Read A Woman's Wisdom: How the Book of Proverbs Speaks to Everything Online
Authors: Lydia Brownback
A Woman's Wisdom: How the Book of Proverbs Speaks to Everything (18 page)
If you are filled with regret over past sexual sin and believe that you must forfeit future blessings and usefulness in God’s service, just look at something that God promised to his people if they would repent of their spiritual adultery:
| I will restore to you the years |
| that the swarming locust has eaten, |
| the hopper, the destroyer, and the cutter, |
| my great army, which I sent among you. |
| You shall eat in plenty and be satisfied, |
| and praise the name of the L ORD your God, |
| who has dealt wondrously with you. |
| And my people shall never again be put to shame. |
| (Joel 2:25–26) |
Concerning that passage from the prophet Joel, James Boice writes:
We cannot undo what is done. Sin is sin, and the effects of sin often continue for long periods. But God can restore what the locusts have eaten. Opportunities may have been lost, but God can give new and even better opportunities. Friends may have been alienated and driven away, but God can give new friends and even restore many of the former ones. God can break the power of sin and restore a personal holiness and joy that would not have been dreamed of in the rebellion. Are you one whose life has been destroyed by the locusts of sin? Has sin stripped your life of every green thing, so that it seems a spiritual desert? If so, you need to return to the One who alone can make life grow fruitful again. Only God can restore the years that have been
eaten away.
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| An excellent wife who can find? |
| She is far more precious than jewels. | |
| The heart of her husband trusts in her, |
| and he will have no lack of gain. |
| She does him good, and not harm, |
| all the days of her life. |
| She seeks wool and flax, |
| and works with willing hands. |
| She is like the ships of the merchant; |
| she brings her foood from afar. |
| She rises while it is yet night |
| and provides food for her household |
| and portions for her maidens. |
| She considers a field and buys it; |
| with the fruit of her hands she plants a vineyard. |
| She dresses herself with strength |
| and makes her arms strong. |
| She perceives that her merchandise is profitable. |
| Her lamp does not go out at night. |
| She puts her hands to the distaff, |
| and her hands hold the spindle. |
| She opens her hand to the poor |
| and reaches out her hands to the needy. |
| She is not afraid of snow for her household, |
| for all her household are clothed in scarlet. |
| She makes bed coverings for herself; |
| her clothing is fine linen and purple. |
| Her husband is known in the gates |
| when he sits among the elders of the land. |
| She makes linen garments and sells them; |
| she delivers sashes to the merchant. |
| Strength and dignity are her clothing, |
| and she laughs at the time to come. |
| She opens her mouth with wisdom, |
| and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue. |
| She looks well to the ways of her household |
| and does not eat the bread of idleness. |
| Her children rise up and call her blessed; |
| her husband also, and he praises her: |
| "Many women have done excellently |
| but you surpass them all.” |
| Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, |
| but a woman who fears the L ORD is to be praised. |
| Give her of the fruit of her hands, |
| and let her works praise her in the gates. |
—Proverbs 31:10–31
There is a currently popular television series called
The Good Wife
. The program focuses on a character named Alicia Florrick, which is played by Julianna Margulies. In the program she is the wife of a corrupt Chicago politician. Viewing one episode is all it takes to understand the name of the series. Alicia Florrick stands by her man as he is arrested and found guilty of corruption, although as her respect for him diminishes, so do her marriage vows. One can’t help but feel sorry for her. Their fictional marriage is the antithesis of the one we see in Proverbs 31, which is shown through the life of
the wife.
Who is this woman, this wife, at the end of Proverbs? I’ve talked to many women who don’t like her. She’s just too perfect, and perfect people are intimidating. Perhaps you’re one of those who prefer to skip right on by this last passage of Proverbs. If so, you will be glad to know she was not a real person.
Proverbs 31:10–31 is a poem set in the form of an acrostic, which means that each stanza begins with a different letter of the alphabet, in this case the Hebrew alphabet. (Psalm 119, a poem about God’s Word, is set up the same way.) Poetically speaking, she is the ideal woman, and the whole point of the poem is to show young men what they should look for in a wife. Doug O’Donnell presents the poem in what is called a “chiastic” structure:
| A. The high value of an excellent wife (v. 10) |
| B. Her husband’s benefits (vv. 11–12) |
| C. Her industrious work (vv. 13–19) |
| D. Her doing kindness (v. 20) |
| E. Fearless [of the present] (v. 21a) |
| F. Clothing her household and herself (vv. 21b–22) |
| G. Her husband’s renowned respect (v. 23) |
| F´. Clothing herself and others (vv. 24–25a) |
| E´. Fearless [of the future] (v. 25b) |
| D´. Her teaching kindness (v. 26) |
| C´. Her industrious work (v. 27) |
| B´. Her husband’s (and children’s) praise (vv. 28–29) |
| A´. The high value of an excellent wife (vv. 30–31) |
And then he describes the poem
this way:
Do you see how the poet takes several similar themes and, starting from both ends, works his way to the center? If we begin from the outside, the themes in the first and last lines are identical: the high value of an excellent wife. Then, as we continue to move from the outside inward, we see how the theme of an earlier section parallels a later theme. This “narrowing-in” on the main theme takes us to the center: the poetic and practical point of the passage. What is the central point of Proverbs 31:10–31? It is verse 23: “Her
husband
is known in the gates when
he
sits among the elders of
the land.”
Now, you might think, “Her husband? How is that so? How can this poem be about ‘him’? That doesn’t make sense! Just look at the start and the subject of almost every sentence. Look at all those verses where ‘she’ is the subject—verses 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 24, 25, 26, 27. This poem is not about the husband, but the wife! And then verse 23 . . . well maybe it’s just some kind of poetic digression, or maybe this ‘husband’ is just a foil. Yes, that’s it! He’s a foil to the strong, effective, and successful woman. For while ‘she’ is running to and fro, busy about all her work, what’s ‘he’ doing? Sitting! He sits at the city gate. While she is working her hands to the bone—planting, buying, selling, weaving, sowing—he appears to be sitting
on his.”
It is natural to think this. Yet whatever our initial impression might be, we must recognize that verse 23 is no digression from the author’s aim. “She” might be the main character, but “he” is the author’s audience. He is the one who is to see the point of this
point
: this woman, the one described in every verse but one, is “the kind of wife a man needs in order to be successful in life.” Verse 23, which declares the respect her husband receives by the most important leaders of the city—“the elders”—is no mistake. Instead, it is the bulls-eye of this poem’s target, striking at the heart of its intended audience, young men. This is a book for boys; and this is a poem
for boys.
1
A man who chooses a wife like the one in the poem is wise indeed, and his life will be blessed as a result. Throughout the book of Proverbs it is more than hinted that a man’s choice of a spouse can make or
break him.
The same principle holds true today—a man’s choice of a wife will greatly influence the course of his life. The same goes for us women. Whom we marry will largely determine where and how our lives are lived out. Overall, then, the need for wisdom when it comes to love and romance and marriage is of vital importance. Not only is this a matter of our personal well-being but also of reflecting the goodness and glory of God within our families and to those
around us.
That being said, the poem isn’t just for those considering marriage or those who are already married. Although she is a wife, she is most basically a woman, and a godly one at that. She is a portrait of feminine wisdom. So, as we study her, we can ask ourselves not only whether we are the type of woman a man would be wise to choose as a spouse but also, and more importantly, whether our hearts and lives reflect her wisdom no matter whether we are married, single, divorced, or widowed.
Although she is presented as the ideal woman, we won’t find her intimidating if we seek to apply her to our lives in the right way. The wrong way is to take Proverbs 31:10–31 as a formula for structuring our daily lives. A simple scan of the poem’s details shows it to be physically impossible, and even the opening stanza of the poem makes clear that her standards aren’t easily
come by:
| An excellent wife who can find? |
| She is far more precious than jewels. (Prov. 31:10) |
Therefore, we do well to see the poem as an inviting challenge rather than as a condemnation of what we haven’t yet achieved. What we are to glean from her is a heart attitude—what about her heart enables her to live the life she does? Her life is a picture of what happens when everything else in Proverbs is applied. She exemplifies wisdom.
A read through the poem reveals that she is part of a wealthy household. When we see that, we might be tempted to think it would be easy to be like her if only we had lots of money so that we didn’t have to work as hard and could sit around and learn about wisdom, but that is to miss the point. The fact that the poem depicts her as wealthy is meant to illustrate a key point in Proverbs: those who live wisely generally prosper. In other words, wisdom is what led to wealth, not wealth to wisdom. The woman here is an illustration of what happens when life is lived out as God intended and as it’s revealed throughout the entire book of Proverbs.
With that introduction in mind, let’s look at the particular ways this woman portrays wisdom.
as a wife
The poem as a whole shows us she lives wisely in her marital calling, but there are only a few verses that specifically address her actual relationship with her husband. One of those verses tells
us this:
| The heart of her husband trusts in her, |
| and he will have no lack of gain. (Prov. 31:11) |
She is trustworthy. The best way a woman can be wise in her marriage is to be someone whom others—especially her husband—can trust implicitly. Her husband can go out and do what he is called to do, knowing that the affairs of his household are safely in the hands of his wife. Her efforts will
support his.
Does your husband trust you? What level of trust does he have when it comes to the family finances? Is he relaxed about your interactions with his business colleagues? Does he trust you to keep his confidences, the things he shares with you and you alone? Does he feel safe with you because you consistently build him up in his faith and in his efforts at family leadership? How about with the way you handle his failures?
Sometimes we can get so wrapped up in whether our husband is meeting our needs and with the sort of man we think he should be that we stop helping him to actually do and be all
God
has called him to be. We seek to shape our lives—and our husbands—by our expectations rather than by God’s Word. A trustworthy wife is one who is concerned more about doing him good than about how much good he is
doing her.
Single women do the same thing when it comes to considering prospective husbands. I’ve heard many a single woman complain, “All the good guys are taken!” But perhaps they haven’t considered the fact that marriage done God’s way is a huge component in shaping a man into one of those “good” guys. If we rule out prospective mates because they don’t earn a six-figure salary, or because they don’t have at least a modicum of physical resemblance to George Clooney, or because they can’t conjugate a Greek verb, we do well to examine why we want a mate in the first place. Are we seeking to meet our needs, or are we seeking someone on whom to pour
out love?
If we have found our path to true love frustrating, whether in marriage or before it, we’d do well to stop and consider whether our personal expectations are a contributing factor. God promises to bless, but nowhere does he promise to do so on our terms. A good first step in reorienting our spousal priorities is to toss aside our expectations. If the man in our life doesn’t measure up to our laundry list of good-guy qualities, all that matters is whether he is seeking to be the sort of man Paul describes in Ephesians: “Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies” (Eph. 5:25–28).
The qualities we find there are what matters. Single women are wise to cross off “blue eyes” and “must love cats” from their must-have list and replace those things with “demonstrates sacrificial love” and “has a desire for familial holiness.” Nevertheless, wise women, whether married or single, can accept the fact that they will never have a fully formed Ephesians 5 man. The husband shown there is the ideal, just as the Proverbs 31 woman is. If a man holds out for an actual Proverbs 31 wife, chances are good he’ll never marry. Just so, if we rule out any man who doesn’t consistently and flawlessly live out Ephesians 5, we are going to find ourselves alone. After all, what’s the point of being a helper, as God has designed us to be, if we marry someone who needs
no help?
A woman who is wise in her marriage is trustworthy because she doesn’t orbit around her selfish expectations. She doesn’t view marriage as a self-serving vehicle for personal fulfillment, and in that way
| She does him good, and not harm, |
| all the days of her life. (Prov. 31:12) |
as a household manager
Another thing that makes this woman wise is how she manages her domestic life. Several years ago I read an article in which the author said that all women are called to be homemakers. My hackles went up immediately. Where does that leave single women, I wondered? Much as we might want to, if we just quit our jobs and stay home, how will the bills get paid? I simmered over that article for days. Only later did I come to understand what the author meant—and that she was right. She wasn’t pointing to homemaking as a
job
so much as she was to a
lifestyle
.
First, whether single or married, we all live somewhere. Some of us live alone; others live with family or roommates. Some of us reside in grand estates and others in studio apartments. But wherever we live, it is a home. Added to this is the fact that God designed us as nurturers, and home is a natural place to live this out, whether we expend our nurturing instinct on those within our four walls or on those who live next door. And some of us have pets to care for. I have yet to meet a woman—even among the my-career-is-my-life types—who doesn’t engage in the art of domesticity.
We work out our nurturing instinct whenever we hang a picture, select a new sofa, bake a cake, or plant a garden. We do it when we put a welcome mat outside the front door, and we do it when we spend money to keep the appliances in working order. Women in particular tend more naturally to these details. Like it or not, it’s the way we’ve been hardwired by God. Speaking personally, I like it. I find that there is something deeply gratifying about creating and maintaining a warm and comfortable home and inviting others to come share
in it.
