Authors: C.A. Harms
Clash (18 page)
R
eturning back home after our trip to Denver was an adjustment. After everything I learned, life now felt like there was a dark cloud hanging over it.
Even getting adjusted to classes again was hard.
Nights and home with Dylan were the only times I could relax, but with him that was never hard. Being in his arms made everything feel better.
I was just leaving Unity Hall when someone came up behind me and squeezed my shoulders. Spinning around quickly, I came face to face with Todd.
“Hey there, pretty girl. My day just got a whole lot better,” he said with a smile.
“You have a lot of nerve,” I said as I stepped back. “After the shit you pulled with Shannon, you think you can just walk up to me like everything is as fine as it was when we first met.”
“Listen, let me explain…” he started to say, but I stopped him immediately.
“No, you listen. I’ve had enough of your bullshit and games. Whatever you’re thinking—it isn’t going to happen. Just back off and stay away from me, please.” I backed away from him and began walking toward the designated spot where I usually met Casey.
I found her waiting by the fountain with her head tilted back slightly, her eyes closed. “Taking a little nap?” I asked as I sat down beside her.
“No, but the sun feels amazing on my face,” she said, remaining in the same position.
“Well, my day was great, until I had a run-in with Todd.” That caught her attention.
She locked her eyes on me and arched a brow. “Excuse me? What did that clown have to say?”
“It wasn’t so much what he said, more how he acted. I just don’t understand him. I mean, after everything he pulled with Shannon, trying to break Dylan and me up. He just irritates the hell out of me. I can’t believe I ever thought he was a decent guy in the first place.” Just then my phone rang and I reached around, pulling it from my back pocket.
Dylan’s name flashed across the screen.
“Hey you,” I said in a more aggravated tone than necessary.
“Well it sounds like someone is having a bad day.” He chuckled lightly. “Is there anything I can help with?”
“Unless you can make the fact I ever met Todd disappear, I’m pretty sure this irritation isn’t going anywhere anytime soon.” Silence met my response, and suddenly I regretted even saying anything.
“What happened?” All humor was purged from his voice.
I suddenly began to backtrack. “Nothing. Really, it was nothing.”
“Payton?” I heard his voice echo through the phone. Out of the corner of my eye I watched as Casey turned around on the bench and looked behind us. Then I knew why his voice echoed.
“Where is he?”
I lowered the phone from my ear and turned around to face an irritated-looking Dylan.
Everything happened so fast it was unavoidable. Dylan looked over to his left as a few guys laughed loudly; in the middle of the group stood Todd.
Before I could even stand Dylan stalked off in his direction.
It was like I blinked then Dylan had Todd pinned against the wall, holding him by the collar of his shirt. “What’s it going to take to get you to leave Payton alone? Do I need to beat your ass again?”
“Dylan, come on, please. He isn’t worth it,” I begged as I stepped to his side. “Let’s just go home.”
Todd made the mistake of looking over at me and smiling. That was all the motivation Dylan needed. He pulled back and made a fist just as Seth ran up and grabbed Dylan, pulling him back just as he swung.
My heart sank as a crowd formed around us. “Stay the fuck away from her,” Dylan hissed as he was pulled away by Seth. I didn’t even take a second look at Todd; I just followed Seth and a very irritated Dylan.
***
After about thirty minutes, Dylan and Seth arrived at the apartment. Casey drove me home while Seth did his best to tame the wild beast in Dylan. I was thankful he seemed calmer when he entered the apartment.
He searched the room, and when his eyes locked on mine, he walked directly to me and knelt down, placing his hands on my knees. “I’m sorry I acted like that, but Todd gets to me. He knows you are my biggest fucking weakness, and he’ll do whatever he can to get under my skin.”
“I know,” I said in return, because anyone who knew the two of them knew they shouldn’t be in a room together, unless they wanted it to end in a casualty.
“I love you, baby,” he whispered as he leaned closer and kissed me gently.
Dylan
Weeks had passed since my run-in with Todd. Hell, that fucking guy fired me up so easily. Why? Because he wanted someone who was mine.
But I know Payton now feels the same way I do about Todd. His true colors have shined through the façade. He was slime and always had an ulterior motive.
I planned a night for Payton and me, a night with no drama or disastrous events. I just wanted to take her out to a nice dinner followed by a night alone without interruption.
Just two more hours at work and our weekend could begin.
We were working in Normal today. A new subdivision was being developed and we were contracted to building a series of homes throughout the neighborhood.
It was what I loved to do—work with my hands. Taking something and turning it in to a home a family would call theirs was an amazing feeling. From start to finish, I worked right alongside the boss, learning the ins and outs of the trade. Nothing would make me happier than one day being able to build a home for Payton and myself.
Raising a family was a dream I had thought of often, one I could barely wait to make a reality.
My phone rang just as I was nailing the last piece of sheetrock to the kitchen wall. Most of the guys had already gone home for the weekend, but I wanted to finish this room before I called it a day.
When I answered the phone and Casey’s frantic voice came through, I panicked.
“It’s Maggie,” Casey said. “Payton got a call from the hospital in Denver. They’ve admitted Maggie. Things are bad, Dylan. You need to get home.”
Without hesitation I dropped my tools and grabbed my keys from my pocket. “I’m on my way,” I told Casey. “Will either you or Mom get online and find us the soonest flight to Denver? I need to get Payton there.”
“Mom is already looking,” she assured me.
I should have known that. My mom always had Payton’s best interests in mind. She loved her like her own.
“I should be there in less than thirty minutes,” I told her as I climbed into my truck.
“Be careful,” she added just before hanging up.
***
When we landed in Denver, my mother had already set up a rental car for us. Once the paperwork was completed, they handed us the keys to a Toyota Camry and we rushed off to the lot to locate it.
The drive to the hospital was quiet as Payton stared out the passenger window. She was trying to stay strong, but I could see the worry written all over her face.
I threaded my fingers with hers and pulled our joined hands to my mouth, placing a soft kiss against her wrist.
She looked over at me and forced a smile. The brave face she was wearing was one I recognized.
“Whatever happens when we get there, know that I’m right by your side. Lean on me, okay?” She nodded as tears pooled in her eyes.
Payton
I was completely terrified of what I was about to face. I had gotten into a routine of talking to Cooper and Maggie almost daily over the weeks since we last visited. Neither of them mentioned anything pertaining to a decline in Maggie’s health. But something told me what I was about to see would be something I would never forget.
Once we exited the hospital elevator on the fourth floor, I was faced with overwhelming feelings. I turned back to Dylan; once he saw my face he wrapped me in his embrace. The tears began to fall without a chance of stopping.
I was never a crier. I had been trained at a young age it was only a sign of weakness. It was always inexcusable.
But today, in this moment, there was no way to stop them. I cried into his chest while he softly whispered words of support. “Shh, baby, I know this is hard, but she needs to know you’re here. Cooper needs you, Payton. I’m here and I am not going anywhere.” He kissed my forehead, and something about it gave me the strength I needed. “I promise, baby, you can do this.”
Having him here meant the world to me. I pulled back and took in a deep breath. It was time to face it all.
Cooper was in the waiting room down the hall. Once I stepped around the corner and saw him, it broke my heart—his eyes were so sad. I knelt to the ground, allowing him to rush into my arms. He tried to remain strong, but once I wrapped my arms around him, he caved. His little sobs slowly brought me over the edge. I allowed him to cry as I held him close.
“I’m so sorry, buddy,” I whispered with my own tears flowing heavy.
After a few minutes, I was able to reassure him that I was not leaving. I made my way to my mother’s room.
It took a few moments standing outside her door to convince myself to enter. I knew this was going to be a lot harder than I ever thought it would be.
Dylan followed me into Maggie’s room, his hand firmly holding mine.
Once I saw the condition she was in, I stumbled back, and Dylan caught my waist. He gripped my hips and held me steady until I was able to regain my stability.
Seeing my mother lying in the hospital bed with tubes and machines was so hard. She looked so brittle and frail. She had a morphine drip for the pain, and the doctors explained she took a turn for the worse very quickly. Now it was just a matter of time, but for some reason she was holding on, as if she was waiting on something, or someone.
I approached her bed and the tears began to fall once again. My lower lip trembled and my heart ached so heavily.
I sat in the chair next to her, and I felt like a lost little girl all over again. Here my mother was in this bed, in front of me, and she was dying. No matter what I said or did, or anyone else for that matter, she was still dying. That thought made me feel hopeless and scared.
I lost my mother years ago and had held her responsible for every bad thing that happened to me since. I used to despise her and had no desire to know her. But in this moment, looking at her, everything changed.
I lost so much time with her I could never get back. She would never see me graduate or get married. She would never meet my children, and the realization of all that came crashing down all at once. I knew Dylan was with me, but at this moment I could no longer hold it in. I cried for all the years I couldn’t mourn the loss of my mother. I cried for the woman I would never truly have the chance to know.
Holding my mother’s hand, I only hoped she could hear me. Doing my best to keep my voice steady, I spoke to her for the last time.
“Hey, Mom, it’s me, I’m here. I need to tell you something. I should have said it long before now, but I just hope you can hear me. I need you to hear me.” My voice vibrated as I spoke. “I forgive you, Mom. I forgive you for everything. I love you, and I’m sorry I wasted what time we did have together. I need you to know Cooper will be okay. I promise you I will take care of him. I will make sure he remembers everything about you. I’ll tell him how much you loved him so often, he’ll get sick of hearing me say it.”
I lifted her hand to my lips and kissed it softly. “I need you to know that no matter what I will keep Cooper, and I’ll do whatever is needed to make sure his life is full.”
I felt Dylan place his hand on my shoulder and squeeze. “It’ll be okay, Mom, I promise you. So if you’re worried, you can stop now. I love you so much, and it’s okay to let go. It’s okay to sleep and let go of all this pain. Everything will be okay, I promise you. We love you, Mom.”
Dylan wrapped himself around me from behind as I watched her monitors. I continued to hold her hand as the tears streamed steadily down my face.
I sat in that position for hours as doctors and nurses came in and out of her room. My eyes never left her, even when Dylan insisted I take a walk. I just couldn’t leave her. I knew the moment I did she would be gone forever.
I didn’t want her to be alone when she decided to fade away. I hoped she could sense my presence and know I loved her. I hoped she could feel my touch.
When the loud beep of her machine filled the room, my heart sank.
I knew that I would never be able to forget what it looked like to watch my mother take her last breath. I would never forget the noises of the gurgling right before the line went flat on the monitor. They would forever echo in my mind.
They pronounced my mother dead at 4:32 a.m. on a Sunday morning. Things seemed to freeze at that moment as I allowed my head to rest on her bed. I could feel her leg beneath my cheek as I cried harder than I think I had ever cried before. I felt like a piece of me died along with her that morning.
I knew I had to stay strong for Cooper. He was so young, and right now I knew he felt completely alone.
Maggie had prepared for her death. She already planned to be cremated and only a small service for us to say goodbye. She made sure there was very little Cooper and I had to deal with.
After the service was over, Dylan and I spent a few days in Denver. It surprised me when Cooper said he wanted to move back to Illinois with us. I expected him to put up a fight when leaving his home behind. But I think he was ready for a fresh start, away from all things that reminded him of Maggie. Everywhere we looked we found little touches that only made us break once again.
My life had been full of obstacles, full of times when I thought for sure I would break.
I was faced with one heartbreak after another, but somehow I survived. I found the strength inside me to carry on and fight back.
This was just another one of those times. Cooper and I had been dealt the short stick, but now we had each other, and no matter what happened in our lives, I would do whatever it took to protect him. I would never let him fall…ever.
