BUCKED Box Set: A Bull Rider Western Romance (70 page)

So, as I walked up to him, even though I
still had a strong urge to hit him, I resisted and instead, put my arms out.
When I was close enough, I wrapped him in a hug.

He seemed surprised at first, but within a
few seconds, he pulled me in close to him as well and hugged me tighter.

“I am so sorry, Val…” he said as I began
to sob.

“Shut up,” I answered carefully. “Don’t
talk Shawn, or I will hit you.” I hugged him closer and sniffled as tears began
to stream down my face and onto his shoulder.

“Okay. Good call.”

“Shhh. Just hold me.”

And to my surprise, instead of trying to
get a word in edgewise, Shawn did exactly as I told him to. He did not try to
push me into talking and he didn’t even try to comfort me with his words, which
likely wouldn’t have worked anyway. Instead, he just held me close and rubbed
my head with his hand. He stroked me slowly and I closed my eyes, trying
desperately to forget the world in its entirety.

I didn’t want to think about anything. I
didn’t want to contemplate how angry I was at Shawn, or how hurt I was by my
mother cutting me off; none of it. I just wanted to enjoy the peace and
serenity I felt while wrapped tightly in Shawn’s arms, being consumed by the
darkness.

We stayed like that for a long time. I was
happy this way. I didn’t want to stop.

However, eventually, I began to calm down
and realized that it would probably be a good idea for me to talk to Shawn.

This reminder of our closeness had done a
lot to help me come to terms with the fact that I needed him, especially now,
but it did not erase what he did. It did not help me come to terms with what
was going on.

All that he was able to provide was
comfort; a soft cushion to land on after taking a potentially lethal blow.

Eventually, I pulled away from him and
gazed into his eyes.

He smiled back and moved to swipe a tear
away from my cheek. Feeling his hands on my face made me feel happy and even
slightly aroused.

I had always had a crush on him and the
feel of his touch against my skin would always be something that triggered a
reaction from me. I couldn’t help it.

Still, even the feelings that he caused to
race through my body didn’t erase what he had done and what had happened as a
result.

I didn’t need comforting right now. I
needed solutions.

Owning this, I sighed deeply and asked
him, “What am I going to do?”

He continued to stare at me. “Umm…Can I
speak now?”

“I might still hit you.”

He shrugged. “I would rather you not, but
I wouldn’t blame you. I definitely deserve it.”

“You do.” I nodded thoughtfully.

I watched Shawn’s face frown slightly and
got the feeling that I wasn’t actually supposed to agree with him on that, but
I didn’t care. He had hurt me and he needed to know it.

I would deal with him later though, for I
had far more on my plate at the moment besides just my contempt for what Shawn
did.

When I showed no remorse for my comment,
he gave up and added, “Okay, well, let’s think. The first thing you need is a
place to stay, right?”

I nodded.

He thought for a moment and then came back
to me as though he was almost afraid that I would flat out reject him. “Well…If
you want, you are welcome to stay with me?”

I narrowed my eyes at him and thought
about what he was saying. Since I didn’t have very many options, I actually
considered it before I truly thought about it. Finally, I said, “You mean, at
your mom’s?”

He nodded eagerly. “She’s never there,
Valerie. Chances are, she probably wouldn’t even notice you there.”

I couldn’t believe that I was considering
it, but the more I thought about it, the more it made sense, at least in my
mind. I did need a place to stay and he was offering.

Finally I decided that might not be such a
bad thing. “Okay,” I replied after a long period of silence. “I will stay there
for a few nights, but that’s it.”

He shrugged and answered genuinely,
sounding relieved, “As long as I have a home, you are welcome to it whenever
you want, Val. You know that.”

He smiled at me and I supposed that he was
trying to have a heart-to-heart, but I didn’t smile back. Right now, Shawn had
something that I desperately needed. That didn’t mean, in any way, shape or
form that I was interested in forgiving him. “You know, this doesn’t mean that
you are off the hook. We still have a lot to discuss.”

He nodded and answered honestly, “I know.
I don’t even expect for you to forgive me, but right now, I think that getting
you settled is far more important than you being angry at me.”

“No…It’s about the same, but finding a
place to sleep tonight has a time limit.” I shrugged and stared at him with an
impassive sense about me. “I guess I will see you at home.”

He shrugged again before he answered, this
time a little less enthusiastic, “Yeah, I guess you will.”

Chapter
30

Shawn

For the next few days, I was able to keep
to my word. My mother didn’t return once for almost a week and that was plenty
of time for Valerie to get settled.

We didn’t talk much though and I had come
to the conclusion, the hope really, that she just needed a little bit of time.
I knew that what had happened was really hard on her and I was all for helping
her work through it.

I knew what it was like to finally realize
that no one in your family wanted you. It sucked and made you feel awful. That
was the kind of terrible feeling I had almost all the time, but especially when
I dwelled on it.

However, I had learned to work through it
and rely on my friends and even Valerie, regardless of whether or not she was
angry with me. I had learned that no matter what, there were people, even if
they didn’t have any relation to you at all, that would do anything for you.

Valerie’s mother used to be one of those
people, but I was terrified that she would never become that again after what
happened, either for me or for Valerie, and that was sad.

However, I didn’t talk to her about it,
even when we went through the stuff to get rid of or sell so that she could
make some money, and she broke down and cried.

I just held her and told her that
everything was going to be okay. That was really all that I could do though,
because I was fairly certain that she didn’t want my advice.

Valerie barely even wanted to have a
conversation with me about the weather, much less open her heart to me over a
problem that I caused.

So, I was just there, always, in case she
felt the need to talk. Sometimes, I would get a smile and some days, I would
just get a glower that didn’t leave her face until she was out of my presence.
But no matter what, or how she was feeling, I vowed that I was going to help
her through this.

There was nothing that I wouldn’t do for
her. I knew that, but by this time in my life, I was actually ready to prove
it.

I knew now that for as long as it took to
get her feeling better, I was going to be there to support her, or even be her
punching bag, if need be, because anything was better than losing her.

Besides, living in the same apartment for
that span of time, which was close to a week, we basically lived separate
lives.

She didn’t come to talk to me and I didn’t
dare disturb her. I slept on the couch and gave her my room. We took separate
cars to school, even though I thought that was kind of silly, but it seemed to
work for her and it kept Valerie from leaving. So I was willing to do some
things that seemed stupid.

I figured that she couldn’t very well stay
mad at me forever. She had to come around and at least have some closure, so I
knew what I was dealing with at some point.

Right?

Yet, as hopeful as it was, we almost
settled into living completely different lives under one roof.

Then, one day, while I was working on a
homework assignment, having literally had nothing else to do, I noticed that
Valerie was staring at me.

I looked over at her and stared back, but
I didn’t want to upset her by trying to make conversation. I just swallowed
hard.

“Hi…” Valerie said after a few moments.
The tension had risen extremely high by that point, so when she spoke, it
almost startled me.

“Hi…” I answered and then asked with
genuine concern, “Is everything okay?”

She nodded. “I was just…I just…” As she
spoke, I wasn’t sure if she was trying to think of the right words to say, or
if she was upset, but her breath kept growing increasingly shallow and her eyes
began to redden, before she bit her lip and I saw tears begin to gloss over her
eyes.

“Valerie…” I stood up and moved toward
her. “It’s okay…” I reached out to her and hugged her into my arms.

She sobbed loudly and began to cry. I felt
the wet spots lining my sleeve almost immediately. “It’s okay…” I answered
carefully. “Everything is okay…”

“No!” She yelled finally, now backing away
from me almost completely. “Everything is not okay, Shawn.” She sniffled and
narrowed her eyes. “I have lost everything! Everyone I know is mad at me, with
the exception of you and to be honest, I am still very mad at you.”

I nodded before I replied in a thoughtful,
considerate way, “I know you are and I don’t blame you. You have every right to
be furious with me, but I am here for you, no matter what you need.”

“I need this to be fixed!” She exploded,
now completely breaking away from me. “I need things to go back to the way they
were! We should have never done this!”

I tried not to take offense, but the
serious nature of her tone made me feel extremely bad. I didn’t want to be hurt
by what she was saying, but even with everything that happened, I didn’t think
that our relationship was a mistake. I liked the way our relationship was going
and I wanted to keep it working well. There was no reason that it shouldn’t,
once we got through this hurdle.

I was hopeful about it, but right now, I
certainly didn’t think that it was wise to tell Valerie that.

Instead, I just nodded, but didn’t say
anything, for fear of what might slip out if I opened my mouth.

She stomped around angrily for a moment
and then screamed, sharp and loud before she thrust herself back around and
demanded, “What am I supposed to do?”

I sighed, trying to remain calm. I wasn’t
growing angry with her, because I didn’t feel attacked, but I did begin to feel
a sense of unrest. I was growing agitated, seeing her in such distress.
“Honestly? I think that you should focus on the problem one step at a time
instead of focusing on the big picture.”

“What the hell is that supposed to mean?”
she demanded, while her eyes glowed with hate and rage.

“Well…I mean…Take it one step at a
time…Have you heard from your mother since you left? Has she called you?”

Valerie stopped, shook her head and broke
down again. She ran to the couch and collapsed on it. “What did I do that was
so terrible?”
 
I really had no answer for
her.

I sat down next to her and thought about
something to say that might make her
 
take the pressure off of herself, if I couldn’t actually make her feel
better. “Family is supposed to be the only people on the planet that you can
count on for everything…But apparently, my family and your family were cut from
the same cloth.” I shrugged. “The only difference is that you were the good kid
until recently.” With a sinking heart, which compounded so much stress onto me
that I felt the weight of it heavily on my chest until I exhaled deeply, I
added sadly, “Because of me…” I looked up at her with a genuinely upset
expression. “God, Valerie, I am so sorry. I never meant for this to happen.”

I knew that this conversation was bound to
happen sometime and while I wasn’t exactly thrilled about it, I knew that if I
started it, or at least attempted to start it, I would have a prayer of getting
through it and having things improve, instead of getting through it and her
never wanting to talk to me again.

Yet, instead of opening a new dialogue, my
conversation inadvertently took a stunning turn for the worst.

Valerie stopped crying and froze in place
for a long moment before her reddened face and tearful eyes turned to glare at
me. “You’re sorry? I have no one left, all because of you and your stupid
mouth, but you’re sorry and that is supposed to make it all go away? You didn’t
pull my hair on the playground, Shawn, you ripped me away from my family. That
is going to take a hell of a lot more than just a simple, whoops, my bad!” She
stormed to her feet and was back in my room, with the door slammed shut before
I could call out another word.

“Valerie? Wait! Please!” I got up off of
the couch and ran toward her.

“Go away! I knew it was stupid trying to
talk to you!” she screamed from behind the door. “I hate you!”