Are You In The House Alone? (plus: Love Me) (12 page)

CHAPTER 12

I was at the la-dee-da fancy
boarding school for two years. Until my mother came to visit me at the school
and didn’t approve of my very liberal roommate and friends. She felt I needed
her “guidance.” She immediately made me move back home—“fortuitous
opportunity” or not.

I had mixed emotions about coming
back—on the one hand, Devin had moved away, so that was no longer an
issue. On the other, Ryan was still around. That was a bigger issue. I thought
about him a
lot
while I was away. (I
mean, it was an all-girl school.) (Plus, he’d been my very first [and only]
boyfriend. Ever.) (Plus, he was a good kisser.)

So, sigh.

I was back at Roosevelt High for
two weeks before I ran into Ryan. And when I say ran into him, I mean that
literally. I rounded the school’s crowded corridor and—wham! I plowed
right into Ryan’s firm (awesome) chest.

He held my shoulders to steady me,
then looked into my eyes as though he was seeing a ghost. “How long have you
been back?”

He sounded bewildered and hurt.

I shrugged, though my heart was
pounding wild. “A few weeks.”

He scrunched his eyes. “And you
didn’t even tell me?”

He looked so hurt I had to glance
away. My heart was going to explode.

“I was going to tell you. I
specifically sought you out the first morning I got back—I did. But then,
when I found you, you were with some blond on the bleachers—I would have
felt stupid interrupting.”

“Yeah, but a few
weeks?!”

“Well, every time I saw you, you
looked busy. You were either with a girl, or with a bunch of guys. I just never
had the chance—”

He lowered his brow. “I don’t get
it. We’ve been friends all our lives—we took naps together—and yet
you
left
without even telling me. And
then when you finally came back you couldn’t even bother to stop me in the hall
and say ‘Hey Ryan, look, I’m back’?”

“Well … I just felt nervous about
it.”

“Nervous?” He looked perplexed.
“Why would you feel nervous?”

Um,
maybe because you still hold my heart?

Maybe
because every time I saw you, you had your tongue down some girl’s throat?

Maybe
because your mom
blackmailed
me to stay away from you?

I didn’t tell him any of those
things though. Instead I shrugged. “I don’t know why I was nervous. I guess
because it’s been so long … and every time I saw you since I’ve been back, you
were with a different girl.”

He tilted his head. “What, you were
spying on me?”

“Kind of.”

His expression changed at that. I
couldn’t read it, which was strange because I knew Ryan pretty well—he’s
basically transparent. “You must have like, been hiding from me Lexi,” he said.
“I mean, you don’t exactly blend into a crowd.”

“Apparently I do.”

He shook his head slightly, still
staring at me.

But just then this guy, Shane,
turned the corner and ran into me. He did it at the exact same moment this sexy
blond sidled up to Ryan and purred in his ear (something dirty), but his eyes
stayed on me.

Only now Shane’s eyes were on me
too. They twinkled as he smiled, “Sorry, Lexi. Didn’t mean to run into
you—but you’re standing in the middle of the corridor—kind of
dazed.” He grinned playfully, “How come you never look at
me
that way?” Then he drawled out in the flirty way he has, “I’d
die of happiness if you to looked at me that way.”

Ryan’s eyes narrowed, darting
between me and Shane as Shane went on all flirty and playful, “You’ll look at
me that way Friday night, though—right? On our date?”

He kept calling it a
“date”—because he was teasing me—but he was just going to help
catch me up in our math class, as I was behind. Hey, he offered. And I needed
the help. Desperately.

But Ryan took the word “date” to
mean romance, I guess. Because when the skanky blond waved her hand in front of
Ryan’s face trying to get his attention, Ryan immediately linked his fingers
through hers, then kissed her—passionately.

Ouch.

Shane gaped at me, “Oh, hey. You
look sick. You’re trembling. Are you okay?”

That made Ryan glance at me
quickly, raising his eyebrows.

I swallowed. “Yeah, I
am
feeling sick.” Then I forced myself
to look up at Shane and smile, though it was totally fake and wobbly. “I’m
looking forward to our date though,” I told him, then tugged on his arm. “Come
on, let’s get to class. The view here is making me nauseous.”

Ryan texted me:
“I
make you tremble.”

I texted back:
“You make me nauseous.”

CHAPTER 13

After that, I avoided Ryan at all
costs. He hurt my heart wayyy too much. Besides, I suddenly realized I’d sort
of made a deal with his mom that I would stay away from him. I’m pretty sure
she just meant while we were so freakin’ young. Well, and you know, while I was
on her tuition/blackmail payroll. But now that I was off it, I was pretty sure
I was in the clear to do whatever I wanted … but you never know. (And his mom
scares me.) Also, like I said—my heart. It was a fragile thing when it
came to Ryan. And the dude was dating every girl in sight. So, I didn’t talk to
him again, ever … until I followed him into the bathroom at the restaurant.

That night he texted me:
“Are
you considering our arrangement?”

I texted back,
“I’m thinking it’s a bad idea.”

“It’s not, Lexi.”

He texted more right after that,
“You
just broke up with your boyfriend, right?—Football Fenton? You need a
little fun, a little action, a little … me. And here I am. And I’m agreeing to
help your fan-girl friend. I’m going to NOT see any other girl for a whole
month. I’m going to treat your friend like a princess. I will buy her gifts,
compliment her hair, take her shoe shopping, fetch her newspaper. And all you
have to do is spend time with me … you used to
like
spending time with
me.”

I drew out a breath.
“You
used to not kiss the entire school’s female population.”

He immediately texted back:
“I
won’t kiss anyone but you for a whole month … unless you want me to kiss your
friend. I’m willing to do that for you … but I don’t particularly want to.”

Me:
“Why?”

“Because she’s your FRIEND, Lexi.
I want to date you—not your friend.”

I rolled my eyes. “
You
have a weird way of showing you want to date me—by grabbing every girl in
sight and kissing their faces off.”

“Hey, you
left
the school
without telling me. You came
back
, without telling me. You wouldn’t talk
to me for over a year—until you followed me into the bathroom to tell me
that your friend has the hots for me.”

After a moment, he went on:
“And
you’re complaining I kiss other girls? Lexi, you started a
relationship
with a guy right in front of me. And then you went on to date— then
promptly drop—and break the hearts—of two jocks, a guitarist and a
dweeb.”

I raised my eyebrows, my stomach
dropping.
“You’re keeping tabs???”

“Yes.”

To be fair, those guys were just
short-lived experiments. I was just trying to get Ryan out of my head. I mean,
he had seemed to have
me
completely
out of his. Well, anyway, I’d
thought
he did … until Carly called me that one fateful night to tell me Ryan followed
me home from work.

I sighed.
“Look, I’ll have to think about
it. I mean, if you started seeing
me
while you were seeing her … that
would be like you were cheating on her … right?”

“I don’t know, Lexi. Since the
whole thing is FAKE.”

“Right.”
I drew in a
breath.
“So … are you trying to talk me out of it?”

“Yes. Because I want to date YOU,
Lexi.”

“You have a funny way of showing
it.”

“You never gave me a chance,
Lexi.”

My heart twisted. And my eyes
filled with tears. Ryan always does that to me. He makes me feel … too much.

I squeezed my eyes shut, sort of
needing to cry.
“Okay, well I’m going to stop talking to you now.”

“Yeah. Big shock. Do your usual,
Lexi.”

His words were like a slap in the
face. But I really
did
need to
stop talking to him and actually seriously think about the “deal.” On the one
hand, of course I would enjoy getting his attention for a whole month. (I’d
enjoy it wayyy too much, in fact.) And it would be nice for Carly to get his
attention too. She’s been so down, and Ryan is fun and can really cheer a
person up. And he can be sweet and make a girl feel … amazing. Spectacular.

It’s just, well, the deception of
it all. I mean, it had seemed different when I had followed him into the
bathroom with my proposal. His counter-proposal sort of ruined the whole great
idea though—for me. Now it seemed … wrong.

Maybe it had always been
wrong—right from the beginning, though my heart had been in the right
place. I just wanted to help Carly out. Make her happy.

But the arrangement didn’t seem
like it would do that now—make her happy. Not in the end. I mean, before
I was just thinking about the month—getting her through
this
month. Get her through the
gloominess.

That still seemed like a good idea,
but …

Ryan texted more:
“I’m
going to keep dating girls until you tell me to stop.”

Then he texted, almost pleading,
“…
tell me to stop, Lexi.”

CHAPTER 14

A week went by without me talking
to Ryan. Or texting him. Or emailing him. Not telling him that the deal was off
… or on. He was “dating” every cheerleader at our school it seemed—or at
least deeply kissing them. So, it didn’t really seem like he really wanted to
go through with the deal anyway; or, you know, could even manage it. (Look, you
can’t take guy’s words or pleadings too seriously. Not when they are players.
You need to take that into account—they’re players. They play you. Toss
sweet words at you. Make your heart twist and yearn for them. It’s part of the
game. The way they “play.”)

So, ugh.

CHAPTER 15

Monday Carly came up to me at my
locker all excited. So thrilled and happy. It had me jumping up and down with
her, though I had no idea why we were bouncing.

“Larson told me he wants me to be
his girlfriend again!” she gushed.

I stopped bouncing, my heart
sinking. That didn’t seem like a good idea. Larson was part of the reason Carly
had her moment of “gloom.”

She seemed to read my mind.

“No, it’s not like that, Lexi,” she
assured me without me saying a word. “I’m over that. It was depression. I have
pills
for it. And a therapist.”

I squeezed my eyes shut, so worried
for her. “Does your
therapist
think
it’s a good idea?—you getting back together with Larson?”

“Well, no. But she gave me a lot of
good advice. And—and well,
I
think it’s a good idea. I love him so much. And he loves me. He said he was
miserable while we were apart, and it ate away at him that I ended up at the
hospital, and that it made him see that he couldn’t live without me.”

I winced at her words.

She laughed nervously, “Well, not
literally
. We can
live
without each other. Duh.
Totally. But we’re
happier
with each
other. It’s all good. And healthy.”

I squeezed my arms around my waist,
not exactly reassured. But Larson
is
a nice guy. Not a player. And he makes her happy.

In fact, she was bouncing off the
walls.

So … I tried to relax.

After all, this was no worse than
the crazy plan I’d cooked up for her. Right??

Right?

Carly squeezed my arm gently.
“Don’t worry, I’m not going anywhere, Lexi.”

I nodded and tried to smile, “Good
to know.”

CHAPTER 16

During my math class I quickly
sneak a text to Ryan,
“You’ll be happy to know the deal is off.”

Ryan:
“Aw, I was looking forward to
it.”

My heart does a little flutter.
(Stupid heart.) I text back flippantly, though my heart is still all twisty,
and probably will be for the rest of the day:
“Well, I guess you’ll have to
survive without me.”

“I don’t want to.”

“
Ryan, we both know you’ll
survive. Comfortably. I saw you surviving with a blond just about ten minutes
ago.”

I’m sure he smirked at that. He
texts back:
“Spying on me?”

“Goodbye, Ryan. Have a nice
life.”

“You’re mean, Lexi.”

“You’re a player, Ryan.”

“I’m not. I was just waiting for
our deal to start. Saying goodbye to everyone—my tongue says it better
than my vocal cords.”

When I don’t reply, he texts more:
“At
least you’re saying goodbye this time. You just went off to that boarding
school without saying a word.”

“Goodbye, Ryan.”

“Yeah. Thanks.”