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Authors: Boze Hadleigh

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The relentless Broadway schedule took its toll, as Lucille lost weight—in time, twenty-two pounds. On February 7, 1961, exhausted, she suspended the musical for two weeks’ vacation. The star’s latest guide and motivator was the 1937 book
The Art of Selfishness
by David Seabury. On her bathroom mirror she would post a message to herself: “Is this good for Lucy?” The question helped determine her day’s activities and reactions. Where she’d recently considered getting back with Desi for the children’s sake, she now decided that the bad times which were sure to recur—including his drinking, womanizing and gambling—would not be worth it.

S
OON AFTER SHE RETURNED
to the show, Ball announced that it would close temporarily in late May. Broadway producer Ronald Lee, in the
Wildcat
chorus at the time, recalled, “We became a joke. It was the only show that played two out of every three weeks. We never really could get angry with her, because we knew she was sick.” General manager Joe Harris offered, “She did have trouble doing the Broadway routine. She was only 49, so it surprised me that she wasn’t strong. We used to have oxygen on the side. She was out of breath doing the show.” (Lucy was a chronic smoker.)

Among her ills, she suffered from painful bursitis which one night delayed the curtain for half an hour until a doctor gave her a painkilling shot. Lucille’s loud, untrained singing put such a strain on her vocal chords that she developed nodes; their removal left her
I Love Lucy
voice deeper and gravelly, as evidenced in her later TV work. In late April she collapsed on stage, her fall
cushioned by an actress whose wrist was then broken. Upon returning from spring break with her children, Ball was in a bad mood and declared that she’d thoroughly disliked visiting Jamaica.

The star knew she was in a losing show, even if it did turn a profit whenever she appeared in it eight times a week. She was already tired of the pace, the material, and the un-TV-like repetition. Before
Wildcat
opened, she’d assumed it might run for years but had contractually limited her participation to a year and a half because “Five years would be too much in
one
show. How long can you have a ball saying the same things and dancing the same steps?” If she’d waited a few years, Lucy might have taken on a bona fide, long-running hit like
Hello, Dolly!
(Sure, she couldn’t sing, but could Carol Channing?)

Perhaps the negative emotions of impending divorce, nearing fifty, and not really conquering Broadway except in superficially crowd-pleasing terms led to her rash of physical problems during
Wildcat
. These included “an unshakeable virus,” a fractured finger and an injured back. May 24, 1961, was Lucille’s 171st performance. She was too drained to continue for the time being. By early June, just after her divorce became final, she was down to ninety-five pounds and her doctor insisted she leave the show. She agreed but said she would return in August and perform through January.

But she never did. Her understudy, Betty Jane Watson, took over for the rest of that May week, but after Lucy’s departure the box office plummeted and Desilu had to refund $165,000 in tickets. Among the actresses approached to replace Lucy in
Wildcat
were Ginger Rogers, Gwen Verdon, and Mitzi Gaynor—all of whom declined to try to fill her enormously popular shoes.

Meanwhile, the musicians’ union demanded that its members be paid during the layoff. Desi Arnaz refused to pay the salaries and the theater’s rental while Ball was away. So
Wildcat
shut down for good and the redhead’s theatrical career was over, though she later considered a straight play based on James Kirkwood’s semi-autobiographical novel
There Must Be a Pony
. (Lucy would have been directed by the mercurial Joshua Logan, with whom Bette Davis clashed on the aborted musical
Miss Moffat
.) However, even without singing and dancing, Lucy remained wary of the stage, and post-
Wildcat
was ready to move to Europe and return to California only for the occasional film role.

“Lucy felt her Broadway experience was a big disappointment,” noted Gary Morton, the trumpeter-turned-comedian whom she wed in November 1961. “Not from a financial standpoint, but the material wasn’t worthy of her.… If she’d done
Mame
on Broadway, she’d have been ten times as popular in it as Angela Lansbury.”

Director Michael Kidd believed, “She could have been a major Broadway star, but Lucy came to it too late. It wasn’t just the wrong choice of vehicles; by then she’d become, totally, a television person.”

10

THE PROBLEM WITH MUSICALS

“You ask what happened to musicals? Hell, what happened to music?”—S
EAN
C
ONNERY
, former
South Pacific
chorus boy in London

“What happened to the good-time musical? I’ll tell you: its promises couldn’t be kept.”—theater historian E
THAN
M
ORDDEN

“The problem with musicals isn’t usually the music or even bad lyrics. It’s the awkward or unbelievable transitions from speaking to singing, and back again. That’s why I like
Tommy
and
Evita
. They’re seamless … and don’t cheat your belief, like so many older musicals.”—S
TEVE
R
EEVES
, the movies’ Hercules, who appeared in Carol Channing’s 1955 Broadway flop
The Vamp

“What’s wrong with musicals now is all the gifted men who’ve died of AIDS—who would otherwise be here today creating great theater.”—M
ADELINE
K
AHN

“We’ve lost a whole generation of stage talent, especially to AIDS, and it will take a generation or more until that void is filled.”—celebrity photographer H
ERB
R
ITTS
, who died of AIDS

“Like the French or Viennese operetta, the Broadway musical, as we know it, is virtually dead. The guts were knocked out of it when Lennon and McCartney chose not to write a musical. Why should they have done a show that closed in Philadelphia when they could do ten pop concerts and make a fortune?”—drama critic C
LIVE
B
ARNES

“The one thing the theatre can’t do is be in the vanguard of popular music. I don’t think it’s a coincidence that Andrew’s greatest successes have always been great soaring ballads, timeless in their quality. The most obviously pop score,
Starlight Express
, was the only one that threw up no real hits.”—C
AMERON
M
ACKINTOSH
, who has produced several Andrew Lloyd Webber musicals

“Sometime in the 1970s the American musical’s golden era ended when rising costs and decreasing talents allowed the producers to take over.… Most of the new material is mediocre, and most of the ‘new’ shows are the old ones because they have brand-name recognition.”—stage composer and TV actor A
LBERT
H
AGUE
in 1992

“These days the problem with Broadway musicals is television.
Ads
, of all things! There’s so little to
Pippin
(1972), and without Bob Fosse’s inventiveness, even less than that. But now it’s been running about three years, thanks to this new gimmick of TV ads for musicals that actually lures suckers in. What next?”—R
OSE
M
ARIE
(
The Dick Van Dyke Show
) … 
Pippin
ran almost five years

“I was [billed]
Kay Ballard
when I starred in
Molly
[1973] because a numerologist told me one less letter in my name would bring more success.
Wrong
!!”—K
AYE
B
ALLARD
, whose turn as radio and TV star Molly Goldberg was not a hit

“In the sung-through musical … the narrative function has been taken away from the playwright and given to the songwriter. You listen to a song in a completely different way than you listen to a scene. Auden makes the point that rhyme makes any statement acceptable, gives it authority.… Song is not sufficient to establish character; it cannot carry the burden of psychology and situation. You need prose and plot.”—J
OHN
L
AHR
, critic, writer, and son of Bert

“Most American musicals were still stuck in the ’60s or before, by the 1980s. Then the British musicals came along.… The sung-through imports are an ingenious updating of the European art form of opera. Yet these new musicals are original, not rehashes, and are marketed brilliantly.”—D
USTY
S
PRINGFIELD
in New York

“The Brits redefined the musical … turned it into a spectacle, an event, with the visuals as important as the music. Musicals were no longer quaint or dated, but cutting edge, with more bang for your buck.”—agent and nightclub owner R
OBERT
H
USSONG

“Maybe one day we’ll write [a musical with dialogue]. But if they’re going to talk, it’s got to be for a good reason. What I don’t like at all is when you don’t know why they’ve started singing or why they’ve started talking; they can say the same thing talking or singing, it doesn’t seem to make any difference.… The best example of that kind of show is
A Chorus Line
—there are good reasons for when they sing and when they talk.”—A
LAIN
B
OUBLIL
, co-creator of
Les Misérables

“There’s all this complaining now about ‘sung-through’ musicals. Many people say they have no book, it’s just songs. But they
do
have books. It’s just that the words are sung, instead. Why the terrible fuss? The
result
is everything … I think much of this is just xenophobia, because the English and the French have pioneered these musicals and have been so successful with them. In essence, most Americans would prefer to have a monopoly on success.”—French actor-director J
EANNE
M
OREAU
in 2003

“I think it was Richard Rodgers who, when asked which came first, the music or the lyrics, said, ‘The contract.’ Was that the beginning of the great decline? I’m kidding—sort of.”—lyricist C
AROLYN
L
EIGH
(
Peter Pan, Little Me
)

“You have two stages in the declining creativity of Broadway musicals. First, turning nonmusical movies into musicals, which hardly ever works;
My Fair Lady’s
the big exception, yet they keep doing it, madly panning for gold. And second, not even that—
revivals
.”—costume maker L
EE
B
REWSTER
(
The Birdcage
, etc.)

“In a play, it’s about the relationship between characters. In a musical, it’s about the relationship between performer and audience—that can never have the same depth. Particularly when special effects take the place of talent and charisma.”—playwright W
ILLIAM
I
NGE

“Superman has always been a hit, right? Our show had everything: Hal Prince directed, music by Charles Strouse [
Bye Bye Birdie; Applause; Annie
], and on TV
Batman
was so popular it was airing twice a week … and
I
was in it. It crashed to earth, dead as a dodo.”—J
ACK
C
ASSIDY
on
It’s a Bird … It’s a Plane … It’s Superman
(1966)

“When we took out the music, for starters, it flew.…”—D
AVID
N
EWMAN
, who with Robert Benton wrote
It’s a Bird
 … and then the 1978 hit movie
Superman
(starring Christopher Reeve)

“Musicals derive from professional musical people. Stars, including singers, aren’t necessarily musical experts, and many a meddling star has interfered
with the progress of a stage musical.”—producer R
OBERT
F
RYER
(
Mame, Chicago
)

“From her first performance … Streisand stopped the show with her ‘Miss Marmelstein’ number. The number was foolproof. The only time it didn’t stop the show was well into the run, when she begged the musical director, Lehman Engel, to let her do it her own way. She took liberties with the rhythm, and the song got applause but by no means did it stop the show. Streisand immediately went back to doing it the way it was written.”—critic and author H
OWARD
K
ISSEL
on
I Can Get It for You Wholesale

“The problem with most musicals is that the spectator is often impatient. If it’s a good musical, he’s waiting for the next song. Or else he’s waiting for the song to end.”—playwright B
OB
R
ANDALL
(
6 Rms Riv Vu
)

“Nobody sings!”—composer R
UDOLPH
F
RIML
, “explaining” why he walked out on
My Fair Lady

“People expect more from a musical. If a play doesn’t meet their expectations, they sometimes question their own taste. It may have been symbolic or avant-garde, perhaps something escaped them? But with a musical, no such excuses. So you have to try much harder.”—playwright M
AXWELL
A
NDERSON
, who did two musicals (book and lyrics), both with Kurt Weill:
Knickerbocker Holiday
and
Lost in the Stars

“It’s better than what most 106-year-old writers are doing.”—G
EORGE
A
BBOTT
in 1993 (Broadway’s centenary), when asked about his update of his 1955 hit musical
Damn Yankees

“Most of the fellows on Broadway these days are playing at being producer; they sack the assistant choreographer because it’s the sort of thing a producer does.”—British columnist M
ARK
S
TEYN

“We all wanted to do something again after
West Side Story
[but] Lenny was hipped on it being important. He kept saying, ‘It’s gotta be important.’ And it just seemed such a truism but I said to him, ‘If it’s good, it’ll be important.’ ”—writer A
RTHUR
L
AURENTS
on composer Leonard Bernstein, whose last major musical was
West Side Story

“Now, scenery is bigger and stars are smaller. The chandelier in
Phantom
and the staircase in
Sunset Boulevard
should get billing.”—B
EATRICE
A
RTHUR

“The day we closed
The Fig Leaves Are Falling
[1969], the matinee was sold out. After I sang ‘All My Laughter,’ the audience made me do an encore—they
kept on clapping, they wouldn’t let the scene go on till I’d sung it again … to show how much they loved my song and the show. It was wonderful, I’ll never forget it. But too late. Once people heard we were closing, then everybody flocked to see it.”—D
OROTHY
L
OUDON
(
Annie
)

“I wish we’d get back to more human values in musicals—caring about what happens to people. I think people want to get involved. They want to laugh, but they also want to cry. I guess it’s not fashionable. I’m afraid audiences today don’t accept the idea of characters bursting into song the way they used to.”—B
ARBARA
C
OOK

“It’s more business now than it is show. All of that tradition is gone. Everyone just wants to know how much money they’re going to make. That’s why I decided to get out of musical comedy and just be an actor.”—A
NITA
G
ILLETTE
(
Carnival
)

“If you’re a singer with a big voice, it works against you now. They mike everybody. So a big voice has to be toned way down. Do you know, Ethel Merman wouldn’t have a chance today.”—C
AROL
C
HANNING

“People aren’t as disciplined as they used to be. Dancers are not trained in period styles. They don’t even get ballet. They come out of the ‘sidewalk’ school of ballet, where they learn things like how to roll around on your navel. There’s no technique to back it up.”—P
ATTI
K
ARR
(performer,
Pippin, Seesaw
)

“The inability to sing rarely keeps a name performer out of a musical, whether in Los Angeles, New York, London, or your local dinner theatre. Sometimes, though, an imperfect voice conveys the character perfectly, whereas a magnificent voice is all wrong. Carol Channing in
Hello, Dolly!
illustrates the first premise, Kiri Te Kanawa on a recording of
West Side Story
the second.”—entertainment writer S
AM
S
TAGGS

“They used to have so many big musicals about big, real-life people. Like
Gypsy
was.… [Artist] Keith Haring was a good friend of mine, and I’m glad they’ve done a ‘musical installation’ about him (
Radiant Baby
). I don’t know what it’s like yet, but special people with special lives should have more musicals made about them.”—M
ADONNA
in 2003

“I was twenty, I looked forty, I got the job.”—E
LAINE
S
TRITCH
on her qualifications for understudying Ethel Merman in
Call Me Madam

“Ethel Merman sang loud. You appreciated it, all the more if you were way in the back.… In
Rent
, the cast keeps coming downstage to sing in your
face, trying to force your emotion. I don’t appreciate that.”—K
ATHLEEN
F
REEMAN
, 2001 Tony nominee for
The Big Monty

“It’s
Hairspray
meets
Rent
 … I always think, Go big or go home.”—R
OSIE
O’D
ONNELL
, producer and sole investor in the $10 million Boy George musical
Taboo
(2003) (about two male Londoners in the ’80s, and criticized for its $100-a-seat prices)

“Broadway producers and directors today are featuring music by the inept to be enjoyed by the untutored.”—record and revue producer B
EN
B
AGLEY
, in the ’80s

“As recently as the ’70s or ’80s, you still had a fairly large assortment of people making musicals. Today it’s just a handful, so no wonder musicals tend to look, sound, and feel the same.”—C
HER

“An idea can be ahead of its time, as happened with
Kwamina
[1961]. It was a love story with me and a black man, and so … we couldn’t even touch. Regardless, enough Americans became incensed that I couldn’t open my mail after receiving death threats and used toilet paper. Once, in Boston, [leading man] Terry Carter had a gold bangle he slid up my arm—and when he went past my elbow, I heard people in the audience gasp, and several walked out. But I’m still very proud I did that show,” which played thirty-two performances on Broadway—British singer-actress S
ALLY
A
NN
H
OWES
, best known for the film
Chitty Chitty Bang Bang

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