Beauty and the Dark (8 page)

Sofia

T
he week crawls by at a snail’s pace. I fall deeper and deeper in love with my Mika and enjoy watching her grow right before my eyes, but I no longer appreciate my solitude. Every second that I spend alone is full of thoughts of Jack. I replay the kiss a million times in my head. Each time I find myself craving for more.

By the time Thursday comes around I am a total wreck. I put my hair in a French braid and wear my good cream sweater. Lena says it suits me and I have to agree with her. I even wear some mascara and slick on some pink lip gloss.

Lena squeezes my hand. “One step at a time.”

We arrive at Kids Rule and Lena goes to her Fashion class, but I don’t attend. Instead, I join Lana in the office for carrot cake and tea. I really like Lana. She is kind-hearted.

We sit together eating cake, sipping tea and stapling leaflets that will be handed out in the new branch of Kids Rule in Manchester.

“My sister tells me you grew up on this very Council estate,” I say.

Lana gathers two pieces of paper together, staples them, and grins at me. “Yup, but not just me. Jack too.”

I raise my eyebrows, surprised and immediately intrigued to find out more about Jack’s past. “Really?”

“Yeah. We grew up together.” The stapler runs out of staples so she opens a drawer and takes a box out. “My father abandoned my mother when I was very young and Jack kind of took over the job of protecting me, even though he is only a bit older than me.”

How lucky she is. First she grows up with Jack protecting her, then she marries a billionaire who worships the ground she walks on. I should have felt envy, but I find that it is impossible to be truly resentful of her. She is so open and warm and kind.

“So you must know him really well,” I say softly, my hand playing with a crumb of carrot cake on my plate.

Her forehead furrows as she thinks about my statement. “I don’t know, Sofia. I’m not sure anyone really knows Jack. He's very deep. I’ve known him almost all my life, but I don’t think I know the real him.”

“What do you mean?”

“For most of my childhood I just knew him as loyal, kind, and protective. He was my rock, but one night he showed a side of him that totally shocked me.”

I lean forward curiously. “What was it?”             

“My best friend, Billie, me and him had gone to a nightclub and some really rough looking guys wanted to dance with me. I wasn’t rude to them or anything, but I refused their offer. They moved away and I thought that was that, but later when we got out of the club, they were waiting for us. They circled us. One of them had a knife. Jack smiled at me and asked me to walk out of the circle and they closed in on him.”

The old memory still has the ability to make her shiver.

“That was the first time Jack shocked me. I couldn’t recognize him. It was like watching a total stranger. I can still see him now. Shirtless, turning on himself, and snarling like some kind of feral animal, “Come on then. Who’s first?”

“I was terrified. You can’t imagine how horrible it was. It wasn’t like in the movies where the bad guys attack one by one so the hero has a chance to show his fighting skills. They advanced in a group, but Jack was lightning fast. He kicked the one with the knife first. Right in the throat. Before the guy could sink to the ground he had already punched the next one on the nose. Blood sprayed out of him. It happened very fast after that. All I really remember was two more guys dropping like stones. The last one was a coward. He ran away.”

“Wow.”

“Yeah, he’s something else,” she murmurs.

“You said that was the first time he surprised you. What was the second time?”

Her eyes become suddenly veiled. Maybe even a little sad. She makes a big production of looking at her watch. “Oh dear. Is that the time? I should be going. I have a hair appointment in less than thirty minutes. Do you mind if we continue another next time?”

“Of course not.”

She picks up her tote bag. “Don’t bother to do any more leaflets, Sofia. Fiona will finish them later.”

“No, it’s okay. I don’t have anything else to do until my class starts anyway.”

She smiles. “All right then. Thanks, Sofia. See you later,” she calls as she leaves the room.

While I finish stapling the rest of the leaflets, I speculate obsessively about what the second thing she was referring to might have been. My mind’s still on it even as I go to my classroom to prepare for my class. I open the door and all thoughts of what Lana might have been about to say disappears. Lori is waiting for me! The sight of her anxious face and unruly curls makes my heart sing.

“Hi,” I say, grinning happily at her.

“Hello,” she says shyly.

“Have you come to join my singing class?”

She nods.

I know I must look foolish, but I just can’t stop grinning. “Fantastic. So you like singing?”

“Only in my room.”

I laugh. “I do my best singing in the shower.”

She smiles.

At that moment one of my other students comes in and immediately Lori’s face changes. She stops smiling and drops her head. For the rest of the class she does not speak a word to anyone, and when the class is over she smiles at me quickly, and slips out of the room.

Sofia

W
hen I come out to the foyer I see Lena talking to Jack and my stomach does a somersault. I straighten my shoulders and walk towards them.

My sister smiles and Jack gives me a head-to-toe look. His look makes me flush all over.

“Hello, Sofia,” he says, his voice not full of desire like the last time we were together, but purely friendly.

“Lori came to my class,” I blurt out.

“There you go. She couldn’t keep away from you,” he says with a twinkle in his eyes.

Kids from different classes and activities start pouring out of the corridor. They greet us casually by name and I experience the thrill of belonging. For the first time in my life I feel like a normal person. I’m not hiding in the castle, or being one of the whores in Valdislav’s stable.

As they make their noisy exit through the front door, an awkward moment descends on our little group.

“Why don’t you join us for dinner?” Lena suggests into the silence.

Jack glances at his watch. “Where’re you guys going to?”

“Well, we were going to Sugar. My husband’s running late so he will meet us there in about two hours,” she says.

Jack looks sideways at me, his eyes veiled. “Sure,” he agrees.

So we go off to Sugar and it is the strangest dinner I have ever had. The dynamics are weird. I don’t taste a thing. My sister grills Jack unsuccessfully. Then Guy comes, and he is surprisingly cold towards Jack. And Jack? He just sits there, leaning back. Cool and totally unaffected by it all.

After dessert I excuse myself and go to the Ladies. In the mirror I see a woman who looks like a cornered rat. I try to remember Lena’s saying. “Life is short. You have to grab it with both hands. Cake, shoes, and the man you want.” The wind has loosened wisps of my hair. I pull them all back into my braid and go back out.

In the corridor I see Jack approaching. I stop and look behind me nervously. There is no one else around. He comes right up to me and stops in front of me. I retreat and he takes a step forward. I turn and press myself against the wall to let him pass and he cages me against it. His broad, muscular body completely blocks me off from sight, making me feel small and feminine. Brooding power and strength come off him in waves, but it doesn’t fill me with fear.

It makes me want him more.

I want to climb him.

The only thing I fear is my own uncontrollable desire. I look up at him and our eyes lock. His are so dilated they are almost black. Images of our last encounter flood my mind. The sexual tension swirls like thick smoke around us. I feel a bolt of sensation flow through my body. It’s desire. More than I ever thought possible. This man makes me feel things I have never felt before. The kind of passion I thought only existed in books.

He leans in until there is not even an inch between our faces. I can see a small white scar just under his right eyebrow. His breath fans my forehead. I should tell him that he needs to slow down. Take it easier, but I can hardly speak with the heat inside me.

“You look delectable tonight,” he whispers, his sexy-as-hell mouth twisting.

“Thank you,” I choke.

“Do you know you’re fucking driving me crazy?”

My chest rises and falls rapidly. I lick my dry lips and he takes a deep breath and rests his forehead on mine.

“I want to see you with swollen lips after a whole night of kissing.”

I gasp, a thrill of excitement flushing through my veins. “You shouldn’t …”

“No, I fucking shouldn’t …” he mutters to himself.

I swallow hard. “You’re going too fast.”

“Am I?” he growls.

His breath is warm and makes my whole body tingle. I want him so bad I can taste the need on my tongue. “Yes. We hardly know each other.”

His eyes flicker. “I know everything I need to know about you.”

His words are like a fast moving undercurrent that could pull me under.

“Sofia,” a harsh voice calls.

The sensation that there is nobody else in the world but us shatters suddenly. I nearly jump out of my skin, but Jack doesn’t turn immediately. He takes his time before turning to face the voice.

Guy’s face is stern, his jaw clamped tight. I have never seen such an expression on his face. From the first day he found me he has always been gentle and kind with me. Completely ignoring Jack, he addresses me instead. “Your sister wants you.”

With my face flaming, I straighten away from the wall and walk stiffly towards Guy. He throws another hard look at Jack before escorting me towards our table.

“Was he-”

“No,” I say quickly before he can even finish his question.

“Are you all right?” he asks, his voice concerned.

“Yes.” My whole body is still shivering with desire. “I’m fine.”

He nods, but his forehead is creased with a deep frown.

When we get back to the table, Lena looks up at me with enquiring eyes. Slipping into my chair I smile tightly and shake my head to indicate that everything is all right. She turns to Guy and he looks deep into her eyes and gently rubs his thumb down her cheek. The gesture is so intimate and so full of profound love that I feel my stomach clench with a mixture of envy and longing.

After a few minutes Jack comes back, but he doesn’t take his seat. He thanks Lena for inviting him and hopes we enjoy our dessert. Unfortunately, he has to leave since he has an early start in the morning, however he has taken care of the bill. I don’t look at him even though I feel his eyes on me a few times.

“Goodnight, Sofia,” he says, deliberately addressing me.

“Goodnight, Jack,” I mumble, throwing him a quick glance.

His face is in shadow from the overhead lights, but his eyes watch me like a hunter. My fingers tighten around the edges of the table as I hurriedly drop my eyes down to my lap.

Shortly after Jack leaves we get into the car and make our way to the Kensington apartment. Irina is already in bed and her nanny wishes us goodnight before disappearing into her room.

Lena catches my arm. “Do you want to talk about it?” she asks.

“There’s nothing to talk about,” I say sadly.

“But he likes you,” she implores.

I shake my head and run to my room. I can’t talk about Jack to anyone. The sensations in my body are too raw to deal with right now. The truth is I am too cut about it. All this is too deep, too soon.

That night on my way to the toilet, I pass Guy and Lena’s room and hear their whispering voices. Then I hear Lena crying and I know instantly that they are talking about me. The only thing in Lena’s life that brings tears to her eyes is me and my condition. Guilt pours into my gut. I should have spoken to her when she wanted to. I’ll speak to her now. I lift my hand to knock on their door, but I hear Guy’s crooning voice try to soothe her, and my hand falls uselessly to the side of my body.

She will be all right. It will be all right.

Guy will make it all right for her. He always does.

There is one thing that is clear to me. I am bringing heartache and disharmony to the people I love the most. It is clear I cannot have him. I must face that and find a different way to be. Tomorrow I will tell Lena that I am not interested in Jack.

The next time I meet Jack I will apologize if I have given the wrong impression, but I am not available. The only relationship I am interested in is friendship. It’s not like he will miss me too much. There must be loads of other women who want him. For a second the unwanted image of Fiona grasping Jack’s hand fills my head.

Then I push it firmly out of my mind and continue on my way to the toilet. 

Jack

I
lied. I didn’t have a damn place to be early in the morning. Surgery days are Tuesdays and Thursdays. This way I keep my surgery days when I need a steady hand and a clear head separate from my drinking days. I only have to be at work by mid-morning tomorrow.

I stalk out of the restaurant with my cock lighting up the inside of my pants. I’ve never wanted a woman the way I want her. With Lana it was mostly a deeply protective instinct. When I think back now it was purely brotherly for ages. In fact, until we were both adults it never even crossed my mind to think of her sexually. Even then it was tenderness and in a wildly romantic way. I dreamed of kissing her in the rain. I thought of myself as her knight in shining armor.

With Sofia I want to rip her sensible clothes off her and rut with her in the corridor of restaurants. I don’t know what it is about her, but I’m mad for her. She says she’s not interested but I know she wants it too. She feels the same pull. I have no idea where this crazy-mad desire comes from, but fucking hell it’s stronger than me.

I hail a cab and give him the address of the pub. I shift in my seat to accommodate my erection. I lean back and think of Guy. Fuck, I had to stop myself from punching him one. Who the fuck does he think he is? Pompous prat. He should take care of the sister he’s married to. The next time he gets in my way I won’t be so polite. Actually, I’ll wrench his head off his interfering neck.

The usual suspects are already clowning around at the bar.

“Hey, Tommy,” I say dropping down into the last space around the table.

“Aren’t ye a great little bastard?” he sings, more than half gone.

We drink steadily for the next couple of hours, but for the first time I don’t get numb. I keep thinking about Sofia. The way she had looked up at me with tears in her eyes. It touched my heart. I can’t even describe how beautiful she looked at that moment. I don’t fucking want to be here. I want to be touching her, kissing her, pleasing her. Inside her.

Owning her.

Making her crave me.

The bell rings to indicate last orders. This is the time when the guys buy three rounds each so we can keep drinking long after drinking hours, but I stand up. Fuck, I’m unsteady on my feet, which means I’ve had even more than I thought.

“Where you off to?” Yann shouts drunkenly.

I raise my hand in a kind of farewell gesture and turn away. Weaving my way out of the pub, I push the door open. As I take my first lungful of freezing air, a man detaches himself from the shadows and comes up to me. I blink to clear my vision. Either I’ve drunk so fucking much I’m hallucinating, or Guy is standing in front of me.

“How did you know where I was?” I slur.

“Everybody knows where to find you on Tuesday, Friday, Saturday and Sunday nights, Irish,” he says disgustedly.

Whoa: white fury. My scalp burns. He picked the wrong guy. On the wrong fucking night.

“I’m not here for a fight,” he says.

“Well, you’re going about it the wrong way then.”

“My wife likes you, Irish, so I’m willing to accept that there might be a nice guy hidden somewhere inside the stupid drunk, but here’s fair warning. I’m not going to let you hurt Sofia.”

All my anger vanishes at his words. I blink stupidly at him. He thinks I’m going to hurt Sofia. What the fuck? “I’m not going to hurt her,” I say, but it comes out so slurred even I can’t make it out.

He shakes his head as if I revolt him and stabs his finger into my chest. My hand itches to grab his hand and break his fingers, but I resist the crazy urge. This is Sofia’s brother-in-law.

“Look at you,” he sneers. “You can barely stand. You’ve got everything, talent, looks, money, brains, fame, and you’re just going to piss it all away in some low-life pub, aren’t you?”

I slap his hand away. “Who the fuck do you think you are? God? This is my fucking life. If I want to piss it all away, what’s it to you?”

“I’ll tell you who the fuck I am. I’m Sofia’s protector. You get that. Sofia’s father, brother and uncle all rolled into one. You hurt one hair on her head, and I swear I’ll destroy you. You have no idea what you’re dealing with.”

I start laughing. “Oh yeah?”

His jaw hardens and I see his hands clench into fists at his sides. “Don’t play with her, Irish. She’s not like other women. She’s been through hell and back and if you’re planning on leading her up the garden path, you better think again because I’ll be damned if I stand by and watch a drunk like you soil a beautiful soul like her.”

“I care about her,” I shout.

He eyeballs me. “You don’t care about anybody. How could you? You don’t even care about yourself. You’re an accident waiting to happen. One of these days, some guy’s going to bury his knife in your chest, and it’s going to be the end of Jack Irish. And pity anybody who loves you.”

He’s a big guy, but I’m a street fighter, and even pissed out of my head, I can take him down. It will be a piece of cake, but I don’t. He’s saying and doing the things I should be doing for Sofia. She needs people like him to take care of her. I have a begrudging respect for him for taking the stand he has.

I collapse against the wall behind me. “Yeah, sure. I’ll stay away from her.”

“Yeah. I thought so,” he mutters bitterly and turns away.

I want to call him back. I want to tell him I really care about Sofia, but he’s right. Even totally smashed, I know he’s right. I’m no good for her.

A man like me shouldn’t even look at a woman like her. Someone like her needs a kind man. A man who is capable of love. Not someone without hope. Not the walking dead.

I look through the window into the pub. At all the other drunk men. They are laughing and talking loudly. But for the first time I see their unhappiness. Every one of them is a lost soul. Sure, they don’t have my millions, but I am as lost as they are.

God, how did I come to be in this place?

I stand up unsteadily and stumble into the darkness.