A Woman Gone Mad (8 page)

Yeah, okay. Yes! My eyes fill with tears immediately. I have never in my life felt like such a whore. Like such a disappointment. I want to both die and kill all at the same time.

I fucking hate him. I fucking hate him. I swear to GOD I fucking hate him!

“I fucking hate him. I fucking hate him. I swear to GOD I fucking hate him. Who the fuck does he think he is? Fuck this, and fuck him. This is bullshit, Lil!”

Yep, it sure is, sister…

Leo doesn’t drive toward my house. Hell…fucking why would he? I’ve already secured our evenings plans with solidified and trustworthy lies.

Instead he pulls up to a motel. No…not a hotel and not a Holiday Inn. A straight-up motel, whose sign brags of color TVs, and it lies in the shadiest part of town that surrounds the airport. Yes, I am hunkered down in the back seat of Leo’s Camaro in a god damn shady-as-fuck airport motel parking lot with blinking signs boasting about rooms by the hour. And surprise surprise, Leo gets us a room at two a.m. for the bargain price of thirty bucks.

He parks the Camaro in front of a door that I am sure used to hold the number 21. However, it is now riddled with bullet holes, and only the number two with just the paint outline of its lost and never-to-be-seen-again one.

Fear thick and heavy slides across all my nerve endings and skates down my spine as I look through the Camaro windows. Standing around room 21 are prostitutes turning tricks in front of God and every other social debt to society. Standing around the prostitutes are what I can only assume are gangsters or thugs taking hits from metal cigarette-looking pipes and snorting white powder from their long pinkie and ring fingernails.

The fear has now clawed its way around my throat, choking me as Three Dog Night’s ‘Mama Told Me Not to Come’ filters again back into my mind…

Leo leads me into this shady-ass room. Ask me if there are sheets on the bed. Hell, ask me if there is anything other than a mattress on the concrete floor.

Answer: No and no.

Now ask me if the AC worked on this mid July summer night. HELL YES IT DID!

From the coldness of the room to the blood splatters against the entire rear wall leading into the bathroom, I can’t promise you that I’m not in some type of old meat locker instead of a motel room.

Two things I quickly decide—one, I’m not fucking staying here, and two, I can’t go back outside.

Leo immediately starts cleaning the blood off the wall with some bleach he found. I sit frozen in fear on the edge of the mattress in my post-drunken, still woozy state and just watch him clean.

I am frozen still and scared to death. I can’t move. I don’t like where I am at. I don’t like that my hair is sopping wet. I don’t like Leo. And I really don’t like myself for allowing myself to be put in this situation.

Once Leo is finished cleaning the room, he goes to the office for blankets and towels. Unfortunately all he comes back with are only two flat sheets and half a towel.

“Lil, hop up, babe,” he says, walking over to the mattress with the flat sheets in his hands.

But I can’t move. I am scared that if I move I will start screaming bloody murder and won’t be able to stop.

“Lil, babe? Can you hop up for me? I need to at least get some sheets on the bed.”

Stuck. Frozen still. I can’t even move my eyes up or down—only side to side.

I see him in my peripheral set the sheets on the bed next to me.

Then he’s kneeling down in front of me, putting his face in my line of vision. As soon as I see his dark blue eyes, my face crumbles and the tears I’ve tried so hard to hold back begin to fall.

“Hey, baby, aw… Come here.” He scoops me up off the bed and cradles me to his chest in his lap, taking the spot I was sitting at on the bed. “Shhhh, please don’t cry, baby. I’m so sorry for being a dick about my car, Lil. I don’t know what came over me. Hey, baby, please look at me.”

I burst into a full-blown sob session, soaking his t-shirt in the process, but I don’t give a fuck. He did this, so he can just sit back and pay for it.

He wraps my arms around his neck then my legs around his waist. “Baby, hold on to me for just a sec, okay? Don’t let me go.”

He stands, and I tighten my arms and legs around him to keep from falling. He is working around me, getting the bed made the best he can, and the whole time he is whispering in my ear, “Shhh, come on, Lil. I know I was a dick. I know this place sucks baby, and I’m so fuckin’ sorry. I’m trying to make it better though. Look.” He straightens to his full height and turns sideways so that the now made mattress is in my line of vision.

“It’s sssssoooo c-c-c-cold, Leo.”

“I know. It is colder than a witch’s tit in here, isn’t it? Here, baby. Lie own and I’ll go jack with the AC, okay?”

He lays me down, and as I turn onto my side and curl into a ball, he tucks the sheet tight around my body. Brushing my hair away from my face, he leans down and kisses the top of my head. “Stay here. I’ll go fix the AC,” he whispers with his lips brushing my forehead.

I’m lying on my side watching him. He turns the AC off and the heat on to try and chase away the chilliness of the room.

“Shit, they had it set on 55 degrees! I didn’t even know it went down that cold.” He is rubbing his hands together to get warm while he makes his way back over to me. He lies behind me and curls his huge body around mine. “I’ll lie here for a minute and try to warm you up. That okay, Lil?”

His body heat immediately seeps into me and my shivering and teeth chattering slow to just little body jerks here and there. “Y-y-y-yeahh, th-th-th-thank y-you.” I’m gritting teeth from the cold but the last of the shivers start to settle and stop.

He runs his large, warm hard from my shoulder to my feet over and over, trying to warm me up.

I hear him sigh. “You hate me now, don’t you? I didn’t mean… I wasn’t thinking clearly, Lil. It’s just that you had vomit all in your hair and on your shirt from the wind whipping it back in on you, and I snapped. I wanted to clean my fucking mistake off of you. I wanted it gone. I shouldn’t have sprayed you, baby. Fuck, I’m so sorry. Please don’t hate me, Lil. Please.”

“What mistake? Me, Leo? I swear to God it wasn’t my intention to drink so much and throw up all over myself and your car. You’ve got to fucking know that, right?” I say so low I doubt he even hears it all.

“Wait, what? No, baby, you could never be a mistake. Never ever. It was my mistake. I had plans for dinner and a movie, but then what? It just seemed so lame. All I wanted was to get you in my car, but once I did, the urge to run took over. I just wanted to run and not have to think about the next morning when you would leave me. I hate it when you aren’t around, Lil. Saturdays and Sundays almost kill me ’cause I don’t get to see you.”

He wraps his arms around my now relaxed form and pulls me tight up to his chest. Moving my hair and tucking it back, he kisses me behind my ear and leaves his mouth there, whispering in the dark, “Lil, I’m sorry I fucked up. I know this sounds like bullshit, but honestly, fucking up is kinda what I do, baby. I fucked up in Cali, I fucked up my parents’ marriage, I fuck up everything I touch. That’s why I’ve been running from you since the moment I laid eyes on you. I’m scared to death that I’m gonna fuck you up too, baby.”

“Leo, you can’t fuck up what’s already half broken.” I feel my eyelids begin to get heavy. Yawning, I snuggle deeper into his body.

“Hey don’t go to sleep on me, you hear me, babe?” I feel him moving behind me. Then I’m on my back, looking up into the darkest blue eyes I’ve ever seen. He moves to lie on top of me and uses his fingers to brush the hair away from my eyes. He kisses my forehead, each eye, the tip of my nose. Then he brushes his lips lightly over mine. “I’m going to hop in the shower real quick, okay? Try to be awake when I get out.”

“I’ll try but I can’t make any promises,” I say through another yawn.

I wake up disoriented and can’t remember where I am. The room is pitch dark. Then I see Leo’s huge silhouette leaning over my entire body, but he isn’t touching a single part of me.

“Hey, sleepy girl. I’m glad you woke up,” he whispers in the dark.

“Hey, baby. What time is it?”

“Three thirty, maybe four.” His eyes are still watching me, “You get warm, Lil?”

“I did.” And against my better judgment, I feel my body and my soul begging for our happy place again.

“Mmm,” he murmurs, sliding the sheet down my body. “Good, then I can get this mummy suit off of you.”

Once the sheet is gone, Leo nudges my legs apart and settles himself on top of me. His upper body weight is braced by his elbows that frame both sides of my face. When he leans down to kiss me, his semi wet hair falls from being tucked behind his ears and envelops us in a blond curtain.

I stare into his dark blue eyes that I can barely make out in the darkness. While he keeps his eyes locked on mine, he kisses every inch of my face. Once his lips have explored my face, he settles back over me. Our eyes still locked, I hear him breathe out, “God, you’re beautiful, Lil. So fucking beautiful, baby.”

With his weight still braced on his elbows, he cups my face with his large hands and brings his mouth to mine, kissing me like I have never been kissed before—sweetly, so tender and soft, like I am the most cherished thing in the whole wide world.

Then everything in the universe disappears except for Leo and me. Time stands still as I feel him consume my entire being with this one gentle, tender kiss from the softest and sweetest lips I’ve ever tasted. When I can’t take it anymore, I grab his wide, broad shoulders, pull his weight down on top of me, and turn his tender kiss into a hungry, desperate one. I wrap my legs around his waist and begin to rub against him until I feel him harden against my core.

Our teeth and tongues are clashing together and our hunger brings a moan from my soul and a growl from deep within his chest. And still I continue to kiss him with a fervor I’ve never felt before.

“Leo, please.”

“What, baby? Tell me what you want.”

“I need…” It comes out as a whine. “Please, Leo. I need it.” I’m begging, and honestly I don’t know how to explain what I need. I can’t put into words what I’m begging for, and I pray to God he doesn’t make me try.

Groaning above me, he pulls himself up on one elbow and uses the other hand to pull down the boxers until my bottom half is bare to him. When I glance down, he is just staring at me. I start to feel self-conscious and try to cross my legs in a pitiful effort to hide myself until he looks up and locks eyes with mine.

“Fucking hell. God damn, baby, I fuckin’ love your tan lines.”

Leaning down, he brushes kisses from hipbone to hipbone along the tan line on my lower belly. Then he places a kiss on either side where the tan lines are from my bikini covering my front.

“Leo, stoooop…” I giggle. “That tickles!”

“Shit, I need to get you back to beggin’ me, baby. Didn’t mean to get distracted and have you start laughin’ and gigglin’.”

He comes back up by body while hooking one of my legs around his waist and digs his hardness against me, now open and bare to him. Then he’s devouring my mouth again. I feel his hand on my stomach for a split second until he slowly slides it underneath my shirt and his big, warm hand cups my breast. He catches my moan in his mouth when starts to pinch and pull on my hardened nipple.

“Mmmm, you like that, baby, huh?” he asks through gritted teeth.

“Shit, Leo,” I groan. I don’t know how much of his teasing I can take. My emotions are swirling around inside me. And every word that falls from his mouth is pushing me higher, making me ache for more.

“Answer me, baby. You like that?”

“Fuu… Yes, fuck yes. You know I do.”

“Mm hmm, I do. Still wanna hear you say it.”

He moves his hand from my breast down to between my legs and starts making circles around some magical button he has found that has my ass shooting off the bed to push harder into his hand.

“Mmm.” His rugged chuckle reverberates through the dark, driving my ache to painful need. “Guess my baby girl really likes that. You like it when I rub on your clit, baby, hmm?”

“Fucking shit,” I’m muttering through my panting breaths. “Hell yes I do. Oh my Gawd.”

It’s coming. Oh dear God, it’s coming and it’s coming fast. I feel his teeth sink into my bottom lip and he sucks it into his mouth at the same time he slides a long finger inside me and hooks it around, pushing on some another magical button he’s located.

Shit, oh my shit, oh my shit. What is he, the button maker or the button finder? Fuck, he’s the button master!

“Fucking hell, Lil. Damn, baby, you’re soaking wet.” His groans have me bucking against his hand. Then what he just said flits into my lust-fogged mind.

“Wait, wha??? Is that bad?” I’m in a fucking delirious state of mind.

“No, baby, not bad,” he chuckles again. “That’s good. Really fuckin’ good.”

His finger slows and his other hand cups my face.

“Lil, baby…open your eyes. Look at me.” I unroll my eyes from the back of my head and blink, confused, looking up into his serious face. “Lil, tell me you’ve done this before.”

I’ll fucking tell him whatever the hell I have to in order to keep his hand moving. “I’ve done this before. Please, Leo, don’t stop.”

He reaches and pushes his long finger straight in, deep, much deeper than before. Fucking hell yes “Oh my…yes, yes, please don’t stop.”

He freezes and I reach down to grab his forearm.
“Oh hell no, motherfucker. I will make you not stop, dammit.”
I grind down on his hand trying to get that whatever-that-was back again.

“Lil, stop. Look at me right now.” I look up at him in a foggy daze. “Baby, I’ve got my finger right on it. I feel it, Lil. You’re a fuckin’ virgin?”

“Wait…wha?” I’m so confused. He keeps pulling me to the edge of heaven then yanking me back.
Give me what I want! Give me what I need!
“Please, please make the ache go away. I’ll fucking beg you if I have to. Please!”

“Lil, I… Shit.” He starts to pull his hand away and roll over but I scurry, crawling after him and straddle his waist.