Bartered Bride Romance Collection (29 page)

“Josh?”

“What?” he snapped as he smeared grease on the axles.

“I thought maybe we ought to talk—”

“Hey, Doc?” Rawhide strode toward them. “Some of the kids in the Caly-forny group are getting croupy. Can you go see to ’em?”

“Sure.” He climbed into the wagon, grabbed his bag, and stomped off.

Bethany scrambled into the wagon and whispered tearfully to herself, “He didn’t even kiss me good-bye.”

Josh was gone all night. The next morning, the party prepared to cross the Platte. Less than a foot deep, its sandy bottom could give way and cause a wagon to tip. Men carefully took poles and staked out a passage across the mile-wide river. Bethany kept watching her husband, but he never once looked back at her.

Weary beyond belief, Josh could hardly wait to tumble into the quilts. Two nights without sleep rated as a challenge back when he practiced medicine in Boston. Here, with hard physical labor all day, it tested his mettle. He plopped down at the supper table and barely tasted whatever kind of meat Bethany and Penny cooked.

“Music tonight, don’t you think, Josh?”

He lifted his head and blinked at Penny.

She waved her hand dismissively at him. “Never mind. I’ll just take Bethany with me. Mr. Green plays the fiddle divinely.”

“I’d be pleased to escort you ladies,” Papa said gallantly. “Penny and I will go get wraps and be back momentarily.”

Josh waited until they left and shoved away from the table so forcefully, the bench he’d been sitting on fell backward. “So are you going?”

Bethany’s eyes widened.

“Well?” he demanded.

“I—I guess so.” She climbed into the wagon to get her shawl.

He followed her and found her hunched over her trunk, muttering. “What’re you grousing about?”

“I don’t know. I’m tired and dirty and can’t even cook anything you like. You’re mad at me, and I don’t know why. I’m trying so hard to be a good wife.”

“No.” He bit out the word and shook his head emphatically. “You’re not.”

His harsh words nearly tumbled her into the trunk. She slammed down the lid and turned back to him. “I mend and wash your clothes. I make decent meals. I’m kind to your family. I’ve helped you with patients. I don’t know what you want! Tell me what you want!”

“I want you!”

“I don’t know what you mean.”

“If you don’t know, then this conversation is pointless.”

She placed her hands on her hips. “Josh!”

He jammed his fingers through his hair in a single, vicious swipe. “Forget it. Just forget it. I’m too tired to deal with this.”

“But—”

“Just go listen to the music. I need to sleep.” He grabbed a quilt, climbed out of the wagon, and bedded down. As exhaustion claimed him, he could hear the plaintive notes of Homer Green’s fiddle.

Chapter 11

G
ranny?” Bethany drew her shawl closer and whispered in the old woman’s ear, “Could you spare a moment?” Granny passed the child on her lap to her daughter-in-law and stood. Neither of them spoke as they walked away from the campfire and music.

Barely a note of the music reached Bethany’s ear. She’d been sitting there, pondering Joshua’s words and the anger behind them. None of it made sense to her; but since she hadn’t grown up in a family or around men, his behavior baffled her.
“Seek wise counsel.”
The words from Proverbs threaded through her mind, and she’d chosen the one older woman in the group she trusted.

Granny led her past the circle of wagons, waved off Homer Green as he strode his night watch, and settled into a sandy bank with a muffled grunt. Bethany joined her. “You and your man havin’ a set-to?”

Instead of feeling embarrassed, Bethany felt a surge of relief. “Yes. I don’t know what to do.”

Granny stared up at the stars for a few minutes then asked, “So what do you think the trouble is?”

“I don’t know what the problem is. Josh is mad, and he won’t talk to me.”

“Men are a closed-mouth breed, child. Best you learn that straight off. He ain’t said nothing a-tall?”

“He’s weary, Granny. I’ve tried to make allowances for that, but he’s gotten snappish over silly things like me promising to make custard for Papa without asking him. Tonight he told me”—she swallowed hard and whispered—“he told me he wants
me
. I’ve been his wife completely, so that can’t be the problem. I just don’t understand.”

Granny nodded and hummed sagely. “You sure you wanna listen to an old woman whose words have to cut so’s the hurt will heal?”

“It can’t hurt any more than knowing something is wrong.”

“Well then, put your hand in mine.” As soon as their hands joined, Granny prayed, “Lord, You’re the Source of wisdom and love. We’d be grateful to You for an extry measure of both tonight. Amen.”

“Thank you, Granny. I don’t have a mother or a mother-in-law to go to, and Penny—” She spread her hands in a gesture of helplessness.

“Good thing you didn’t go to her. I’m ’bout to speak some truths, ‘cuz you’ve asked.” She looked Bethany straight in the eye. “It’s time you put being a wife first.”

Stunned, Bethany stared at her.

“Your man loves you. He protects you, provides for you, and treats you tenderly. Is it any wonder he wants the same commitment and consideration?”

“I do his laundry and keep the wagon neat and cook his favorite things. Mrs. Throckmorton always taught us the way to a man’s heart was through his stomach, so I’ve tried hard to—”

“You’re not getting the point.” Granny leaned closer. “ ’Member that sign on the rear of your wagon on the day we left Indy?”

“Tied the knot and un-afray-ed?”

“Well, darlin’, he tied the knot, but you’re at loose ends. He wants to hold fast to you, to be complete with you. The Good Book says a man shall leave, and the woman should cleave. Instead of cleaving to him and pulling the knot tight and secure, you keep snagging. You’ve lassoed his sis and pa into your lives, and the poor man is desperate for you to treat him like he’s all you need to fill your heart. Instead of showing him your full loyalty and respect, you treat him like he’s no more important than his kin. Betcha he’s got it in his mind that you wed him to stick with his sister instead of because he captured your heart.”

Granny’s words triggered memories.
God made us partners … supposed to dine alone … I’m not about to spend all of that time sharing you with Papa and Penny
. Josh’s words flooded back, and a terrible realization dawned.
He was telling me that all along!

“Oh, Granny,” she cried, “what have I done?”

“It ain’t what you’ve done—it’s what you’re gonna do that matters. You love him, don’t you?”

“With all my heart!”

“Figured as much. Time for you to talk turkey with your man. Time to tell him straight out that you love him. Then you’re gonna have to show your devotion to him by putting everyone else a sad second. You got a big heart and wanna draw everybody in. When he tied the knot, he cut the strings to everyone else. What you need to do is put your man first. Let him know he’s special, then all the rest’ll fall into place.”

Bethany nodded somberly.

“Best we get back and bed down. Tomorra’s gonna come all too soon.” They walked back to the wagons, and before they parted, Bethany gave Granny Willodene a hug. “I’ll be prayin’ for you, girl. Commit your marriage to the Lord, and it’ll all come out right.”

Bethany crept under the wagon, drew the quilts over herself, and snuggled close to Josh. Her chest ached with the sick feeling that she’d failed her husband so miserably. How he must have hurt to have finally spoken to her as he had tonight!

Even in his sleep, Josh rolled over and wrapped his arms around her. She pressed her ear to his chest and listened to the beat of his heart, all the while praying the Lord would reveal to her how to be the wife Josh needed.

Josh crawled from beneath the wagon, yawned, and stretched. Somehow, he’d slept through the rifle shot to start the day.

“Good morning.” Bethany brushed a kiss on his stubbly cheek and pressed a cup of hot coffee in his hands. “Breakfast is ready.”

Papa plopped down in a chair and got an indignant look. “Where’s my oatmeal? We had flapjacks yesterday.”

“Josh likes flapjacks,” Bethany stated as she put a small jug of molasses on the table.

Though everything else seemed the same, Josh sensed a difference in his wife. He couldn’t put his finger on it. Last night he’d been sharp with her and stopped before he lost his temper. They needed to talk though. He’d let things get out of hand.

“Megan just finished reading
Malaeska
, so I thought we could walk with her and Emma today and discuss the book,” Penny said as she cut her food.

“Go ahead. I’ll be walking with Josh today.”

Josh startled a bit at his wife’s announcement.

“Marching alongside the oxen in this sand is no picnic,” Papa announced. “You’ll get gritty.”

Bethany merely shrugged as if it didn’t matter. Later, as she ambled at his side, she still ignored the unpleasantness of the terrain. “Josh, I need to apologize.” He glanced at her.

She slipped her hand into his and threaded their fingers into a weave she tightened with a squeeze. Then she turned her hand. “My wedding ring isn’t shiny anymore.”

“It can be polished.”

“Our marriage isn’t shiny anymore either, and it’s my fault. I didn’t grow up in a family.”

“And you married me to be part of a family.” Every word fell like lead bullets. “Yes. No. Oh, Josh. I’ve done it all wrong.” She let out a ragged sigh. “Do you regret marrying me?”

“Never! I worry that you regret marrying me. Josh, we scarcely knew each other, and I’ve enjoyed getting to know you. You’ve grown in my heart until you’ve filled it completely.”

He shook his head. “It doesn’t come across that way at all. You’ve roped my family and half of this wagon train into our lives.”

“Only because I felt so secure that my heart grew and I felt free to reach out. Now, though, I know I was wrong. My allegiance to you should have been the priority, and I ought to have made it clear that you rate above any other relationship.”

“Even Penny and Papa?”

“Why do you even ask?”

He felt a pang at the confession, but it was time to settle the matter once and for all. “You’re always asking what they want. You even list them before me.” He kicked the sand with the toe of his boot and quoted the words he’d so often heard her say, “Papa and Penny and you.”

“Josh, that wasn’t what I meant. I was saving the best for last!”

The surprised hurt in her tone and the explanation acted as a salve to his wounded soul.

“It’s not just your fault,” he said. “I’ve been fostering the hurt instead of discussing it with you. I let my pride hold me back, and it’s put distance between us.”

She turned loose of his hand and wound her arm about his waist. He curled his arm around her shoulders and held her close. “I do love you,” she said tearfully. “More than I ever thought possible.”

“Those are the sweetest words I’ve ever heard. I love you, too, Bethy-mine.”

“Granny Willodene once told me to find happiness in the ordinary because it makes for a pleasant life and a serene heart. I’m thinking that’s true of a marriage, as well.”