Cattle Valley 26 - Shadow Soldier (5 page)

Ronan Pritchard shook his head. “Maybe you’re ready. You’ve said yourself the dreams aren’t as graphic as they used to be.”
“I still have them though.” He fiddled with his shoelace. “Deacon’s around the same age as Sergeant Major Colmbs. Do you think that has anything to do with my attraction towards him?”
“Did you engage in a sexual relationship with Colmbs?”
“No.” Aaron tried to push away the memory of the Sergeant Major’s disappointment in him after Aaron had been rescued. “He was more like a father figure, I guess, straight as an arrow, as they say.”
“Why bring up Colmbs now? You haven’t spoken of him in months.” Ronan made a note on the pad of paper in his lap.
After giving himself a few minutes to think about it, Aaron knew the answer. “The Sergeant Major pushed me away after I confessed what had really happened that day. I’d never felt so alone in my life. I guess the shit that went down with Deacon the other night brought it all back.”
“When you say Colmbs pushed you away, are you talking figuratively?”
Aaron closed his eyes and buried his face in his hands. His sergeant wasn’t a homophobe, he simply didn’t know how to deal with it when Aaron hugged him for comfort. If anything, Aaron had been in the wrong to seek compassion from his superior. “Sergeant Major Colmbs was the one who had the discharge papers drawn up.”
“And that hurt, didn’t it?”
“Guess so,” Aaron mumbled. “Could’ve been worse.” He stuffed his hands in his pockets when they began to shake. “Do you think it’s too soon for me to want Deacon?”
“I think the fact that you want him says a lot about your progress.” Ronan tapped his pen against his lips. “Although I worry you’ll crawl back into your shell if things don’t go well between the two of you.”
The subtle ding of the timer on the desk sounded, signalling the end of another session. Aaron got to his feet. “I’m not afraid around Deacon. So whether things work out or not, I think that’s a positive thing.”
“See you next Tuesday,” Ronan said as Aaron left the office.
Aaron stepped out into the afternoon sunshine and lifted his face to the sky. He gave himself a few minutes to soak in the warmth and put his session behind him. After talking to Dr Pritchard, Aaron always felt raw. He knew it was good for him to talk to someone, and Dr Pritchard really was helping him get better, but he was certain Deacon was the one who was meant to drive the nightmares away for good.
He took a deep breath and started towards his car at the end of the block, his gaze glued to Deacon’s shop, fighting the urge to go inside.
“Hey, Aaron.”
Aaron turned to see Luke jogging towards him. He stopped walking and waited for his friend to catch up.
“On your way to see Deacon?” Luke asked.
Aaron gestured to Dr Pritchard’s practice. Luke was one of the few who knew he saw a shrink on a regular basis. “Just had a session. My car’s at the end of the block.”
“You should stop in and see him, you know.”
“He said he’d be busy for the next month or so. I doubt he wants me barging in on him.” Aaron silently prayed Luke would talk him into it. At least that way he could blame his friend if Deacon got mad and kicked him out.
“He is busy, but he also really likes you. You have to try and cut him a break. He’s got a lot on his plate right now.” Luke held up the grocery sacks he held at his sides. “I’m having a few people over for dinner, thought you and Deacon might come.”
Biting his lower lip, Aaron tilted his head to the side. “Have you already invited Deacon?”
Luke grinned. “Yeah, and he wants to ask you, but you’ve got him scared.”
“Me? I haven’t done anything to him.”
“You’d be surprised.”
The statement was too cryptic for Aaron to decipher so soon after his appointment. “Is it because I wanted to stay the night with him?”
“No.” Luke nudged Aaron with his elbow. “Go talk to him.”
Aaron grabbed the lifeline. “Okay, but you’ll hear about it if he tosses me out on my ass again.”
“He won’t, trust me.” Luke started to walk off. “The sign says closed, but I just left so it’ll still be unlocked. Be at the house around seven for dinner.”
“Maybe.” Aaron waved goodbye to his friend before crossing the street. He wiped his hands on his jeans before turning the brass doorknob. Once again, the bells over the door gave him away.
“We’re closed,” Deacon called out from the back.
“It’s Aaron.” Aaron walked towards the small office he’d seen on his earlier visit. “Do you have a minute?”
Deacon covered the phone. “Hey. Wait for me in the store, I’ll be two minutes.”
Instead of wandering around, Aaron righted one of the willow chairs that had been knocked over and took a seat. His stomach was in knots while he waited for Deacon to get off the phone.
“Sorry about that.” Deacon came into the room and sat beside Aaron. “I’m glad you came by. Actually, I was planning on going by your place but the phone rang before I could get out the door.”
Aaron wasn’t sure what to say. “I ran into Luke outside. He invited me over for dinner, said he’d invited you too.”
“He did,” Deacon confirmed. “That’s why I was going to stop by your place. I thought maybe you’d go with me. Of course I can’t promise I won’t get called away from the table a time or two by the phone, but I’d like to spend some time with you.”
Aaron gestured to the phone in Deacon’s pocket. “What’s going on that you’re suddenly on that thing all the time? Is there some kind of bidding war going on over your furniture or something?”
Deacon slipped the phone into his back pocket. “Owning the shop isn’t my only job. I do some work on the side that I can’t really talk about.”
Aaron sat straight up, ready to run if he needed to. “Are you a drug dealer, because I like you a lot, but I’ve seen what drugs do to people.”
Deacon reached over and settled a hand on Aaron’s knee. “No, it’s some work for the government. I’m one of the good guys. The thing is, no one around here but Luke has any idea, and I need it to stay that way.”
Aaron relaxed. “So the calls, they’re something to do with that?”
“Yeah.”
“Sorry I jumped to conclusions.” He threaded his fingers through Deacon’s. “Is that why you said you couldn’t see me for a while? Were you afraid I’d find out what you did?”
“Partially.” Deacon released Aaron’s hand and sat back in his chair. “Actually, no, that’s not the reason.”
“Then what is?” Aaron braced himself. “Am I too crazy for you?”
“Stop.” Deacon reached over and pulled Aaron towards him. “Come here.”
Aaron refused to sit on Deacon’s lap like a damn child, so he knelt in front of the man. He rested his cheek on Deacon’s good leg and waited.
“I told you Luke knows what I do. Well, a couple months ago, he asked if I could talk to you because he knew you were hurtin’ and wasn’t sure how to help. Given my military background, he thought it might be easier for you to talk to me.”
“I didn’t know that.”
Deacon sighed. “That’s only part of it. I wanted to know more about you before I agreed. Nothing personal, I just don’t let many people close to me. So I did some digging.”
Aaron swallowed around the lump of emotion lodged in his throat.
He knows.
Getting to his feet, Aaron backed towards the front door. “I was going to tell you, I promise. I just wasn’t sure how.”
Grabbing his cane, Deacon stood and went after Aaron. “You’ve got nothing to apologise for. I’m the one who needs to beg your forgiveness for digging into your life without asking.”
Aaron bumped into a table and nearly toppled the lamp on top of it. He steadied the furniture before turning back to Deacon. Staring at Deacon, Aaron knew he should be furious at what Deacon had done, but all he could think about was shame at what had happened to him. “I’m not mad at you, but I think I should go.”
“Please don’t.” Deacon continued towards Aaron.
With tears in his eyes, Aaron shook his head. “You’ll never look at me the same way again.” Before Deacon could answer, Aaron turned and threw the door open wide. He sprinted into the street without thinking to even look for traffic. He wasn’t sure which he heard first, the squeal of tires or Deacon screaming his name. Before Aaron could react, he was pushed from behind. He ended up in the middle of Main Street with Deacon lying on top of him.
“Is everyone okay?” someone asked, running towards them.
Aaron closed his eyes at the enormity of what had almost occurred. He rolled to his back and stared up at Deacon. “Are you hurt?”
His face pale as a ghost, Deacon rubbed his chest. “Just got the wind knocked out of me.” He sat up and reached for Aaron’s arm. “But you are.”
“Hang on, I’ll call for help.”
Aaron looked at his arm before staring up at the handsome man in confusion. It took him several moments to realise the stranger had been the one driving the SUV that had almost hit him. “I don’t need any. It’s just a scuff.”
The man held out his hand. Aaron took it and was pulled to his feet. “I’m Hawk, by the way.”
Still dazed, Aaron shook Hawk’s hand. “Aaron.” He reached down and helped Deacon up. “Where’s your cane?”
Deacon searched the street, eventually pointing towards the gutter.
“Okay, hang on.” Aaron ran to the side of the road and picked up the hand carved cane. It dawned him how fast Deacon would’ve had to move to reach him in time to knock him away from the SUV. He carried the cane over and handed it to Deacon.
Deacon ended the handshake with Hawk. “Sorry to scare you.”
“I’m just glad no one was seriously hurt.” Hawk pointed to Aaron and chuckled. “Teach him to look both ways before crossing the street.”
“I’ll take care of it.” Deacon took Aaron’s hand and led him back to the store.
“You ran.” Aaron followed Deacon into the back office.
Thus far, Deacon had remained quiet. He pulled Aaron into his arms and held him close. “You took ten years off my life.”
Aaron pressed his cheek against Deacon’s shoulder. “You shouldn’t have risked yourself because I did something stupid.”
“It wasn’t a choice, Aaron. You ran out there. I saw the SUV coming, and I knew I’d do whatever it took to keep you safe.” Deacon tilted Aaron’s chin up for a deep kiss.
Aaron opened to Deacon’s tongue.
“And for the record, you said I’d never look at you the same again after finding out about your past, but guess what, I knew everything about you before you ever stepped foot in this shop and I still want you.”
“But, I’m a coward.” Aaron thought of the way he’d hidden behind an injured boy while the men protecting him had been gunned down.
Deacon sat in his office chair and pulled Aaron between his legs, giving Aaron the choice of whether to sit or stand. “Luke told me you were dishonourably discharged. I happen to know that wasn’t the case, so why lie?”
With his hands on Deacon’s shoulders, Aaron tried to put his shame into words. “I watched my friends die right in front of me. I had a gun, but refused to use it out of fear, what’s honourable in that? Why did I deserve a general discharge when others got worse just for being gay?” Giving in to his need to be held, Aaron sat on Deacon’s good leg. “What else do you know about me? Does my file talk about my life before I served overseas?”
“Your official file isn’t as thorough as I would’ve liked, so I did some digging on my own.”
“Why?” It didn’t make sense to Aaron. Even if Deacon wanted to help him deal with what had happened in Baghdad, it had nothing to do with his upbringing. His grandmother hadn’t made him into the coward he’d become, he’d accomplished that on his own.
“To be completely honest, I don’t know. Luke told me a lot about you, but I wanted to know who you were before you were held for three days at gunpoint.”
“But I’m not that man anymore, don’t you get it? The Aaron Ellis who walked into the recruiters’ office the day after high school graduation died shortly after landing in Baghdad. So all your snooping into my life was pointless.”
“No it wasn’t,” Deacon argued. “The core of who you are is still there. If it wasn’t, you wouldn’t bother with therapy. While I see a good person in front of me, you see a morphed version of yourself, and I’d love nothing more than to help you with that.”
Aaron opened his mouth to dispute Deacon’s claims but found he couldn’t. Whether skewed or not, he didn’t see himself the way others obviously did. Why else would Luke and Deacon, two of the nicest people he’d ever known, care enough to put up with his bullshit? “So, are we gonna go to this dinner thing, or what?”
Deacon’s serious expression softened. “I’d like that, but first, we need to get that arm taken care of.”
Aaron had forgotten all about his injury. “Oh, shit, I got blood all over your shirt.”
Deacon rubbed the back of Aaron’s ass. “Isn’t the first time I’ve had blood on me, won’t be the last.”
Aaron rested his forehead against Deacon’s. “Please don’t tell me that.” He gave Deacon a quick kiss. “Is this other job of yours dangerous?” With Deacon’s leg the way it was, Aaron couldn’t see him getting into a bad situation, but the statement made him wonder.
“Not as long as my identity remains a secret.” The phone in Deacon’s pocket began to ring. He closed his eyes and groaned. “Sorry, but I need to get that.”
Aaron stood. “I’ll leave you alone then. Pick me up later?”
Deacon dug the phone out of his pocket. “Looking forward to it.”
So was Aaron. He left the shop feeling better than he had in days, despite the drying blood on his arm.

Deacon waited until Aaron was out of earshot before speaking. “Black’s Hardware.” He waited for the agent or handler to identify themselves.
“Yeah, do you carry shotgun shells?”
Deacon silently cursed. Although he didn’t know Priest well, the top-notch agent and new handler would surely recognise the deep rasp of Deacon’s voice. He was still trying to figure out how to handle the situation when Priest spoke again.
“You are a hardware store, aren’t you?”
The suspicion in Priest’s voice prompted Deacon to answer. “Yes, shotgun shells are stored behind the counter.”
“This isn’t Midnight,” Priest accused.
“No. It’s the Director. Midnight’s occupied.” Deacon figured the less he spoke the better.
“Agent two-four-six is home and ready for his next assignment.”
“Have him sit tight until further notice.” Two-four-six was the man Deacon would’ve chosen to go after Sully if Midnight hadn’t had such a personal stake in making sure his onagain-off-again lover was safe. Although Deacon had a job that needed to be done, he decided to save two-four-six in case Midnight’s rescue attempt failed.
“You’re the boss.” Priest hung up, and Deacon sighed in relief.