Bloom (11 page)

We laughed as we stood in front if each other. He waddled to the back door in his brother’s snow suit. His brother is two sizes taller and broader, so it was quite hilarious. I followed behind in Sophia’s snow gear. Thankfully we were similar in size.

“What are we doing exactly?” I stepped into the cold winter night, thankful I had many layers to keep warm.

He helped me down the steps of the deck and grabbed an enormous plastic tube thing from a small shed. Looked better suited for white water rafting, if you ask me.

“This way,” he said, tromping through almost two feet of snow.

I covered my face with my scarf so only my eyes were showing. “I’m gonna pay for this later.”

“I never charge for fun.” He gave me his hand. “Hold my hand and pull yourself up the hill with my help. It’ll be easier.”

We finally made it to the top of the hill. Finally. I didn’t die.

“Whoa.” I looked down the opposite side of the hill. “Um. We’re going down the side we just walked up, right?”

He shook his head and pointed down an extremely steep hill. Two shakes from a cliff.

“But there’s trees at the bottom,” I said through my scarf.

“Do you trust me?” He slapped the raft thing against the snow and put his foot on it. “Come on. You’ve been saying you want to feel like a kid again. Most adults stay inside when it snows and make their kids shovel the sidewalks. So, let’s be kids.”

“What if—”

“None of that.” He tapped the raft. “Sit.”

“Well, I almost died once. What the heck.”

He laughed, his breath swirling amidst snow flakes. I sat down and held the handles next to me, worrying my grip wouldn’t be tight enough. He sat across from me and smiled like a mischievous four-year-old up to no good. I attempted to smile back.

He counted to three and pushed off the snow with his hand. We whirled into circles so fast I didn’t have time to crawl back to safety. The world spun behind him as I held on for dear life. Then something happened.

My worry shifted to excitement and my adrenaline kicked in. Midway down the hill Vasili screamed, “Wahoo,” and waved his hands in the air like a toddler would. I laughed so hard I forgot we were now twenty feet from a row of trees. I shrieked as he pulled the handles like a race horse and leaned back. We slid to a stop only a few feet from a tree trunk. Out of breath, he fell back into the snow and laughed.

I looked around. At him. At the snowflakes. At the wispy hills and snow-capped trees. He was right. I felt like a kid again. And I liked it.

“Let’s do it again,” I yelled.

He popped up. “Really?”

I smiled. “Yes.”

“I’ve never seen you smile so big.”

I touched my mouth and felt my scarf instead. “How can you tell?”

“Your eyes.”

“After the accident my mom stayed by my side almost the entire time. She said she could tell when I needed more pain medication or rest or food or just about anything by the look in my eyes.”

“Your eyes are deep. I’ve noticed that from the start.”

“You’re the only person besides her to say that.” I looked down. “What about Natalie?”

“Follow me.” He pointed toward a path that seemed to go around the hill. We began walking and he continued, “She’s different. You’re reflective. She’s too busy looking out to look in.”

“How’d you guys meet?”

“Freshman year of high school. I sat next to her in Algebra and swore I’d marry her.”

“Wow. You’ve been together almost twenty years?”

“No. We were friends at first, then dated a little our senior year. She went to California for college and I stayed here for school.” He drew in a breath, then another. “She came back and we ran into each other at the grocery store. We were both getting bananas. She calls it love at second sight.”

“What do you love about her?”

“She has a good heart. I know my family doesn’t agree and after what she’s said to you, maybe you don’t either. She is book smart. Her grades in school were incredible and she had a scholarship to every school she applied for. She’s just not the smartest socially. She says things at the wrong time and it makes her seem a little out there, but I always loved that about her. Even if people hate her, she’s not afraid to be herself.” We finally reached the top of the hill. “I could give you a million reasons I love her. The better question to ask is ... what does she love about me?”

“Well ... what?”

He shrugged. “Beats me.”

“Oh, come on.”

“Ask her sometime.” He helped me on to the raft. “And fill me in.”

“You seem to really love her. I hope someday I find someone like you.” Did I really just say that? “I mean, who loves me like that. I’m content now. After everything with James I’m content to be single for life, I think.”

He sat across from me. “What happened with that?”

“With James?”

He nodded.

“I’ll explain over some hot tea when we go inside.” I leaned forward and squeezed the handles. “I’m ready.”

He grinned and shoved us into a spinning adventure. Amazing how similar it felt to a roller coaster ride. I couldn’t get enough. When we got to the bottom I begged to go again.

“I don’t know,” he said. “You sure? The snow is picking up.”

“Maybe I am getting a tad ahead of myself.” I pulled the scarf from my mouth and inhaled. “This just feels so good.”

We admired the real life snow globe for a few more minutes, then forced our legs to carry us back.

We changed and warmed up inside. Eleni and Kyriakos were gone. Yanni and Sophia were sleeping in Anastasia’s room. I put on a kettle of water and Vasili set two mugs on the counter, then backed away.

“I still get uncomfortable with hot water around,” he said.

“Yeah. I still flinch when people light a fireplace.” I shuddered. “I don’t think I’ll ever be able to go camping again.”

“I don’t blame you.” He leaned against the counter as I poured the water over the tea bags. “So, what happened with James? Is he still bothering you?”

“He’s never bothered me.” I opened the refrigerator. “Do you like milk in your tea?”

“Never tried it.”

“Are you serious?”

“Is it that good?”

I grabbed the sugar canister. “What about sugar?”

“Yes to that.” He smiled. “I thought you didn’t eat sugar?”

“I concede for a good cup of delightful tea.” I realized I was standing on my toes and pursing my lips.

“Are you advertising for tea now?”

“Are you buying?”

He laughed as I stirred the milk and sugar into both cups.

“Don’t you love that sound?” I said, stirring once more. “Nothing like the clang of a spoon against a tea cup.”

He laughed again. “You’re quite the tea lady.”

“I like that.” I brought the steamy mug to my lips and inhaled the sweet aroma. “The tea lady.”

I handed him his cup and we made our way to the couches. The soft glow from the Christmas tree lights blanketed the room with an amber hue. No other lights were on. I had never spent a Christmas Eve without my family, but at Sophia’s I felt at home. These people really became family to me. I still missed my own, but Anastasia was worth being away for Christmas and my family agreed.

“I should get going soon,” I said, realizing it was after midnight.

“After tea I’ll drive you home. Weather looks pretty bad.” He sipped his tea and raised his eyebrows. “Wow. That’s the best tea I’ve ever had.”

“Oh, stop.” I waved his words away. “Don’t make fun.”

“I’m serious.” He started gulping.

“Whoa, whoa. Tea is to be savored, not gulped.”

He looked up, grinning from behind his mug. “So, will you get back with James?”

“Absolutely not.”

“Why?”

“I’m not ready for that right now. Not with him. Not with anyone. Probably never.”

“Never what?”

I cupped my hands around the warm mug and reclined on the love seat so that I was facing Vasili. He did the same on the couch.

“Never ... you know.” Why did I suddenly feel shy with him?

“Never be in a relationship?”

I nodded without meeting his eyes.

“That’s ridiculous. A girl like you—” He stopped himself. “There’s no reason for you to rule out marriage.”

“There are a lot of reasons, if you ask me.”

“Like what?”

“Have you looked at me?”

“All the time.”

I tried to ignore that. He meant nothing by it. He couldn’t. He loved Natalie. The beautiful girl with a ring the size of my head on her finger.

“Well,” I said. “Then you know I’m not exactly pretty.”

“Would you quit doing that?” A subtle agitation rose in his voice.

“Doing what?”

“Thinking so negatively of yourself.”

“I’m not. It is what it is. The mirror tells me so.”

“Have you ever thought for once that when you look in the mirror you are hyper aware of your flaws? When the rest of us may see something different. Like a teenager with a pimple. She doesn’t focus on her beautiful eyes and cute lips, she zeros in on the one tiny flaw and goes nuts over it.” He put his hands behind his head and looked at the ceiling. “You need to stop obsessing over your scars. It’s only a quarter of your face and I can’t tell you the last time I noticed.”

“It’s not just that.” My pulse quickened. “My chest. It’s gone. Every bit.”

He sat up and looked me right in the eyes. “And?”

“And ... I’m not ... It just wouldn’t be kind of me to subject some poor man to a breastless wife with most of her body scarred.”

“Kind of you?”

I tried not to cry, but I couldn’t stop the single tear that escaped my walls. Neither of us said a word for minutes. Our empty tea cups cooled as we stared at the Christmas tree.

“I got you something,” I said. “It’s in my bag. There beside you.”

He reached to the ground and pulled the silver-wrapped rectangle from my bag. I motioned for him to go on. After peeling all of the paper off, he surveyed the picture with serious eyes.

“Do you like it?” My words seemed to snap him out of a trance.

“I do. How did you know?”

“It’s part of a series. The one in your living room is the first of three. The entire series is called ‘Out of Adversity.’” I hoped he didn’t realize it was me who photographed them. “That’s the second of the three.”

“How did you find it? It wasn’t signed. I couldn’t figure out who the photographer was.”

“I’m a photographer, remember? I have my connections.”

“Thank you.” He held eye contact again. “Seriously, Sarah. Thank you.”

I woke up to Vasili
staring at the photograph I gave
him. He looked tired, but not as tired as me.

“I fell asleep.” I rolled to my side. “What time is it?”

“Three.” He yawned. “Just sleep. It’s too late and roads are bad. Do you have meds for tomorrow?”

I nodded. “Yes. Thanks to Ella the Organization Queen, I come prepared.”

“Good. Sleep then.”

Sophia woke me up
, shaking my shoulder and screaming. She coughed into her shirt. I couldn’t move. Someone tied me to the couch. Panicking, I tugged at the ropes and wailed. The Christmas tree, on fire, engulfed the living room into flames. I couldn’t see Vasili. Or anyone. Only Sophia as she ran out the front door and left me tied to the couch.

“It’s just a dream.
Wake up, Sarah.” Vasili’s voice.

I opened my eyes to a bright living room. Rays of sun catching everything in sight.

“What was it?” He was holding my hand and kneeling on the floor beside me. “You were flipping out.”

“Did I wake anyone?”

“No. You didn’t make sounds. Just started shaking your head like crazy.”

“When will the nightmares end? They’re terrible. So real.” He helped me sit up.

Sophia entered the living room and jumped. “Oh. You guys scared me. What are you doing here so early?”

“We slept on the couches.” Vasili stood and rubbed his eyes. “How is she?”

“I was just coming out to call you.” Her hands were shaking. “Her breathing is labored. I called Laura and a few others. They think she has a few hours to a couple of days left.”

“She made it to Christmas,” Vasili said.

“And some Christmas it is.” Sophia leaned into the back of the couch, hanging her head so her face was masked by her hair.

“She wouldn’t want you to think like that, Sophia. Try to be strong. She’s okay. She’s not scared.”

Sophia whipped her head back and breathed hard and fast, then paced behind the couch.

“Calm down. Please. For her.” Vasili tried to reach toward her, but pulled back.

“This is my daughter.” She paced in another tight circle. “My baby. Do you have any idea what it’s like to hold my little girl knowing that in just a few days some guys are going to come and force me to put her dead body on a stretcher? Do you have any idea what that’s like?” Hyperventilating, she tapped her chest as though her heart needed help beating, then fell to the floor.

Vasili and I knelt beside her. No words. Just our hands on her back as she wet the floor with her heartbreak and occasionally murmured, “My baby. No. Why my baby?”

I wanted to take it away. I wanted to sweep up the broken pieces of her heart and make them whole again. But I couldn’t. Her baby would soon be gone. And the hole in her chest would never be fixed.

Could never be.

I rubbed her back, praying that somehow, together, we’d all have the strength to deal with the colossal wounds in our chests.