Calmly, Carefully, Completely (16 page)

“Thanks, Pete,” her dad says. He claps me on the shoulder and squeezes a little too hard. I take it as a warning, which I think is how he meant it. He walks away, leaving me with Reagan.

“It’s going to be really late when you drop me off,” I say.

She nods. “I know.”

“I don’t want you to go home to an empty apartment all by yourself. I’ll send one of my brothers with you when you drop me off.” I wish I could go with her and walk her to her door and do all the gentlemanly stuff I’ve never wanted to do before.

“I’ll have Maggie with me,” she reminds me.

“Still,” I say. I brush her hair back from her ear. “Want to have a sleepover at my house?” I ask.

Her eyes widen, and she licks her lips. She’s interested. I can tell.

“I’ll sleep on the couch,” I say. It’ll fucking kill me, but I’ll do it.

She shakes her head. “I’m not going to stay if you’re going to sleep on the couch.”

My hear trips in my chest.

“I’m not going to run you out of your own bed,” she says, laughing nervously. Her eyes search mine, and I hope she doesn’t look too deeply because I’m not sure what she’ll find. “I’ll stay if you’ll sleep there with me,” she says. Her voice quivers.

“Okay,” I say quietly. But my gut is doing somersaults. She steps onto her tiptoes and kisses me quickly.

“I have to go take care of a few things,” she whispers. She kisses me again, a little slower this time. We’re going to have a sleepover.
Her and her dog.

“Maggie can stay, too,” I say. I’m an idiot, but I can’t even think right now.

“I’ll tell her,” she whispers playfully. “She’s going to be so excited.”

Not nearly as excited as I am.

Reagan

Pete’s kind of quiet on the way home. He fiddles with the radio and pets Maggie. Sometimes his hand reaches for mine, and he squeezes it to reassure me.

“Are you sure your family is going to be all right with me staying with you guys tonight?” I ask.

He nods. “I’m sure. Sam’s at school and Logan lives with Emily at her apartment, although I don’t know why. They’re at our apartment a lot more than hers, according to Matt. Sam and I share a room, and since he’s not there, you can sleep in my bed, and I’ll sleep in his.”

Well, damn. I was kind of hoping we could sleep together.

“Or we could sleep in Logan’s room, since there’s a double in there. I just didn’t want to presume that you’d want to sleep with me.” He pays a lot of attention to Maggie’s ears instead of looking at me when he says it.

“I like option two,” I say quietly. I pretend to mess with the windshield washer, even though it doesn’t need washing.

“Oh yeah?” he says quietly. He grins. “I was hoping you’d say that.” He winces a little. “I do have to warn you that our apartment is nothing like your house. It’s not in that great an area of town. And it’s kind of small.”

“None of that matters to me, Pete,” I say. I’m telling the truth. I just want to be with him. He could live in a cardboard box, and he’d still make it amazing. I jerk my thumb toward Maggie. “Maggie can be a bit of a snob, though. So you might have to give her lots of dog treats to keep her happy.”

“Maggie’s a pushover,” he says. She got sick in the car, and we had to stop long enough to clean it up. Pete was pretty good about it, though. “I think she loves me.”

He’s easy to love. He grins at me.

“So, do you sleep naked?” he asks. His eyes twinkle.

Heat creeps up my face. “No!” I cry. “Of course not.”

He leans his head against the seat, tilting his head like an inquisitive puppy. “So, do you think I could talk you into it?” He laughs at what must be a hilarious look on my face.

“Maybe,” I say quietly.

He sucks in a breath. He’s surprised. “I’m not sure if I can keep my hands off you all night,” he warns, his voice quiet but strong. His voice is deeper and rougher than it was a minute ago.

“Who said I want you to?”

He lays his head back and groans. He flattens a hand on his chest and breathes harder. “Is my virtue in jeopardy, Miss Caster?” he asks.

“If you had any to be in jeopardy, I would say yes,” I grumble. But he’s so funny I can’t keep the grin from my face.

“We’re here,” he says. He points me toward a parking spot on the side of the street. I pull into it and take a deep breath. I don’t know what to do with myself now that we’re here.

“You’re sure you want me to stay?” I ask.

He nods. “You better text your dad and tell him you’ve arrived in the city.” He snaps a leash on Maggie and helps her from the car. “You do that and I’ll walk Maggie really quick. Then I’ll get your bags.”

I nod and start to text my dad. Pete makes kissy noises at Maggie until she follows him.

Me:
We’re here!

Dad:
Are you back at your apartment? Everything all right?

I don’t want to lie.

Me:
No, I’m at Pete’s. I’m going to hang out with his family for a little while.

Dad:
It’s 11:30 at night, Reagan.

Me:
Dad, it’s fine.

Dad:
Do I have to drive up there and kill that boy?

Me:
Not today.

Dad:
Let me know when I need to.

I laugh.

Me:
Okay.

Dad:
Text me tomorrow to tell me you’re alive.

Me:
Love you!

Dad:
Love you too.

Pete opens my door and leans on his elbows in the doorway. “Hi,” he says. “You ready to go upstairs?”

I grin. I can’t help it. I move to get out, but Pete blocks me. “You know I don’t have any expectations about tonight, right?” he asks.

“I know.” I do know. He would never make me do anything I don’t want to do. “Can I still stay?”

He pulls me from the car and goes to the trunk to get my bag. But it’s a big bag. I was going home, after all.

“Just this one,” I say, picking up my cosmetic bag. “I can get the rest when I go home tomorrow. No need to lug it up the elevator.”

He chuckles. “You
are
spoiled, aren’t you?” he asks.

“What do you mean?” I don’t understand.

He puts my bag on his shoulder, along with his backpack, and takes my hand. “We’re on the fourth floor. And no elevator.”

“Oh. I’m tough. I can take it.”

He tugs my fingertips toward his building. “You sure you’ll be all right with all my brothers?” he asks. He looks more uncomfortable than I’ve ever seen him.

“Stop worrying,” I say. “I’m not made of glass, Pete.”

This place is nothing like where I’m from, and I jump when someone walks by us. He pulls me into his side. “I got you,” he says quietly. But he’s sure, and I feel completely safe with him. There’s graffiti on the wall of his apartment building, and I stop to look at it. “Come on,” he says. “I want you to meet my family.”

We go up four flights of stairs and step into a long hallway. Pete turns the knob and motions for me to precede him into the room. I do, with Maggie following, and immediately hear the TV. There are men stacked up like cord wood all over the place. Someone hits the “pause” button on the TV, and everyone turns to face us.

“Hi,” Pete says. He sets my bag down beside his, and we walk together into the room. The men get up, and the biggest one walks toward us. “I didn’t think you were coming back until later,” he says. He eyes me up and down but not in a creepy way. “Who’s your friend?” he asks. He sticks out a hand to shake, and I take it. “I’m Paul,” he says. He’s huge, and he has even more tattoos than Pete does.

There’s another guy behind him. He’s thin and has long, blond hair, and it’s held back with a rubber band at the nape of his neck. “Matt,” he says as he sticks out his hand to shake.

Then I notice a guy and a girl sitting on the couch. She’s the blonde I saw at the prison, and she eyes me with the gaze of an antiques dealer, as if she’s looking for all my imperfections. “Emily,” she says with a little wave. “Logan,” she says, as she pats Logan on the chest. He extends his hand, and I take it.

But there’s one more, and my breath catches in my throat when he steps out from behind Logan. He looks so much like Pete. He has to be Sam. I look from Pete to Sam and back. “I’m the pretty one,” Sam says. He reaches out like he wants to hug me, but I recoil. I can’t help it. I’ve come a long way, but not that far. “It’s nice to meet you,” he says with a nod. I extend my hand, and instead of shaking it, he lifts it to his lips. His short little moustache tickles the back of my hand. I twist my fingers out of his grip, and Pete glares at him.

“Keep your fucking hands off my girl,” he growls. But then he opens his arms, and Sam falls into them. They hug the way men do, with lots of backslapping and murmured words. “I’m glad you’re here,” Pete says.

“You called. I came. Like a good big brother.”

“Eight minutes,” Pete growls playfully. He drops an arm around my shoulders. “He was born eight minutes before me and he thinks he’s the shit because he’s older.”

He coughs into his fist. “Excuse me. I
am
the shit.” He grins. He looks so much like Pete that it’s almost disturbing.

“I think you’re both shits,” Paul says as he goes to fridge and gets a beer.

“You want something to drink?” Pete asks me quietly.

I shake my head.

He cups my face with his hand. “You look a little tired. You want to go to bed?”

I nod. “We probably should.”

He grins. I think he likes the
we
part.

“Do you think it would be okay if I take a shower first?” I ask. I’ve been in the car for hours, and I feel kind of grimy. I’d kind of like to be clean when I snuggle naked with Pete for the first time.

He nods and leads me toward the bathroom, where he flips the light on. He takes out towels and lays them on the counter for me. “You need some help taking your clothes off?” he asks. He waggles his eyebrows at me playfully.

“Yeah,” I say, and I close the door behind us.

Pete

Shit. She said yes.

She shoves the door closed behind me, and I freeze. I want to reach for her, but my family is about ten feet away from us on the other side of the door. “Do you need some shampoo or something?” I ask again. I reach behind her and shift the shower curtain. There’s still girly-smelling stuff in there from when Emily lived with us.

“I like your family,” she says, and then her arms wrap around my waist. She lays her head on my chest and nuzzles me with her nose, and my heart melts like it does every time she touches me.

“I’m glad.” I hold her close. I was a little worried they would scare her. It’s a lot of testosterone in one room. Luckily, Emily was here, too.

Finally, she pulls back from me. “Okay,” she breathes. “You can go.” She shoos me toward the door with a wave of her hands.

I kiss her, lingering a little too long on her lips, but she doesn’t pull away from me. I groan, pull back from her, and adjust my junk. I slip out the door and close it behind me, and then I hear the thumb lock click behind me. I lean my head against the door and breathe for a minute. But then I turn around and see Sam standing there. “Is that who I think it is?” he asks quietly. He has his shoulder hitched against the wall and his feet crossed.

“Who do you think it is?” I ask as I walk to the linen closet and take out clean sheets to put on the double bed in Logan’s old room.

“That’s the girl from that night,” he says quietly. He obviously doesn’t want anyone else to hear him.  I asked my brothers to keep an eye on her. Of course he knows who she is. Paul or Matt would have told him.

I nod. He follows me into the bedroom and helps me strip the bed, and we start to put the clean sheets on.

“How did you end up with her?” he asks.

“She came looking for me when I got out,” I say. I can’t explain it any better than that. She’s the reason I was at the camp, after all. It’s true.

“You like her?” he asks as he tucks in a corner of the sheet.

I nod. “A lot,” I admit.

“Uh oh,” he breathes. His brow arches. “You’re in love with her.”

I nod, and a grin steals across my face. “A lot,” I say again.

Maggie walks into the room and lies down at my feet. “Cute dog,” he says.

“She’s a trained killer,” I say.

He laughs. “Tell me another one.”

“Try to get close to Reagan and see what happens,” I warn. I’m not kidding. That dog almost made me piss my pants that one night.

“I’d rather not,” he says. “So, you doing okay?” he asks.

“I’m sorry,” I blurt out. He looks up, shocked.

“For what?” His brow furrows.

“For ignoring you. For not answering your letters. For being mad at you when I told you to run.”

His mouth falls open, like he doesn’t know what to say next. “I should have stayed.”

“I didn’t want you to stay.” I heave in a deep breath. “I was jealous,” I admit. It hurts like fucking hell, but it’s the truth. “You went off to college and started living the dream. And I wasn’t there.” We’d never, ever been separated before that.

He sits down on the edge of the bed. “We were pretty stupid to work with Bone when we knew it was wrong.”

I nod. “Fucking idiots.”

“We should have known better,” he says.

“Yep.” I sit down beside him.

“Do you want to kiss and make up now?” he says, grinning.

I reach over and hug him, knocking him to the bed in the process, and he wraps his arms around me. His grappling quickly becomes wrestling, and he pins me for a minute on the sheets. But we’re pretty evenly matched. I wiggle out of his hold and flip him over, and it’s my turn to be on top. He makes a noise because he knows I have him, and then he flips me over his head. I live for this shit, but then I hear Maggie. Sam freezes on top of me and looks down.

Shit. Maggie has her teeth bared at him, and she’s gnashing them. “You might want to let me up,” I warn.

“Is she going to bite me?” he asks.

“Fuck, I don’t know.” He lifts his hands and moves to the other side of the room. Maggie hops onto the bed, gets between
me and him, and growls. “Mags,” I say, just like Reagan would. Maggie turns and slides her head under my hand. A laugh bursts from my throat. “Now that shit’s funny,” I say.

Sam doesn’t agree, if his scowl is any indication. “You cheated with a fucking dog,” he says. But a grin breaks across his face.

I scratch Maggie behind the ears. She loves me. Already. “He’s all right, girl,” I tell her. She nuzzles my hand, her eyes going back and forth between Sam and me. “She can tell us apart. Ain’t that some shit?” I ask.

Sam backs out of the room, and I follow with Maggie at my heels. I sit down on the couch, and she drops at my feet and lays her head on her paws.

They still have the movie turned off, and I can tell they’re waiting to grill me.

“Did you two make up?” Paul asks, as he crosses one foot over his leg. He’s trying to be casual about it, but we both know there’s nothing casual when he’s being serious. And he’s serious about this.

“We tried, but then Pete sicced his dog on me,” Sam grouses. He sits down on the arm of the couch. Emily’s in Logan’s lap in the lazy chair, and Matt and Paul are on the other couch.

“Who’s the girl?” Paul asks, jerking his thumb toward the bathroom.

I look toward it, and my insides go soft just thinking about her. “Her name is Reagan. You don’t care if she spends the night, do you?”

Sam raises his hand like a teacher is calling on him in class. “She can sleep in my room.”

I throw a pillow at his head, but he ducks and it sails past him.

“Is that
the
Reagan?” Matt asks. He reaches for a can of nuts on the coffee table and pops a handful into his mouth.

“Yeah,” I reply. “But don’t mention that to her, will you?” They all know about the rape. “And don’t act like you pity her when she’s around, all right? She’s private about that stuff.”

“I don’t pity her,” Emily says. “I admire the hell out of her.” She steals Matt’s nuts by crawling into his lap and prying them from his hands. He bats at her fingers, but he’s playing. He fucking loves Emily. We all do.

“Well, I think I love the hell out of her, so you guys be nice.”

My brothers freeze. All but Sam, and he’s busy trying to steal the can of nuts from Emily. She knocks him over the head with it, and he gives up, sulking.

“You love her?” Paul asks quietly.

I can’t bite back my grin. “Yeah.”

“He’s got the
coochie disease,” Sam says. “You know, the one where you get some and can’t stop thinking about getting some more.”

I throw another pillow at his head. “We haven’t even done that,” I say quietly. I look toward the door. I don’t want her to hear me.

“You haven’t?” Matt asks. He walks over and sits down on top of Emily, who’s still in Logan’s lap, and steals the nuts back from her. She squirms under him and finally gives up. He holds out a cashew for her, and she opens her mouth like a baby bird so he can pop it in. Then he climbs off her.

“Nope.” God, they’re nosy. “She has an apartment across town, over near where Emily lives.”

“Oh, then we can take her home,” Emily chirps. But she’s already harassing Matt for the can of nuts again. He pins her down on the couch with his elbow and eats them while refusing to let her up. “Logan!” she whines, but she’s laughing.

Logan just smiles.
She gets herself into these messes; she can get herself out.

“I want her to stay here,” I say, shaking my head at Emily. Matt lets her up, and she leans against him with her head on his shoulder. He likes to cuddle with her. She’s like a sister to all of us, and I hope Reagan will fit in as well as Emily does one day. But I really can’t imagine her wrestling with them the way Emily does.

“What happened to your eye?” Paul asks. My eye is still a little blue from when she hit me.

“Reagan hit
me,” I admit. Logan grins.

“Marry her,” Logan says. “Marry her right away.”

I nod. “I think I might,” I say quietly. I watch their faces. They all look at me, and then Logan starts to laugh. He gets up and high-fives me.

“Thank God,” he says. “I thought Emily would be the only girl around her forever.”

“Emily’s not a girl,” Matt says, grimacing at the thought of it. She shoots him a heated glance. But she’s not a girl. Not to any of us.

“So, you guys will be nice to her, right?” I ask.

“Duh,” Sam says drolly as he walks into the kitchen and gets a beer. He brings one to me, but I shake my head. I’m going to have Reagan in my arms for the first time ever tonight, and I want to keep my head straight.

I hear the bathroom door open and get up
. Reagan walks to stand beside me and whispers, “Which room is ours?” Her hair is loose and damp, hanging down over her shoulders. Her face is free of makeup, and she smells so damn good that I want to lick her. I adjust my junk, and Matt snickers. I scowl at him, and he nods toward the bedroom. It’s a subtle warning, but I take it. “It was nice to meet you, Reagan,” he says.

“You too,” she calls back, but I’m already ushering her toward our room. I wait for Maggie to walk into the room with
us and then close and lock the door. She looks around. “I’m nervous,” she says quickly. She puts down her bag, and I notice she’s wearing the clothes she had on before.

“Do you need something to sleep in?” I ask.

She shakes her head and smiles shyly at me, avoiding my gaze. “Could you turn around for a second?” she asks.

I grin, and it makes me so fucking happy that she asked. I hear a rustle of clothing and sheets behind me, and I look back to find her sliding between the sheets of the bed we’ll share. And she’s stark fucking naked. “What are you doing?” I ask.

“Going to bed,” she says, looking at me like I’ve lost my mind. She rolls onto her side and rests her head in the palm of her hand, her elbow pointed toward the head of the bed. She pats the space beside her. “You coming?”

Her voice is shaking, so I know she’s not nearly as cool as she wants me to think.

I point toward the lump her body makes under the covers. “Are you naked under there?” I ask. I’m not sure I can stand sleeping next to her naked. I know I asked her to try it. But I’m not sure my nerves can take it.

She lifts the edge of the blanket and looks down. “I still have panties on,” she whispers.

Jesus Christ. I run a hand through my hair. “Okay,” I say slowly.

I kick off
my shoes and sit down on the edge of the bed to pull my socks off. Then I shuck my jeans off quickly and pull my shirt over my head. I slide between the sheets in my boxers, trying to stay turned away from her so she won’t see how hard my dick is. The last thing I want to do is scare her.

I feel her fingertips on my arm and heave in a breath. “Jesus,” I say.

Her fingers still. “What’s wrong?” she asks.

“Nothing,” I croak.

She sits up. “You sure?” She clutches the covers to her chest.

“Yeah,” I bite out. Her fingers start to trace my tattoos again.

“Do you think you could give me a tattoo?” she asks.

Finally, a safe topic.
“What do you want?” I ask. I roll over to face her.

She shrugs. “I don’t know.”

I roll toward the nightstand and open the drawer. This used to be Logan’s room and he’s an artist, so there’s a drawer full of pens and markers. I pick up a few and lay them on the bed. “Roll over,” I say.

“Why?” Her brow furrows.

“Just trust me,” I say, and I motion for her to roll over again. She does, looking back at me over her shoulder as she moves to lie on her stomach. The blanket is hitched up nearly to her shoulders. “Can I pull this down a little?” I ask.

She nods and wraps her arm around the pillow, then rests her face on it. She smiles softly. “All right,” she says quietly. Her breaths are harsher now, though. And she has goose bumps on her arms and the back of her neck.

I uncap a pen and touch it to her back, drawing a quick little picture of a butterfly. “We can do a butterfly like this one.”

She looks back, rolling a little to look at what I drew, and I see the side of her naked breast. Good God. I scrub a hand down my face.

“I like it, but I was thinking more dainty, with vines. Maybe up my side.” She pushes the blankets lower, and I can see the indentations on top of her butt and the elastic of her panties.

“You want thorns?” I ask as I start to draw.

She shakes her head, giggling as I move my way up her side. “That tickles,” she laughs.

“Whatever you get, we’ll have Logan draw it so it’ll be spectacular. Then I can ink you.” I draw vines all the way up her side, and then put a flower on the side of her breast that I can see. I’m a guy. I can’t avoid touching it. It’s there. I want it. “Roll over just a little,” I say, and I give her a nudge.

“Why?” she asks. But she’s already covering her breasts with her hands as she rolls. I rearrange her fingertips over her left boob so I can finish my drawing. I think I catch a flash of her nipple, and I suck in a breath.