A Break Up Survival Guide (4 page)

Repeat your affirmations throughout the day whenever you get the chance.  There is no ‘specific’ amount of times you need to say your affirmations.  However, the more times you do it, the better and anytime of the day you remember is just fine!  To help you remember, put your affirmations on post it notes throughout designated places around the house – even the car!

In one of my books,
7 Steps to Reclaiming Your Personal Power
, I discuss various modalities that can be used to bring you back into alignment, to a place of balance.  These tools aid you in getting that personal power, as I term it, that we can lose at such critical times of stress and distress in our lives back.

In the book I discuss each of the modalities at length and in some detail, so I will touch on each of them here just briefly.  To get more information,  please avail yourself of this wonderful little title.

Meditation:

Meditation is a key tool in developing personal growth. To grow effectively, we need to find clarity of purpose and this can be achieved through meditation.

To exactly find a point in the history of mankind where meditation began would be difficult. Suffice to say that it would have commenced many millennia ago. However, what we do know is that meditation began in ancient civilizations.

Many Hindi scholars from India wrote about meditation and these are better known as the Vedas and the Yoga Sutras, which were written by Patanzali.

And then of course there was the meditation of Siddhartha Gautama (Buddha). The East has practised meditation for countless centuries and though the Western world caught on, it really wasn’t until the mid-20th century that meditation began to be so popular in the western world.

To this day, meditation is still the greatest method to achieving inner peace and well-being and is being recommended by many health practitioners, both in the alternative fields as well as in the orthodox such as general practitioners and specialists.  In fact, doctors recommend meditation technique for many reasons such as:

• Lower high blood pressure
  
• Lessen anxiety
  
• Lift depression
  
• Prevent heart failure
  
• Stop substance abuse
  
• Decrease health care expenditures
  
• Alleviate ADHD
  
• Balance metabolic syndrome
  
• Improve overall health
  
• Promotes longevity
  

And these are just a few!

Fifteen minutes of meditation daily can assist with the following and so much more:

• Helps you to relax quickly
  
• Improves concentration and clarity of mind
  
• Reduces anxiety and stress
  
• Helps you gain a general sense of well-being
  
• Assists in restoring health
  
• Raises tolerance levels
  
• Increases creativity
  
• Brings out the inherently
  content and happy person
  from within
  
• Helps to create within you an inner peace and happiness
  
• Assists in both mind and body healing
  

Through regular meditation you begin to still the mind, you build your energy level, self-discipline and control. 

You will emanate a calm that resonates from within and affects the people with whom you interact in a positive way. You feel balanced. Things unfold naturally and effortlessly. Through these daily quiet periods you set aside for yourself, you tap into the higher power which lies within you. This power will guide you, inspire you and help you see new, creative ideas.

Meditation can be practiced in various ways. While there are a number of different meditation techniques, a commonality runs through almost all of them.

If you are new to meditation, a brief explanation on the different ways you can meditate effectively and choose the technique that is right for you can be found by clicking
on this link.

EFT:

Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT) is a universal aid to healing that is changing the way we perceive emotional and physical dysfunction and disease. It allows insight into what really limits our physical and emotional health and wellbeing.

EFT is a form of
psychological acupressure,
with the exception of using needles of course. The approach is to tap on various body locations while repeating self-accepting statements at different points several times. It is through this tapping that the energy meridians which have become disrupted from our experiences or negative thoughts become more balanced. Of course the memories of such experiences are never eradicated. But it is the emotional charge that dissolves. The result is lasting and coupled with that is the positive changes in your thinking.

EFT has been successfully applied to treat a wide range of emotional problems including anxiety, fears, phobias, trauma, PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder), guilt, anger, grief and addictions.

EFT can assist in reducing the emotional upsets towards others including our partners in our relationships. Couples using EFT can overcome many of the barriers that confront relationships.

I do believe that out of all the tools I have used to assist in quieting the mind, raising my energy levels, working towards finding that place of peace and  acceptance of situations that we either have no control over or are limited or powerless to do anything about….EFT has been by far one of the most effective for me personally.

While EFT has achieved amazing results with many emotional and physical conditions, it is not intended to replace appropriate medical care and should always be used in conjunction with medical consultation for such conditions that require it.

Solfeggio Frequencies:
 

The Solfeggio frequencies come from an ancient musical scale that was thought to be lost centuries ago and replaced with the scale that is used today (12 tone equal temperament with A=440). They are the original sound frequencies used in Ancient Gregorian chants including the great hymn to St. John the Baptist. Many secrets lie within the solfeggio frequencies. Solfeggio frequencies are believed to have the capacity to effect matter and consciousness.

It is an effective way to heal and soothe the body, as well as being able to achieve a higher state of consciousness.

What is astounding about exposing yourself to these frequencies on a regular basis is that they can make big changes in a relatively short time.

The Six Solfeggios Frequencies are:

1. UT 396 Hz Liberating Guilt and Fear

2. RE 417 Hz Undoing Situations and Facilitating change

3. MI 528 Hz Transformation and Miracles (DNA Repair)

4. FA 639 Hz Connecting/Relationships

5. SOL 741 Hz Awakening Intuition

6. LA 852 Hz Returning to Spiritual Order

By tapping into one or more of the above modalities on a regular basis, you’ll begin to notice that you cope with the changes around you and do so constructively rather than destructively.

A lot is happening to you and you need your wits about you if you are to move forward.  There is nothing outside of yourself that solves your problems, changes your current circumstances or fixes them!  This is why resigning yourself to what it is and finding balance within will help you regain a sense of control over matters. 

Whenever you find yourself reminiscing about the past events or the life you had with your ex, it will only serve to keep you in the past and moving forward will be hindered.  This doesn’t mean you shouldn’t think about it.  Of course when wounds are fresh, it is ALL you think about.

But if you can get into a habit of practising either
meditation
, listening to one of the
Solfeggio frequencies
of your choice or using
Emotional Freedom Technique
just for 15 minutes a day, you will become more present, more in the moment rather than remain in the past.

 When you are first divorced or if you’ve just separated, your children will ask a lot of questions.  You need to be careful of what you say. First and foremost, you need to make sure that they understand it is not their fault in any way and this is about grown-up choices only.   You don’t need to go into detail in the beginning. 

They need to understand just the basics without putting their father down and without you taking the blame to try to protect the children.   Answer one question at a time, with one simple answer, using the “gentle truths”. As they get older and want to know more, then you can express more detail in an age-appropriate manner.  And again, be careful not to call names, place blame or be disrespectful to the child’s father or to yourself. 

Tip A:
 Listen to your children’s questions.  Reassure them.  Tell them that is a good question and you will think about it and answer them after some thought.  Let the children know exactly when they can expect answers from you. Basically, when they ask questions, you can always answer, “This is a tough time for each of us for different reasons. Your dad and I love you very much and that’s the most important thing for you to know. This is about grown-up things, so let’s work to help you not worry about those things. Let’s focus on things we can do to feel happy instead of sad. Let’s take things one step at a time and I will answer your questions the very best I can. Again, remember that we both love you very much and this is about grown-up stuff and not you. You have done nothing wrong at all.”

At this point when you are emotional, you need to carefully select your words.  It’s important for you to seek guidance for the tough questions you WILL be asked and learn to answer with an age-appropriate response that will empower you AND your children and your circumstance. Each divorce is different, but all children experience very similar feelings during divorce regardless of the situation specific moments. If you cannot afford a therapist, sit with a friend you trust and practice how you will tell your children, what you will say and anticipate the possible questions they can ask so you are prepared. Make sure this person you speak with is a positive role model for you.
Your
reactions to crisis will teach your children how to react in crisis.

Tip B:
   Encourage children to see the good in their father and you. Share a story with them about how excited you were to bring them in to this world with their father when they were born. Compliment qualities they have of their father that you admire and tell them that even though the two of yo
u are going through some grown-up problems, you will support a loving relationship with both parents. For instance, if they have their father’s eyes, you could mention, “You have your father’s kind brown eyes” or “You are funny just like your dad and that’s a great quality to have.” This WILL be difficult (especially if there has been abuse). Work to not allow your children to “do the time” for something they had nothing to do with. Continue to remind them that you and their father are dealing with the grown-up stuff and you both love them no matter what the grown-ups choose.

Tip C
:
  Don’t tell the children about qualities they have that you didn’t like about their father.  This will only make them question how much you love them (especially if they have been told how much they look like the father). One adult child of divorce mentioned how she purposely made herself sick on picture day at school because when she was 15 her mother told her she looked just like her father and that’s why there were very few photos of her in the home. From that point, that 15 year old girl spent her life truly believing she was ugly because of the anger her mother had towards her father and that one little statement the mother made to her young daughter. This 15 year old spent her life trying to be perfect, going through one abusive relationship after another, just trying to get someone, anyone, to help her believe she was “pretty enough”. Don’t let this be your child.