Complicate Me (The Good Ol' Boys #1) (40 page)

“It doesn’t matter, I’m here,” I firmly stated, desperately trying to maintain the best poker face I could. Neither one of us said a word as we passed each other by.

“I’ll leave you two alone.” He closed the door behind him and I stayed rooted where I stood. I was afraid I would break her. I couldn’t fathom seeing the woman in front of me, I had just seen her four months ago at my engagement party.

“Sit down, honey, you’re not going to hurt me.”

I did, placing my hands on top of hers.

“I’m so happy you’re here to say goodbye to me.”

“Please don’t say that,” I wallowed.

“It’s okay, Alex. I’m not scared of dying. I’m going to a better place with my loved ones that are waiting for me. It’s you and everyone else that I’m sad for. It’s the loved ones that get left behind that suffer.”

“I can’t believe this is happening.” My eyes pooled with fresh tears.

“So much has happened in these last few years, so many changes. When your mom told me she was pregnant with you, I cried. They had been trying to get pregnant since before I got pregnant with Lucas. Robert actually did the ultrasound to find out if you were a boy or a girl. Lucas sat patiently on my lap waiting, and you can imagine how hard that must have been for him, the boy never sits still.”

I affectionately smiled, loving the story she shared with me.

“When Robert read the ultrasound, he swore you were a boy, so we immediately started finding names for you. The moment we found out that you were a girl at the hospital, the very next day your mom and I started to plan yours and Lucas’s wedding. We planned out every detail. Even how many kids you were going to have. We spent hours upon hours planning your future together and we loved every second of it.”

My eyebrows lowered, confused and torn. “I don’t understand. You both have been so adamant on us not being together. Why are you telling me this now?”

“I made a mistake. We made a mistake. I regret very little in my life, I’ve been fortunate enough to be able to do everything I’ve ever wanted. Not letting you and Lucas decide what was right for you is definitely one of my biggest regrets. When you’re a mother, Alex, you will understand that you want what’s best for your children. You want them to see and experience everything they can. You think you know what’s best for them. It comes along with the title of being parents. But I don’t know everything, no one does. These last few years have been so hard for you, so hard for him, and I can’t help but feel responsible for that. We both do.”

“My mom does?”

“Yes. She’s wanted to have this talk with you and I thought it would be better coming from me. I’m not telling you that you shouldn’t get married, Alex. If you’re happy, if you truly love him then it doesn’t matter what I say. Your heart will speak for itself.”

“Yeah...” I bowed my head.

“But, I do need something from you.”

I immediately looked up. “Anything.”

“I need you to promise me that you will always be there for Lucas. I need you to promise me that you will always look after my boy. He’s not as strong as he pretends to be. Stubborn, yes.”

We laughed.

“Those boys, Alex, not just Lucas, they’re yours. Each one of them has gone their separate ways, and I also feel responsible for that. If we hadn’t come between you and Lucas—”

“No,” I stated, knowing what she was about to say.

She sadly smiled. “Whether you know this or not, Half-Pint, you’re the glue that’s always kept those boys together, you’re the bond that holds them, and we’ve known that ever since you were kids.”

Tears spilled down my face as I took in her words. They meant everything to me, every last one of them. “My good ol’ boys.”

She looked at me with such love and adoration in her eyes and even though she was sick, even though she was dying. I wanted to remember her just this way. “I love you, and I promise you that I will always look after him. Regardless of where we stand, he’s my best friend. Always and forever.”

“Thank you. I can die happy knowing that my boy is taken care of. That’s what every mother wants.”

She wiped away my tears and kissed my forehead. I sat with her for a while after she had said she needed to rest. I thought about everything she shared with me as I listened to her soft breathing, loving that she looked much more peaceful than she had when I first walked in. It didn’t take away the pain I felt in my heart knowing that this would be the last time I would get to be with her. I tried like hell to keep that inside, but I couldn’t. I lay down beside her and softly cried.

For her.

For Lucas.

For a past we couldn’t change, and for a future I didn’t know was meant…

For me.

My mom passed away five days later, but not before she had time with each of us. Jacob, Dylan, their parents and Lily. Austin was the only one she didn’t get to say goodbye to. I’d be lying if I told you I didn’t hate him more because of it. The days that followed were filled with people coming in and out of my home. It was the home I grew up in, which now seemed empty and cold. There were endless amounts of condolences and preparations for a day that I just wanted to be over already.

The hours seemed to blend together. I had no idea what day it even was. I continued to be in a fog, a daze and stupefied beyond belief. I hadn’t allowed myself to stop moving, I was afraid to. If I stopped moving, I would crash. I couldn’t acknowledge anything, not the house that I grew up in, not the memories everywhere I turned. I moved around in autopilot, trying to avoid flashbacks of anything that I held dear to my heart. I just needed to get through today. My only concern was my baby sister Lily. The day our mother passed, I held her until she couldn’t cry anymore, until she physically passed out from the exhaustion of her tears.

The first time Mason came running into their house yelling for Gama I almost lost my shit. I tried explaining to him that Gama was in the sky. She was in heaven with the angels. He didn’t hear a word I said, and still asked for her every time he was in their house. We decided it was best that he didn’t attend the wake or the funeral, so Stacey left him with her mom, while she attended. She hadn’t said much to me, only that she was glad Alex was here.

I stood in front of the mirror and tightened my tie, studying my face, searching for something, anything. There was nothing. I was so empty, yet the pain was unbearable.

“You look handsome.”

I saw Alex’s reflection through the mirror, and I turned around.

“You never knew how to tie your tie, Lucas,” she chuckled, straightening my tie. Her hand rested on my chest as she smiled up at me. “You doing okay?” she asked, adding to what seemed like the hundredth time someone asked me. It took everything in me not to throw myself on the floor, curl up into a fetal position and never come out.

I nodded because what else could I say or do?

“I’m here. I’ll be here for—”

“Alexandra,” Cole called out from the door. “There you are, I’ve been looking for you all morning.”

She spun to face him. “You would know where I was if you had been here earlier,” she snapped.

I was surprised by her choice of words and reaction, but I had way too much shit on my mind to contemplate it any more than that.

“I got here as fast as I could.” He kissed her forehead, looking at me. “I’m so sorry for your loss, Lucas. If there is anything we can do, please let us know.”

I nodded, noting he said, “We.” He no longer had to prove anything to me. The proof was on her finger.

“Thanks,” was all I could say.

“Are you ready, Darlin’? My cars out front.”

“I’m going to ride with my parents and his dad.”

“And, Lucas?”

“Yes. We’re all going together to the funeral.”

“I thought—”

“Like I said, you would have known had you arrived before this morning. She died five days ago. You remember I was the one bawling on the other end of the phone. You do remember, don’t you?”

His face frowned in a grimace that didn’t seem natural. “I’ll ride with you guys.”

“There’s no room in the SUV, Cole. I didn’t know you were coming till this morning. Remember you told me you didn’t think you could make it? Something about your firm, you do remember, don’t you?” she repeated with the same hard edge in her tone.

They stared at each other for a few moments. Both of them had something in their eyes that seemed familiar yet unrecognizable. Her mom called out our names and I didn’t give it another thought after that. Alex sat beside me in the SUV. We were in the second vehicle behind the hearse that held my mom. I blankly stared at it the entire drive, only looking down at my hand when Alex reached for it and placed it on her lap.

At the church, I couldn’t make myself walk to the front of that morbid room to see her. I tried. I tried like hell. I really did. I just couldn’t do it. I didn’t want to remember her lying lifeless in a coffin.

I couldn’t fucking handle that.

I stayed standing in the back with Alex by my side. She was with me the entire day. I don’t know where Cole was and honestly I didn’t give a fuck anyway. Lily sang and played This Little Light Of Mine at the cemetery, a song that our mom had been singing to us since we were kids. I felt a lonely tear slide down my cheek as I watched the silver coffin being lowered beneath the ground. I let my mind contemplate what was happening.

I let my mind and body go to a dark place within myself.

Where my mother wasn’t there.

Where Alex wasn’t there.

When the funeral was over everyone once again expressed their condolences and I pretended to give a fuck about what they were saying even though I didn’t. I was over it. Just as I was about to walk away someone caught my attention from the corner of my eyes.

Austin.

One single rose was delicately placed on her grave. His shoulders were hunched over, and his hands were buried in his face. I had no idea how long the theatrics lasted, maybe a minute, maybe ten. One minute was the same as the next these days. They all blew. Every last fucking one of them blew. There was a girl standing beside him unlike anyone I had ever seen before, wearing a black knee length skirt with a matching black collared shirt. The sleeves were rolled up and I could see tattoos down her forearms. Her hair was a dark shade of purple and from what I could tell her eyebrow, nose, and bottom lip were pierced.