Bringing in Finn (43 page)

I am delighted to have a second grandchild, born also [in 2011], so I can actually answer this question: I feel the same kind of grandmother love for both. They light up my life!

However, I will remain forever grateful that Finn turned at thirty-seven weeks. He was taking care of Grandma on that one.

I'm so grateful that I could do this once. If I had an intuition as strong as the first one, I would never turn it down. But I don't. It's the furthest thing from my heart right now.

I'm interested in the answer to that question, too. I've been meditating and enjoying the possibilities. Life is good.

1. As a young adult, Sara feels distant from her family. By the end of the book, she is experiencing great intimacy with her mother. Have you experienced transformation in a relationship that you thought would never change?

2. Early in the book, Sara references a talk she heard about covenants and their possible power to carry the people that make them through to fulfillment. What do you think of this idea? Is there somewhere in your life where making a covenant to something could give you fortitude?

3. Chapter 6 deals with grief and trauma. What kind of modeling do you think our society gives for dealing with these kinds of experiences—both as the one experiencing and as the one witnessing a traumatic experience?

4. Many women share that they've had a miscarriage or perinatal loss. Do you think it's better for individuals, or society at large, to keep such experiences private?

5. After she loses her twins, Sara shares that she believes healing requires both time and inner healing. Do you agree? What actions does she take to heal from her loss? What would you turn to?

6. At the end of chapter 6, Sara's mother offers to be the surrogate for Sara and Bill's baby. What do you think of this decision? Would you ever take this type of risk with a family member? Would you ever want to take this kind of risk with your own body?

7. Statistics show that losing a child can be devastating to a marriage. What do you think of Sara and Bill's response to their experience? What do you think helped them navigate through and stay committed?

8. Both Sara and her mother speak about calling and vision in this book. What do you think makes something a calling versus a desire? Have you ever experienced being called to something? If so, what was it, and how did it turn out?

9. Heading into the psychological evaluation required for surrogacy, Sara acknowledges that the proposed surrogacy arrangement could be seen as crazy and contemplates the notion of crazy versus inspired ideas. Have you ever been inspired by a “crazy”-sounding idea and followed through on it? What was it like?

10. In the epilogue, Sara receives the idea of being chosen, not broken. Have you told yourself a story that you are broken in some area? If
so, is there any evidence you see of how the situation could have been chosen, or a way in which your situation might be an avenue for some good in your life and others'?

1. Sara's mother attends Sara's annual vision workshop twice in the book. Create your own vision workshop: Invite members to bring magazines, catalogs, or old books (along with poster board and glue sticks) to the next meeting and create vision boards of things you'd like to see unfold in your lives. Share the boards with one another and allow fellow members to comment on what they see.

2. Think of an area of life where you'd like guidance. Take a walk in nature or even through city streets, lightly holding the topic in mind but then focusing all your attention on what you see, hear, smell, feel, and sense. Share any insights with book club members.

3. Sara is an active author and life coach in Chicago. To learn more about Sara, and maybe even invite her to your book club, visit
www.saraconnell.com
.

Tremendous thanks to
everyone who has helped shape this book and bring it into the world.

To Kate Edmonds, Gail Connell, and Sandy Wade for seeing me as a writer from the beginning.

To my agent, Joy Tutela, for your “yes” to representing me, your wise guidance, and your continuous passion for the work and my writing.

To Roger Franskecky for introducing us.

To Brooke Warner—I could fill this page—for being a guide, champion, editor, and now beloved friend. Working with you is a gift.

To everyone at Seal Press and Perseus, especially Krista Lyons, Donna Galassi, and Eva Zimmerman, for your expertise and tremendous support.

To Jill Paider, Ronnie Burnett, and Cherie Jones for all the visionings, future pulls, and SS gatherings. To Wednesday Group (you know who you are) and Christie Tate. To Joyce Polance for reading early drafts. To Allison Morgan, Dr. Jeffrey Roth, Craig Motlong, and Mat Burnett. To all the staff at RMI, Dr. Colaum, and the entire team at Northwestern and Maternal-Fetal Medicine. Thank you for your partnership, support, and expert skill.

To Finn for being here! And for sharing your first year with this book.

To my mother for providing thoughtful and authentic response. I pray that this book is a tribute to you and one way I can honor the gift you have given. For your generosity, I give thanks.

And to Bill, my baby daddy, lover, playmate, and friend: Thank you for taking the journey with me and your awesome support in sharing it.

Sara Connell is
a writer and life coach with a private practice in Chicago. She lives in the city with her husband, Bill, and son, Finn. Visit Sara at
www.saraconnell.com
.

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BRINGING IN FINN
An Extraordianry Surrogacy Story

Copyright © 2012 by Sara Connell

 

 

Published by
Seal Press
A Member of the Perseus Books Group
1700 Fourth Street
Berkeley, California

 

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form without written permission from the publisher, except by reviewers who may quote brief excerpts in connection with a review.

 

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

 

Connell, Sara, 1975-

p. cm.

eISBN : 978-1-580-05465-2

1. Connell, Sara, 1975- 2. Motherhood—United States—Biography. 3. Surrogate mothers—United States. 4. Mothers and daughters—United States—Biography. I. Title.

HQ759.C7244 2012

306.874'3—dc23

2012006969

 

 

Some names and places have been changed to protect the privacy of individuals involved. Also, for literary purposes, some scenes and conversations are composites.