Black (Clashing Colors Book 1) (25 page)

Violet and I loaded the last painting and got in the car again.

“All right, Arion, take us securely to Pike Street, please,” Violet told her car and stroked the steering wheel. I sat next to her and wondered what kind of mental illness talking to cars fell under.

“Gosh, your boyfriend is hot.”

I clenched my jaws. “Yeah, he’s handsome.”

“I can understand why you worry he’ll cheat on you.”

I whipped my head around. “Why would you assume I worry about that?”

She gave me a side-glance smile and tapped her index finger against her temple. “Psychic, remember.” 

“Well, if you’re that good, then why don’t you tell me if he’s going to be unfaithful to me?”

She got an earnest expression on her face. “People think there is only one future ahead of them but it’s like a trail system all leading to the same place. What you’ll experience on your journey all depends on what choices you make.

“I could tell you he’ll cheat on you, in which case you would break up with him and not even give him a chance.

“I could tell you he doesn’t cheat on you, which is true if you and he find a way to communicate better. But untrue if you don’t, as he’ll be so lonely that another woman might tempt him in a moment of weakness.

“I can’t give you any guarantees, Cia, no one can, but I can tell you that he’s one of the good guys.”

“Why do you call me Cia?”

“Because the first time I heard him say it, I knew that was your real name. That’s what your soul wants you to be called.”

Oh Christ…
what do you even answer to craziness like that?

It shouldn’t have surprised me that Darren and Violet were an instant love match. When she walked into his gallery and spoke about the loveliness of the energies in place, he was all in. Turns out that Darren believes in this stuff, and before long he had arranged for her to do readings at the evening’s art exhibition.

“I’ll make sure to set up a table in the corner for you.”

“Wonderful, I’ll bring my own tablecloth and tarot cards.”

I rubbed my face and groaned, afraid to tell him that I didn’t really think that fortune telling had anything to do with my exhibition. It was his gallery, and I didn’t want to make demands like some sort of diva.

Violet hummed with internal sunshine as she dropped me off at Gabriel’s place forty minutes later. I, on the other hand, walked up to have a grown up conversation, feeling nervous and defensive.

To my surprise Gabriel wasn’t there. There was a note saying:

Hey Cia,

Melody and I are going to grab something to eat.

I’ll see you later and the box is for you.

G

I picked up the package wrapped in tin foil and found a phone inside and another note saying,
I already set up the phone. Your pin is 9999, your phone number is on the other sticky note, and my number is already in it. Please text me when you’re back.

It was a thoughtful gift that would make my life much easier, but he had already given me so much. Surprisingly, one of my first thoughts was that I would only keep it as long as we were together, meaning I didn’t believe we would stay together. Someone like me wouldn’t be enough for someone like him long-term, especially since he had already admitted it was his pattern to swap when something better came along. It was pointless to fool myself into thinking otherwise. 

I sent Gabriel a text, thanking him for the gift and telling him that I was back in the apartment.

He answered right away. “Good, I’ll see you in a bit.”

It was past six and I was hungry, so I grabbed a snack and played around with my new phone.

When Gabriel walked in an hour later he came to sit beside me.

“Do you want to talk?” he asked.

I did, but I didn’t know how to. It wasn’t like he could apologize for being honest… I wanted him to be honest with me, the problem was that the truth was hard to handle.

“Do you want to talk to Bruce?” he asked.

I actually did. Despite how insane Bruce’s methods were, he had a way to make me understand myself better.

“Yeah… but I don’t have a session with him until Wednesday,” I said.

“I’m sure he’ll talk to you if you reach out,” Gabriel speculated.

“Maybe. Or maybe we could just finish what we started,” I suggested, hoping that if we could be physical, we could somehow get past this.

“You want to have sex?” he asked with obvious surprise.

I gave a small nod.

“Wow… I didn’t expect that.”  

“You don’t want to?” I asked nervously.

“Yeah… but something weird is going on between us and I was thinking we should talk it through. I’m still mad at you for leaving me without explaining why.”

I wanted to reach out and touch him but some immense force inside me held back – afraid of a potential rejection.

“Cia, tell me how you feel about me,” Gabriel said and moved closer, looking intently into my eyes. 

I cleared my throat. This noon he had told me he loved me and I wasn’t stupid. I knew he was hoping to hear the same from me.

“You are the first person to love me,” I said in a small voice.

He didn’t speak but took my hand and waited for me to continue.

“I’ve never loved anyone or used those words with anyone. They feel alien to me. Like something that has to do with other people, but not me.”

“But I do love you,” Gabriel repeated and it made me look away. There were so many things I wanted to say and questions I wanted to ask. Like “Why do you love me?”  But I had no voice and sat quietly with tears flowing down my face.

“Oh, sugar,” Gabriel said and pulled me into his lap. And then he kissed me, hot and hungry, and I kissed him back, expressing everything I couldn’t say in words.

His hands were almost shaking when he undressed me and his eyes were burning with fire. He wanted me. His entire being was hungry for me. I didn’t need a psychic to tell me that.

I wanted him too and zipped down his pants, letting my hand slide inside. He was hard as a rock, and when I struggled to get his jeans and briefs off him he lifted me up into his arms and carried me into the bedroom, where he let me down on the bed. I sat hypnotized and watched him undress and stand completely naked in front of me.

This gorgeous man had declared his love for me. For some unknown reason he was blinded and saw something in me that no one else saw, not even me.

He was beautiful, strong, kind, funny, and generous, and being with him was like winning the freaking lottery. But everyone knows that when poor people win the lottery they do stupid things and always end up losing all the money again. It would be the same with me. I would end up losing Gabriel, and I couldn’t bear the thought.

Gabriel moved up on the bed and crawled over to kiss me. I clung to him and kissed him back feeling like this might be the last time I got to hold him.

He got a condom and while he took me missionary style, he kept whispering that he wanted me and that he loved me. My eyes were closed the whole time but I couldn’t hide the tears that were falling down my temples.

I love you too and I want you too
…
for always.
It was right there in my mind, but the words wouldn’t come.

When he came, I squeezed him tight with my legs around his hips. A part of me wished that there was no condom and that he would bind me to him with a child. Maybe then he would stay with me, but as quick as the thought entered my mind, just as quickly it made me nauseated. It was just another reminder that I alone would never be enough to keep his interest. 

Gabriel and I didn’t talk much that night. Things were better after the sex – at least we were comfortable touching each other – but I knew we hadn’t solved anything and that under the surface there were still hurt and unresolved emotions, that would most likely come back to bite us in the ass. Turns out, I was right. 

CHAPTER 21

The Art Show

Gabriel

I had been out hiking with a friend most of the day and was eager to see Cia. I wish I knew what she was thinking. I had declared my love to her, but she hadn’t said it back. Still, this was Cia, and a mental flashback to my first meeting with the angry Goth girl she had once been reminded me how far she had come.

I parked my car, and as I got out and locked the door I looked down at my outfit, making sure I looked fine in my dark jeans and nicely pressed cotton shirt. It was the right kind of casual smart. I rolled up my sleeves before crossing the street to the gallery where she had told me to meet her. Just from looking through the glass façade I could tell a lot of people had already arrived, and when I entered with a smile on my face, I was met by a man who handed me a brochure.

“Hello, and welcome, handsome,” he said.

“Hello.” I did a double take at the peacock in front of me, not sure if his outfit was meant to be a part of the exhibition or if it was how he normally dressed. If it was a costume, I seriously had no idea what he was supposed to be in that mismatch of colors and textiles with animal print.
Tarzan meets Highlander meets Native American… maybe?

The colorful man swung his hands out and spoke with a lisp. “I’m Darren. Tonight we have five extraordinary paintings from a local gal who is a new rising star on the art scene. Nothing is for sale, as all the paintings have already been sold, but if you like them you can come see me to get on a list for her next exhibition.”

“Did you say everything has been sold?”

“Yes,” he said with pride. “When there’s a true talent, buyers snap it right up.”

Fuck!
I had wanted to buy the blue painting of her and me. Why hadn’t I just made a reservation for it?
Because I never thought it would be sold within the first ten minutes of the show.

“G.” A voice broke through and made me look ahead at Melody, who was waving her hands at me. I made my way to my two sisters, my mom, and Steve, who all stood with wine glasses in the back of the room.

“Have you seen Cia?” I asked and they shook their heads.

“No, but Gareth is having his fortune read.” Melody snickered and nodded her head at the opposite corner, where Cia’s friend sat at a table with a sign saying “Psychic readings.”

I cringed a little, trying to remember the girl’s name. I had met her yesterday and she had seemed the sweetest girl, but this... this was a disappointment. Was this the kind of nutcase Cia associated with?

“Do you think she’s for real?” Melody asked me. “I mean you should have seen her car yesterday; she’s definitely a character.”

“Maybe she’s an actor with the clothes and that…” I waved my hand discreetly. “Everything she’s doing is all for entertainment.”

Steve gave me a grim look but didn’t comment on the freak show in the gallery. Artistic people are allowed some leeway, but Darren seemed to attract people as eccentric as himself. Like the guy in a kilt or the tiny old lady in too much make-up and a large fur coat. For god’s sake, it was June.

Now, to be fair, there were some normal-looking people too. Two men about my age stood and discussed one of Cia’s paintings, and then there was another man who was leaning in with narrowed eyes to study the painting of Cia as a child balancing the cotton candy.

“Hey, Black,” he called over his shoulder. “Is this supposed to be you?”

I almost choked on a sip of wine when Cia walked over to him and he placed his arm around her.

Cia was Black. I mean literally. She was dressed as the Goth girl I had picked up at the police station – even the fake piercings were back – and my eyes flew to her hair. I couldn’t see if she had colored her hair black again because she was wearing a black beanie that covered all of it. 

Every nerve in my body tensed up and I wanted to scream. I had done everything in my power to get her out of the black depressive place in her life and she chose to go back.
What the fuck?
To me, her outfit was a representation of her past. A statement that I had failed and she was rejecting me.

My mom was saying something, but I had tunnel vision and could only see Black as I stomped over and grabbed her elbow in a hard movement. “Cia,” I said roughly and made her turn to face me.

Her friend, whom I assumed to be the mysterious Daniel, stepped forward in a protective manner.

“What the hell is this?” I asked in something between a hiss and a whisper.

Her black eyeliner and purple lipstick offended me. I wanted to take her to the bathroom and make her wash it off, but unfortunately I was no longer in charge of her and if Cia wanted to be Black, there wasn’t a damn thing I could do about it.

“Hey, G,” she said with uncertainty but didn’t make excuses for her appearance.

“Are you for real?” I asked and felt like punching something. The four words expressed so many questions, but she never answered.

“What do you mean is she for real? Black was real before you came along and tried to change her into something she’s not. Love her or leave her,” Daniel said with an attitude that I didn’t appreciate.
Did he put her up to this?

The thirty or so people in the gallery all had their eyes turned to us, and both Darren and Violet came to stand beside Black.

Seeing her in her Goth clothes, surrounded by her friends, made it sink in how different we were. Cia was a creation of my imagination – the perfect girl I wanted her to be – but Black was someone else. Someone who was more comfortable with freaks like Darren and crazy people like Violet than she would ever be with my kind.

“I’m sorry,” I said and felt it deep in my core. I truly was sorry. Sorry that I had done this to her. Sorry that I had tried to mold her into something she clearly didn’t want to be. But most of all sorry that the woman I had wanted to marry and share my future with didn’t really exist. With a last glance into her moist eyes I walked out the door, and only then did I realize that I still had a glass of wine in my hand. Without even thinking I smashed it to the ground and growled in agony. 

⦓∞
⦔

Cia

“I can’t believe you sold all your paintings,” Daniel said and put his legs up on a chair. I was still in awe of the eight thousand dollars in my hands.

Only Violet, Daniel, and I were left when Darren closed the door and locked it before he came to join us in the back of the room.

“Is it normal for people to pay cash?” Violet asked Darren.

He shrugged. “Sometimes… but not usually. I don’t care as long as they pay.”

“Here,” Violet handed him a glass of wine.

“You know how some people say that size doesn’t matter?” Darren asked Violet.

“Size?” she repeated with a flustered expression on her face.

“Yeah, it’s not true. Size does matter.”

I looked over, confused over how the conversation had taken such a turn.

Darren arched a brow. “I’m telling you, size matters a great deal. No one wants a small glass of wine. Fill it up.”

With a slight headshake and a smile, Violet filled his glass completely.

“Thank you, my dear,” he said. “I will say that except for the matrimonial drama, I thought it was a perfect night.” Darren crossed his legs and leaned back his head, taking a big swig of his red wine.

Violet turned to me. “How are you feeling?”

I had been two inches from crying all night, but had managed to put on a brave face the entire time.

“I always knew this would happen…” I said in a low voice and crossed my arms protectively. “He never loved the real me.”  

Darren made a dramatic sigh. “You know, darling, it has taken me a long time to become this fabulous, and I had a few stops in Normalville trying to fit in before I found my tribe in Come-as-You-are-Ville. You really should see it as a blessing. It’s better to see him for what he is than to waste your time and maybe have children before you find out down the road.”

“That’s right,” Daniel agreed. “And just for the record, we all like you no matter how you dress.”

Darren took another sip. “Since I’m the oldest in this group and most likely the smartest”  – he grinned – “I’ll give you a piece of world-class advice.”

“I don’t know if you’re the smartest, but you’re definitely the most conceited,” Violet said with a chuckle, but Darren just put his hand to her mouth and shushed her.

“No, honestly, this is supreme-quality advice and you are all extremely fortunate that I’m willing to share it with you.

“All right.” I furrowed my forehead in concentration. “Then let’s hear it.”

Darren leaned forward, and a scent of his strong perfume hit my senses.

Like a true showman, he made sure he had our full attention before he spoke in a solemn tone of voice. “You should only fall in love with a person who enjoys your madness. Not an idiot who forces you to be normal.”

There was a moment of absolute silence.

“That’s it!” Darren said and leaned back again.

I replayed his words in my mind.
You should only fall in love with a person who enjoys your madness. Not an idiot who forces you to be normal.

“Gabriel isn’t an idiot,” I said in a sharp tone.

“Maybe not, but he’s a fool if he thinks he can change you.”

“He did change me… well, maybe not him alone, but Bruce and Gabriel did change me.”

Violet tilted her head and there was a small smile in the upper corner of her lips. “Change you how?”

“I grew stronger… more confident… and I didn’t need…” I trailed off and looked down at all the black clothes.

“That’s right, you don’t need him,” Daniel said. “You got us.”

Without thinking I reached my hand up to pull the black beanie off my head and let down my blond hair.

But Darren wasn’t going to dwell anymore on my major life crisis and the revelations that were going through my head. He was already moving on to the next subject.

“By the way, Miss Violet, who was the man in the charcoal gray shirt that you kept looking at all night?” Darren asked. “Don’t think I don’t see what goes on in my shop.”

Violet played with her long hair, which was hanging loose tonight. “Oh, that’s just Jake. He was here with my older brother Christian.”

“You like him!” Darren said. Not as a question but a statement.

Her smile was enough to confirm Darren’s observation. “I’ve had a crush on Jake since fifth grade, but he doesn’t see me that way.” There was a chipper smile on her face that didn’t hide the sadness below. “Jake is three years older than me and he always just saw me as Christian’s annoying younger sister.”

“But a three-year age difference means nothing when you’re both in your twenties,” I objected.

“No, I guess not, but back when we were kids it did, and maybe that’s why I’m still invisible to him.”

“Are you sure he isn’t just shy or something?” I asked.

She laughed. “Yes, I’m sure. Jake tolerates me because I’m Christian’s sister, but he thinks I’m a candidate for an asylum, I think.”

“You don’t know that.”

“No, strangely enough I can’t read him very well. He’s not a very emotional guy, and while I pick up all sorts of things from other people, Jake has always been a bit of a mystery to me. But” – she threw her hands in the air – “it doesn’t take supernatural abilities to figure out that when someone avoids being alone with you or never asks you any questions, it’s not a sign of affection.”

“He’s a jerk,” Daniel said. “I would be ecstatic if you would be my girl. I don’t care how crazy you are, you are kind, intelligent, and beautiful.”

“Oh my, aren’t we a little support group tonight,” Darren said dryly. “It’s time for you to move on, Cherry Pie, it’s obviously not meant to be.”

“I know,” replied Violet. “I just always hoped that someday he would look up and see me, but it’s like I’m air to him.”

“What does he do?” I asked.

Violet brushed some nonexistent crumbs off her dress with a sad smile on her face. “Jake is a scientist and very rigid about everything having to be based on evidence. You could say that he’s my complete opposite since I’m all about intuition and spiritual energy.”

“Sometimes opposites attract,” I said to make her feel better.

“True, and sometimes opposites clash, but in our case I just seem to be tidally locked to him, like the moon rotating around the earth, but never getting closer.

She reached out and squeezed my hand. “Thank you for trying to cheer me up, though.”

“Enough of your soppy love stories,” Darren said and sat down his glass. “Too bad it’s only Tuesday or we could go and get hammered at some bar and get you two ladies laid.” He put his hands behind his head and leaned back with his elbows pointing out. “I have the equipment to do it of course, but I’m afraid I would have to be extremely drunk to find you attractive enough to offer my services, since I’m more into…” He eyes trailed to Daniel. “Well, handsome men obviously.”