Amaryllis (Suitors of Seattle) (12 page)

The realtor nodded, reaching out to shake Alex’s hand first and then Amaryllis’s.  “I’m glad to be able to see it go to such a nice young couple.  You can raise a family here.”

Alex set up a time to meet the realtor the following day before they started home.  “Do you want to stop and eat at the restaurant?” he asked.  “I didn’t have time to start anything for supper tonight.”

“I don’t care about eating at the restaurant.  I can make French toast now!  Let me cook for you.”  Amaryllis honestly had no desire to eat there, because she had spent so much time there with Lawrence. 

“That sounds good.” 

They walked along in silence for a moment.  “I wanted to tell you, Lawrence came by the library today,” she began.

Alex did his best not to start bristling with anger immediately.  “And?”

“He said there’s nothing keeping him in Seattle now that his research is done.  He’s going to finish writing his book in San Francisco.”

“How do you feel about that?”

She shrugged.  “He was a good friend to me while he was here, but I won’t really miss him.  I hope he finds what he’s looking for in San Francisco.  He deserves to find love.  He’s a good man.”

Alex sighed.  “I’m just glad he’s going to be a good man in San Francisco instead of Seattle.  I know I’m being difficult, but I just don’t want him around.”

“I know.  I’m glad he’s leaving, because I know it will give you peace of mind.”

“Thank you for understanding that.”

She laughed.  “I thought you were in love with Sarah for two years.  I’m the first to understand something like that.”

“You know, at first I was angry that you wouldn’t believe me, but you believed your papa about that, but now I’m just happy that you know Sarah was never a love interest.  She was an important part of my life.  I think I’d have worked myself into the grave if she hadn’t given me a job, but she was never more than a friend.  I’d like you to meet her sometime.”

She smiled up at him.  “I’d like that too.”

When they got home, she rushed and made the French toast.  She knew it was sad that she could only make two meals, but she felt very accomplished that she’d learned to make
anything in such a short time. 

Alex went to his office to do some quick paperwork while she fixed the meal.  The first piece she made was burnt, so she threw it away and started over, trying not to let herself get frustrated.  Obviously she had the stove hotter than Mildred had when she’d shown her. 

When she had a nice stack of French toast fixed, she called to Alex, and they ate their dinner together.  Amaryllis couldn’t stop talking animatedly about the new house and the way she wanted to decorate it.  She was on a budget for the first time in her life, but she was able to sew.  Her mother had made sure all of them could at least do a bit of it.  She could make her own curtains and cushions.  She tried not to giggle as she thought about Lily’s cushions.  “I promise I’m a better seamstress than my sister!”

Alex smiled as she described the cushions Lily had made.  He was thrilled to see her so happy. 
“I know it will look wonderful.”

Amaryllis did
the dishes, even though she’d cooked, to give Alex time to do a bit more paperwork and to make up for the time during the day he’d spent dealing with the realtor and the bank to get the purchase of the house set up for her.  She still couldn’t believe he was agreeing to move to the little yellow house.  She would have to tell her mother as soon as she could. 

Once the dishes were done, she asked for just that.  “Can we walk over to my parents’ house and tell them about the house we’re buying?  Please?”

Alex smiled, nodding.  “Let’s go.  It’s a pretty night for a walk.”

When they reached her parents’ house, she started to just open the door, but then realized she didn’t live there anymore.  It startled her for a moment, but she raised her hand to knock.
She gave Alex a helpless look.  “I don’t live here anymore.”

He laughed.  “I think it’ll always be home to you, though.”

“I’m glad you understand that.”

Her mother came to the door, excited to see them.  “Come in!  We’ve eaten, but I was about to cut the cake.  Are you hungry?” she asked.

Amaryllis looked at Alex.  “Do you want cake?”

Alex shrugged.  “I’m always ready for cake.”

Amaryllis made a mental note to learn to make cake next as they followed her mother into the dining room.  She took a seat on one side of the table with Alex beside her.  Her sisters all greeted her, but Jasmine didn’t say a thing.  She just glared at her.  Amaryllis looked at Jasmine and blew her a kiss.  “I love you, Jasmine.”

Jasmine didn’t respond and instead, she sulked quietly.  Amaryllis looked over at Daisy who winked at her, letting her know Daisy had put some of the ideas they’d come up with
into practice.  No wonder.

Amaryllis accepted her piece of cake, and once everyone else had been served said, “We have something to tell you.”

Iris looked over at Amaryllis and jumped to her feet squealing.  “I’m going to be an aunt!”

Amaryllis turned six shades of red, but shook her head.  “No.  We haven’t been married long enough for that, Iris.”  She turned to her mother who was watching her.  “We found a house to buy.”

Mary’s face spread into a huge smile.  “Buying your first house is a wonderful experience.  I remember when we first moved out here, we had this tiny little one room cabin.  Of course, we only had Rose and Lily back then, but I was so proud of it.  You were born there, Rilly, but I doubt you remember it.”  Amaryllis shook her head as her mother continued.  “It was so little, but I was so proud of it, because it was my first house.”

Amaryllis smiled.  “This one isn’t quite that small.  It has three bedrooms, and Alex will be able to use one as his office.”

Mary nodded.  “As he establishes his practice, I’m sure you will move on to a bigger house.”

Fred looked at Alex.  “Are you happy about this?”

“It makes Amaryllis happy, so I’m very pleased.”

“We’ll help move, of course,” Fred said.  “You just let us know when.”

“Thank  you, sir.” Alex smiled at the older man.  Their relationship had been rocky, but it seemed to be much better.  He was glad the older man wasn’t holding a grudge against him.

On their walk home after the cake, Alex commented on that to Amaryllis.  “I’m surprised your father doesn’t hate me for what happened between us before we married.”

Amaryllis shrugged.  “Papa doesn’t hold grudges.  He’s an old softie.”

“I really expected to have a rocky relationship with him for the rest of our lives.” 

“Oh, not Papa.  You’re probably his favorite son-in-law if you don’t count Shawn and Daniel.”

“I’m his only son-in-law other than Shawn and Daniel.”

“So you are.”  She grinned at him in the dark.  “You’re my favorite husband too.”

“And your least favorite husband?” he asked.

“Well, I wouldn’t have mentioned that.”

They were laughing as they walked into the apartment.  Amaryllis took a good look around her.  “I’m actually going to miss this little place.  It was…cozy.”

He laughed.  “Want me to show you how cozy?”  He picked her up and tossed her onto the bed, following her down.  “This is cozy too, right?”

She threw her arms around him laughing.  “Let’s never forget that we enjoy being around each other.  Sometimes when I’m angry at you, I forget, but then we have a moment like this, and I know I am supposed to be married to you.”  In the back of her mind was the worry that he still hadn’t told her about killing his father, but she didn’t let herself dwell on that.  Instead, she responded to his kisses with her own.

Chapter Ten

They were able to move that weekend, with her family and his parents helping them.  Amaryllis spent every evening sewing curtains for the windows.  They decided not to worry about buying any more furniture until they were actually in the house and knew what they’d need.

Alex had talked to each of his clients about moving his place of business.  He could have kept the apartment, but it wouldn’t have made sense financially, and the new house was in a good area for the business anyway. 

When they closed the door on their guests their first night in the new house, she breathed a sigh of relief.  “That was just too many people in my little house,” she told him.

He laughed. 
“They were all people we love!”

“They were!  But they were in my house!  And there were too many of them!”  She looked around the house happily.  The green curtains she’d carefully sew
n were hanging at the windows.  There was a small sofa that her aunt had found in her attic and given to them in the parlor.  Her mother had donated an old dining table.  They wouldn’t need to buy much at all.

“Are you happy?  Does it look how you pictured?”

She threw herself into his arms.  “I’m ecstatic.  I just love how everything looks.”  She pulled back and looked up at him.  “What about your office?  Will it work?”

“
The office is fine.  Eventually I’ll rent one downtown again, but we’re close enough now that this will work well.”  It was worth all the trouble just to see her smile.  He looked at her closely.  “Do you sometimes wish you’d married Lawrence?”

She laughed.  “No, I do not sometimes wish I married Lawrence.  We had only known each other a few weeks, and he
was really good as a friend, but anything more would have just felt wrong with him.  I kiss you, and it feels right.  I kissed him once, and it felt like I was kissing my brother.”

“You wouldn’t be this happy about our new house if you were in love with Lawrence, would you?”

She stroked his cheek.  “No, I wouldn’t.  I’m happy about moving here, because I moved to my first house with the man I love.  How could I not be happy about that?”

“You’re not just saying that?”

“Of course I’m not just saying that.”  She sighed and put her hand to her back.  “I’m sore!  I didn’t do any of the heavy moving, but the things I did have left me exhausted.”

He smiled.  “My mother left dinner for us in the oven, so I’m going to go serve that.  Neither of us will have to cook, and we can enjoy our first evening in our new home.”

She sat at the table and watched him bring out fried chicken and potato salad.  “I’m not sure I can stay awake long enough to eat.”

He laughed.  “What do you think about not going to church in the morning and sleeping in instead?  It’s late, and I don’t think either of us are going to feel up to it.”

“That sounds smart.  I was okay until I stopped moving, but now I’m really sore.”

“Well, we’ll eat, wash the dishes, and then we’ll just go to bed and wake up whenever we feel like waking up.”  He smiled and squeezed her hand.  “I’m really glad we have the house you wanted.”

She nodded, her eyes practically closing as she ate her meal.  When they finished eating, she hurried to the sink to wash the dishes, and he dried for her.  As soon as they were done, he steered her to the bedroom, and they both quickly changed and fell into bed.  She snuggled close to his side, kissing his shoulder.  “I’m so tired!”

He held her close.  “I love you.”

She mumbled, “Love you, too,” as her eyes closed and she drifted off to sleep.

*****

They stayed home the following day as planned.  She fixed pancakes for breakfast, which they didn’t eat until after ten in the morning.  Amaryllis didn’t remember ever sleeping so late and felt positively sluggish.  She served them both and sat down across from him at the tiny table they’d brought from the apartment to use in the kitchen.  They’d use the dining room when company was over.

While they ate, he brought up the issues with trust they’d had earlier in their marriage.  “I realized last night that I trust you implicitly.” 

She smiled.  “I’m really happy to hear that.”

“You trust me now that you know the truth about Sarah, right?”  He had expected her to just readily agree that she trusted him as well.

“Mostly.”

He blinked in surprise.  “Mostly?”  What else could be bothering her?  “Why don’t you trust me completely?”

She sighed.  “Your mother and I had a long talk the day after we married.  I knew I wouldn’t trust you completely until you told me everything she did.”

He looked wary, but asked, “What did she tell you?”

Her eyes met his.  “She told me how your father died.”

“And you weren’t going to trust me until I talked to you about that? Are you
joking with me?”

She nodded.  “It’s something that I needed to know, and you were hiding it from me.”

“Why did you need to know that I killed my own father?  I wish I didn’t even know that.”  He stood up and paced the kitchen.  “What all did she tell you about it?”

Amaryllis watched him walk back and forth, wishing she could take back her words, and stop the conversation entirely.  “She told me that he hit her and you were defending her and accidentally killed him.”

He sighed.  “That’s what she’d say.  Do you want the whole story?  Because I’ll tell you if you want to hear it.  It’s not pretty, though.”

“I’m sure it’s not, but I do want to hear the whole truth about what happened.”  She watched him as he sat down across from her again.

“Some of my first memories were of my father hitting my mother.  He didn’t usually hit me, unless I tried to get between them.  Sometimes he hit her because he was drunk.  Sometimes he hit her when he was sober, but it always happened.  I begged her to move somewhere away from him.  I told her that I didn’t want him to hurt her anymore.”  He rubbed his neck in frustration.  “I think the first time I told her that I was about ten.

“By the time I was thirteen, I would have recurring fantasies about killing him.  I imagined wrapping my fingers around his throat and killing him.  I wanted nothing more than to kill my father.  He hurt my mother.  I couldn’t let h
im keep doing that.”  He sighed and stood up, resuming his pacing.  “I came out of my room on the night he died.  There was so much noise going on that I knew what was happening.  Mama still had bruises from her last beating.  I saw him standing over her punching her over and over.   I jumped in between them.  My father was a big man, but by the time, I was fifteen I was bigger.  A lot bigger.  I screamed at him to stop, but he didn’t.  Instead he backhanded me and knocked me to the floor.”  He pointed to a scar on his head.

“You don’t have to tell me, Alex.”  Amaryllis saw how pale he looked.  It wasn’t an easy thing for him to talk about.  She knew instinctively he’d never told another person about what had happened that night.
  Suddenly she didn’t want to hear.  She couldn’t bear it.

“You wanted to hear it, so you’ll hear the whole thing.”  He sat back down.  “
I got back up and went after him with my fists.  I’d always been so angry.  I hated him with everything inside me.  I wanted to punch him over and over.  I hit him just once, and he went flying.  I heard his head crack as he fell.  He didn’t move.  I stood there for a minute, wondering what to do.  I checked on Mama to make sure she was all right, but I didn’t care what happened to him.  I wanted him to be dead.”  He shook his head.  “It was a real accident, but I’d wanted to kill him so many times, that it still feels like murder.”  He looked down at his huge hands, which were fisted.  “These hands killed someone.  I’ve never hit anyone again.”

Amaryllis got up from her chair and walked around to kneel beside Alex.  She put her hand on his knee.  “I’m so sorry.  I never should have asked you to talk about it.”

His hand reached down to stroke her hair.  “Do you want to know the real reason I didn’t want to talk to you about it?”

She nodded slowly, half afraid of what his answer would be.  “I do.”

“I was worried you’d be afraid I would hit you like my father hit my mother.  I didn’t want you to not marry me, so I didn’t tell you when we first started seeing each other.”  He sighed.  “After we were married, it didn’t seem as important.  I just made sure that I never hurt you, and if you didn’t know, then you wouldn’t have to be afraid of me.”

“I always knew he hit your mother.  I’m not sure who told me, but I feel like I’ve known since I was a little girl.” 
She stood up and moved onto his lap instead, turning his face to hers.  “I could never be afraid of you.  You would tear any man who tried to hurt me apart.  I know you’re on my side, not against me.”

He buried his face against her neck, breathing deeply of her scent.  “I hate even talking about my father.  He was such a bad man.  I don’t think he ever once in my life told me that he loved me, or did anything like take me fishing or hunting.  I was my mother’s job and his occasional punching bag when I interfered.”

“I don’t think less of you for killing him, Alex.  I think more of you.”

He sighed, his eyes moving to hers.  “I’m really glad.  I was so afraid.  I thought I could hide it from you forever, but I knew it wasn’t the right thing to do.  I was torn.”  He stroked her cheek.  “I’ll be a good father, Rilly.  I only lived with John for three years, but he was a good father to me, and he taught me how things are supposed to be.”

“I was never worried about that.  I know you’ll be a good father.  You’re already a good husband.”

“Do you want children?” he asked, broaching the subject for the first time.

She shrugged.  “I don’t have an overwhelming need to have babies yesterday like some women do, but I do think I would like to have one eventually.”

He smiled. “I was afraid you’d heard my father beat my mother
, and you didn’t want to have children with me.”

“No!  I’m just not sure I’m ready for one yet.  I mean, Rose and Lily do well with theirs.  Lily does really well considering she has twins.  I just would rather work for another year or two before I stay home and have babies.”

He kissed her cheek.  “I’m not sure how to prevent them from happening…”

“Well, we could always abstain…”

He growled at her.  “That’s not happening!”

She giggled wildly.  “I didn’t think it would.  I wouldn’t want it to.”  She smiled, taking his hand and pulling him out of his chair. 

“What are you doing?”

“I thought I’d give you a demonstration of how much I don’t want you to abstain.”

He laughed.  “I’d be pleased to see that demonstration.”

As she pulled him off into the bedroom, she realized that with the air cleared between them, she felt content for the first time since she’d heard Sarah’s name.  She was truly happy to be with Alex and knew deep in her heart there was no one she would ever care about the way she did him.