A Guardians Passion (5 page)

“So. Good night’s sleep, huh?”

Freya snapped out of her pondering to notice Benna leaning upon the door of the massive two-door refrigerator, a yogurt cup in her hand. Clutching the brochure for the New Moon retreat, Freya wasn’t excited about the informative panels, gift baskets, cuisine, or even spa treatments offered. Her mind was on the fancy suites and the peaceful slumber she could get.

“‘A week in sunny Miami,’” Freya read from the pamphlet. “It doesn’t sound so bad after all.”

Chapter Three

Freya considered her mate—his face was flushed with anger, his thick brows knitted, and both upper and lower fangs distended. Fenris was the epitome of an alpha, and the effect of such command could not be denied. It didn’t matter that she held the same ranking and that her words could often instill the same measures of fear and respect. Fenris’s command had an undeniable strength behind it that caused her chest to tighten, her heart to stagger, and her knees to tremble.

There were many times when such an emotional response could be parlayed into a passionate wrestling match or a playful, albeit colorful, conversation. Freya could pretend that she could actually wage a war of wills with her mate, but in a true test, she was outmatched.

All that Freya knew was that she couldn’t show fear. Despite Fenris being a Luna, capable of ripping ordinary werewolves in half, he was her lover, her mate, and the father of her child, and she would not back down. Everyone else had quickly scattered, leaving plates half-full and drinks half-finished. Fenris’s brothers and his mother had been the first ones to leave their dinners, heads down. Benna had attempted to remain behind, perhaps to explain, but she quickly fled the moment Fenris’s gaze zoomed in on her.

Even Rayne, the only one who remained at her side and who always would, looked pale beneath Fenris’s thunderous rant.

“What could they possibly give you that we cannot? Please tell me. I’d like to know,” he bellowed, his claws ruining the wood of the table.

“You’re overreacting, Fen. It’s just a retreat.”

“Well, then. It’s a
retreat
for us all. Rayne and I will accompany you.”

Freya cocked her head, trying to be the rational one for once. “No, you won’t. No males are allowed.”

“What kind of bullshit is that?”

Rayne cleared his throat, distracting Freya from the need to retaliate. He reached across the table and took the brochure, which Fenris had thrown into the platter of sliced ham. “Freya, surely males need to prepare for their cubs’ arrival too. Lemme see.”

“It’s not that kind of retreat, Rayne.” Freya turned back to Fenris, attempting to break through the storm clouds that had so suddenly enveloped him. Dark blue eyes gone nearly black seared her. She tried to take the edge out of her voice. “I’m sure they’re offering one for males too. I’ll look into it for you both.”

“No.” Fenris’s lips barely moved.

Freya wanted to laugh but couldn’t muster the strength. He was a berserker, but he was hers. “No? You’re telling me no.” She rolled her eyes in disbelief. “Shit. I need to prepare myself for what’s coming, and I need time alone to do it.”

“
Djöfulsins helvíti
!” He closed his eyes and took several calming breaths. “Time alone? You’re my mate, and you just want me to be okay with you flying back to the States unescorted—with cub? You must be crazy.”

Seething at her mate’s authority, Freya felt it time for a reality check. “I’m not your property, and I am not on a leash. I can take care of myself and Bun just fine. It’s a Sohon event, not a battle dome. Fuck. It’s only been six months since you knocked me up, and you think I can’t watch my back? Motherfucker, please,” she snapped, reaching for the platter of pasta and sausages to refill her plate. Fenris’s anger was not going to stop her meal, even if it had interrupted everyone else’s. “I was watching out for myself before I met you. Oh, like maybe at a Sohon event.”

“I don’t think he meant it like that.” Rayne did a poor job of keeping his voice steady.

Fenris was quivering, his brow heavy over his eyes and the veins in his neck pronounced. He was a study in restraint. Freya might have been impressed if she hadn’t been the cause of his fury.

“What is this all about? Really,” Fenris asked.

Freya finished heaping pasta on to her plate and shook some shredded cheese on it. The last thing she wanted to discuss was feelings, but that was just it. She didn’t have a grasp on her emotions. One moment she was fearful over what she would do when the baby arrived; the next she was angry with herself and her mates for being too emotional. She constantly harbored evil intentions toward her mother as well as Fen’s for all that they did not share about child rearing. More and more she suspected that her mates thought of her as too delicate to stand on her own, much less defend herself.

And worse, sometimes she actually believed them.

The Sohon retreat for new mothers promised shared experiences from matriarchs, techniques to handle stress, family planning, and pack dynamics lectures. Freya would be damned if she didn’t take advantage of every opportunity…all while getting much-needed rest. “It’s about me being prepared,” she said. “It’s just a week, and I’ll be back, Fen. I swear to you that our son will be safe and well pampered.”

“By
others
. Not by me. Not by
us
. Not in our—” He pressed his lips together and exhaled slowly through his nose. He truly looked hurt.

Oh no, not the sulking
. His frustration was just as compelling as his anger. Already second-guessing herself, Freya abandoned her plate to give Fenris her full attention. He would not win. “Fen. This isn’t about us. You, me, or Rayne. It’s about our cub and what I need to be doing to prepare myself. I’m not the most feminine of bitches.”

“That is not a necessity. A warrior can breed. I was born to a fighter, and so were you. They didn’t need a retreat.”

His words stung deep, the comparison dissolving what little congeniality Freya thought she had left. She slammed the butt of her fork onto the table. “What the fuck are you trying to say?”

“Don’t make me out to be a villain just because I want you at my side, because I want to be at yours.”

“Oh. That’s really fucking noble of you,” she sneered. “But I
am
a warrior. And I can handle myself just fine, with or without you. At your side? I am always at your side, Fen. I’m at your side, in our bed, and in your arms,” she said, punctuating every word with a tap of her own claws against the table. “I’m always in your sight, and fuck all if you’re not latched on to my tits or balls-deep in me every chance you get.” She turned then to Rayne, not wanting him to feel left out. “Snuggling, my ass. I’m getting fat as a fucking whale, getting heavier by the day. Your son’s appetite is twice mine.” Freya stabbed her fork into a sausage, capturing several cylinders of pasta as well. She let the process of chewing and savoring the flavor her food calm her before speaking again. “I just need a moment, a shit fucking moment. And you will give that to me.”

Fenris crossed his arms and leered at her. “Weakling.”

“Fen,” Rayne snapped angrily. “That wasn’t necessary.” Rayne tried to reach out to Freya, but she immediately jumped at his touch. Her trigger for defense had just been pressed.

“Oh no, you fucking didn’t just say that!” Baring her teeth, Freya seethed with heat. So what if he was speaking the truth? To say it, however… Freya found herself trembling, just as exposed as if she had been nude. She didn’t know who she hated more at that moment, Fen or herself. Glaring at her mate, she muttered, “Yeah, I need a break because you are stressing me the fuck out. You know I can’t fight you.”

“You couldn’t anyway,” Fenris scoffed. With a wave of his hand, he added, “All this talk about needing space, but you yield and love it. Always you battle me. You challenge me. Is that what this is about?”

Freya wished it were that simple. “No, you fucker, that’s not it.”

Rayne stood up from the table suddenly, irritation written all over his features. “Freya, Fen. You two really need to cool off.”

“What? It doesn’t bother you?” Fenris snarled back at his beta and lover. “This bullshit doesn’t bother you? That we aren’t enough? You think that the Sohons would be better at taking care of our woman?”

“Fen, I…I don’t think she means it like that.” Rayne groaned, but Freya wasn’t wholly sure that it was because he understood what she was going through.

“So you’re okay with it?”

“No, I’m not.” He turned to Freya and gave an apologetic wince. “I’m not okay with it, but we have to respect her wishes…for her health and that of the cub. We need to be supportive. This is her first, and she could learn a lot, be better prepared. We— You need to understand that.”

Fenris glared at Rayne for several long minutes before uttering a string of curses in his native Icelandic. He pushed back from the table and stood. He looked at Freya, eyes flitting over her but not in anger. Freya’s giant parted his lips as if he had a question to ask but then decided against it and turned to leave the kitchen.

As he left, Rayne fell into his chair and gazed sorrowfully at Freya. “He’ll come around.” Rayne sighed. “He just doesn’t get it.”

“You don’t either.”

Rayne chewed his lip, blinking nervously. “Actually, I do. I’ve gotten…selfish, hungry, as has he. This is new for us too. Magical and new. Joyous and frightening. He will come around, though.”

Freya had seen her mate upset and knew that, while Fenris hadn’t meant any harm, he was hurting. For a moment she contemplated changing her mind and remaining at the lodge. She very much wanted to follow and console her alpha but couldn’t find the strength to rise from the table. Her failure was certainly more emotional than physical. She felt the sting of tears forming in the corner of her eyes and screwed her lids shut until they dried. She had never been the crying type of chick. Ever. “Rayne, I need this,” she said finally.

“Why? Can I ask?”

“I feel weak.”

Rayne moved to her shoulder, his hazel eyes warm like pools of caramel with emerald flecks. He slid his palm across her back as he leaned in to her. “There’s nothing wrong with that. I don’t care what Fen said. You’re carrying our child, and your hormones are going crazy. There’s nothing wrong with what you’re feeling.”

Freya relaxed into Rayne’s touch, savoring the calming effect. His gentle rubbing seemed genuinely for her sore muscles. She placed a hand upon the smooth alabaster skin of Rayne’s cheek before trailing her fingers over to pert lips she had allowed to grow bold in the past few months. Closing her eyes, she recalled the last time she had gripped Rayne, tortured his nipples with her teeth, and exhausted him with her lust. As of late, Rayne had been the initiator, the ravager. She exhaled the simplest explanation that she could muster. “I need my strength, sweet Rayne. I wish that I were as strong as my mother, as Gaea even, but fuck, for all I know they drank, fucked, and fought while giving birth. I… Fuck the Sohons, I just want—” Freya’s voice caught in her throat as if the uncertainty of her mind had become a physical ailment.

“I understand,” Rayne interrupted. “I will deal with him. He… No, he and I must—should—do better.”

Freya forced a smile to her lips before leaning in to kiss Rayne. “You’re doing fine, baby. It’s me. I don’t know who
I
am, but I know I need some time.”

Rayne nodded, and Freya knew he would do all that he could to convince Fenris of the necessity of her choice. Still, Freya also knew that that night in their bed, things would not go well. She grabbed another dinner roll and returned to her meal, hoping that she had made the right decision. Fighting was easy. Going against fiends with blades, bullets, and teeth was just a matter of adrenaline. Compromises, however, were new to her.

* * * *

It was funny how the solitude and restful sleep that she had wanted before her argument with Fenris came so easily after. For nearly a week, both of her males were on their best behavior. Rayne actually waited for Freya to ask for help. Fenris kept his usual ardor in check without the slightest hint of sarcasm. She could bathe without surprise interruption or aid. They even allowed her to fix her own plate at meals, although Gaea quickly took over the task.

Freya wasn’t monitored when she attempted to work out, and for the most part, conversations had become bizarrely civil. The biggest change had been both Fenris and Rayne giving her plenty of space in their bed.

Freya wasn’t fooled, though. With little less than a week to go before she flew back to the States, they were making their case for why she didn’t need to go. They could behave, she felt as if they were trying to tell her. But then, Freya knew that her victory was an unstable one.

Fenris might have been nice to her, but he had become an absolute asshole to everyone else. Freya had overheard him snapping at his brothers and once to his mother. He had avoided Benna, confronting her only with icy stares and a showing of fang.

But then the two had clashed, and from what Freya had seen of the girl, things had not been pretty.

Lying in bed with Rayne snoring softly in front of her, Freya had not fallen asleep, because she knew her wolf was lying awake at her back. Even after the candles had burned out, she had waited, unwilling to take advantage of peaceful sleep. She had held her tongue long enough.

She turned over and found the reflective glare of Fenris’s eyes shimmering back at her in the darkness. He was wide-awake, frustration furrowing his brow. Guilt stirred in her gut at the sight of her alpha’s suffering even as she steeled herself for the confrontation that she knew was to come. “What did you say to Benna?” she asked.

Tight-lipped, Fenris merely blinked.

“What did you say, Fen?”

“I just wanted to know where you had gotten the brochure from,” he muttered. “And why she felt the need to share it.”

Freya wasn’t fooled. Benna had not only been pale, but she had also been uncommonly nervous when she informed Freya that she would be accompanying her to the retreat. The girl had been at the lodge for months and had seen much, but always her aloof Sohon composure had held, at least until that day’s confrontation with Fenris.