Color Blind (Able to Love) (12 page)

“No, before you lied to me! Now get out!” he screamed.

Chapter Twenty-One

The pounding on the door jarred him awake. “Go away!” Saul moaned. Whoever it was refused to leave. He swung his legs out of bed and reached for his cane. With sure steps, he made his way towards the front door.

He swung the door open.

“It’s about time you answered the door.” Cassandra sounded put out with him. “I’ve been ringing the bell for about five minutes.”

He felt a tug on his cane. It had to be Emily. She liked to hold onto it. Saul ignored Cassandra who was still busy with her tirade. He ignored her comments about his haggard appearance. He squatted and held his arms out, bracing his body for the impact.

“Grandpa!” Emily greeted as she sprinkled his face with kisses. “Ugh! Your breath, Grandpa!”

Saul couldn’t hold the chuckle. He knew he hadn’t kept up with his hygiene. He stood and hurried into his bathroom to brush his teeth. Wetting his hands, he ran his fingers through his hair. He rubbed his chin. He’d shaved later. His orientation and mobility trainer, Beth Williams had taught him how to do it almost as good as when he had his sight.

“Why aren’t you answering my calls? I’ve been trying to reach you for two weeks.” Cassie didn’t wait for his response. “Where’s Annie?” she asked.

“She’s gone.” Saul faced her general direction. He hoped his face didn’t show his pain. He missed her. He was angry, yes. But, he missed her.

“Gone?” Cassandra repeated. “No wonder you look like crap.”

Saul shook his head. “I’m fine,” he lied. Then he purposely injected a light tone. “So I bet you had a good laugh about me going crazy for a black woman.”

“Oh, she told you.”

“Yes, she did.”

“And, you ran her off? I know you can’t see me, but my mouth is hanging open. Why would you do that?” He heard the incredulity in Cassie’s voice.

“She lied to me,” he said. Only to himself, would he admit that his excuse was weak. This was about race. Nothing else.

“How did she lie?” Cassie demanded.

“She should’ve told me.”

“Yes, and she did,” his daughter said. “Dad, this is about race.”

He jutted his chin. “It just isn’t done.” He tapped his cane on the floor to signify he was done with the discussion.

“Says who?”

Before he could answer, Emily interrupted. “Mommy, I need to go bathroom.”

“Okay, honey,” he heard her reply. “You know where it is.”

He heard Emily race across the tile as she went to relieve herself.

“Says who?” Cassandra repeated.

Saul shifted. He navigated his way to the breakfast barstool and sat. He heard Cassie open the refrigerator. “Want cereal?” she asked.

Saul nodded. “Says my father and my grandfather and my great grandfather. It’s understood.”

“Dad, that’s way past stupid. It’s ignorant. So, you’d rather remain alone than be glad you’ve found love again?”

Saul smiled. “I did, didn’t I? I thought your mother was it for me. Then I met Annie … and …” he stopped. And what?

When she placed the cereal box before him, Saul heard the contents rattle. “Need help?” she asked. Her voice held displeasure at his answer. He knew she wasn’t done.

“No, I can do it,” he said with a small smile. He’d come a long way.

He reached out to touch it so he would know its location. Saul heard the clink of the bowl and held out his hand until he felt the cool metal in his hand.

He placed the spoon on the right of his bowl and opened the cereal box. Then he placed his finger in the bowl and poured so he would know when to stop. “The milk is on your left.”

“It’s for the best. Things would be too complicated,” Saul said, returning to the conversation of he and Annie.

Saul found the milk bottle, undid the cap and poured the milk using the same technique. By then, Emily had returned and asked for some cereal.

Cassie helped her out before she said, “Dad, with all due respect, that’s the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard.”

Saul arched a brow but said nothing.

“You love her. Are you telling me that’s changed because of her color?”

He slumped a little. No, his feelings hadn’t changed. “I love her,” he admitted between bites. “But I’m angry.”

“She can’t help her skin color any more than you can help who you love!” Cassie bellowed. Then she continued in a calmer tone, “I don’t know what stereotypes you have about blacks, but Kellan was a good, decent husband. I feel the pain of losing him every day and I’m angry that he’s gone!”

Her heartfelt outcry pulled at his heart. “Like you, I’m angry. But not at Annie, like I believed. I’m angry at myself,” Saul admitted.

“I might be angry, However, I have no regrets. I’m glad to have had Kellan in my life even if our forever was cut short,” Cassie clarified.

“Are you saying things were easy for the both of you?” Saul asked.

“No, it wasn’t easy. Sometimes, we’d go into Wal-Mart or the movie theater and we’d get these bad looks. Sometimes, we’d have people say some mean things because we were together. But, we were together. We loved each other and that’s what mattered.”

Cassie’s words pierced his being. Saul hung his head. She was right. He called out. “Come over here and take my hand.” When she did, he said, “I’m proud of you. I’m glad you stood up to me and went with your heart.”

He heard a sniff before she rested her head on his shoulder. Saul tensed. She used to do the same thing when she was a little girl. He got choked up. “I’m sorry I wasn’t there with you.”

She nodded. “It’s okay. I had Kellan.”

He nodded. “In a way, I’m glad I’m blind because I don’t think I would’ve taken the chance to truly see people otherwise. I was so caught up with race that I forgot we’re all human.”

He heard Cassie’s indrawn breath. “What are you saying?”

“I made a mistake. I shouldn’t have let Annie go. I made a mess of things. I allowed my pride and anger to push her away.” He slumped. “It’s too late.”

Cassie stepped away from him and cleared his now empty breakfast bowl. He heard her put the items away.

“She won’t want me now,” Saul voiced.

“She fell in love with you knowing how you felt,” Cassie said. “I don’t think a love like that just dissipates into thin air. Go to her, Dad. Grovel. Beg. Do whatever you have to, but don’t let love pass you by without a fight.”

Chapter Twenty-Two

“Call him, already!” Sari demanded, “Because I can’t take anymore of your moping. Not even when Cornell left did you walk around like somebody died.”

“Why are you in here?” Annie demanded. She bent closer to her bathroom mirror to inspect the bags under her eyes. Too many sleepless nights were catching up to her.

“You’re avoiding me,” Sari explained as she covered the doorway. “So now I’ve got you cornered.”

Annie rolled her eyes and pushed past her. “It’s six o’clock in the morning. I’m not avoiding you. I’ve been helping you plan a wedding. Remember? There’s nothing else to talk about with Saul. I told you he kicked me out of his house. What else is there to discuss?”

“Normally, I would be high-fiving you for leaving. But you’re miserable! I know he has a temper but how do you know he’s not regretting the way he handled things? There’s only one way to find out. I’m saying put your pride on the line and go see him,” her friend entreated.

She brushed her teeth and rinsed them while she thought. Sari wouldn’t move. Annie knew she was waiting for answer. She wiped her hands and turned to face the other woman. “It’s not my pride that’s on the line. It’s my heart.”

Sari’s eyebrows creased with empathy. “I know that and if he were in a position to come here, I would tell you to wait for him to come crawling back. But, you blocked his number. His only means of reaching you.”

Annie nodded. That she had. She crossed her arms. “That’s what he gets for kicking me out of his house.”

Sari’s mouth formed an ‘O’. “I see. You’re punishing him. Not cool. I get it, but I can’t agree.” Her friend exited the bathroom.

“You’ve changed,” Annie accused following after her. “You wouldn’t take such behavior from Ahmad.”

“No, I wouldn’t. However, that’s when I would count on my friend to tell me to fix things. I’d count on you to tell me that you can’t tell your heart who to love.”

Sari sure was right about that, Annie thought. She’d tried to tell her heart whom not to love and it wasn’t cooperating. Annie yearned to see Saul. She’d cried every night despite her prayers. She dreamt about him. She knew God was urging her not to give up on him. He was still working on Saul.

“I’m afraid of his rejection,” she whispered. Her lips quivered with her words.

Sari pulled her in for a hug. “I know that. Seeing your pain made me pray long and hard about this as well. I’m urging you to quit spiting yourself and go to him. I believe in my spirit, he’s the one for you.”

“He doesn’t deserve a second chance.”

“True, but who does? Nothing good comes easy. Especially not relationships.” Sari raised an eyebrow. “I should know.”

Tears fell. Sari’s words were sinking in but she had a ways to go. “Pray with me.”

Sari beckoned for them to join hands. “Okay, I will, but you’ve got to return the favor and pray for Saul. Because of you, he may have a different perspective of love. He fell in love with you. Now, show him the perspective of a Christian. Show him God’s love by forgiving him.”

They bowed their heads and Sari prayed.

When they opened their eyes, Annie said, “I know it’s a bit dramatic, but I feel like Esther. I’m going back there not knowing if I will be allowed in.”

Sari chuckled at her comparison. “It is a tad dramatic.” She patted Annie’s arm. “He loves you. He’ll let you in.”

In the face of Sari’s quiet conviction, Annie dressed. Within fifteen minutes, she was behind the wheel. Her sweaty palms gripped the wheel. She was either about to find her destiny, or meet her doom.

Chapter Twenty-Three

Saul pushed open the door to his lanai and sniffed the air. He smelled the ocean and savored the feel of the crisp morning air. He inhaled. He smelled coffee and that signature light floral scent, which could only mean one thing.

“Macy? What are you doing here?”

“Saul, I couldn’t let you go.”

Right words. Wrong woman. He heard the words coming out of Macy’s lips and couldn’t help but think,
If only it was Annie saying these words.

Macy must have entered the night before using his spare key. What happened to her being gone? He turned towards her to ask the question uppermost on his mind.

“Macy, why are you here?” He hadn’t brought his cane; comfortable enough now in his own home to do without it at times. He reached a hand out to feel for the patio chair and lowered himself into it.

She deflected his question by offering him coffee. “I made you a cup. I knew you’d be up soon.”

He could tell by her voice that she was smiling. He was an early riser. It was just a little past six-thirty a.m.

Saul curled his hands around the cup liking the warmth. He took a long sip liking the feel of the steaming heat that hit his face. Macy always made good coffee.

Come to think of it, there were so many great qualities about her.

“I’m here because I know I said we were over but in my heart I can’t let you go that easy. I barely made it through my photo shoot. As I stood there doing pose after pose, all I could think of was you.”

Her loud sniff alerted him to the fact that she was crying. Concerned, he placed his mug on the table and reached out across the table to hold her hand.

“I … I … I know you may not love me the way I love you, but we used to be friends. I miss our friendship. You used to be so perfect. I miss the old you before you were—

She stopped. Saul knew she was searching for a tactful word. “Blind?” he filled in. “That’s the problem right there. I’m blind. This is the new me. Blindness is my new world and I’m learning how to live with it.”

He knew it would hurt, but he had to tell her the truth. “I know you love me, but you’re not a part of my new world.”

Judging by her harsh intake of breath, he knew his words stung. He squirmed in his seat but he meant the words.

“I want to be, but you won’t let me in,” she said. “You would mother me,” he explained. “I don’t need to be coddled like I’m helpless. I need to be independent.”

“I can do that,” Macy protested.

Saul shook his head. “Macy, I may never regain my sight. Can you live with that?”

“Don’t say that. Your vision will return and things will go back to normal.” He heard the slight hesitation in her voice.

“You’re surrounded by perfection. I don’t think you’d be able to deal with someone who’s less than perfect.”