All I Have Left (10 page)

He dropped me off thankfully without asking any questions. As I approached the house, I noticed Frankie’s car was in our driveway instead of hers. They had recently begun sleeping at each other’s houses. Have I mentioned that in the past six months I haven’t gotten much sleep due to these two?

I looked over at his house to see Grayson’s black Chevy parked beside Josh’s truck in the driveway. He must be home for good to bring that back with him. Last I’d heard from Frankie he was stationed in New Mexico so to drive his truck all the way over here must mean he was staying.

Right?

At least I could hope for that.

I felt a sense of relief, I needed my friend back, now more than ever. Why do I suddenly feel like a giddy high school girl crushing over the hottest guy in school?

Probably because that was me. Always had been.

No lights seemed to be on over there so I slowly walked to my house.
Yes,
I was disappointed but what can I expect at two in the morning. Normal people were sleeping.

When I walked into the living room, I saw my mom was sound asleep on the couch with some garden plans in her lap. I folded the plans away and covered her with a blanket kissing her goodnight. She always worked so hard to provide a good life for Ethan and me. That’s part of the reason Ethan and I haven’t moved out yet, that and we both felt we needed to be around for her, we were all she had left. Her parents died when we were four. Being an only child, we really were all she had besides a drunk uncle and a no-good, problem causing set of in-laws.

Continuing to make my way to my room I passed by Ethan’s, I could hear Frankie giggling in his room about something. Unfortunately, our bedrooms shared a common wall.

Then I heard Ethan moan and wanted to puke.

Gross
.
I never liked hearing my brother and his alone time. It made me want to vomit. Definitely sleeping with headphones tonight because hearing
this,
was so disgustingly mortifying. Once in my room, I threw myself on the bed hoping to finally get some much-needed sleep.

And that’s when my brother and Frankie started in.

“Come on you two,” I grumbled to myself. Throwing a pillow over my face, I hoped that either it would block out the noise or I’d die from not being able to breathe. Either one was a good option right about then.

While contemplating the many ways in which I could seek revenge on Ethan for all these sleepless nights, the moaning and grunting reached a climax, coming through the walls even more than before. Forcing him to install some sound deadener in the walls since he was, in fact, in the construction business was sounding like a winner, surely he would know how.

There was quiet for a few minutes before I heard it again. They were doing this shit on purpose.

“My God,” I cried out, knowing they could hear me. “Just stop it already! There are some people trying to sleep here!”

It didn’t stop them. Not in the slightest.

“I’m serious you assholes. I have work tomorrow!” I looked at my alarm clock. “Never mind. I have work later
today
!”

I was working mornings at the coffee shop off Old Campbellton Highway. My shifts started at six A.M. but I was usually off work by noon so they were bearable hours.

This, however, wasn’t bearable.

It was then that I could actually hear them laughing at me. It was a fucking game to them. Always was. Let’s see how insane we can make Evie.

“Ethan, I will chop your dick off unless you either stop it or leave this house! Can’t you go next door?” I threatened, completely serious.

I get a little cranky when I don’t get any sleep if you haven’t noticed.

There was more giggling and chuckling. I was beginning to wonder if it was a turn on for either of them that someone else had to deal with hearing them.

Whining to myself, I turned over in bed and attempted to drown out the horrific noise coming through the wall by humming to myself.

“Ethan,” Frankie yelped, “fuck, not so hard,”

Are you fucking kidding me?

I jumped off my bed as if I’d just seen the biggest spider of my life, then proceeded to brush it off like it was actually there.

I really need sleep.

“Fuck that motherfucking asshole who decided that it was a good idea to get up early and go to work in the morning. Fuck the person who invented sex-addicted brothers as well. And fuck the entire motherfucking world!”

I grumbled unintelligibly stumbling around my room looking for my iPod. That’s when I realized I was still wearing that dress Frankie stuck me in.

Why in the hell am I still wearing this dress
?

As I walked to my closet to change, my eyes flickered toward my window that faced Grayson’s room. He was sitting at the piano, appearing to be playing by the look on his face.

I didn’t waste any time climbing the tree by his window, although I did kick Ethan’s door as I ran downstairs.

I didn’t want this. I know what I came back to, but again, I didn’t want it in some ways.

Around two that morning, I had enough and went up to my room. As I walked in, I let my mind wander to Evie again. The last memory I had was her on my bed as my body covered hers.

“Please,” she whispered, her hands moving over my shoulders and then down my back reaching for my sweatshirt.

Did she know what she was asking for? She had a boyfriend. And that wasn’t me.

My kisses, intolerant of going slow, seemed to be just as impatient as hers. My hands pawed at her clothes through the layers to find her skin suddenly heated.

“Please what?” The words tumbled from my lips urgently as I covered her body with mine. Spreading her legs apart with my own, I found myself where I desperately wanted to be.

Once my shirt was off, her hands skimmed over my ribcage and to my shoulders again.

“Just come closer…” she said, making a low sound that felt like something she shouldn’t know how to do at seventeen. I felt that sound all through my body as she kissed up my throat to my mouth.

I couldn’t get that night out of my head as my fingers danced over the keys. But I also couldn’t imagine how much I had hurt her by not telling her goodbye or even the real reason why I joined the Army...joining the military was the only way I could guarantee that I would let her find her own happiness. It was the only way. Or worse, after having sex with her. Part of me felt like I had led her on. Which in a way, you could easily say that I had.

The problem for me was I couldn’t stand to see her pushing herself away from everyone just because she thought she was hurting me. Neither one of us could admit the feelings that had developed over our years of friendship. I was ready graduation night until I saw her sitting on the dock with Chris. For once, she finally looked happy. I didn’t want to ruin it so I left. Cowardly I say now, but back then, it was easy to use that as an excuse. A way to avoid what I really felt. Evie’s been through a lot more than most girls should have ever gone through. What if I wasn’t good enough? That was what I asked myself a lot, and finally, how I had convinced myself to leave.

And now, that seemed to be the biggest mistake I’d ever made, besides joining the military. I have nothing against the service. I just didn’t think it was the right choice for me. At the time, I enlisted because I thought the only way I would ever keep myself from coming back to Evie, would be having an obligation to my country.

If I just left for college, I wouldn’t have made it very long before I came running back begging for her forgiveness. With the military, it was an obligation I couldn’t walk away from. An obligation that almost killed me.

Just the thought of what happened over there had me shaking and swallowing over memories that wouldn’t let my weary mind rest.

Needing to calm down, I walked into my bathroom and tried running some water over my face hoping maybe that might knock some fucking sense into me, didn’t work. I ran my hands through my hair trying to tame the insanity but that didn’t work either so I walked into my room hoping to fall asleep quickly, although I don’t think I’ve slept in months, at least not soundly. Every time I closed my eyes, the images of Iraq haunted my sleep, plagued my dreams. I looked at the medication in my bag and decided maybe it was time I give those pills a try. I swallowed two back dry and read that bottle. “Take before bed as needed.”

Part of me, in the weeks following my return from Iraq, on those sleepless nights I laid awake in that hospital bed fearing the darkness of the night, I wondered what it would be like if they had just left me there. I would have died, I knew that, but would that have been easier?

Needing to relax I sat down at my piano and began to play. Playing tonight reminded me of how much I enjoyed playing. When stationed in New Mexico I was able to play every day until I left for Iraq. It became something I did over there to pass the time. Everyday seemed impossibly more monotonous than the last.

I played for what seemed like a while when interrupted by knocking at my window. My heartbeat quickened as I looked over my shoulder at the beautiful woman standing outside. I quickly opened the window and helped her in.

“Took you long enough,” I teased.

I hoped that she would come over but I really had no idea if she would, considering she was seeing someone now and had left with him earlier.

“Took you three years,” she chided giving a coy smile.

Knowing I deserved that, I chuckled a little at her response. As she stepped in, I noticed her attire…

Good God, she still has that fucking dress on.

“Had that coming I guess.” My hand swept over the back of my neck, agreeing with her, as I sat back down by the piano. I pulled her with me. I had to be touching her in some way.

“By the way,” she whispered sitting down next to me, leaning her head on my shoulder, “you were great out there today. You definitely didn’t lose your touch, did you?”

“Mm-hmm,” I pulled her closer so we were touching arms, I had to be close to her. When my eyes found hers, I was consumed in her beauty yet again. I smiled softly and began playing, hoping she would recognize the tune. She did instantly and did exactly what I thought she would. She walked over to my bed and curled up.

I finished the song then laid next to her on the bed, careful not to touch her unless she wanted, always her choice. She quickly crawled over to my chest and wormed her way into my willing embrace. My heart was pounding, as was hers. I pulled her closer, instantly regretting it when I took a deep breath. I had so many questions for her but I didn’t want to speak, just hold her like the past three years hadn’t been a tremendous void in my life without her in it. This was exactly what I needed. Exactly what I hoped for when I decided to come home. I wish I had this three months ago.