Caching In (10 page)

He tapped his knuckles on the counter. “Understood. See you Sunday.”

CHAPTER TEN

The rest of the workday I spent daydreaming about my date with Seth. Another date with Seth! Sure, he came to me, but I basically asked
him
out. I came up with fishing, therefore, my idea. Awesome. Still, his conversation with Mike confused me. Why did he act so secretive about his cache? What did it mean? I didn’t get the impression the cache replicated the ones I found so far, small containers with a simple log sheet. This held more meaning than the ones I found. My mind worked overtime trying to figure out the mystery. A completed Rubix cube? (Perhaps he belonged to Mensa.) A Chicago Bears jersey and he didn’t want me to have him arrested for being a Bears fan instead of Packers? Oh! I bet he loved One Direction as much as me and he stashed an iPod Nano (did people still have those?) with all their songs loaded in some place meant only for a super stealth spy. Doubtful, but how cool would that be? Possibly a thumb drive with a sex video? No, caches needed to be kid-friendly. My imagination went wild, until my idea well ran dry. I wanted to find out, but my resources were limited. No mutual friends connected us, and I didn’t exactly fit the profile of Nancy Drew. I didn’t know how to be discreet in my questioning. On our second date, I couldn’t come out and ask if he had a super-secret cache he hid from me. I already labeled him a cheater with no evidence to support my hypothesis, and accusing him of anything else risked damaging any potential relationship between us.

I logged on to the geocaching site and poked around for a while in the message boards, thinking a post or a user name would catch my eye. I hoped to find a user with a name that played on the term bed and breakfast or rock climbing, but nothing grabbed my attention. The only option I thought may work meant finding all the geocaches hidden in town. While doable, such a thing would take too much time, and even so, the cache may not even be
in
town. There were too many places to search. Of course, more of the possibility existed that I obsessed over this for nothing.

I decided to give it some time and naturally work my interrogation into a conversation. I still wanted to peek around online in case I came up anything. When I searched in my area, a lot of cemetery caches came up, among four cemeteries scattered throughout town. For such a small community, we sure buried a lot of people. What would someone hide in a cemetery? If not a simple container with a log sheet inside, what else could it be? People left things sometimes when they found a cache, but I couldn’t think of one thing I would want to leave in a cemetery. What if Seth were some sort of weird freak and hid something in a grave? No. That couldn’t be. I shivered the thought out of my mind.

The site showed a lot of caches around City Hall as well, with titles welcoming people to the community, or about discovering the town’s history. I knew Seth ran the bed and breakfast; however, what if he aspired to be a politician, and buried a deep, dark past in the cache? Probably not. Oh! Perhaps he moonlighted as a newspaper writer and he cleverly created a newspaper log. That would be pretty cool. Hm. Nothing to keep a secret, though. I just about drove myself insane trying to figure out this puzzle, when I realized there wasn’t any reason not to just ask him, when the doorbell saved me from my outrageous thoughts.

Chelsea headed to her parent’s house immediately after work to tell them about her pregnancy (finally), so I didn’t expect anyone, especially as it neared seven-thirty. Wow, when did it get so late? For most people my age, late didn’t roll around until the wee hours of the morning, but I loved my sleep. And, I spent so much time online, I completely forgot to eat dinner. I shut my laptop and hopped down the stairs. My stomach dropped when I pulled the curtain over the window of the door to the side and saw Josh standing on my porch.

I sighed and opened the door. His brown hair exploded in a mess, and stuck straight up with newly blond tips. Scruff outlined his cheeks and under his nose. His puny eyes were bloodshot. “What the hell do you want?”

“Ally, hi.”

Both frozen, our familiar eyes focused on each other, and every moment that passed, the past hit me again and again, punching me in the stomach, tearing through my heart. For a split second I wanted to check my hair, smooth my skirt since I never bothered to change out of my work clothes, and straighten my stance, but then I remembered who stood in front of me.
Josh
. The heartless jerk who cheated on me for months, maybe even years, planted himself on
my
porch, and he still didn’t tell me what he wanted. “It’s late, Josh. Out with it. There’s not one reason I can even remotely think of for us to speak to each other.”

He broke his eyes from mine, glancing behind my shoulder. “Can I come in?”

“I doubt it. Anything you need to say to me, you can say standing on my porch.” Despite what my sarcasm and up front attitude portrayed, my heart was big, and easily broken. Other people’s emotions and reactions tugged at me, and the obvious state of discomfort Josh drowned in even got to me. “Where’s Kandace, anyway?”

“We broke up.”

Can’t feel sorry for him
, I told myself.
Don’t show sympathy.
“Oh, I’d say I’m sorry, but I’m sure she caught you in your cheating ways. I mean, you did meet her while engaged to
me
.”

His stare lingered, and his eyes clouded over. For a moment I thought he might cry, but, then I remembered, Josh never cried. “I deserve that.”

“No. You don’t deserve anything.” I wanted to say those words for the longest time. Shit, it invigorated me. After Josh and I broke up, I realized I should be more straightforward with my thoughts and feelings. Yes, my mouth got me in trouble sometimes, and, of course, some mistook my honesty for bitchiness or downright lack of emotion. The truth was, though, I cared too much, and I always got hurt, and now, I refused to be shy about my thoughts on Josh.

“Ally, she actually cheated on me.”

“
That
you deserve. Although I can’t see how it even would bother you.” It’s true. I imagined Josh and his entourage of girlfriends plenty of times having orgies and inviting everyone they knew into them. Why stop with one fiancee and a girlfriend, when he could hook up with the entire block?

He rubbed the back of his neck. “Can I come in? I want to talk.”

I didn’t want to let him in, but I couldn’t look past the fact he pleaded to talk, and begging didn’t fit his normal behavior. Josh also, unfortunately, was my kryptonite. After dedicating so much of my life to him, leaving him terrified me. When I threw him out, I swore to myself to never let him step another foot into the apartment, deep down knowing I’d probably cave. I thought of my brother, Perry, who never liked Josh. He always made his hatred toward him loud and clear to be sure I heard them. My brother loved me, and only wanted the best for me. He’d never forgive me if I allowed Josh to treat me like shit and cheat on me, and I valued my brother’s acceptance more than Josh’s, so I gathered up all my courage the night I sent him packing, and it never felt better. I’d be lying if I said I never wished for one night of crazy sex after we broke up, and inviting him into my house may inevitably lead to that.

“I don’t think it’s a good idea, Josh. Please tell me what you came here for. I still haven’t eaten dinner.”

“You never eat this late.” I gave him the watch he wore. In fact, I spent a ton of money getting it engraved. I couldn’t believe he still wore it, unless he had the inscription removed, if that was even possible.
Not a moment passes when I am with you
. It always felt that way with him. Until I realized I wasted those moments.

“Maybe I do now.”

He cleared his throat, which always annoyed me. I didn’t realize it at the time we were together, but now whenever someone cleared their throat, I wanted to rip it out. “Kandace … well, I thought I loved Kandace.”

“Like you thought you loved me. Please, don’t even say her name.”

He nodded in acceptance. “I actually walked in on it happening. I froze. Sure, I wanted to attack him, but once my brain registered what was going on, I kept thinking about you and how you must have felt when you saw that text and realized -”

“What an asshole you are.”

“You could put it that way. I can’t believe I hurt you like I did. I’m so sorry.”

Staring at Josh, vulnerable and alone on my porch, his apology seemed heartfelt. In all the times he tried to call or text to apologize (while he was with Kandace and a slew of other women), it never seemed sincere until he stood in front of me with same twinkle in his eye as the first time he told me he loved me.

“I rushed over here to tell you this because -”

“Wait.” I put my hand up. “This
just
happened. You went home, caught her, and rushed over here?”

“Yeah.”

“I don’t even know what to say. What do you want from me?” Josh’s balls must’ve grown pretty big to even attempt to pull what he just pulled. Catching the girl he cheated on
me
with, cheating on him, and he had the
gall
to come crying to me about it.
Hell no.

He reached his hand out toward mine and I jumped back. “Forgiveness.”

“Forgiveness? You want me to forgive you? How can you even suggest that? I spent
years
with you, only to have you destroy those. I meant
nothing
to you, Josh.
Nothing.
If I had, you never would have done the things you did. Or people, because that’s really what it was. You screwed other women. You make me sick.”

This time he succeeded in reaching for my hand. His warm, firm, familiar hand. He wrapped his other hand around so he held mine close, and put it to his heart. “Despite what happened, Ally, I loved you. I did. And seeing Ka … seeing what I did, I realized how much I
do
love you. I shouldn’t have thrown away what we had. Can you ever forgive me?”

Accepting his apology would go against everything I stood for. But his hands, his eyes, even those newly frosted tips on his hair I already loathed so much, at one time they completed me.

“Let’s try again, Ally. We can pick up where we left off.” He dropped my hand and reached into his pocket, pulling out a ring.
My
ring. The ring I gave back in a fit of rage. “Ally Couper, I love you and have always loved you. Please, be with me again. Marry me.” He stepped closer to me, and I kept my hands at my sides, unable to form words. I couldn’t comprehend what was happening. Only inches separated our faces, and our lips almost touched. He took my hands, and the cold metal of the ring grazed my finger. He pressed his forehead against mine. Before given a chance to stop him, he straightened himself so his pillow like lips hit mine. My body fell limp as he kept kissing me, and I parted my lips, allowing his tongue in. Closing my eyes, I remembered our strolls on the lakefront, cuddling on the couch, rolling around in bed, and I found my arms around him, hugging him as I pushed myself harder against him. My cell phone ringing up the stairs pushed the thought of the text from Kandace into my daydream, and I remembered how many other lips, and who knew what else, Josh touched.

I shoved him away. “No. Absolutely not.”

He stumbled back. “Explain what just happened then? That kiss certainly didn’t feel like a no.”

I grabbed the door handle. “Lapse of judgment. It’s over, Josh, and it will always be over.”

“Come on, Ally.”

“You had your chance and blew it.” I slammed the door, yelling, “Goodbye!” and ran up the steps. Once inside, I shut the door to my place, fell to the ground, and cried.

CHAPTER ELEVEN

During the week, even though only fifty-two, my mom assumed the role of an eighty-year-old woman, and headed to bed no later than nine. As a dental assistant, she boasted the easiest hours anyone could hope for, starting at seven in the morning and usually out by two. When she arrived home, she worked her butt off cleaning her house and in the spring and summer, keeping the outside maintained. By the time I calmed myself down, dragged myself upstairs, and decided to go visit her, it was already eight-fifteen. My mom lived twenty minutes from me, so going to visit her now cut it pretty close to her bedtime. I didn’t care. Not today. I didn’t call, either. If I did, she would rush me off the phone, as always, and I’d go to bed feeling completely hopeless. I couldn’t stand our phone conversations. Neither of us were a fan of the phone, but she made it blatantly obvious. So, I wiped the tears from my eyes, hopped in the car, and drove to her house.

My mom and I didn’t have the tight relationship me and my dad did. Until my dad died, I was Daddy’s Girl, no doubt, and my mom didn’t seem to mind. She and Perry were close, so it evened out, I guess. I sought her out for some things - I pictured my dad’s embarrassment if I had gone to him about my period, or when I wondered about when I knew the right time to kiss a boy - but most things I leaned on my dad for. I supposed I could have gone to his grave site and talked to him, but talking wasn’t enough. I needed another human being, a shoulder to cry on. Cutting Josh out of my life tested my strength once, and now I had to do it again.