Bonds of Desire (11 page)

Seth met his anger with a patient smirk. He held up the tube of medication. “That’s all. Nothing more.”

Really? Tyler’s internal war was deadlocked. Did he believe him?
That’s all they’ll ever want from a slut like you
,
boy.
But he didn’t want to believe the voice of his father. Eventually, the fight eased out of him. Victory, Seth.

“Sorry.” He buried his face back in the pillow and blinked back the relief that stung his eyes. He forcibly relaxed his muscles to allow Seth access.

The physical pain that was still digging like a corkscrew into his nuts was layered below the knowledge that Seth—the man who already made him feel vulnerable and exposed—was touching him in the one place that brought him the most shame. And he was doing it to give, not to take.

“It’s okay, Tyler.” Seth stroked a hand up the inside of Tyler’s leg then gave it a nudge. “Spread a little farther.”

Tyler complied, too exhausted to resist. Seth’s touch was gentle, circling the opening and pushing in just a bit to apply the ointment. He bit his lip and forced himself to hold still, despite the reflex to squirm and pull away. He was used to every part of his body being used. But this, this he couldn’t process.

It was completely nonsexual, yet his dick was still responding like it was all about sex. No one had ever been gentle or careful down there with him. His receiving position was usually setup for fast-pitches and slam-dunks. Not slow warm-ups and lazy teases.

Shit.
Fuck.
Damn it to complete fucking hell.

“Hey,” Seth said next to Tyler’s ear. “I won’t harm you. Ever. Remember?”

Tyler shook his head, the pillow fabric chafing his forehead. “I don’t get it. I can’t—”

“You can,” Seth cut him off, overriding Tyler’s protest with solid assurance. “Look at me.”

That simple command was quickly becoming the hardest to obey. Tyler sucked in a breath then slowly turned his head toward the Dom. It took all of his will to keep his eyes open.

Seth brushed Tyler’s bangs off his forehead, only to have them fall back down. He smiled and trailed his fingers down Tyler’s jaw, pausing to swipe away the wetness from his cheek.

Shit.
Where’d that come from?

Seth eased down until he was lying on the bed facing Tyler. His breath dusted over Tyler’s face with each exhale, a faint hint of mint tickling his nose. They’d been here before. Same position, completely different intent. Or maybe not.

“What can’t you handle?”

“This,” Tyler answered too quickly. He licked his lips, pushed past the fear to finish. “The closeness. I don’t...I’m not...” he stumbled. Damn. He wasn’t eighteen. Not with this man. “I’m not good at accepting kindness.” He held Seth’s gaze, refusing to turn away as the silence lengthened.

Finally Seth smile, the humor flashing in his eyes. “I never would’ve guessed that.”

“Fuck you,” Tyler mumbled, but he couldn’t hold back his own grin.

“Maybe someday,” Seth said softly before quickly asking, “Can you lie on your side?”

Tyler frowned, trying to sort out what he thought he’d heard. Seth’s nudge on his shoulder reminded him that he was supposed to move. A moment later, he was on his side, one arm tucked under the pillow supporting his head. The pain down his back had been numbed by the ointment and the lull that Seth seemed to put him under.

Seth ran his palm over Tyler’s chest, appreciation showing on his face as he circled a nipple before transferring to the other one. His palm was smooth, the hand of a businessman more than a Dom. The pinch was light, a tweak on Tyler’s hard nub that wasn’t even close to painful. It sent sparks of interest to Tyler’s dick and left him beyond confused.

“When was the last time someone did something nice for you?”

Tyler didn’t want to answer Seth’s question. So he hedged. “You. Allie.”

“Before that.”

Seth’s intent expression warned Tyler that the Dom wouldn’t let him hide. Now he had to think on the question. Only one answer came to mind. “Carter. He got me off the street corner and in with the agency.”

Seth frowned, the wrinkle between his brows boring deep. “That was a nice thing?”

“You’d understand if you saw the corner.”

Tyler stared at the Vee’d opening of Seth’s polo, the buttons parted to reveal the tanned skin beneath. He followed the rounded edge of Seth’s collarbone to where it disappeared behind the dark green cotton. The intense urge to seek out more, to see where it ended, surprised him. With a slowness that would allow Seth to object, Tyler reached out and edged his fingers under the cotton. He pulled the material back to expose the bone, his stomach doing a flip with the movement.

A riot of laughter filtered up from far below, muted and distorted as it echoed up the alley. It was a distant reminder that The Den was open for business right below them.

But Seth was here, with him.

“Shouldn’t you be at the club?” He ran a finger down the smooth ridge, distracted by the detail of the bone.

“I’m where I want to be.”

Tyler stilled. The impact of the statement left a queasiness in his stomach that was at odds with the aching hardness of his erection. He cut a hesitant glance at Seth, only to look away from the truth reveled there. It was too...much.

He couldn’t think about it.

So he leaned forward, the distance only inches but felt like miles. He pressed a kiss to the bone and was dazed by the silkiness. Seth’s skin was warm under his lips, soft and inviting. Eyes closed, he inhaled the spicy soap scent that now held a touch of the onion and garlic from their dinner. The pungent aroma was woven into the cotton and only enhanced the overall reality of the moment.

He flicked his tongue out to swirl tiny circles up the length of the bone. Seth’s skin tasted better than the meal they’d just finished. A low groan rumbled through Seth’s chest and into Tyler’s ear. Fucking fantastic.

A firm touch to his shoulder had Tyler easing back reluctantly. His attitude changed completely when Seth swept his tongue into Tyler’s mouth to play with his. Tyler met the kiss and returned it with everything he couldn’t say.
Yes.
I
want more.
Here, now, he let the worries go. He felt greedy, but he couldn’t get enough. He pushed closer and thrust his tongue out to play with Seth’s, the meeting strong and consuming. The light bristle of Seth’s beard scraped his cheeks, the maleness of it familiar yet different.

Seth pulled away to leave a wet path of kisses and nips down Tyler’s neck, each one like a brand on his skin. Tyler lifted his chin, inviting the Dom in. He threaded his fingers through Seth’s hair, needing to know if the strands were as soft as they’d appeared. They were. He struggled with the urge to fist the hair tight and hold Seth to him as the Dom took Tyler’s nipple in a hard, gripping bite.

“Fuck,” Tyler whispered.

The small chuckle that came from Seth teased over Tyler’s chest and rippled down to his hard cock. He was completely naked, Seth fully clothed. He was used to the imbalance and had long ago lost any insecurity about his body. But he wanted to see all of Seth. Feel the man’s skin against his.

He couldn’t remember if he’d
ever
wanted that.

His mind spun with the realization and he tugged on Seth’s shirt. But the Dom shook his head and moved Tyler’s hand back to rest on his own thigh. Tyler cursed silently and clenched his fist to keep from reaching out.

“Why?” he asked, his voice full of the grit and need that was stuck in his throat.

Seth looked up. His eyes had darkened to a rich coffee backlit with gold. He planted a hard, firm kiss on Tyler’s lips before murmuring, “Let me. Just...” He searched Tyler’s eyes. “Let me.”

Tyler swallowed, too stunned to responded. Seth seemed to take his silence as an answer. He smiled then eased down, light kisses marking his descent down Tyler’s chest, over his abdomen before he swirled a wet circle around Tyler’s navel.

Oh
,
hell.
No way.
Tyler squeezed his eyes close, his abs contracting with the fight it took to keep his thoughts silent. There was a rustle, a tear then the compression of a condom being rolled down his dick. One long, hot, wet pass of Seth’s tongue from the base of his dick to the tip was all it took to make the contained words fly. They sailed into the air, punctuating the moment with a crudeness that wasn’t warranted. “Holy fuck. Shit. Damn it.”

Tyler forced himself to look down, the visual confirmation as damning as the glide of Seth’s mouth down his shaft. The heat, the pressure, the wet surrounding him was more than amazing. Seth sucked hard and withdrew, the slow, upward draw seeming to squeeze the precome from him. Tyler gasped and almost choked on his own spit.

It was too much, not enough, everything. “Why?”

Seth moaned, the vibration shooting down Tyler’s dick to his balls. He pulled off and met Tyler’s gaze. “Because I want to.”

Tyler almost lost it right then, just like the inexperienced teen that most of his partners fantasized about. Seth grinned, pumped two quick strokes with his fist around Tyler’s cock then took him back in his mouth.

Tyler dug his nails into his thigh to keep his hand there. At some point he’d bent his top leg to brace it on the bed. He wanted to thrust into the Seth’s mouth and feel what countless other men had done to him, but he’d so rarely experienced himself. He was an expert at giving blowjobs. Receiving them, not so much.

Not like this.

Seth took him all the way in, his throat hugging the tip of Tyler’s cock in a firm clamp that rippled down as he swallowed.
Holy shit.
Shit
. He didn’t want to lose it. Didn’t want this to end. Ever.

The sudden tug on his balls almost pushed him over the ledge he was sweating to resist. Seth rolled the sacks between his fingers, fisted Tyler with his other hand and looked up. “Give it to me, Tyler.” The words were deep, demanding and teetering on the edge of dangerous. “Let go.”

Tyler thrust forward, the force of the orgasm ripping though him. His back arched, toes curled tight and every muscle contracted with the burst of sparks that flared behind his closed eyelids. The pain seared through his ass and up his back to dance with the pleasure. Seth stroked him through, his come spurting into the condom.

It seemed like forever before he could gasp a breath. His entire body was listless after the intensity of the orgasm. Vaguely he felt Seth removing the condom. The mattress tilted as he left then again when he returned.

The movement roused Tyler into opening his eyes. Seth smiled at him as he lay down. He’d undressed somewhere along the way, coming to bed in cotton sleep pants and nothing else. Tyler could only stare at his lean, muscled chest. He took it all in, from the firm pecs down to the defined abs. Not bulging or chiseled, but solid and very hot.

Tyler didn’t move, hadn’t moved since his release. He still gripped his leg, the fingernail marks now firmly dented into his skin. He glanced down Seth’s length, noting the clear outline of the man’s erection through the thin pants.

He swallowed, wet his lips and moved.

He reached out his hand, prepared to return the favor, to give back what was expected. That fast, his wrist was seized, the grip hard and unyielding. His gaze jerked up to Seth’s, his breath caught in his lungs. “What?”

Seth tugged on his arm, and Tyler rolled forward. The Dom shifted around until Tyler found himself pressed down the side of the man, the light sheet somehow covering them. His cheek rested on Seth’s chest and his body half-covered the other man.

“That was for you,” Seth said. “Not a trade.”

“But—” Tyler paused, the emotions making his throat sore. “You’re the Dom.”

“So?”

This was so right and so wrong, and he was beyond trying to get it. Seth held him, one hand slowing stroking his hair, the other tracing random patterns on his arm. Tyler wrapped his leg between Seth’s and held on.

His back was starting to sting now that the endorphins were fading, but that couldn’t take away from the moment. The solid
thump
of Seth’s heart drummed in his ear, verifying with each beat that this was in fact happening.

He let his eyes close and tried to log every second of the experience so he could relive it later. The smooth expanse of Seth’s abs beneath his hand, the light brush of Seth’s breath at his temple, the press of Seth’s cock against his thigh. Anything to enhance the memory of the one time a man sucked him off for no other reason than to give Tyler pleasure.

How unbelievable was that?

Even more so—that he wanted to hold Tyler after. That was the part he couldn’t really understand, so he didn’t try. For once, he simply took and enjoyed.

Chapter Thirteen

The cold drizzle of the early evening sunk into every chilled bone in Allie. She hugged her arms around her in a lame attempt to hold in some heat through the thin sweater. This was stupid. She’d been standing in front of the plain white door with the overcheery welcome sign for so long now the neighbors would probably call the cops soon.

She shifted her feet, shaking each leg as if that would motivate her to follow through. The pitter-patter of the rain dinged off the eaves overhead and nailed the sidewalk with a persistence that came with a summer shower. The damp, wet scent that always reminded her of worms crowded the small porch area and smothered whatever smell the pot of flowers in the corner might have given off.

She should’ve put on a heavier coat. But then, she hadn’t anticipated standing in the rain for...well, however long she’d been there. There was a light on inside. The warm glow shone down the hallway and through the thin window beside the door. They were probably eating dinner.

Why did she think they’d want to talk to her about this anyway? Just because Evan and Richard were the only openly gay couple she knew didn’t mean they would be willing to discuss men being...together.

This was a bad idea.

She spun around, one foot already on the step before she realized a car had pulled into the short driveway behind her. Dang electric cars. Cars were supposed to make noise, not sneak up on people.

Richard stepped out of the car, a warm smile on his face. “Hey, Allie,” he called through the rain before ducking his head and sprinting to the porch. He shook his head and laughed when she leaned away from the spray of wet drops that skittered over her face. “Sorry about that.”

“It’s all right.” She smiled as she wiped the water from her cheeks.

“What are you doing out here?” He shifted his bag to his other hand and stepped around her to reach the door. “Isn’t Evan home?”

“Oh.” She stumbled for an excuse. “I just walked up when you pulled in.”

“Really?” He gave her a skeptical glance before focusing on unlocking the door. “Because it looked to me like you were getting ready to leave.”

She shoved her hands in her jean pockets and shrugged. The socially awkward thing was getting annoying. This fumbling, stuttered person hadn’t existed since she’d wiped away her tears as a kid and followed her older brother outside to take down the bullying neighbor boys who’d been teasing her.

“Allie?” Her gaze jerked back to meet Richard’s. He tipped his head toward the open door. “Do you want to come in? It smells like Evan’s got some coffee on.”

The smile that filled her face was completely natural. “Yeah. Thanks.”

He stepped inside and held the door open for her. Warmth surrounded her the second she entered. It wasn’t just the heat of the indoors, but the environment itself. Everything about the condo said home, from the welcoming scent of coffee and dinner to the rich golden walls and comfortable furnishings dotted with the small details of their lives together.

It was a long ways from her professionally designed and blatantly sterile place. Her office at the law firm had more personal details than her condo. And maybe it should, since she spent most of her time there.

“Hey, babe.” Evan came around the corner, the happiness reaching his voice and his eyes. He paused, his brow furrowing when he saw her. “Hey, Allie. Did you knock?”

“I found her on the porch when I pulled up,” Richard answered for her. He slipped off his shoes and gave her a gentle smile. “Come on back.”

“I just brewed a pot of French Roast.” Evan waited for Richard to greet his partner with a quick kiss. He peered past Richard and waved Allie in. “I’ll get out another cup.”

Allie followed Richard’s example and removed her shoes before trailing after him to the kitchen. She rounded the corner to find the two men in a close embrace. It wasn’t heated or obscene, just a welcoming hug and kiss after a day apart. She held back for a second, taken by the scene.

Richard and Evan were both nice-looking. Richard was taller and broader than his partner, with brown hair neatly trimmed in a standard business cut. He was down-to-earth, friendly and the more conservative of the two.

Evan was the more flamboyant one. His blond hair and lithe form matched the stereotypical persona that most people expected of his profession. They were both out, proud and probably some of the nicest people in their condo building.

And watching them kiss did absolutely nothing for her. It was a bit like seeing one of her brothers kiss his wife.

The men broke apart, and Richard turned around, the stress of the work day now absent from his face. “I’m going to run upstairs and change.”

Evan grabbed another mug from the cupboard and brought three of them over. “Have a seat.” He pointed to a stool on the other side of the peninsula bar. “Cream or sugar?”

“Black is fine,” she answered over the scraping of the stool across the tile as she pulled it out. The coffee smelled strong and heavenly. She was taking her first sip when Richard bounded back down the stairs.

“God, that smells good.” He grabbed a mug and took a long swallow before sighing. “Has it been raining all day?”

“Almost nonstop,” Evan said. “I had to postpone the venue walk-through at the park. The bride was not happy.” He laughed and rolled his eyes. “But then, that’s nothing new.”

“I’m sure you calmed her down, just like you always do.”

“Of course I did, darling.” Evan gave his partner a wink. “Why else would you hire a gay party planner?”

Allie had to gulp down her mouthful of coffee before she snorted it out her nose. The laugh, when it came, felt wonderful. “That was so unfair to say when I had coffee in mouth.”

“What?” He lifted his brows, the expression of innocence not quite reaching his green eyes. “It’s the truth, right?”

She shook her head. “I wouldn’t know. Wedding planning isn’t on my radar.”

“That’s because you work too much.” Evan turned around to look at the clock. “Speaking of which, what are you doing home so early?”

“What do you mean?” How in the heck did he know when she got home from work?

“Oh, come on. You never make our patio parties until nine at the earliest. Six-thirty is positively early for you on a Monday.” Evan leaned back against the sink and took a sip of his coffee.

He was right. Frequently during the summer, the people from their building unit gathered in the enclosed center courtyard to unwind. It was something she’d finally forced herself to start attending last summer. One of her efforts to get a life outside of her office.

She ducked her head, a sprung curl bouncing along her cheek. They never stayed contained in the clips, no matter what she did. “I took the week off.” The silence that followed was long and strange enough to make her look up. “What?”

Richard leaned on the counter, the worn, brown sweatshirt giving him a relaxed appearance that reminded her of her oldest brother. “Allie, how long have you lived here?”

She had to think on that for a second. “Five, six years?” Something like that.

“And in all that time, have you ever taken an entire week off?”

“No.”

“So what gives?” Evan asked.

Her stomach cramped and knotted, making her wish she’d forgone the coffee. Now that the opportunity to talk was here, she didn’t know if she could get the words out. The nervous bounce of her foot was yet another thing that wasn’t in her character. She never showed the opposing council even a hint of nerves. That was law school basics.

This was stupid. Straightening her spine, she cupped her mug and found the determination she’d rode through most of her life. “Can I ask you guys some questions?” She didn’t miss the quick glance the men shot each other.

Evan nodded and walked over to stand next to Richard. “What can we help you with?”

Where did she start? Allie contemplated them. Evan leaned into Richard in the subtle way couples do, almost like he didn’t even realize he did it. “I don’t want to offend you, but I was hoping I could talk to you about being gay.”

Evan’s eyebrows almost jumped off his head. “Are you...?”

“Am I?” She frowned then quickly caught up. “Oh. No! Sorry. Not me.”

He rolled his eyes, the exaggeration not missed. “Let me guess, a friend, right?”

“No. Really,” she rushed to explain. “It’s about me, but I’m not the one who’s gay.” Oh God, she’d mangled this already and she hadn’t even asked a question.

“Evan, let her talk,” Richard interjected before the other man could say anything more. “Ignore him, Allie. He’s a bit oversensitive about people in the closet.”

“I am not.”

Richard only looked at him, letting the quick, defensive comeback stand for itself.

Evan huffed, the air puffing his bangs up in a short flutter. “Fine. Sorry, Allie.” He gave her an apologetic smile. “I’ll shut up now.” He waved her on. “So, tell us who’s gay.”

“Well...” She blew out a breath, the words stalling after that engraved invitation to talk. “It’s not really about who is gay. My questions are more about being gay.”

“Okay.” Richard slung his arm around Evan’s shoulders. “I think we’re pretty qualified to answer those.”

“Maybe not these,” she mumbled then winced at the memory of the two men she’d run from. She’d spent the last two days trying
not
to think of them, little good that it did. With nothing to occupy her but her empty condo, her mind had run a replay loop of the kitchen and bedroom incidents until she’d literally taken a cold shower to douse her arousal. Not that it’d helped. She couldn’t even lose herself in the never-ending stack of legal documents she’d brought home, and that always worked. But not this time.

Evan leaned forward to rest his forearms on the counter. “Hey. Just talk to us. We’re the last people who’ll judge you.” He jerked his chin to the side, his bangs flipping away from his eyes, only to settle right back where they’d started.

She studied him, taking in the sincerity she’d come searching for. She had to trust he was telling the truth or walk out their door and away from all of the crazy, insane desires and thoughts that made her want something she shouldn’t have. And she hadn’t been able to do that with any amount of success in the last two days.

“Can two men like each other—I mean,
intimate
like—and still want a woman too?” She moaned, folded her arms on the counter and dropped her head to hide in the soft sleeves of her sweater.

The oven timer went off with an interjecting
beeeeeep
that came across like a referee signaling pass interference. Or an opportunity to flee.

She bolted up, the stool skittering back and almost toppling in her haste to get away. “I’m sorry. I’m interrupting your dinner. I’ll go.”

“Don’t be ridiculous.” Evan lunged around the counter to halt her flight. “Dinner will hold, or you can join us. But you’re not leaving until we help you.” He stepped in front of her, and she only had to lift her gaze a few inches to see the concern in his bright green eyes. He didn’t even hesitate before she was engulfed in a warm hug. “Stop running and talk to us, Allie. Whatever’s tearing you up needs to get out.”

She didn’t want him to be right. But the gnawing pit that had set up camp deep in her belly told her he was. Mustering the last of her dignity, she stepped away from his offered comfort and the sugary-sweet scent that told her he’d probably spent part of his day in a bakery tasting wedding cakes.

“I’m making a mess of this, huh?” She plastered on a wry smile and worked to tuck the escaped curl back into the bundle of hair forced into the clip at her nape.

Richard turned back from the stove, where he’d silenced the timer with a series of more beeps and clicks. His smile was warm and filled with the same understanding that was mimicked on Evan’s. “Which shows how much this is upsetting you. You’re not one to stumble over your words.”

Not usually. Now she couldn’t even manage to think without tripping down the rabbit hole of fear and insecurities. She perched on the bar stool, wrapped her around her waist and tried to slow her ramped pulse.

“To answer your question, yes, men can like both men and women. That’s what bi is all about.”

She studied Richard unable to decide if he was being snarky or serious. “Do you guys want to be intimate with women?”

The instant shudder that went through Evan, paired with his cringe, told her his answer. Richard was subtler. “We don’t. But everyone’s different. Some people are clearly defined in their sexual preferences, and others are more flexible in whom they desire.” He narrowed his eyes just a fraction. “Are you attracted to another woman?”

The smile that formed on her lips was part cynicism and part wistful. “No. In many ways, that would be easier to deal with then this.”

“So you’re attracted to a man who also likes men?” Evan asked.

“Men,” she mumbled, her arms pressed into her stomach as she stared at her toes. “I’m attracted to two men who like each other.” It might have been in her head, but the long
ooooohhhhh
of titillating discovery rang loud and clear.

“That has you confused.” Richard’s statement wasn’t even close to judgmental, but it left her feeling exposed beyond every level of comfort she knew.

“More like agonizingly, torturously baffled on what to do. Or how to feel.”

Evan topped off her lukewarm coffee with more from the steaming pot. “How come?” He finished the circuit, adding more of the liquid to the other mugs before returning the now-empty pot to coffeemaker and clicking it off.

The scene was all so normal when she felt anything but normal. “Because it’s not right. It doesn’t make sense, and I shouldn’t want it.”

“Says who?” Evan arched he brow as he took a sip from his mug.

“Everyone.” Her exasperation made her tone sharp. “My parents, society, the law.”

Richard jerked back frowning. “How so?”

“Polygamy is against the law in all fifty states.”

“Who’s getting married?”

“I know a fabulous wedding planner if you need one,” Evan quipped, his smirk matching the flash of mischief in his eyes.

“Oh,” she objected, her lips clamped in frustration. “Damn it. You know what I mean.”