Baggage & Buttons (2 page)

‘I wasn’t having sex with any other guy,’ I reminded
her. ‘Let alone sheet clawing, multiple orgasm, blow my freakin’ mind sex.’

‘O bugger off rubbing it in,’ she smiled, shoving me.
‘Are you going to speak to Kai about what he did?’

‘I don’t know. I’m bloody furious at him too, but he
must’ve been so gutted to realise I’d slept with someone else so quickly,
especially after refusing his advances for so long. Anyway, it sounds like Gabe
put him in his place with a decent punch.’

‘Well he was bloody disrespectful if he described
imaginary sessions with you. I may follow up on Gabe’s punch with a couple of
my own next time we go home.’

‘I love you. You’re the best friend ever Lexi Clarke,’
I smiled as I wrapped her in a big bear hug.

‘And don’t you ever forget it,’ she whispered and
hugged me back.

‘Can I still stay in here with you tonight? I don’t
want to be alone.’

‘Sure. Are you really feeling ok now?’

‘Going over it all again and talking to you has really
helped and I will be ok, once I’ve spoken to him and we’ve cleared the air.’

She kissed my forehead and killed the lights. I wanted
to sleep, but the image of Gabe’s face and the sadness in his eyes as I’d shut
him out kept rousing me. He thought he may have lost me to Kai, then again
thinking I’d break up with him after his reaction to it. Then I left him
standing out in there in the hall, when all he wanted to do was hold me and
reassure the both of us that we were going to be fine, I just knew I’d wounded
him badly. I imagined him walking away from me when I needed some comfort and
it sent a shiver down my back. He’d just wanted me to know how sorry he was and
for me to accept his apology.

I suddenly sat up and gasped, covering my mouth with
my hand as I realised why. How could I have been so stupid not to think of it
before? The argument he’d had as a child with his mum, his last words to her
before she died were ‘
I hate you
.’ He’d still not forgiven himself for
running away on angry words and he’d never seen her again, never had the chance
to apologise and tell her that he really loved her. I knew how much that ate
him up, as he’d broken down on me in the bath the other night, no wonder he’d
looked so distraught.
Now
I could understand his out of character meek
and needy reaction, why he’d begged and pleaded. He didn’t want me to walk away
before I’d let him know if I’d forgiven him, he desperately needed closure. Leaving
him hanging, unsure of whether I still wanted to be with him or not, was as bad
as what he’d done to me yesterday and I
definitely
knew how much that
hurt.

I looked around at Lexi, she was already gently snoring
next to me and when I glanced at the clock I saw it was nearly 3 a.m. I had the
sudden awful thought that maybe he’d think we
were
over, that he’d have
gone out to a bar, or club, to pick up some random woman to fuck to take his
anger out on. I had to swallow really hard to stop myself being physically sick
at the thought of it. I needed to ring him
right
now, before it was too
late, if it wasn’t already.

I tiptoed out of Lexi’s room and stood in the hall
trying to remember where I’d left my phone and my heart did a high jump, that
would have put me up on the Olympic podium with Gabe’s penis, when I heard a
long low moan come from the living room. My eyes darted to the front door to
see if it’d been forced, but it was closed with the security chain still in
place. The palpitations vibrating through my chest were so forceful, I was
positive whoever it was would have heard me from the pounding of my heart alone.
I wondered if I should go and wake Lexi and make a run for it with her,
confused as to how the hell a burglar had made it into our locked apartment in
the first place. I stiffened as I heard the noise again, it sounded like a name
being moaned,
my name
. It sounded like …
Gabe
? I looked at the
front door again, how had he left earlier if the door was still chained from
the inside? He couldn’t have, it
must
be him in there.

I tiptoed up to the lounge door and peered in, the
curtains were still open and the city street lights outside gave a warm amber
glow to the room. I could just make out a body on the sofa and as I got closer
I heaved a sigh of relief, it
was
him. He lay on his side, with the red
sweatshirt I’d worn to go out running with him yesterday tucked in the fold of
his arm. I stood watching him for a minute or two, every now and again he would
twitch and moan, it looked like he was having a nightmare and as I looked
closer I could see that he’d been crying.

I felt a ball of pain in my chest to see him like that
and felt awful for having left him suffering. I grabbed the fleece blanket off
my recliner and covered him with it and knelt at his side and stroked his soft
hair, which seemed to soothe him. I wondered why he’d stayed and why in the
lounge? If he was hoping that we’d resolve this by talking again, or even
screaming it out, or by having sex, why not just stay in my bedroom and wait
for me to come back in? I gently kissed his forehead, then stood up, thinking
how lucky I was that he hadn’t gone off to sleep with someone else to get me
out of his system. I went to walk away, but felt his fingers gently circle my
wrist.

‘
Mia. Don’t leave me,
’ he whispered.

‘Gabe what are you doing here? I thought you’d left.’

‘I couldn’t, I needed to be near you. You walked away
from me,’ he said as he struggled to sit upright on the sofa.

‘Because you hurt me Gabe,’ I stated as I looked down
at him. He was gazing up at me like a little boy lost, tugging at my heart
strings. I could see tear tracks down his sculptured cheekbones and I hated
seeing him broken like this, he was usually so full of confidence, so bossy,
strong and domineering, this side of him was just heart breaking.

‘I know I hurt you and I’m sorry. I was an idiot, I
love you so much Mia, the thought of you having lied to me made me crazy.’

‘Why sleep in here Gabe?’ I sighed.

‘You looked so upset as you closed that door and it
killed me to think that I’d done that to you and to hear you crying in there
was …’ he shook his head and huffed. ‘I just needed to be near you, to make
sure you were ok. I didn’t want you to know I’d stayed, I was going to leave
early in the morning, before the two of you got up.’

‘So you decided to steal my sweatshirt?’ I asked
softly, as his sad puppy eyes continued to break me down.

‘It was comforting to have something that smelled of
you, it was the closest I could get to being with you. I feel
so
awful
Mia, you
have
to know that. I should’ve come to you first.’

‘Yes you should,’ I nodded and I looked down,
realising he was still holding onto my wrist, terrified of letting me go. I sat
down on the edge of the sofa at a right angle to him and he let go and hung his
head.

‘Are you going to break up with me?’ he whispered. I
knew he was avoiding looking me in the eyes as he couldn’t bear to see the
response he thought was coming, as well as to hear it.

‘No Gabe,’ I sighed. ‘I’m not breaking up with you,
but you need to understand that this wasn’t ok, none of it.’ He took in a quick
short sharp breath that caught in his throat, it sounded more like a sob, which
made me want to wrap my arms around him and comfort him, but I held myself back,
I didn’t feel ready for physical contact yet. He raised his head and looked at
me with such gratitude in his eyes.

‘O god,’ he sighed. ‘Thank you. I won’t do something
like this again Mia, trust me I’ve learned my lesson.’

‘You’d better not do it again Gabe, your behaviour was
unacceptable, but I can understand how hurt you must’ve felt to think I’d lied
to you. I’m not going to keep punishing you for it though, it won’t get us
anywhere and will just mean that we’re apart even longer and I really don’t want
that.’

‘Neither do I.’

‘How’s your face? I’m so sorry I slapped you,’ I asked
as I gently ran my finger over the angry bruise on his cheek. He’d received it
from his fracas with Kai and my slap only seemed to have added to it. He gasped
as my fingers trailed over his skin, but I knew it wasn’t a gasp of pain, but
of pleasure to feel me touching him again.

‘I deserved it Mia. It’ll soon heal. Will you? I hurt
you far more than you did me.’

I looked at him sitting there next to me, a few teardrops
still clinging to his long lashes, his hair all ruffled from his hands having
worked through it again and again, either in frustration or despair, and I
sighed and nodded. He reached out and gently clasped the back of my head, leaned
in and tried to kiss me and I quickly pushed against his chest.

‘No I can’t, not yet Gabe,’ I warned.

‘I want to remind you Mia, we’re so good together,’ he
whispered. I broke contact with his stunning big blue eyes, he could make me do
anything by looking at me a certain way. Even though my body was pleading with
me to let him reconnect in a physical way, emotionally I didn’t feel ready.

‘Gabe I need some time,’ I whispered, as I fixed my
eyes on his chest, anywhere but his eyes.

‘Time won’t solve anything Mia, it’ll make it worse. You’ll
end up stewing on this and forget how amazing we can be and it’ll drive a wedge
between us. Let me kiss you and remind you.’

‘No Gabe, I can’t, it’s too soon,’ I said as I pushed
him away again. When he came at me the third time, he was so fast, so strong, I
didn’t stand a chance. He climbed over me, pushing me onto my back, pinning my hands
above my head, his full body weight pressing down on me. ‘No stop, please,’ I
moaned as I wriggled below him. I tried to wrench my hands from his grasp, but
he was too powerful. I closed my eyes and tried to hold my breath while I
struggled under him. To look at him now, or breathe him in, would break my
resolve. My body needed him like water and was severely dehydrated. I was back
on the Serengeti during the drought, desperate for the rain to fall to quench
my thirst and Gabe was my salvation.

‘I
love
you Mia, let me show you. Once we kiss
you’ll remember how good we are.’

‘
No
,’ I continued to writhe under him as I felt
the heat of his breath and the softest touch on my lips. I was still upset, but
his body touching mine and his lips …
those lips
on mine, my body just yearned
for him and I didn’t stand a chance. He was right, physically we were so good,
physically we seemed to be a perfect match.

I stilled, groaned and opened my mouth, surrendering
to him, putting him back in charge. I let him take me over and possess me with
deep plunges of his tongue, his fingers wrapped tightly around mine, as he
reminded me why I needed him so much. God this was where I wanted to be, this
is what I wanted to do, I could forgive him almost anything when we were this
close to each other. I melted, merging with the leather of the sofa below me
and felt him pour his anguish, his apology and his heart into that kiss. He
suddenly stopped and sat up, wiping his mouth and leaving me panting and
boneless on my back, with nipples that stung and an unbearable throbbing
between my legs. How did he do this to me? Make me react to him so strongly?

 ‘Believe me baby, I love you and I’m so sorry.’ He
reached out his hand and caressed the side of my face with his knuckles. ‘I
just needed to do that to prove it.’ I did believe him, after a kiss like that
who wouldn’t? I sat up, still trembling and held out my hand and he looked at
me surprised.

‘I’m not sleeping on the bloody sofa after the day
I’ve had Gabe Austin and I don’t want to lie in my bed alone, knowing you’re
out here upset.’

‘Really?’ The smile on his face was like that of an
excited child at Christmas and it was nice to see after all the bloody drama.

‘Yes, but I’m still mad with you. Just because we
kissed like that don’t imagine we’re going to have sex tonight. I really need
to sleep and I’m betting you do after six odd hours in the car.’

‘I’m just happy to know that we’re going to be ok Mia.
To be able to sleep next to you is better than I expected after my behaviour
earlier.’ He reached out and put his hand in mine and I felt the familiar crackle
between us as our fingers touched. I bit my lip hard, giving me something else
to focus on other than my body’s craving for him.

We walked hand in hand to the bathroom in silence, occasionally
catching each other’s eye in the mirror as we brushed our teeth. I climbed into
bed with my shorts and top on and watched him walk across the bedroom. He was
standing taller, his shoulders were back and the tear marks had been scrubbed
from his face. This was the Gabe I knew, this version was so much better than
the lost boy I’d just found in the lounge. I watched fascinated, taking in
every inch of him as he removed his top and slowly unbuttoned his jeans. I
could never imagine ever getting tired of looking at him, his face,
that
body. To think I’d come so close to never seeing it again made me take a sharp
inhalation of air. He looked up and caught my gaze.

‘I thought you said no sex Mia?’

‘I did and I meant it, I’ve left my clothes on as a
barrier.’