Break Through (10 page)

“The men in my life?” I cocked my head to the side. “I wasn’t aware there was more than one.”

Carter reeled back, an incredulous look on his face. “I didn’t realize my manhood was in question here.”

“Oh, believe me. It’s not.” I giggled. “I guess I didn’t realize you were in my life.”

He released one of my hands, dragging his fingertips up my arm. “I suppose that’s up to you.”

“What?” I squeaked out, watching his hand as it made its way up to my shoulder.

“I want to be in your life, Aspen.” He palmed my cheek. “The truth is that I didn’t want to tell you about the article deadline because I was afraid.”

“You were afraid?” This stunned me. “Of what?”

“Afraid of not seeing you anymore. I wasn’t sure you’d want to see me when this was over.”

“Oh.” I wanted to tell him that I did want to see him.
More than anything
. But the words died in my mouth, coating my tongue like thick peanut butter.

His thumb grazed my chin, his fingers slipped under my hair. Tilting his head, he moved closer. “Aspen?”

“Uh-huh?” Words were almost impossible at this point.

“Do you want me to back
off?” Every word was punctuated with hot air as it met my mouth. “I can go back to my chair if you want me too.”

Dizziness swept over me. I wasn’t sure what I wanted. It was like I was on sensory overload with his hand on my face, his mouth inching toward my lips and his hand gripping mine.

“Aspen?”

God, I loved when he said my name.
Without a word, I lifted my face, staring into his eyes.

He started to pull away, but I squeezed his hand and forced the words out. “No.”

“No, you don’t want this?” His face dropped.

Man, I seriously had the worst communication skills ever.
“No. I don’t want you to go back to your chair.”

“Good.” He released my fingers, bringing his other hand up to frame my face. “Because I don’t want to either.” Very slowly he tilted his head, his lips brushing mine.
He held my head in place, and I was grateful since I had absolutely no idea what to do. But his fingers guided me forward as his mouth moved over my lips. It was soft like the sweep of a flower petal, silky and light. His tongue flicked out, startling me. I let out a little gasp, and he drew back. “You okay?”

I hated that he stopped, so I nodded quickly. His dark eyes pierced mine, hunger evident in them. My heart skipped a beat at the passion raging. No one had ever looked at me like that before. His lips covered mine, and I closed my eyes, savoring the feel of them. This time I didn’t gasp when his tongue licked along my lips, teasing them open.
I parted them, allowing him entry, and his tongue swirled inside my mouth. His grip on my face tightened, but in a gentle way, while his fingers tangled in my hair. Reaching up, I ran my hands up his chest, my fingertips lighting on the muscles underneath his shirt. I always thought my first kiss would be disastrous, that I would fumble my way through it like a person stumbling through the pitch dark. But with Carter I found my rhythm quickly. It wasn’t jerky or awkward like I imagined it would be. Instead it was smooth, like the flight of a butterfly, like we were soaring above the flowers. Our lips moved in sync like colorful wings beating against the air propelling us forward. We were free and beautiful, our feet never touching the ground.

My feet didn’t hit the ground for days. I floated, my head in the clouds, my feet skimming the surface of the earth. I’d always dreamt of being a kite, of being one with the sky, and it seemed I’d finally gotten my wish. Ever since my kiss with Carter, that was precisely what had happened to me. I couldn’t stop thinking about the way his lips felt on mine, how his fingers felt in my hair. The next two nights I hardly slept at all. I lay in bed conjuring up the feel of him, the smell of him, the sound of his voice.

Whenever I closed my eyes
I saw Carter, as if there were a picture of him taped to my eyelids. I didn’t dream of Kurt and his house of horrors, or of Eve and our friendship, or even of flowers.

I dreamt of Carter.

Of his hands, his lips, his touch, the beating of his heart. When I awoke his musky scent lingered on my pillow as if my thoughts truly had the power to bring him here.

The day after our last interview
Carter called to tell me he’d turned everything in. After that I hadn’t heard from him in two days. But I was too high from our last encounter to let it bother me. I was still skating on the fumes of our passionate kiss. And in all honesty, it was nice to have something new consuming my thoughts; something happy, something hopeful.

It was midnight, and there was a rap on the door to the guesthouse. I hadn’t been asleep, but I knew my parents were. So I sat up in bed,
goosebumps rising on my skin. It’s not like it was a common thing to have a visitor show up at the guesthouse in my backyard.

“Aspen?” Carter whispered harshly. “It’s me. Carter.”

As if I needed him to clarify what his name was. Like I had so many guys clamoring to spend time with me I’d need him to identify himself. In fact, I chastised myself for not assuming it was him in the first place. I mean, who else could it have been?

“Coming.” I threw off my covers and hop
ped out of bed. Catching my reflection in the mirror on the wall, I cringed. My hair was a mess, my eyes watery and red. Swiftly I smoothed my hair down with my hand and blinked my eyes a few times. I wasn’t sure it helped at all, but I didn’t have time to do anything else. I flung open the door to find Carter standing in the doorway wearing a large smile.

God, I had missed him.
I didn’t realize how much until he swept me up into his arms. His lips grazed the side of my face as his arms pulled me close.

“I’m sorry I didn’t come by sooner. My dad is back in the hospital. That’s where I came from.”

“Oh, Carter.” I rested my palm on his chest and peered up at him, my hair falling over my eyes. “Is he okay?”

He brushe
d the strands away from my face and gave me a small smile. “Yeah. He’ll be fine. Can I come in?”

“Sure.” It felt weird to have him in my room. No one but my parents had ever been in here. My gaze scoured the room as I tried to imagine what it looked like to him with the skylight above and large open windows covering the walls. I had sheer white curtains covering them, that way some light could still escape through the thin material. Plants hung
on hooks in the ceiling, but other than that there were no decorations. No paintings or framed pictures. Before closing the door, I glanced at the main house. All the lights were out. My chest tightened thinking of what my parents would do if they knew Carter was in my room. I was sure my dad would pop a fuse. But I wouldn’t worry about that tonight. I closed the door, blocking out all thoughts of my parents.

When I turned around, Carter placed his hands on my hips. “I know it’s late, but I had to see you.”

My heart flipped in my chest.

“I wanted to sooner, but I couldn’t leave my dad.”

“Of course. Don’t apologize for that.” My hands fluttered over his body nervously until finally I rested them on his shoulders. His muscles flexed beneath my palms, exciting me. “I understand.”

“But it killed me to be away from you.” His hands tightened around my waist, drawing me closer. “And I didn’t want you to think that I’d forgotten about you.” He lowered his head until his lips hovered over my ear. “Because I haven’t. Not for one moment.”

My whole body shuddered. “Me either,” I admitted.

I lifted my head, my hand curving around his neck. His hands raked up my back, brushing the ends of my hair. My eyelids fluttered
, and I licked my lips. This time there was no hesitation. I was ready when he crushed his lips to mine. There was a desperation about the way he kissed me that wasn’t present last time. Everything about this kiss felt charged, electric. His mouth moved hungrily, greedily, as if he was taking what he needed. As if I was water and he was dying of thirst. I felt heady as his tongue thrust in my mouth, as his lips moved over mine swiftly, as his hands explored my skin. I fingered the bottom of his hair and a groan sounded at the back of his throat. My body swiveled and Carter lowered me onto the bed. My back hit the spongy mattress, my hair falling over my pillow. Carter’s body covered mine, his arms caging me in. His lips captured mine once more, our gasping breaths mingling together. My chest rose and fell with each beat of my heart, with each labored breath. When his chest collided with mine, it was hard to tell which heartbeat belonged to whom.

“God, you’re so beautiful,” he spoke against my mouth, before moving his lips down my neck,
dotting kisses along the sensitive flesh of my neck and collarbone. Both of his hands skated across my shoulders, his fingers meeting in the center of my chest. “Aspen, I want you so bad.”

I froze
, his words registering. My whole body went rigid, panic taking root in my stomach and unfurling slowly like the petals of a flower. “What?”

He stopped moving
when his fingers barely started to slip under the edge of my pajama top. He extracted his lips from skin. I shivered, my skin cool in the places his moist lips touched. “I’m sorry.” He blinked, as if coming out of a fog. Pushing himself up, he sat beside me. Taking a deep breath, he flashed me an apologetic look. “I didn’t mean to move so fast. I just-”

“Got caught up in the moment?” I finished for him, remembering how he described our almost kiss in the field of flowers.

“Yeah.” He let out a stilted laugh while running a hand over his head. “I’ve always been accused of being too passionate. When I want something, I jump in with both feet. I give it my all.” His hand found mine. “And you are something I want very badly, Aspen Fairchild.”

I smiled. “I’m sorry. I-I don’t think I’m ready for this.” My gaze flickered to the bed, to my chest,
to his lips, to his hands.

“I know. And I’ll never force myself on you. I promise.” He studied my face. “You trust me, right?”

Biting my lip, I nodded. His words had alarmed me, though, and I frowned, pulling my hand back. Instinctually I hugged myself.

“What is it?”

“I like you, Carter, but I don’t know if this will work out.”

He grunted, putting his head in his hands. “God, I really screwed up, didn’t I?” Standing up, he stared at the curtains, his back to me. “I shouldn’t have come here tonight. I’m sorry.” In one swift movement, he reached for the door. When he opened it, cool air spilled inside causing the curtains to billow.

“Carter, wait.” I hopped out of the bed as he stepped outside. “You didn’t screw up tonight.”

He turned slowly to face me. “Then why won’t this work out?”

“I’m not sure I’ll ever be that girl, you know?”

“What girl?” He furrowed his brows in a look of confusion. The moonlight sliced across his face.

“The one who will be able to give you what you need.”

“I don’t need that.” Carter pointed toward my bed. “I didn’t mean to make you feel like I did. When I said I wanted you
, I wasn’t only referring to sex. I want you, Aspen. All of you. I’ll wait as long as you need for the physical stuff.”

“That’s the problem though. I don’t know when I’ll be ready for that.”

“It’s okay. I’ll be patient.”

I
pointed to my head. “There are a lot of demons up here, Carter. And no matter how hard I’ve tried, I can’t outrun them. I’m not like other girls.”

“I don’t want other girls. I want you, Aspen.”
Darkness flashed in his eyes. His thumb grazed my face. “I know that he hurt you in ways I’ll never understand.”

I swallowed hard, wishing we didn’t have to discuss Kurt right now. Seriously. Couldn’t I have one moment that was mine alone? One I didn’t have to share with that monster.

“And even though I know I can’t erase what he did to you, I’d like to try to help you clear out some of those demons.”

I nodded. “I think I’d like that.”

“What do you want to do when we finally get out of here?” Eve asked me one day as we sat in the middle of the bedroom he kept us
in. We both refused to call it our bedroom. Our bedrooms were back home in the place we used to live with our families. Even after four years, I couldn’t think of this place as home.

“I don’t know.” I shrugged. “Play outside, I guess.” My head lifted to the window. “I haven’t been outside in years.”

“I want to go swimming.” Eve closed her eyes, a wistful smile on her face. “I’m going to buy a cute red bikini and go to the beach.”

I grinned at the picture she was painting. In my mind I could see Eve laying out on the beach in a red bikini. She was much more of a girly-girl than I was.

“Do you think we’ll ever get out of here?” I whispered.

Eve threw me one of her exasperated looks. “Geez, Aspen, don’t be so scared. He can’t hear you.” She inched closer to the door, pressing her ear against it. “He’s got that TV blaring so loudly I’m surprised the neighbors can’t hear it.”

If only the neighbors did hear it. If only they heard anything. My eyes flickered to Eve’s latest bruises, and I winced. When Kurt beat Eve I would sometimes pray that the neighbors would hear her cries. That someone would intervene. How did no one suspect him?

“They must not hear anything. It’s like he soundproofed the house or something,” I said sourly.

“I think he did.” She moved toward the window. “If he went to all the trouble to put bars on the window then he had this planned for awhile. I bet he thought of everything.”

The thought turned my stomach. How long had he been planning to take us?

“I miss my family.”

“Me too.” Eve grabbed my hand, holding it tight.

“At least we have each other. It was hell before you came.” The minute the words left my mouth, I wished I could shove them back in. I shouldn’t be happy that he took another person. If I truly loved Eve I’d wish she’d never arrived here. I’d wish she was safe at home, away from Kurt’s fists and roving hands.

But Eve didn’t seem offended. She squeezed my hand and grinned. “I’m glad we have each other too. I
always wanted a sister.”

Eve
had the tough act down, but I knew it killed her to be away from her family. At night she would shed her hard exterior, become more vulnerable. I could hear her weeping into her pillow and whispering for her family, begging them to rescue her from this awful place.