62 Days (5 page)

“
Sure, Cameron was telling me all about her job.”

“
We’ll go soon. This must be too much family togetherness for you.” he gave me a sympathetic little look.

“
Whenever you like. I’m just fine.”

“
You are?” He looked surprised.

“
I’m happy just to sit and look around… really, I love it here… the kiddies are so cute. The cake is so high. The bride is just so perfectly white… There’s lots to look at…” I was used to just sitting and gazing. I’d done a lot of it in my apartment over the past two months. This was nice and interesting sitting in comparison.

“
Well maybe another half an hour then, okay?”

“
Mark, just go and chat, it’s fine. If I get bored I’ll find some old auntie of yours and talk about knitting or whatever.”

“W
hat a friend you are.”

I could see something like admiration in his eyes and a warm smile appeared.

“
I know, go and tell your mother.” I smiled back.

He gave me a curious look as he went off.

He came back twice quite soon after that and eventually took me off with him to chat with some of his young cousins.

***

As we started driving home at 9pm, I had to admit I’d had a good time. So I told him.

“
I really enjoyed the wedding a lot. Thanks for taking me.”

“
No, I should be the one to say thanks.”

“
Oh, why’s that?”

“
For being so friendly and patient today.”

“
That’s what friends are for.”

He looked at me for a moment as if he was about to say something then changed his mind and turned his attention back to the road.

I felt we were now friendly enough for me to ask my burning question. “Mark, what happened with Charlotte?”

“
Oh no, don’t tell me mother’s been talking again. Take no notice of her Rachel.”

I turned my head to look his way. “Well yes, she did bring her up, it’s obviously a big thing in her mind. And now of course I’m curious.” I could see he was debating what to tell me.

“
Hmmm… It’s a little complicated but basically eighteen months ago we were engaged… then she changed her mind and went back to her ex.”

“
Oh dear, I’m sorry. That must have hurt you so much.”

“
It did. Can we please change the subject?”

“
No, not yet.” I was going to offload… just for a few seconds. I felt the need. “I’ve just had a bad experience as well. Two months ago. My boyfriend Jon, he left me after two years together. It was a very unhealthy difficult relationship.” I can’t believe I’m actually telling him this very personal stuff about myself already. But I really want to. Here we are, friends together, talking about failed love.

“
I’m sorry too. So that’s why you’re the way you are.”

“
And how am I Mark?”

“
Lost.”

I couldn’t speak. That was exactly how I was. A lost soul, no purpose, no meaning, no anything… I looked out of the side window as a hot well of tears built up in my eyes. He placed his hand on mine.

“
It’ll get better, don’t worry. You’ll be just fine.”

I wiped away the teary eyes with my finger.

We finally drew up outside my apartment block and he switched the engine off and turned towards me. I undid my seatbelt ready to get out.

“
I’d like to do something very friendly. You okay with that?” He asked me looking directly into my eyes.

“
I guess so.” Here comes a goodnight kiss then. Unless I’ve completely misread that last remark. I’m quite looking forward to it in fact. It must be the Bucks Fizz and wine I’ve had today loosening my screwed up tight inhibitions. A nice friendly, unpressured, meaningless kiss. Just a touch of friendly lips. I really like my new man friend at the moment. My new good looking confidant who is about to kiss me goodnight in a friendly way.

He undid his seat belt and leaned across to my side of the car.

His face is a few inches away. He really is such a looker. Those beautiful eyes. He puts his hand on my shoulder. His mouth draws closer and touches mine. My eyes close. There it is. Just a gentle friendly touch with a slight sideways sweep to it. But he doesn’t stop at that. He starts moving his mouth over mine, back and forth. I’m not prepared for my reaction to this at all. A sudden wave of intense sexual feeling squeezes my muscles tightly inside. I gasp with shock and surprise. The sensations he has aroused in me are so overwhelming. I start to respond and kiss him back. I can hardly breathe with the rolling sex wave escalating inside me. He puts his hand behind my head and pulls me closer, his tongue is pushing against my lips… I can’t stop myself, I let him in. Tongue rubbing heaven is going on inside my mouth. Delightful little shivers are running up and down my spine… A liquid heat is building up everywhere… Suddenly I just can’t take any more rising sexual feelings. I push him away breathing heavily and we look at each other.

“
That was a little
too
friendly.” I finally managed to pull myself together enough to utter. The wave is starting to recede thankfully.

“
Come back to my place with me.” He asks, his eyes burning into mine.

“
What? No!”

“
Why not?”

“
We’re friends Mark.”

“
I think we just moved on from that.”

“
No… we can’t…”

I open the car door and leave quickly. I’m aware of him calling out my name. I run up to my apartment block door and go inside. I rush upstairs to the first floor and let myself in. Then I collapse in a snivelling heap on my bed. That’s the end of that then. I can’t see him anymore. Damn and blast and fuck. He’s so lovely to be with and I wanted him to be my friend. But I’m just not ready for more love, sex and hurt. I don’t think I ever will be. Not even with a really nice hot man like him.

I finally calm down enough to make myself a cup of coffee and check my phone. My mother is asking if I had a good time… I tell her yes, wedding was a navy blue and white dream, ten bridesmaids, four pageboys and a six tiered cake. Suze is asking me where I was, as she called by at 6pm and I wasn’t in. She wants to know why my car is there and I’m not. I send her something meaty to chew on.

“
Been out with Mark to a wedding.”

Another one of Suze’s super fast replies appears.

“
He asked you on a wedding date? – that’s serious stuff.”

“
Not a date – as friends.”

“
Yeah right, did you get any friendly sex?”

She’d have a field day if she knew he had actually asked me.

“
NO – is sex all you ever think about?”

“
Pretty much. ”

Well at least she was honest.

“
Speak to you tomorrow”

I was tired and I wanted to go to bed and snivel some more over my lost new man friend.

I decide to send him a message. An olive branch of friendship. I didn’t like the way I’d left it.

“
Thank you for being my friend.” That should make him feel nice and warm. It even made me feel nice and warm.

He replied quite quickly.

“
Is that really how you see me?”

Oh dear, still stuck in that same groove are we? What shall I say next?

“
I’m lost remember.”

“
I’ll find you.”

“
Do you have a clever answer for everything?”

“
No, but I do have the answer for you.”

“
No you don’t Mark.”

“
Looking forward to Paris.”

“
Not a good idea.”

“’
Night Rachel.”

I’d have to think about all of this very carefully tomorrow.

Mondays at work are always a trial. Things happen in the world at the weekend and there are always a lot more phone calls and a mountain of mail to deal with. I plod on wearily, trying to cope with the deluge. Things feel so different today. In my head, I mean. I was in a dark, quiet and comfortable place last week. Today I feel like I’ve been shot out of a canon into a volcano. My insides are churning over and over at the memory of ‘the wave’… Mrs William’s words keep coming back into my head… the ‘you know’ look.

My messed up and newly unsettled mind keeps returning to next weekend. Literally every five minutes to be precise. There was simply no way I could do a spot of casual sex in Paris, could I? The wave returned with a heated vengeance at the thought of it. Well it seems my body was up for it. But my head…? It was just too soon. Wasn’t it? For a crazy second I wished I was more like Suze… we’d have done it by now and I’d be on the lookout for the next conquest.

Thinking of Suze, there’s a text from her which has suddenly appeared as if by magic…

“
Coming over tonight at 7 with a bottle of red. Make me SB.”

Suze loved my spaghetti bolognese… don’t know why, it wasn’t a special recipe. It came out of a jar mostly. It sounded very much like she wanted to get me a little tipsy and get the lowdown on Mark. She wasn’t ever very subtle.

“
OK. See you.” I agreed to her evening meal and Mark secrets demand.

***

I served up the dinner and we sat down at the table. I took another slurp of Suze’s delicious Rioja… I’m turning into a proper old wino lately…. Must cut down on my drinking.

“
So… what’s going on with Mark then?”

I knew she’d been dying to ask me for the last 15 minutes she’d been here… but she wanted to get some wine in me first, so she’d get the benefit of my looser tongue. I was already on glass two’ish. She kept topping me up… Not that I minded. Suze is a real good pal. I can tell her some stuff.

She was busy twirling spaghetti but I knew her ears were all attention…

“
Hmmm… don’t know exactly.”

“
Well that’s a positive. Better than the ‘nothing’ I expected.”

Maybe I’ll just tell her – the lot – the wine was working…

“
He’s asked me to go to Paris with him.”

“
Fucking hell! He must want to shag you a lot Ray.”

“
That’s what I’m worried about. I don’t think I should go.”

“
D’you think he’d take me instead?”

I look at her. I actually think she’s serious.

“
You know, I really wish I was more like you at times. You can separate sex and love, can’t you?”

“
Yeah, but the trouble is, I don’t ever get to the love part. I never date more than two or three times. I go for the wrong guys. They’re all players. Fuck and dump. That’s their motto.”

I was a little shocked at Suze’s sudden opening of her heart to me.

“
I thought you liked that? No relationship issues. Just sex with lots of different hot men…”

“
Well yes. I like the sex, of course, but I would like a relationship to go with it occasionally. I get lonely now and then. I even envy what you had with Jon. I know he was bullying and controlling and a complete bastard and all, but you had two years of some kind of love with him. I’ve never really felt like that about anyone. Never got the chance…”

Her eyes filled up. I touched her hand across the table.

“
Oh Suze. I didn’t realise…”

“
It’s okay. I have the odd miserable moment but I’m happy most of the time. A boyfriend would make me happier, but I’m not desperate yet.” She brightened up and smiled at me. “Anyway, that’s enough about me… tell me all about Mr hot stuff… I want to know the lot. Every look and every word… come on, tell your nosy friend Suzanne everything… right from the beginning.”

So I did.

Suze listened in rapt attention to my tale from waking up in his bed to being asked back for a return visit. She then delivered her usual brand of no nonsense advice.

“
Just go to Paris and let him shag you senseless. It’ll make you feel good.”