hug for letting me use her home as a bolt hole for the weekend, drove home and let myself in. I turned my phone on and sent him a message.

“I’m home.” I’d had a whole weekend to prepare for the end and think about this. I wanted it done with as soon as possible.

“Where the hell have you been?”

“Away.”

“I’m coming over right now.”

I sat waiting at the window for the final visit I would ever have from Mark.

I let him in and walked ahead of him into my living room. I turned to face him. He put his hand out to touch my arm but I stepped back, out of reach. I could see there were tears in his eyes. Serve him right. He should be upset. More than upset.

“I was so worried about you. Why didn’t you call me back?” His face looked confused and so hurt. 

“You know the answer to that already.” I started to get upset looking at him. My eyes were blurring.

“No I really don’t.”

“Three words. You and Charlotte.” I’m just about holding it together.

“What about me and Charlotte?”

“I saw you together in your house.” I choke the words out. My control is really slipping.

He took a deep breath. “Is that what all this is about?”

“Yes and I’m shattered into pieces.” I can’t stop myself and start to cry a river.

“Oh my God… you’ve got it all wrong… Charlotte was upset. She has just found out she’s pregnant and Daniel doesn’t want her to keep it. He doesn’t want children. She asked me to speak to him. She was crying her eyes out. I gave her a long hug, that’s all.”

I started to rethink what I had seen. This could be true. Oh no… fuck… it was… I felt sick with realisation.

I sat down on the sofa still in full flood.

“I can’t believe you have such little trust in me. Considering I feel so much for you, and you must know exactly how much that is by now… do you honestly think I could switch off and go back with her just like that? I’m really hurt.”

“Jon, left me for someone else. It all felt like a repeat horror story to me.” I am trying to control my sobs… the relief is making them worse…

“You have to stop comparing me to him. I’m not like him at all. You know I’m not. Do you realise I have been sick with worry all weekend? I didn’t know what to do. I couldn’t bear to lose you Ray.” His eyes were very teary. I stood up and hugged him.

“I’m so sorry. I don’t know what to say. I have no self esteem at all. She’s so much prettier than me and better spoken and more your type… I wonder all the time what you see in me.”

“Rachel, you are far more than beautiful to me. I love everything about you. You’re exactly my type. I knew it the minute I met you. I really need to work on making you feel good about yourself, I’ve obviously not done a brilliant job so far, have I?”

“It’s not your job to fix me.”

“I think it is. You’ve fixed me.”

“I have? What needed fixing?”

“Well I didn’t think I’d ever find someone I loved even more than her. But I have.”

What could I say to that. I was speechless with joy and crying at the same time. So I gave him a kiss instead.

“Don’t ever run away again… Promise me… You can talk to me about anything.”

“I promise. Now come with me, I have to make it up to you somehow. My dreadful, horrible, misunderstanding mind.”

“It’s okay now, I’m happy again. I can’t say this weekend was much fun, but it was worth going through in some respects. I think we understand each other a lot better now, don’t we?”

“I so completely love you Mark.”

“I so completely love you too Rachel.”

I lead him off to my bedroom for a serious making up session. I pull him down on my small but cosy bed. I am going to show him and tell him what he means to me for hours and hours. But I’m going to pick his brains a little first though.

I am lying on my side facing him and running my fingers through his hair. I really love his hair. 

“S
o you fancied me from the beginn
ing did you?”

“
Yes. The whole beautiful Rachel package.”

“
But I was drunk and not interested. What’s beautiful about that?”

“
I spoke to you before you got drunk and I didn’t think you’d stay not interested for long.”

“I don’t remember being particularly nice to you Mark.”

“You were amusing and different and obviously not out to impress me at all. I liked your offhand attitude and I thought you were very sexy. I was sure I could win you round.”

“
Oh really?”

“I’m far too wonderful to resist”

“
I suppose you are.”

“
Especially when I put some effort into it.”

“Y
ou got me with your very friendly kiss after the wedding.”

“
I put some feeling into that.”

“
My feelings have never been the same since.”

“
Neither have mine.”

We have a long passionate kissing session before we get round to the seriously energetic side of making up.

We are sitting at his the following Wednesday evening. I am laying down on my side with my head on his lap and he is twirling strands of my hair.

“
I know we’ve only been together for a couple of weeks but I’d like you to move in with me. Will you think about it?” Mark suddenly asks me.

“
Let’s go and get all my things right now.” I turn on my back and look up at him with a beaming, joyful smile. 

“
Really?”

“
Really – then I think we should stop off on the way back here and you can meet my parents if you like…”

“
I thought you’d never ask.”

“
Well I am now.” I was quite aware that I hadn’t. Another hangover from the Jon affair. He never wanted to meet my parents and never wanted to visit them once he had. I think he saw them three times altogether in two years.

We drove over to my apartment and loaded up the car with just about everything we could fit in including my battered old teddy bear and three surviving pot plants.

“
You should rent it out, keep it as an investment. Your tenants can pay the mortgage for you.” Mark explained what he thought I should do with my no longer needed apartment.

“
Okay, that’s a good idea. I’ll clean it up next week and get a letting agent, shall I?” I was quite looking forward to being a landlady…

“
That’s what I would do, they’ll handle it all for you for one months rental per year.”

We drove on to my parents and knock at the door. Mum is very surprised at the sudden appearance of Mark and myself on her doorstep. I get a glaring look which clearly says, you should have called first Ray, the house isn’t at it’s best. Not that we care.

She fusses around making him coffee and giving him a huge slice of her own home made cake. I bite the bullet and tell them I am just about to move into his house. Mum and dad are looking at me in wide eyed surprise. I look at Mark and he is smiling. In between stuffing his face with fruit cake. He really loves the stuff. Mum’ll be ecstatic.

We sit and chat for a while about this and that. Dad asks him about his company and he asks dad about his students and they agree on the terrible state of the education system.

I suggest we go as we have to move my stuff in and it is getting late. We make plans to go back for Sunday lunch.

We get back to his, I mean
our
house and I busy myself putting all my clothes and shoes away in one of the spare rooms. I put some of my things in the bathroom and find a few spare drawers for the rest of it. I think all of my possessions will disappear very easily in this rather large four bedroom house. I go downstairs for some more stuff.

“W
hy did you choose such a large house?” I ask him curiously.

“
Just in case I needed it one day. I don’t like moving much, it’s a lot of hassle.”

“
So this is your house forever is it?”

“
Unless you don’t want to stay here for some reason.”

“
Well I love it, there’s no chance of that!” I also love the fact that he’d move out if I wanted to.

“
That’s good. Now stop faffing about moving in for a while, let’s have a drink and then we can do something nice together.”

“
I was rather enjoying my faffing, but I’ll stop now and have a drink and whatever…”

He produces a large bottle of expensive looking champagne out of his fridge.

“
Mark no… Champagne makes me really drunk. You’ll have to drink most of it.”

“
In that case we can both get a little drunk. Because I think the fact that we are now cohabiting is cause for a celebration.”

“
Okay, you’ve talked me into it. Let’s take it upstairs then we won’t have to fall up them afterwards.”

“
Good idea… up you go, I’ll bring the drink.”

I sit on the bed and wait for him to come up. He seems to be taking a while but eventually he appears with everything on a tray and some other things as well.

“
What’s this, a little moving in love picnic…?”

“
Something like that.”

I stand up and take a look. Drink, glasses, some chocolates, some strawberries and a six inch by four inch box of something with a bow on it.

“T
his is so sweet. What’s in the box?”

“
It’s a little surprise for later.” He gives me a big smile. And puts down the tray.

“
Well I just love surprises.” I give him a grateful kiss and pull him down with me on the bed.