Abandoned (14 page)

Another picture was of the woman with a
girl. The girl had her arms thrown around the woman’s frail waist
and they both smiled into the camera, though the smile only reached
the woman’s mouth. Not her eyes. Her eyes were sick. Almost
haunted. Lauren couldn’t stand to look at the bald despair so she
moved her eyes to the face of the girl.

A younger Lizzie.

So this
lady is Lizzie’s mother.
Lauren glanced back at the frail
woman.
She was the one with the
perfect life that had turned out to not be so perfect. And Lizzie
watched her get sicker and sicker and finally die. That’s so
sad!
She stared into the eyes of the girl in the picture.
There was a fierce, desperate hope in them.

Lauren looked at the rest of the
pictures spread out on the book. Lizzie’s mother was in every one,
but she was no longer vibrant or young. Lauren could almost track
the progress of the woman’s illness as she looked at each picture
in turn. In some she looked not too bad, but the pictures at the
bottom of the pile showed her becoming paler and weaker. Sometimes
the girl was with her and sometimes her husband, but most of the
time she was alone, trying to smile, growing thinner and sicker
looking as the pictures progressed.

When the sunlight streaming into the
open window hit the first of the photos, Lauren looked up in shock.
It was already late afternoon. And she hadn’t found anything that
would help her understand what was going to happen to the
animals.

With her clumsy fingers, Lauren somehow
managed to get the photos back into the envelope and the photo
album back in the drawer. Then she crept back down the stairs.
Lizzie’s dad was still in the kitchen. When she entered, he was
standing at the counter, pouring himself a cup of coffee. She
glanced around the kitchen and noticed the paper and pen on the
kitchen table. Silently, she inched forward.

Dear
Elizabeth
, Lauren read.
I
know you don’t understand why I sent you away to school. I hope
…

Lauren jumped back as Lizzie’s dad
walked back to the table, but when he sat down and continued to
write she crept forward again. She was surprised when she looked
closely at his face. His skin had a gray tinge and his eyes were
flat and dull. A tiny shred of pity swelled inside of her, but she
squashed it down again.

He’s the
mean guy who sent Lizzie away,
she reminded herself. She
looked down at the letter and slowly read the words upside down as
he was writing them.

…
this letter will explain in a way
you can understand. You are the center of my whole world. I would
have kept you here at the farm forever if I could have, but I knew
that would be selfish. I have to set you up in a new life.

You will not read this letter unless my
condition becomes terminal. That means unless it kills me. I have a
serious heart disease that the doctors are unable to fix. They say
I can go at any time. Of course, I can’t tell you this while I’m
still alive. More than anything, I don’t want you to worry. And
that is why I sent you away. I cannot bear to have you see both
your parents die. With your mother it was hard enough.

My last request is that you won’t hate
me for sending you away. It has broken my heart to make you leave.
Please never doubt that I love you with everything that I am.

I hope you will always understand how
thankful I am that you are my daughter. You have been the joy of my
life, you and your mother. When I go to meet her, I hope you will
carry on, knowing how much we both love you and admire you. I pray
you will have a long and beautiful life, Elizabeth, full of love
and joy.

Love, Dad.

Lauren pulled back when she read
the last word and watched as Lizzie’s dad folded the paper and put
it in an envelope. He wrote a few words on the cover of the
envelope, but she didn’t bother reading them. Her mind was in
turmoil. She watched him closely as he stuffed the envelope in his
shirt pocket and climbed slowly to his feet. He moved like an old
man as he walked to the door and opened it. The dog came to greet
him and together they walked toward the barn.

Lauren stood on the porch and watched
him shuffle away from her.
He is
sick,
she realized. She followed him to the barn and watched
as he moved slowly from one empty stall to the next. He laid out
the food and water for the animals in their stalls and enclosures,
then he moved to the chicken coop and fed the chickens. He came out
of the coop a few minutes later, with two eggs in one of his big
hands.

“I guess I’ll have to start checking
twice a day,” he said to Jessie and bent to pet the dog on the
head.

Suddenly, he collapsed to the barn floor
and clutched at his chest. The eggs splatted beside him and the dog
stepped forward to lick up the fresh yolks. Lizzie’s dad’s face
turned from gray to white as he gasped and fumbled in his pocket.
He pulled out a bottle of pills and tried to shake one into his
hand, but his movements were too jerky. The pills scattered across
the floor. His hands shook as he picked one up and moved it to his
mouth. Then he lay still beside the broken eggs.

The effect of the pill was almost
immediate. Lauren watched with relief as the colour returned to his
face. Trooper nickered to him from his stall and Lizzie’s dad
looked up. “Don’t worry, Ben,” he said. “I’ll be okay this
time.”

After a time he climbed to his feet.
Slowly, he picked up the cleanest pills, brushed them off, and put
them back into the pill bottle. Then he limped out the barn door.
First he brought in the cows, one by one. Their udders swung
heavily beneath them, ready to be milked. He opened the gate to the
large pen and laid out some food. Then he left the barn. Within a
few minutes, the herd of goats rushed into the barn. The young kids
were bouncing around and butting each other. The nanny goats
ignored them as they moved toward their dinner. Lauren felt sad as
the kids frolicked around her and finally jumped toward their
supper, waiting in the pen.

They have
no idea of what’s going to happen to them,
she thought. She
watched Lizzie’s dad as he shuffled into the barn, far behind them.
Slowly he reached for the door. He spoke a few kind words to the
goats inside, then pushed the door shut and barred it.

He’s so nice to them. You can tell he
really cares about his animals. I’m sure he would never leave them
here to die unless he couldn’t help it.

The man walked back into the deepening
twilight. A few minutes later he came back with a big Shire draft
horse.

“There you go, Lightning,” he said as
the big horse walked into his stall and buried his nose in his
grain. “I know I’m a bit slow tonight. No hard feelings, eh?”
Lightning didn’t even look up.

“Now just your food and water, Ben,”
said Lizzie’s dad as he walked toward Trooper’s stall. The gelding
neighed to him as he lifted the empty water bucket from the stall.
“I know,” Lizzie’s dad said. “I miss her too.” Lauren watched as he
blinked back tears. He patted Trooper on the neck and walked
outside to the water trough to fill the bucket.

A sudden crashing noise came from
outside; something had fallen against the side of the barn. With
her heart in her throat, Lauren rushed outside and around the
corner to the water trough. Lizzie’s dad was lying on the ground.
The water from the bucket soaked the ground all around him.

“Are you okay?” she said and ran
forward, forgetting that he couldn’t hear her. She gasped when she
saw his face in the evening light. It was so rigid, as if he were
using every muscle to not cry out in pain. “Are you okay?” she
asked again and touched his shoulder.

“Elizabeth?” he said and Lauren’s hand
stopped in midair. “How did you get here?”

“You can hear me,” she whispered.

“Lizzie, take this letter,” he gasped.
“I have to make you understand.” He reached for the letter that had
been in his pocket but it was no longer there. His hand went to the
other pocket, then he clutched at his chest again.

“Can I help?” begged Lauren. “Please
tell me what to do.”

“My pills,” he gasped.

Lauren reached into his shirt pocket and
found the bottle of pills. She tried to wrench the lid off, but her
hands seemed even more useless than ever. She couldn’t seem to grip
the lid of the bottle.

I’m still
a ghost
.
So how come he can
see and hear me now?
Then she understood. He was dying. The
lid came loose in her hand and fell to the ground.
He can see me because he’s close to death, and
he thinks I’m his daughter.
She dumped the pills onto her
hand and offered them to him. But he didn’t take them.

“Too late,” he muttered so quietly she
almost couldn’t hear him. “Forgive me?”

“There’s nothing to forgive, Daddy,” she
said. “I love you. I will always love you.”

A faint smile swept across his face.
“Love you, Lizzie. You’re my whole world.” He reached out with one
weak hand and laid it on top of hers. “Be happy,” he said, then
just like that, he was gone. Lauren watched the life drain from his
eyes. His body seemed to become smaller and thinner beneath his
clothes.

She jerked her hand away and waited,
blinking back tears. No ghost appeared.

He’s gone
to where people are supposed to go when they die,
she realized.
Not like me.

As the sun disappeared behind the
mountain, she stumbled to the barn and fumbled with one of the
saddle blankets there. Her fingers couldn’t hold it, so finally she
draped it over her arm. She carried it back to his body and pulled
it over him, then leaned on the side of the barn and covered her
face with her hands. She felt weak all of a sudden. Dizzy.

So this
is how the animals are abandoned. Lizzie’s dad dies. And no one
comes because no one knows he’s dead. No one but me.
She
raised her head, fighting the light-headedness with everything bit
of strength she had.

I’m the only one who can help them. And
now’s the time to do it.

She passed a hand over her eyes.
Everything was growing darker. She looked at the horizon. The
sunset blazed in the west, but she could tell something wasn’t
normal. It should be brighter, more vibrant.

“What’s happening?” she whispered and
waved her gray hand in front of her face. Her heart skipped a beat
when she noticed how washed out she looked. Not the strong black,
gray, and white of that morning and afternoon. She was fading
away.

Another wave of dizziness fell over her
and the ground moved beneath her feet. This was the worse timing
ever. She needed to save the animals. Right now, before it was too
late!

Lauren staggered along the edge of the
barn and around to the door. It was even darker inside. She fumbled
in the shadows along the wall, hoping to find a light switch, but
after a moment she gave up and started toward Trooper’s stall.

The cows began to moo and shuffle their
hooves in the straw when they saw her. They wanted to be milked.
Lauren stumbled to the closest stall. She leaned on the door for a
moment, then tried to undo the latch. It was even harder to open
than the pill bottle. There was a roaring noise in her ears. In
horror, Lauren looked down. She was fading fast now. She could
hardly see herself in the shadows of the barn, even when she held
her hand in front of her eyes.

“I don’t have much time Trooper,” she
said to the gelding as she ran toward his stall. “You’re going to
have to help me.” She leaned against his face and stroked his neck
with numb fingers. Trooper leaned down and lipped at the latch on
his stall.