Angel Eyes (46 page)

In the second place, she thought, Valeri is evil. Just as the man in the black leather trench coat was evil. They're one and the same, and if I run from Valeri, I'll just be giving them another victory over me. I don't want that. I 'd like nothing better than to give them back a measure of the pain they gave my father and mother. I'd like to finally free myself from this nightmare.

She came to her decision: I'll give Valeri to Mars. Of course, that means implicating Natasha, but perhaps that won't be so bad; what could Natasha mean to Mars? If I give him Valeri, that's all he'll focus on.

"I may have found a way to track White Star," she said abruptly. "It concerns Valeri Bondasenko."

''What?'' Mars frowned. ''Is this how you have been spending your time, koshka?" his frown deepened. "I know I told you that Valeri Denysovich is also looking for White Star, but you see he is dangerous, too dangerous for-"

She said, "There's a woman Valeri Bondasenko secretly sees during the day."

"Aha!" This clearly interested Mars. "A chink in the iron man's armor."

Irina said, "He obviously cares for this woman, so there is an obvious weakness there I believe I can exploit. If I can find what Valeri Denysovich and this woman are up to, I think I can use it against him, get the information you want in return for my silence."

Mars looked dubious.

''I know what I 'm doing,'' Irina said, ''and I 'm doing it well.''

"No, Irina. I can't let you continue your surveillance of him, especially now that I know your background.''

"You think I haven't the nerve, but you're wrong,'' Irina said. "I see now this is something I have to do; I have to face my fear of the KGB in order to overcome it. If you think me weak, Mars-"

"No, I don't think that." He smiled. "Otherwise I never would have allowed you to follow your instincts in trying to find White Star." He nodded. "So be it, koshka. Well done." The sudden look of admiration on his face flushed her with warmth. "My little dove," he said, using the common Russian slang for a female spy. He embraced her, kissing her on both cheeks as she had seen Red Army generals do when they greeted one another within the precincts of the Kremlin.

Valeri said, "I hope you're not falling in love with Mars."

"What an extraordinary thing to say."

"Is it?" He eyed her. "He took you home to meet his parents."

Irina was startled. "Are you having me watched?"

"Only when you're with Mars," Valeri said. "And only to make sure nothing happens to you."

''What could happen to me?"

Valeri turned down the stove burner. How much more bearlike he seemed to her now, almost like a Titan, the implied strength in his massive shoulders, chest, and upper arms so much more intimidating because he had the infinite power of the KGB behind him. "When it comes to women," Valeri said, "Mars can be dangerous."

Mars can be dangerous? Irina thought. Holy Mother, how he can twist the truth. She was sitting in the kitchen of Valeri's apartment, watching him prepare breakfast.

He said, "Do you know, even I couldn't get peppers or zucchini at the street stand yesterday. I had to settle for cucumbers, and they looked none too fresh to me.'' He poured the contents of a frying pan onto a platter. The Toshiba computer was on, and he regularly consulted its screen while he was cooking.

"How do you find time to get all those recipes in memory?" she asked, because she was uncomfortable now talking with him about Mars.

"I get some help." Valeri laughed. "There's a ghost in the machine."

Of course, Irina had a great deal of expertise with computers; that was one of the reasons she had been sent to Boston. Now she was in charge of the new computer system at the Ministry of Education. It was rudimentary by American standards, but still it made life so much easier.

Valeri said, ''I hope you're going to eat better than you slept.''

Indeed, for the first time since she stayed with him, she had not slept well. In the middle of the night Valeri had reached over, put his arm around her. Irina had gone rigid. How could she possibly make love with him now? And yet when he turned toward her and she felt his heat against her, his central core of hardness like a bar of iron pressed against her tower belly, she melted. It was as if she were two women: one who was now terrified by Valeri, the other who had found something deep inside him, something not only tremendously exciting, but also, in a way she could not fathom, redeeming.

Valeri was so gentle, so tender as his lips covered her body, moving from the hollow of her neck to her breasts, her stomach. By the time he reached her thighs, she was trembling in anticipation. Her mind was on fire. No, she realized later, not her mind. For she had put her rational mind on hold, locking away for the moment her terror and her shame, while her heart seemed to merge with her sex at that precise moment Valeri's tongue found her open and wet.

She moaned, reached back, holding onto the brass bars of the bedstead while her head whipped from side to side. When she felt on the verge of exploding, she reached down, ran her fingers through his thick hair to pull him up.

Mindlessly she guided him into her, arching up hard against his groin so that not one millimeter of him was left outside. She was wild, wanton, so abandoned that she could not remember later what she had said or how long it had lasted. It had seemed like forever, an endless moment, ripped from the cloth of time, when the both of them hung on the brink of ecstasy, their muscles tight and jumping.

At the end Valeri's lips sought hers, kissing her as the delicious, aching, febrile end came, as she groaned into his open mouth, tasting him as she cried out, their twined bodies spasming on and on and on ...

And in the long silence afterward, with Valeri still inside her, with her licking the aromatic salt from his shoulder, she could not help but think of Mars, beautiful, handsome Mars, and wonder why sex with him was so uninvolving, so disappointing.

She had fallen asleep on top of Valeri, his hulking body her bed. And when she awoke at dawn, when her rational mind was again in control, she wept silent, bitter tears at the weakness of her flesh.

Now, as Valeri set their breakfast on the table, Irina found that she had no appetite. Valeri watched her toy with her food, said, "I want you to break off your relationship with Mars."

Irina felt her heart skip a beat. ''I can't do that,'' she said.

"You not only can, you will." Valeri tore off a chunk of black bread, took a bite of it. "That's an order."

Irina looked up at him. "Why are you doing this?"

"I made a mistake," Valeri said. "It's as simple as that."

"Don't lie to me."

He raked some of the sauteed cucumber onto his bread, dipped it into a pool of pale yellow yogurt.

Irina said, "Whatever your motives are for wanting me to stop seeing Mars Volkov, they're far from simple. I don't know what's going on in your mind-I never do-but it's sure to be convoluted."

"I don't want you getting involved. Isn't that simple enough for you? Nothing convoluted there."

''You sent me off to Mars to get involved-"

"I did no such thing!" his outburst was so vehement that Irina jumped. "Don't you understand anything?" he said in a more normal tone of voice. "I wanted him involved with you, not the other way around. Now I think I've made a fundamental error in sending you into the lion's lair. I think, Irina, that the lion's had you for supper.''

"You're judging me unfairly. You think I'm weak, a pushover for whomever-"

"Mars Petrovich isn't just anybody!" Valeri thundered.

Irina could not bring herself to look into his face. She felt disoriented by this conversation. Valeri her protector? No, no! He was KGB; he was lying, always tying. She steeled herself.

"I can take care of myself," she said.

"Perhaps from your point of view," he said. "Not from mine."

"But my point of view must have some validity!'' she cried. "You can't think of me as just a method to unlock Mars's secrets!"

"Of course I don't." He finished off his bread and cucumbers, wiped his fingers. "That's why I want you away from his influence. It's clear to me that you haven't the willpower to resist his movie-star charisma."

"That's a typically male thing to say. Women don't fall in love with men just because they're handsome."

"Charisma," Valeri said, "is more than skin deep." He grunted. "Take it from me. It's my business to know such things."

"Well, whatever you may think, I'm not in love with Mars Volkov."

"Then what have you been doing with him? Fucking his brains out and that's all?''

Irina stood up. "Why you-" She was trembling with rage, but could not find the words to hurl back in his face.

"Sit down, Irina," Valeri said in a softer tone of voice. "I haven't called you a whore."

"No. But I imagine that's next"

Valeri watched her. "It seems to me that you enjoy it when we make love."

Irina sat back down. "I do," she said. It sickened her to think that it was the truth.

"Irina, I don't want to fight with you."

"What is it you want, then?"

"Can't you see that I'm trying to protect you?"

"Protect me?" If she were not so afraid of him, she would have laughed in his face. "From what?"

"Mars Volkov is the enemy. He wants to destroy me. I think perhaps you've forgotten that."

"I have forgotten nothing," she said, angry despite herself.

"Irina, what's happened to you?"

"Nothing, I'm just-" With a chill that froze her soul, she realized how dangerous Valeri could be, and knew she was taking the wrong tack with him. "I'm tired, that's all. The strain of keeping up pretenses, of lying to Mars, of having to remember through layers of identities, has frayed my nerves. Sometimes I'm not sure who I am anymore."

Valeri nodded. "You see? Your own mind is telling you that you weren't cut out to be a spy. And that's all the more reason for you to break it off with him. Now. Do you understand me, Irina? I see that I gave you more than you can handle, and I'm sincerely sorry for that. Now I want you to forget all about Mars Volkov. I'll think of another way to get to him. I'm not about to sacrifice you; nothing's that important, not even Volkov."

Now Irina had no choice but to look at him. She could barely think straight. "What are you saying?"

Valeri pushed his plate away. "You must know how I feel about you. Haven't I made it perfectly clear every time we make love?"

"Valeri, I-"

"I care for you, Irina." His hand enfolded hers. "I made a terrible mistake in trying to use you against Mars Petrovich. My overwhelming desire to destroy him put you in grave danger, and I'm ashamed of myself for doing that. That's why I must take you out of harm's way now-immediately-before you're in too deep for me to get you out."

His voice was so soft, go gentle, that Irina felt her disorientation return. She felt her original desire for him rising and, with it, her own power waning. Again she had to remind herself of what Valeri really was behind this compelling, seductive mask. The specter of the papers Mars had shown her, revealing Valeri's true identity, rose up, towering over everything, and Irina shuddered inside, clamping down on all feeling, concentrating on what she must do to help Mars destroy Valeri.

I have not told Mars Natasha's name, Irina said to herself, so I have not betrayed her.

She was standing on a corner later that day, concealed within the shadows of an ornate doorway. She was watching Valeri and Natasha Mayakova talking in the lobby of the old Moscow Arts Theater.

She no longer felt the intense jealousy she once had at their clandestine meetings. But, then, she no longer felt the same way about Valeri Bondasenko. Now he revolted her.

Or did he? Then how is it, she asked herself, that you adore him when he makes love to you?

Irina had tried all morning to answer that question. There seemed an essential paradox in all her relations that she was not understanding or seeing. It nagged at her; she felt as if her thoughts were spinning around in circles. She understood dimly that she no longer seemed capable of distinguishing right from wrong, good from evil. It was wrong to continue sleeping with Valeri, knowing what she knew about him. She had told herself that she did not want to go back to him, and she had meant it. Yet the moment she did go back to him, the moment he put his arms around her, her insides turned to water and the sexual hunger inside took over. Did that make her evil, as well? Even her devotions at the Church of the Archangel Gabriel were no longer of any solace.

In an intense spasm of guilt, Irina imagined Valeri in a black leather trench coat, and thought. You are doing a first-rate job of scaring yourself.

But she was also frightened for Natasha. Did she know what kind of man Valeri was? Did she know that she was kissing a colonel in the KGB when she met with him once a week in the afternoon?

The last time they had met, Irina had followed Valeri when he had left her. But he had merely returned to his office, staying there the rest of the day, except for when he appeared at the Congress of Peoples' Deputies.

Irina watched Valeri now, saying good-bye to Natasha. I care for you, Irina. I made a terrible mistake in trying to use you against Mars Petrovich, he had said. More lies.

If she were going to be truthful with herself, Irina had to admit that she could not read Valeri at all. How did he really feel about her? Why had he seduced her? What was it he wanted from her? Did he care about her? But, no, that was impossible.

She concentrated more deeply. She wanted to think like a spy, to prove him wrong when he had told her she wasn't cut out to be a spy, so she worked at getting inside his head. He seemed to be a bundle of contradictions. If he had picked her up in order to use her against Mars, then why had he suddenly ordered her away from Mars? Had something changed? Was she missing a step in the equation? She could not say. She only knew one thing: she did want a measure of revenge on the KGB for what they had done to her father, to her entire family.

Irina had never before dreamed she would be in a position to exact revenge, but her relationship with Mars had changed all that. She saw clearly how she could use his power to destroy Valeri. Some kind of evil animal was whimpering inside her, recreating the scents, the emotions of sex. How can you think of destroying all this? the evil animal said. Are you mad?