Bittersweet Love (8 page)

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        It had been a week since Rex had last come over. I was getting the urge to go and see him, even if it meant being on Corey’s turf. I was desperate. If I thought being away from him and not talking to him for months was bad, this one week was horrid. Granted we had texted here and there, but our schedules didn’t line up so we were mostly stuck with weekends. However it was Friday and that meant I would no longer have to go without.

        I had just started typing up my business presentation when a knock at the door pulled me from my thoughts. I checked the time on my laptop, and tried to remember what time Mimi said she would be back. Was it one or
two? Either way, if this wasn’t her then who was it? I really needed to get this done, and maybe if I ignored it then they would go away.

        Another knock, okay, so maybe they are just curious. Then another three more knocks. Fuck it. I get up and walk over to the door coming to the conclusion that whoever this is has no intentions on going away.

        When I open the door it’s the last person I expect to ever see standing there.

Corey. My jaw is probably hitting the floor, because I know he’s not here for Mimi, which means he’s here for me.

        “Can I come in?” He asks, itching at the back of his head. Wow for the very first time ever he actually spoke in a civil manner. There was no attitude, no snarky or hateful comment. At the same token, warning signals are going off like crazy. Why’s he here? What’s he want? Why’s he being so nice?

        “Uh. Yeah sure. Come right in.” I say, nervously. Since he’s being nice I suppose I will be too.  I close the door and follow him back over to the living room. He takes a seat across from me, folding his hands in his lap. I look over at him and he looks like he’s going to be sick.

        “Are you okay?” I ask, genuinely concerned. I might not like him, but that doesn’t mean I would let him bleed to death on my floor. Hell these are nice wood floors.

        “Uh yeah I’m okay. Just this whole thing is awkward
for me. You, since we never talk, and well you don’t exactly have a reason to want to talk to me. Fuck. I’m surprised you even answered the door.” He seems to be having a hard time with something or he wouldn’t be here. The only problem is I can’t figure out what that something is.

        “Well, you knocked like someone was dying so I figured it was urgent.” I let out a short laugh trying to make the situation a little less awkward.

        “Let’s not fuck around here. You know I’m here for a reason and that reason is Mimi.”

        Holy fucking shit. Did he honestly just show up to ask me for advice on dealing with my best friend? I needed to go outside and see if hell had frozen over. I never thought I would see the day this man would be asking me for advice.

        “Way to get to the point. What about Mimi is it that you’re here for? Because last I checked, you and I didn’t get along.” I can’t hide the anger from my voice.

        “It’s about the other night. I feel like I’m being strung along. She kissed me in front of my girlfriend and cornered me. She has been making me feel all these weird unknown and completely fucked up feelings. I hate it. I don’t know if I should fuck her, or strangle her. I’m seriously contemplating the second but I just... it’s fucking frustrating.” His teeth are clenched and I
can tell there’s a wrath of fury that Mimi keeps dousing with gasoline. One of these days he’s going to snap, and I think that day is coming.

        “I know all about yo
u
and Mimi’s long standing off and on again relationship.”

        “Whoa, hold the hell up. I’ve never slept with her Jenna. Yeah I’ve kissed her, and wanted to touch her like crazy but I’ve never crossed the line. As for there being a relationship, no way.” Okay, well that puts my mind at ease.

        “Okay, well that doesn’t matter really. The cat and mouse game you guys are playing with one another has to be exhausting. She came home crying the other night.  I don’t care if you guys want to try and be together, because honestly I’m over anything you did to hurt me. But I refuse to let you hurt her, so listen loud and clear. If you want to try this with her you need to step up as a man, you need to show her what being loved really is. You need to try, no kissing and walking away anymore. You need to prove to her that jumping off the deep end with you is really worth it.” I’m no longer afraid to look him in the eyes, instead of seeing a man who bullied me, I see a man who was just trying his hardest to keep his family together.  In reality, hi
m
hurting me was helping him ease his own unhappiness.

        “I…I… I don’t want to hurt her.” He leans his head on the back of the chair and stares up at the ceiling. His fists are clenched so tight I can see
the muscles in his forearms bulge. Whatever it is that’s going on between them is a lot more than they’re both leading on.

        “Okay. I want her. I’ve wanted her since we broke up. Not that you weren’t a good girlfriend, but I just knew after everything that happened we never would have worked.”

        Wow, way to bruise the ego, though the feeling is mutual. “No hard feelings Corey, but what made you think calling me and Mimi names would draw her to you? What made you think that hurting others would allow you to gain what you wanted? Hell, what made you think that being with this Chelsea girl would bring Mimi closer to you? ” I don’t mean to be a bitch. Actually I do. I can’t help but ask, the questions were just burning a hole in my head.

        “You think I don’t know that. At the time I didn’t give a fuck. I tried and told myself that I didn’t want to hurt you, and that I didn’t want to spread rumors about you. But I did. I lived off of it. It made the pain better. I fed on your tears and anger. It made me feel better about what I was doing. Watching you wither in pain made it that much easier to see my mom every day
, knowing that slowly I was seeking revenge for her. I can’t tell you how angry it made me to know your mother caused my family to fall apart. And Chelsea honestly, it was a one-time thing. A one night stand. You can’t tell me she hasn’t had meaningless sex. ” His admission is almost more than I can take. I tried to encompass the pain and sorrow to hide the hurt; and I did for such a long time but talking to him now about it and knowing his intentions opens a whole new door.

        My eyes are wide open, and my lips are parted slightly. I want to speak but feel like it will take away from the much needed closure this brings me. I know Corey didn’t come over here to fix things with me, but in him wanting to be with Mimi he has brought me to a point where when he leaves I won’t feel that pain anymore.

        “And so, yeah I fucked up. I hurt you, I hurt Mimi. Yeah I’m a fucking failure just like my dad always said. What I did was wrong, and in the end I’m sorry. I’m sorry I put you through so much. I know it wasn’t your fault. I don’t hate you, but I do hate your mom.” His voice grows quiet, the only sound in the room coming from the TV.

        “Thanks.” I say smiling. I know Corey and I will never be anything like we use to be, but at the very least we can put this behind us. Dwelling on the past will do nothing for us.

        “I’m not saying this because I want to use you. I need your help. I don’t want Mimi to think I’m not interested, but I don’t want her to think I’m fully invested.” Wait… what did he just say? A puzzled look forms on my face, he doesn’t want her to think he’s not interested but he doesn’t want her to become too invested. Sounds like he wants to have his cake and eat it too?

        “You understand that makes absolutely zero fucking sense right? Because honestly you can’t have her, but not have her at the same time. She won’t wait for you to figure your shit out. If you don’t want a relationship then don’t even approach the situation.” For a second I figured we were making headway, instead we take ten steps forward and six back.

        “I’m just being honest. Fuck… Why did I even come here? I should have just talked to one of the guys about this.” He goes to stand up and I know if he does he’s going to walk out the door, and that’ll be any chance I had of hoping to fix things between the two of them.

        “Wait…” His eyes delve into mine. Looking at him now, I see that Mimi has peeled back that piece of skin I never could.  She dug herself deep into his wounds, burrowing in and making a place for herself, so that when he sees her he sees his future. Now I understand what he’s saying, he’s insecure and admitting so that would mean he’s weak. If he gives in, he puts himself in the way of danger of getting hurt. I guess we're more alike than we ever thought.

        “One week ago you came here bitching and complaining which now I understand why. However, you threatened me that day. Then suddenly you want my help? This may come as a shock to you Corey, but I don’t hate you. I really do want you to find happiness. But you can’t expect someone to love you when you act the way you do.”

I pause for a brief second, gearing myself up to say the next words. “I don’t hate anything that you did to me because I get why you did it. It hurts that you took it out on the wrong person but we can’t go back and change that. All we can do is move forward. If you want to be with Mimi you need to open up. You need to push those insecurities to the back of your mind. Love is all about growing, and it’s about putting your heart out on the line. Yeah you might get your heart broken, but you also might not. You never know if you don’t try.”

It looks as if my words may have knocked a bolt or two loose in his brain, because he looks as if the seriousness of what’s going on has finally dawned on him. That maybe his actions are finally catching up to him.

“I…I… know there isn’t an excuse for anything I have done. None whatsoever, but I need your help. When I’m afraid… I…” There’s a long pause as he contemplates finishing his sentence. For a whole second I stare at him in awe. The remarkable amount of effort he’s putting into things, into talking to me, and trying to be different.

“I lash out. I try and hurt others before they can hurt me. I know it sounds like a shit load of excuses but I’m all kinds of fucked up. You should know that.” Oh I did.

“I have anger issues, and threatening someone is the easiest way to make them stop or get them to do something that I want them to.” His voice is low as he lets the sadness drain out. I have to make a choice. Forgive
Corey and run the risk of it being a joke, or not forgive him and carry this weight around forever.

“Okay, I will help you. I will try at least. But, you cannot come here and talk to me like you did the other day. You need to learn to control your anger. Acting like you did isn’t going to get anyone to do anything for you. Mimi is feisty so she might be able to deal with your attitude but I refuse to. I’m not going to take any more of your shit.” I hope I’m not fucking myself over.

The tension in the room evaporates immediately, I would love to say it’s filled with sunshine and rainbows but it’s not. There is however a calmness; a silent mutual agreement between us. He smiles at me for the first time in forever, the one that use to have me melting like I do when Rex smiles at me. Strangely it doesn’t affect me though, probably because it’s not Rex.

“It’s a deal then. I won’t say anything hurtful, and I will install some type of filter on my brain.  I don’t know, maybe I should see a counselor or something for my anger.” He looks serious, and I can’t believe that we can finally put this behind us; that we won’t have to hate each other anymore.

        “Good. I will talk with Mimi, and I will have her talk to you. Or I will try too. Listen to what I said and take it to heart, because if you don’t then not only will you not ever get Mimi but you won’t ever find love. Women are sensitive and need to be loved, cherished, and supported. You learn those things and you should be fine.”

        “I just want to make it right. I want to put it behind us, and…” before Corey can finish his sentence the door opens and in walks Mimi. Well this should be interesting.

“You know I can never find my fucking keys to the house, it’s like they fall into the….” She throws her hair back, as she finally takes notice of Corey and I. Obviously we both know there’s nothing going on but who’s to say Mimi wouldn’t think so.

A look of pure dislike crosses her face. She lets out what sounds like a snarl as she makes her way over to Corey. “Did I or did I not tell you to never show your fucking face here again? Couldn’t get with me so you decided that you would come over here and make advances at Jenna. Fuck you. Fuck this. Fuck it all.” She throws her hands up in the air, the frustration of the situation causing her to shake.

“Mimi, it’s not…” She holds her hand up at me stopping me from talking.

“I don’t want to hear the excuses. I don’t want to hear it’s not what it looks like. I don’t want to hear any of it. I just want him to leave.” The harshness of her voice and the hate in her eyes even has me turning away. I know when Mimi has hit her limit and she’s here now.

“Fuck that. I came here to see you Mimi. What you did that night months ago that was low, even for you. You give me so much shit about being a mean person, about Chelsea being a slut. But what you did that night that was no different. You’re such a hypocrite.” He stands gritting his teeth at her. His height alone would have me petrified. They are at a standstill staring at each other. From Mimi’s stance I can tell she’s gearing up to do something horrendous.