Betrayal of Cupids (8 page)

“I need this.  I need you.”  It seemed pathetic, me begging, but I couldn’t explain this to him.  I couldn’t tell him what I was hiding.  I couldn’t tell him our story might not have a happy ending.

“Grace, just talk to me.  That’s all I’m asking.”

“I want to.  And in time I will, but I need you to trust me.  This one is my battle, Ryan.  Not yours.”

“That’s not how it works, Grace.  It’s you and me.  Everything is you and me.  I never want you to feel that you can’t come to me.”

“I don’t feel that way.”  God, why wouldn’t he drop this?  “It’s just one more loose end that I need to tie up myself.”  I tried to keep it together, but I was breaking.  I didn’t know how much longer I could put up a fight.  I was imploring him to just give me one more out.  “Please.”  I murmured.  I looked deep into his eyes, begging without words for this one act of love.

It was enough.  He didn’t ask for a further explanation of my tears, only nodded and lowered his lips to mine as my warmed body welcomed his.  I moaned in acceptance and clung tight to his back, praying for the moment to never end.  He stayed on top of me, allowing me to receive him with each slow thrust.  His weight was comforting, soothing, and I had to dig my teeth into his shoulder to keep from ending the high too soon.

I had thought my broken body had become numb, unwilling to experience love ever again.  I was wrong.  I was so wrong.  I happily accepted the pleasure and moved with him, our hips finding ways to bring our bodies closer.  With each thrust, painful visions of Sean were replaced by loving visions of Ryan.  I was rebuilding myself.  I was finding control.  I was taking back my life.  We pushed harder, faster, deeper, greater, tighter, stronger, together, apart, together, apart… together.  And together was how it ended.  Together was how we stayed.

At least it was.

But then I had to push him away.  

A cold breeze from the open window stung my damp body.  Ryan had climbed the tree, sneaking into my room.  He would need to leave the same way.

“Is Danny is waiting for you?”

“He should be.”

How could I warn him to stay away from Danny without having him immediately confront him upon leaving?  Despite his warning, Danny surely would think that would be my first instinct, so he would certainly be prepared. 

I leaned in close to him. “I don’t trust him.”

“He’s a good guy, Grace.  I know him.”

“Do you?” 

He laughed.  “Stop worrying about me.  That’s my job.” He ran his fingers through my hair, landing his palm on the back of my neck.  “Danny is my friend.  Everything will be fine.”

God, Ryan, did I have to spell it out for you?  I tried to work out the logic in my head.  If I told Ryan I knew Danny was working with Sean, not only would Ryan confront him, but he would also know Sean were here, and he wouldn’t leave me to take care of this on my own.  Both his and Aunt Kathryn’s lives would be the price for my confession.

I brightened the side table lamp.  I needed him to see me.  I needed him to know I was serious.

“Please Ryan, stay away from him.”

He looked at me quizzically.  “Why?”

“I’m asking you to do something for me.  Don’t make me explain why.”

Did he think I was playing a game? 

“What aren’t you telling me?”  He lowered his face from view, touching me lightly with small kisses.  He was carefully and deliberately staying away from my bandaged chest, which only made my head spin more.

“Ryan, stop.” I tried to lift his head.

He ignored my request and kept tantalizing me with his lips.  He moved down my arm, adding small nips to his kisses.

“Why aren’t you taking me seriously?”

“Do you know something I don’t, Grace?”

“No, it’s just… a feeling.”

He sat up, looking directly into my eyes.  “No.  No.  Don’t pull that shit with me.  What do you know?”

I reached out my hands to his, hoping to calm him down.  If he were to raise his voice, Sean would be instantly at the door. 

He accepted my touch and I watched as his gaze left mine.  He rolled my wrists over in his hands… my wrists… my bruised wrists.  No!  I tried to hide my hands behind my back, but he moved quicker, grabbing at my arms.  He turned my hands over, studying the obvious, finger-marked bruises. 

“Grace?” I could feel the heat in his voice as he pondered the origin of my markings.  Before I could respond with a likely story; I heard footsteps in the hall.

“No,” I whispered, my attention drawn to the door.  “Ryan, get out of here.”

“Where did you get those bruises?”

“Ryan, I’m serious.  Get the hell out.”

“Answer my question, Grace.”

I ran, naked, to the door, turning the deadbolt.  I spoke fast, knowing my time was almost up.  I quickly threw on the clothes that I had strewn across the floor.  “If you love me, you will leave.”

“Where is he?”

“It’s not what you think.” I lied, but it was the only option.  I needed to protect him.

“Then enlighten me.”

“Leave.  Now.  Get on your bike and never come back.  And don’t trust Danny.”

“What did he say to you?”  Ryan stood up, coming to the door.

Why wasn’t he just doing what I asked of him?  There was no time to explain any more.

“Grace, why are you so frightened?”  He took my face in his hand.  If I could’ve frozen that moment, I would have cherished it forever.  But the footsteps stopped and the doorknob began to turn.

“Don’t make me tell you the truth.”  Loud knocks hit the door behind me.  I breathed.  “Just leave.” 

I don’t know what I said or how I said it, but hurt spread across his cheeks, and his shoulders dropped.

“If that’s what you really want.”  The knocking turned to pounding.

“It is.”

I closed my eyes, hoping for a kiss, but was left yearning.  When I opened them, Ryan was gone.  The window was closed.  I was alone.  Then the door flew open, pushing me to the ground.

Sean stood tall above me, shaking his head.  His large hand blurred in front of me as it closed in on my neck.  My body chilled as I felt his hand grip my shoulder.  He pulled me to my feet and his rough palm then scratched down my spine.  My cries grew louder.  I couldn’t help them.

“Does he know I’m here?”

I shook my head. 

“You got rid of him?” 

“Yes.”  I whimpered.

“For good?”

“Yes.”

“That was your one chance.  If I see him around again, he’s dead.”

“I know,” I spat breathlessly.

He escorted me to the bed and lifted the blankets as I crawled beneath their safety.  He sat for a second, resting his hand on the small of my back.  If I fought his touch he could very well make me regret it.  I squeezed my eyes shut and prayed for it to be over.  I then felt his hand leave my body and his weight leave the bed. 

“Good girl, Gracie.” 

I heard the door give one last creak.  Finally, yes finally, the day was over.

December 1

Grace,

I can’t make sense of what just happened.  I really don’t know.  One moment we were making love and the next you were kicking me out.  And how could I fight you?  The look in your eyes was as if I were torturing you.  I could never… I would never… I will never hurt you.  Does my presence really bring you that much pain?  Is that why you told me to leave and never come back?  Or was it something else?  It had to be something else.

I think you forget how easily I can read you.  I know something is wrong, Grace, and the fact that you won’t let me in makes my blood boil.  I’ve been trying to remind myself that this is just what you do.  You are constantly lying to me.  Sure, maybe your motives are pure and aimed at protecting me, but that is not what I want.  Have you ever thought of that?  I want, no, I need to be your man, but that means you need to let me in.  You need to tell me what is going on when I am not there to witness it.

And I can’t stop thinking that it was a cry for help.  I tell myself that I’m going crazy, but what if Sean really were there?  What if he had threatened you to keep me away?  I know it’s ridiculous.  Even now, Danny keeps saying that I’m “reaching,” but things aren’t adding up for me.  And I don’t know you’re safe.  That’s what pains me the most.

Please, come back to me, Grace.  I love you, and I will never stop fighting for you.

Today, tomorrow, and past the light,

Ryan

Ryan

I finished scribbling the words on the page and folded it the best way my frozen fingers would allow.  I laid the paper on the swing, sliding it between the tire and the rope.  There was no way I would know for certain if she got my letter, but it was my best hope.

The morning sun was reflecting off the newly frosted grass.  The snow had finally come.  Why didn’t the day feel like a fresh start?  I had spent the night close by, ensuring that if something did go down in that house after I left, that I would be there to keep Grace safe.  But there were no gunshots; there were no screams.  I doubt there was even any movement after the pounding on her door.

I took off down the stone driveway, toward the spot I knew Danny was hiding out with our bikes.  I slipped past the trees, following the path I had made the night before by scuffing my feet through the dead leaves.  Rounding the corner around a giant family of oaks, I came upon the bikes.  I also came upon the barrel of a gun.

“Yo, Danny, what are you doing?”  I felt my blood racing in the vein on the side of my neck.

“Sorry man, you can never be too careful.”  I breathed a sigh of relief as he dropped his pistol to his side.  “I’ve been hearing bikes the last few minutes.  I wasn’t sure if we’d been made.”

I hadn’t heard any bikes.  Had I been that much in my head?  Was I really that distracted?  Maybe Grace was right: maybe she saw me as a liability.  No.  I couldn’t think like that.  I couldn’t begin to doubt myself because she is going through something that she’s just unwilling to share with me.  Luckily, Danny was prepared and focused.  He was smart to have been ready with that gun.  I hadn’t even thought of the possibility that this place would be surrounded.  My mind had been a little one-track.

“Everything okay?  Did you leave her a note?”

“I did.”

“Do you want to tell me what happened last night?”

“I don’t.”  I did.  I wanted to talk about it.  But what if Grace was right?  What if I couldn’t trust Danny?  If only I could get her to tell me the whole truth.

But that seemed to be impossible for Grace.  Hell, Sean could’ve been in her bedroom and she probably wouldn’t have told me.  Why was I putting so much effort into someone who so obviously didn’t want my help?  There was nothing more I could do right then.  Grace had begged me to leave.  It was time to go home.

I didn’t remember falling asleep, but when I felt the sun warm my face, I was lying sideways across my four-poster bed.  It had been quite a night; I must have passed out as soon as I walked into my bedroom.  My eyes scanned the room, stopping on Grace’s dress, crumpled on the floor.  I didn’t want to move it; more than anything, I wanted her to still be here, to be standing there naked next to her dress.  I wanted her to be reaching out to me, asking me to comfort her.  I wanted to take her in my arms, as I had the night before, and never let her go.  I wanted to fight back when she refused to keep me informed.  I wanted to… I had no idea what I wanted anymore.  I shook off the haunting image of her, threw on a t-shirt, and made my way downstairs.  I smelled something savory as my feet found their way to the first floor.

“Danny?”

“In the kitchen,” he called.

He was standing over the stove, poaching eggs.

“Well, aren’t you fancy?”

“When you’ve been on your own for as long as I have, you pick up a few skills.”

I lightly laughed, happy to have the company.  What was Grace talking about?  What was the feeling she got around Danny?  I promised myself I would at least consider her advice, but as far as I was concerned, next to Grace, Danny was the best person in my life at the moment.  He was certainly the most consistent.  She had never held that title.

“I ran out and got some orange juice.  You can’t have breakfast without orange juice.”

“Did you sleep at all?”

“I caught a few winks on your couch.  Well, a few more than a few.  It’s two in the afternoon.”

“Shit.  How long was I out?”

“Looking at the clock was not the first thing on my agenda when we got back this morning.”

“Touché.”

He turned to me.  “You okay, Ryan?”

“Yeah, I am.  It was just a weird night.”

“You can say that again.”

We sat at the table, both breaking our yolks with toast at the same time.  I wanted to tell Danny what happened when I snuck into Grace’s room, but I was still trying to figure it all out for myself.  Plus, her voice was still in the back of my head begging me not to trust him.

“I’m going to the clubhouse today.  You coming?”

“Yeah, I’d really like that.”

More silence. 

I couldn’t hold it in any longer.  “Did Grace seem weird when you talked to her last night?”

“No,” he responded quickly.  “I mean, I don’t know the girl.  She could’ve been weird, or she could’ve just been reacting the way a normal person does when there’s a stranger at their door.”

“Okay.”

“What happened when you went up there?”

How much could I tell him?  Might as well just keep it simple for now.

“We fucked.”

He sat back in his chair, smiling. “Nice.”

“And then she kicked me out and said she didn’t want me to come back.”

He looked at me sideways.  “Why, do you think?”

“I really don’t know.  She swears Sean wasn’t there, but then she freaked out when someone was knocking on her door.”

“Of course she would freak out.  Any of the Shadows would’ve killed you instantly if they found her in your bed.”

“And that’s what I thought!  Which is why I agreed to leave, but I know I’m still missing something.  I just know it.”

He put his hand on my shoulder.  “Maybe you’re not.”

My stare could have seared right through him.  I stood, slammed my chair into the table and walked upstairs. 

He hadn’t done anything wrong, it was just that he gave me the answer I really didn’t want to hear.