Counsellor (Acquisition Series Book 1) (12 page)

I screamed until my voice left me, the air no longer cooperating with my lungs. I burned everywhere. My blood sprayed against Brianne whose stifled scream replaced my own.

I couldn’t breathe. I couldn’t see. I was gone.

Chapter Fourteen

Stella

My mom stroked
her warm hand down my face. Even in the dark I knew it was her. She whispered comforting words to me, telling me the pain was temporary and would fade. The sharp stings were far away now. Everything beneath me was soft, warm. I was loved. I was content.

My back was cool, numb. What happened?

I tried to tell her how much I missed her, how glad I was she was back. She’d been gone so long. Where had she gone?

“Shh, sleep now.” Mom pulled a blanket up to my waist, making my legs toasty.

“Go ahead and push more before she feels anything.” She was speaking to someone else now.

Deep dreamless sleep.

***

The sound of birds pulled me up from the pleasant darkness. Light streamed in through the windows of the room. I faintly recognized the walls, the windows, the quilts, all jogging my memories. I was lying on my stomach.

I blinked the sleep away and lifted my head. An aching pain shot through my back. I dropped my head back down with a groan.

“Stella.” It was my mother’s voice. No. No, it was Renee’s. Mom was dead.

“Renee?” I could barely speak, my voice hoarse.

Is there a tube in my arm?

“I’m here. Don’t worry. You’re healing up nicely. Do you want to go back under again?”

“Under?”

“Asleep. The Vinemont family doctor has been staying for the past three days and keeping you asleep so you could recover. I can have him put you out for longer if it bothers you too much.”

My mind was having trouble clicking into the ‘on’ position. An IV was suspended above me, some clear liquid dripping through it at a leisurely pace.

I shifted my head so I could see Renee. Her concerned face brought the flood of horror back. The ball, the tortures, Vinemont flaying the skin from my back.

A sob rose up and stuck in my dry throat.

Renee wrung her hands. “I’ll fetch Dr. Yarbrough.”

“No,” I croaked.

I fought the tears back, though a few escaped and dropped onto my white pillow. We were silent for a long time. The ball replayed through my mind like a particularly vivid nightmare—the masks, the cruelty, the violence, and the pain. More than anything, I remembered Vinemont, how he’d volunteered to whip me first, how he’d swung harder and harder until I blacked out from the pain.

Had I actually almost felt something for him? Each lash killed whatever twisted emotion had grown in my heart. I was glad. My feeling of betrayal was replaced with rage, raw anger. I added these to the box in my chest, the one where I had hidden away my sadness. It was full to bursting with every negative emotion I possessed. Still, I stuffed more inside, poisoning myself by saving the bitterness and hate.

I tried to calm my breathing. Anytime my lungs expanded too fully, my back felt as if it would rip apart. Renee looked almost as white as my pillowcase and kept wringing her hands.

“Vinemont?”

“I haven’t seen him. Not since he brought you back. He was, well, he was in a bad way. Lucius and Teddy had to come get him.”

“Tired out from whipping me, was he?”

“No, not that. It did something to him. I don’t know.”

“Did something to
him
, huh?” I tried to yell, but it only came out in a hoarse burst of sound. The effort made my back scream.

“I meant. I-I meant—” She rose abruptly and came to take my hand.

I wanted to rip it away, but I didn’t dare move.

“I mean, I’ve never seen him like that. He kept begging me to fix it, to heal you. He tried to clean your wounds himself before Dr. Yarbrough arrived. He wouldn’t let anyone else touch you. He sat here with you and told you he was sorry over and over. He wouldn’t leave. Not until Lucius and Teddy came. Only Teddy could get through to him. I haven’t seen Mr. Sinclair since.”

I couldn’t imagine any of what she was saying. Remorse seemed a completely foreign emotion to Vinemont. The way he’d whipped me was an assault on more than just my body. He’d struck at my soul, instilling dread so deeply that I didn’t know if I’d ever recover.

When I’d hurt myself, it gave me a release, a chance at oblivion. When he’d done it, he trapped me even more inside myself. Every lash was a fresh set of bars, hemming me in and holding me captive. If he could do that to me, what else would he be willing to do to win the Acquisition? And what was even required to win?

“I know it’s hard. I know.” Renee’s voice broke through my shadowy thoughts.

“You know? No, you don’t.” I slid my fingers away from her, out of her warm grip.

She knelt by my bed, getting at eye level with me.

“I do, Stella.”

No you don’t.

“How? Have you been branded and whipped? Have you had a year of your life stolen? Have you had to endure a man like Vinemont?” My tears were flowing, making slight plops onto the pillow beneath me.

Renee’s dark eyes were troubled, a storm seeming to rage in her breast. She took a deep breath, as if she had come to a decision. She began unbuttoning her black shirt, her fingers nimble. Then she turned and swept her hair away from her nape. There in the stark green and black was the same ‘V’ that had been seared into me in ink.

She pulled her top down further so I could see the beginnings of lash marks crisscrossing her fair skin.

“What—”

“I was Mrs. Sinclair’s Acquisition twenty years ago.” She faced me again, her frank gaze disarming me.

If she had hit me, I couldn’t have been more stunned. A million questions tumbled through my mind, one building on the next before stumbling in front of an even bigger curiosity. Why would she stay? What had her year been like? Could she help me?

She stood and refastened her top. When she moved to step away from me, I reached for her. The pain shot like lightning down my back. It went so deep I wondered if my heart hadn’t somehow been lashed right along with my skin. I screamed and dropped my head.

“I’ll get the doctor. Don’t move, sweet Stella. Please don’t.” She rushed from the room.

My mind spun with revelations and harsh sensations. Renee had known all along. She knew what would happen to me at the ball. Why didn’t she warn me? Vinemont’s words came back to me—the more I knew, the more afraid I would be, and the more it all would hurt.

A dark figure rushed through the door, Renee sweeping in behind. Before I could protest—did I want to protest?—he fiddled with my IV and I was out.

This time I dreamed. Vinemont was in there in all of them—tormenting me or loving me. Were they one and the same? Then my father was sitting in his favorite chair telling me a story, though I couldn’t hear the words. Finally, my mother arrived, her hair up in the messy bun I remembered. She was sad. Always sad. Water flowed from her mouth and then it changed to blood, more blood than a person could lose and still live. She was drowning in the very thing that gave her life. I couldn’t save her. I couldn’t even save myself. I sat in a pool of my own blood, the droplets slowing right along with my heartbeat. Steps in the hallway—my father. I dreaded him finding me before it was over. I didn’t want him to see me die. The footsteps grew louder and then stopped.

“Stella?”

I knew that voice. It wasn’t my father’s. It was the voice of a demon, one that made me burn with desire and hate until both emotions mixed in a funeral pyre of black smoke.

I opened my eyes. He was here. Vinemont.

“Going to hit me again?” It came out as a whisper, but he winced as if I’d yelled at him.

“I don’t know.”

I was still lying on my stomach. My eyes finally adjusted to the dark. He sat near the door, his face unshaven, his clothes wrinkled and disheveled. He looked like I felt.

“What sort of an answer is that?”

“An honest one.” He leaned over, resting his elbows on his thighs.

“You sick fuck.” I refused to cry.
I would not cry.

“Yes.” He scrubbed a hand over his face. The sound of his palm rubbing against his stubble was loud in my ears.

“What now? Are you going to hurt me some more? Maybe cut some fingers off and send them to my dad? Fuck you. Whatever it is, just get it over with.” Tiredness had settled into every muscle and bone of my body. It must have been the drugs. My back no longer felt so raw; only a low ache emanated from it. My skin felt as if it had stitched back together, but I could already sense the scars forming, solidifying, forever marking me.

“No, I would never…”

I laughed but it was a rough, ugly sound. “You would
never
? Never what? Never enslave me? Never strip me naked and make me bleed for an audience?” My eyes welled with unshed tears. The hurt inside me seemed too much for my body to bear.

He dropped his head, his defeat just as out of character as his unshaven face and mussed hair. “I can’t change what I did, Stella. I would do it again.”

I wanted to scream, to rage at him, to demand to know why he sat here appearing contrite, while at the same time telling me he would do it all over again if given the chance. Was this the mental torture to go along with the physical?

“Do me a favor. When you become Sovereign, how about you make your first decree for you to go royally fuck yourself?”

He sighed and shook his head. “I don’t expect you to understand. I didn’t want—”

“Get out.” I turned my head away from him, my neck stiff and unused to the movement.

He stayed. I could sense him there, unmoving, his gaze still on me.

There was nothing more to say. He’d whipped me like an animal. Worse, really. The memory of Cal Oakman’s voice rattled around in my mind. The way he crowed over Vinemont’s fevered strokes that drew my blood so easily. My tears went from sadness to rage.

I was a furious tempest of hatred and loathing but I was trapped in my battered body. All I could do was wish my tears away and accept that Vinemont had damned me to this existence. This life of pain and hurt and darkness. So many shadows that I never even knew existed had eclipsed any faint light I may have once had. I had been snuffed out, destroyed by the man who now looked so lost.

After a long moment, the floor creaked, and I heard his retreating footsteps.

“Wait,” I said.

He returned with a quicker step, standing behind me now.

“You said I could have a reward if I got through the ball.”

“Yes.” His voice crackled, almost hopeful.

“I want to see my father and stepbrother.”

He shifted and another long silence fell like deep winter snow, muffling and burying us. He touched the edge of my bed, the hesitant movement making me angry, making me want to hurt him.

“Okay.” He sighed, resignation in the rush of air.

“You’re going to keep your word?”

He ghosted his fingers through my hair. I closed my eyes, wondering if he had any chance of calming the firestorm that raged in my breast.

“I always do.” His voice was as soft as his caress.

I wanted to believe this was truly who he was—the man who seemed just as wrecked by what he’d done as my tattered flesh. But which one of him was real? The destroyer or the destroyed? Either way, my tears still fell, my pain still stung, my heart still ached. He had done this and would do it again. I pushed any tender thoughts away.

“I want to see them soon. But not until I’m healed all the way. Or at least as much as I can heal from what you did. I don’t want them to see me like this.”

“You just tell me when and I’ll arrange it.” He gave my hair one last gentle stroke. He hesitated. Words were on his lips. I could sense them lingering there in the dark. Instead of voicing them, he turned and strode out, his pace clipped.

I was left alone with my pain, all the varying shades of it. I turned my head back to look at the chair where he’d sat. My gaze roamed further up and seized on the discordant quilt created by Vinemont’s mother. What sort of person made it through the Acquisition and won?

I heard more steps, and recognized them as Renee’s. She slowed to a quiet tiptoe by the time she reached my door. Her black skirt rustled softly as she sat and folded her hands in front of her.

“I want to get up.”

She rose and smoothed my hair over my shoulder. “Sunrise is in an hour. Rest until then.”

Comfort was in her movements, her touch. I didn’t want comfort. I wanted to stop crumbling, to shore up what pieces of me I had left.

“No, I’m done resting. Help me sit up or I’ll do it by myself.”

I couldn’t lie in bed for another minute. I couldn’t stand being helpless and weak. I wouldn’t be. Not anymore.

***

With Renee’s help, I recovered over the next few weeks. I didn’t see Vinemont or Lucius at all during that time. I would pass Teddy in the hallway sometimes. He would smile and exchange pleasantries. Underneath, I could sense he was troubled. I had too many problems of my own to even begin to care about his. He seemed like a nice guy, but he was born into a pit of vipers. It would be foolish to think he wouldn’t bite just as surely as Vinemont and Lucius did.