Big Bang Generation (17 page)

In a Stormcage in the fifty-first century, Kik the Assassin delivered herself and Cyrrus Globb up for re-arrest, aware that only they knew what had transpired.

In 1934, a dark-skinned man in an open-necked white shirt and chinos, smiled and nodded his thanks to something unseen and walked into the rainforests of the Blue Mountains.

In the fifty-first century, Colonel Sadkin of the Church of the Papal Mainframe stared as Professor Jaanson and a Talpidian digger tried to protect themselves from the rain.

There was a flash and, for a brief second, he thought he saw the outline of a door on the side of the mountain. He blinked. No one else mentioned it.

‘Professor Jaanson,' he grunted. ‘I think this mission needs to be aborted before the weather turns.'

Horace Jaanson opened his mouth to argue, then shrugged. ‘You're probably right, Colonel. Without a decent archaeologist to help us, I don't think we'll find anything here. I'm beginning to doubt that Aztec Moon is even the right location for the Ancients of the Universe.'

And, much to his satisfaction, Colonel Sadkin and his Clerics were able to pack up and get away from Aztec Moon before the rains took an even worse turn.

The TARDIS was flying through the space-time vortex, the Doctor rushing around from side to side, flipping buttons, punching switches (or maybe it was the other way round, although if that was what he was doing, it probably explained why the TARDIS rarely did as she was meant to). With an almighty flourish, the whole ship lurched on its side and the doors popped open.

A beautiful blue sky could be seen through the doors as the TARDIS hovered somewhere on its side, like an open coffin.

After a second or two, something large and heavy dropped towards the open doors. Beyond that, something
larger and heavier struck a mountainside, and the TARDIS was pelted with rocks and rubble. But the only thing that fell into the ship was a small rock with crystal lines running through it.

The Doctor caught it like a rugby ball, allowing its momentum to swirl him round, back towards the TARDIS console, which he thumped. The ship's interior righted itself, and the TARDIS dematerialised from the ancient Australian Blue Mountains area.

The Doctor was back in the dark void. This time he knew what to expect.

As the blurred Ancients loomed up, he held out the trigger device. ‘Now no one other than me has ever touched this.'

And it winked out of existence.

‘Will they remember, or has time been reset?'

‘Nothing involving our technology will have happened. Has happened. Could happen. Did happen. Time has changed; tiny chronological events have been rewritten to alter the histories of those involved with our error. Our mistakes. But no one will ever know.

Again the Doctor thought back to his tutor at the Academy on Gallifrey. He had always hated the thought that ephemeral lives were unimportant enough to affect the Web of Time. But right now, he had to admit, it was for the best.

‘So I am the only one who remembers any of this?'

‘You are a Lord of Time. That is your role. However…'

‘Yes?'

‘There were six other beings at the eye of the time storm. If we erase their participation in bringing you to our attention in the first place, it would create a paradox. Without them, you would not have arrived, changed time and saved the universe, so to erase them would stop that happening. They too will be aware of what they did, if nothing else.'

‘Good,' the Doctor said. ‘Bernice Summerfield is my friend and I would feel very unhappy if I thought I had somehow stolen part of her experiences and her life.'

‘We shall not meet again, Lord of Time. That is as it should be.'

‘Will you return to the universe? Return to live, feel, see, experience? Have a mojito?'

But before he got an answer, he was elsewhere.

The smell. The sticky floors. The broken neon sign flickering.

‘Oh no,' he muttered. ‘The White Rabbit. On Legion. Great.'

‘Oh, so you decided to come back, then.'

The Doctor looked at Keri the Pakhar and beeped her twitching nose. ‘As if I'd leave you behind on a godforsaken place like Legion.'

‘You left me on Tugrah.'

‘Ah. well, yes, all right, but—'

‘You left me on the Azure Moon of Gald too.'

‘That was ages ago. You have a good memory—'

‘Then there was that time you left me in jail on Kolpasha.'

‘Blimey, you really can hold a grudge, can't—'

‘I seem to recall an incident on Nefrin where you said, and I quote: “Keri, I'll be back in five.” I, of course, took that to mean minutes. Maybe hours at a push. Not years. Guarding that Eternity Capsule took a lot of time and energy, yeah!'

The Doctor sighed. ‘I got held up. There was a planet, an invading horde of Scarrions, an under-trodden village and a party. Well, a lot of parties. Well, it was just one long party really…'

‘That lasted five years?'

‘I left early. It went on for about eighteen.' The Doctor put a glass of fizzy water in front of her. ‘But I'm here now. Ready to take you away from all this.'

Keri pointed at the bar of the White Rabbit. ‘You met the guy who used to own this place, yeah?'

The Doctor shook his head.

‘You should. You'd like him. Reminds me of you. Duplicitous, underhanded, talks too much about absolutely nothing, wears terrible clothes and flirts outrageously.'

‘I don't flirt. I have never flirted. I'm not sure I know how to flirt without making a fool of myself.'

‘Another thing in common with him, then.'

Bernice Summerfield and Peter walked over. ‘Hey, Keri,' said Bernice. ‘Nice to see you again.'

‘It's been a long time.' Keri smiled. ‘Missed you. Sorry you got lumbered with this old fraud.' She waved towards the Doctor. Then she smiled at Peter. ‘Last time I saw you, you were a tiny puppy, yeah?' She looked at Bernice with a querying look on her face.

‘Baby,' Bernice said. ‘He was a baby.'

‘Baby, yes, of course.'

Peter leaned forward and gave Keri a quick kiss then grabbed Bernice's arm. ‘Mum, I have to go settle a dispute between Crazy Hank and Toothless Bob over a Land Crow.'

Bernice considered this information. ‘You know, I think I'd pay good money to see those two scrap.' She kissed Peter's forehead. ‘See you later.'

Peter looked at the Doctor.

‘What?' the Time Lord asked. ‘What's that look for? I know that look. That's a look that says I've done something wrong. What? What have I done wrong now?'

Peter reached behind the bar and brought out a thin metallic stick, twisted and almost snapped in half.

‘Yours, I believe. Apparently, a pretty peeved Kenistrii left it here before heading home.' He slapped it into the Doctor's palm. ‘Don't leave advanced Time Lord tech on my planet, thank you.'

The Doctor looked at his broken sonic screwdriver. ‘Sorry Peter,' the Doctor heard himself say, like a teenager being told off by an old man, rather than the other way round.

‘See you round, Doc,' Peter laughed and headed out of the bar.

‘Where are Ruth and Jack?' the Doctor asked. ‘I like Ruth and Jack.'

‘They're down at my little underground base in the mountains, reprogramming EOIN, the computer that runs the place You'd like him. He never gives anyone any cheek.'

‘When's the wedding?' Keri asked. ‘I might hang around for the wedding, yeah.'

‘I thought you wanted to go home,' exploded the Doctor. ‘I mean, you just said—'

‘If I relied on you to get me home, or back here for the wedding, we'd end up in the eighty-sixth century or taking a sky train to the Planet of the Hats.'

‘Have you been to the Planet of the Hats?' asked Bernice.

‘No,' sneered the Doctor. ‘There's no such place as the Planet of the Hats.'

Bernice and Keri looked at one another, shocked. ‘He's never been to the Planet of the Hats!'

‘With the Brown Derbys!'

‘And the Stingy Brims!'

‘The rebellious Cloche!'

‘The warring Homburgs and Pillboxes!'

The Doctor stood up. ‘If no one's going to have a sensible conversation…'

‘The Planet of the Hats is a real place,' Bernice said seriously.

‘It's not.'

‘I did a story there during one of their wars,' Keri said. ‘I was embedded with the Gainsboroughs. It was quite scary.'

‘Hair-raising, even,' Bernice added. She leaned down and hugged Keri. ‘Thank you for everything you did for us,' she said.

‘Everything I did? I don't know what you're talking about, yeah?'

Bernice looked at the Doctor. ‘Keri, too?'

‘Everyone other than us, Kik the Assassin and Globb I believe.'

‘Well, believe me, it was invaluable,' Bernice said. ‘Wasn't it, Doctor?'

‘Invaluable. Essential. Very grateful.' He nodded.

‘Well, I have no idea what either of you is going on
about, but either way, if Legion will have me,' Keri said, tapping her leg in its cast, ‘I think I'll stick around till this repairs itself.'

‘Be lovely to have you here. Get the guy who runs this place to give you his spare room. Tell him I insist,' Bernice said.

‘I'll do that.'

The Doctor squeezed Keri's shoulder as he started to move away. ‘If you're sure?'

‘Absolutely. Take care, Doctor. Deep down, you're a good man. If you look hard enough.' She winked. ‘But I'm never ice skating with you again, yeah?'

The Doctor allowed Bernice to lead him out of the bar and into the street outside.

Neon signs were reflected in the muddy puddles that were growing larger in the rain.

‘You notice how it always rains when we're together,' he said. ‘Never met anyone else who I can guarantee no matter what places I go, it'll always be raining with.'

‘We need your TARDIS.'

The Doctor looked shocked. ‘My TARDIS! It's in Sydney. Hundreds of years ago!'

‘No, it's not. It's over there. Believe me, no one else leaves a 1950s police box lying about.'

The Doctor followed her finger. Sure enough, the TARDIS was parked under an awning for a tattoo parlour.

‘The Ancients of the Universe must have shot it back here, to its last landing before this all started,' Bernice said.

‘How nice of them,' he said. ‘Where are we going?'

‘More a question of when. Come on.' And Bernice led him inside his ship.

About forty miles north of Legion City was a plateau that few people wanted to visit. Dark, cold and inhospitable it was, of course, exactly where Professor Bernice Summerfield had decided to do a bit of digging.

Jack and Ruth were examining some strata in the rocks about half a mile away.

Peter was in the distance strategically placing some low-level explosives to clear some rubble.

Bernice looked up. She stopped, chewed on her lower lip for a second, then shrugged. ‘Hullo,' she said eventually.

‘Hullo,' called another Bernice. And next to her, a tall greying man. Somehow, she knew instinctively that it was the Doctor.

‘Future-me, or past-me that I've forgotten for some reason?' Bernice called to the newcomers.

‘I'm really not sure about this,' the probably Doctor person said.

This other Bernice shushed him. ‘Past. Not quite sure how long. Probably breaking the Laws of Time if I tell you. But then casually breaking the Laws of Time is why we're here.'

‘Really?'

The Doctor stepped forward. ‘Yes. Apparently so. It's why I'm here.'

‘I thought he'd add gravitas, you know, make you realise that you need to listen to me. To us.'

Bernice nodded. ‘Makes sense I guess. Although this could be a temporal trap.'

‘It could be indeed. But let's face it, I've got this far based on instinct. And something about this feels right. Or interesting at the very least.'

‘What if I told you, Benny,' the Doctor said, ‘that digging here would be catastrophic?'

‘I'd say, “Hell, really? Here?” in a pretty sarcastic voice and then say, “But I'm listening” and suggest you carry on.'

Other Bernice stepped forward. ‘It's an instruction from you. Future you.
Future
-future-me, in fact. I have to make sure you don't dig anything up here.'

‘What sort of anything?'

‘That would be telling,' the Doctor said. ‘Let's just say something is buried here that needs to stay buried for the sake of the universe.'

‘Don't be melodramatic,' Bernice snorted.

‘I'm not.' He looked at Other Bernice. ‘Do I sound in the slightest bit melodramatic?'

‘No, not at all. You just sound dour and Scottish. That's about as far from melodramatic as you can get really.'

‘Thank you.' He paused. ‘Dour? How am I dour? I'm the very epitome of party spirit.'

‘Yeah, if the party is in a funeral home and the spirit is one of the dead. Aaaanyway…' Other Bernice looked back at Bernice. ‘You need to pack up, go home, forget this place. Please.'

‘Why?' Bernice looked around the plateau. ‘It's hardly the most threatening place on Legion. I mean, I've been to
Madame JoJoJos on a Wednesday night. Now, as bars go, that's a scary place!'

‘Oh, I know!' Other Bernice clapped her hands. ‘Remember that night with the Wurlitzer and the Frogspawn Twins of Adaga III?'

‘Oh my god, yes!'

‘And then—' Other Bernice started, but the Doctor interrupted.

‘Yes, well, that's all great and fun sounding. Now can we please get back to what we need to do here? Bernice, pack your bags and go home now.'

Bernice just laughed at his tone. ‘What am I? Six? Or worse, still travelling with you? I need something better than that, Doctor. If that's truly who you are.'

Other Bernice stepped closer, but not close enough to touch. ‘Remember when we were six. Remember Mum saying that if ever we needed to really trust in something, really believe in something, we were to remember her telling us this? Well, I'm thinking about that moment very strongly now. A chain of events starts with you digging here that a lot of Laws of Time-breaking has managed to avert.'

‘And believe me, Bernice,' said the Doctor, ‘you, I, Peter…many others barely got out of it. You have to believe me. Believe in yourself, quite literally. Leave this place and never come back.'

Bernice stared at the Doctor. His earnest face, those eyes, oh, always with those eyes…No matter how many times the face changed, the eyes stayed the same – weary,
experienced, genuine. The Doctor she had loved for years, just as anyone who knew him did. Damn him. She turned to see if she could spot Jack and Ruth. They were little more than specks in the distance…

She turned back to Other Bernice and the Doctor.

They were gone.

Of course they were.

She had just made a decision. Time had already been rewritten, and things would unfold in a different way in the future and presumably the past.

Peter was at her side. ‘I planted the explosives,' he said.

Bernice looked at him. ‘Honey, go double them. Instead of uncovering this site, I want to bury it, make sure no one can ever try digging here again.'

‘But…'

Bernice stroked his ears, kissed his forehead. ‘Just do it, yeah?'

Peter smiled and hurried off.

An hour later she, Peter, Jack and Ruth were watching as the whole area vanished in a massive eruption of fire and rock – Peter smiled at his handiwork.

‘You enjoyed that, didn't you?' Ruth said, nudging his ribs.

He nodded. ‘Drinks on me, guys.'

They started back to their little shuttle ship, the
Irverfield
, and then back to Legion City.

As they got into the shuttle, Bernice turned and caught a glimpse of a tall blue box on the horizon. She blinked, but it was gone.

‘Happy landings, Doctor,' she said quietly. ‘Till the next time…Whatever face you may have…'