Cowboy with a Cause (8 page)

As he returned to the kitchen, he frowned, wondering about the broken glass from the pictures and the misplaced teakettle. If she’d gotten a phone call, why hadn’t it shown up on her caller ID? It was possible that Tilly had accidently moved the teakettle the day before, when she’d been in to clean, but there was no way the older woman would have moved Melanie’s clothing or destroyed the photos of the woman she considered a daughter.

The only conclusion he could draw was that Melanie had done the damage herself in a drug-induced expression of whatever bad dreams and self-anger she’d suffered. He believed in his heart that the act of violence was an anomaly and obviously directed only at herself and what she had once been.

It didn’t scare him. His heart broke for her. It was obvious she was drifting in a sea of confusion, unsure where she now fit in the world. Surely that was what was causing her to do things she didn’t remember. He had to believe that, but if these kinds of things continued, he’d have to talk to her about seeing a doctor.

He hadn’t seen warning signs of madness in Sam, but from now on he intended to keep a close eye on Melanie and make sure if she really needed help, she’d get it.

It took him only minutes to clear their dishes from the table and put them into the dishwasher and then he returned to the living room, where she hadn’t changed positions on the sofa.

He returned to his spot next to her and for a long moment silence prevailed. “I spoke to Cameron today about what I need to do to become a deputy.”

“Good for you,” she replied. “And what did he tell you?”

“That the qualifications for becoming a deputy here in Grady Gulch are darned few, but he has no funds to hire a new deputy at this time.”

“What will you do if a position doesn’t open up here?”

He shrugged. “Look at some of the other small towns in the area and see if I can get hired on.”

“You wouldn’t feel bad about leaving Grady Gulch?” she asked.

He hesitated a long moment before replying. “Sure I would. This is my home and I love it here. I love the people here. I can’t imagine a week going by that I’m not eating at the Cowboy Café, interacting with friends and neighbors. But if at some point I have to accept that there isn’t a job here, then I’ll have to move on.”

“There’s that
accept
word again,” she said ruefully and he laughed. She frowned. “At least you have a plan.”

He gazed at her curiously. “You never considered that a time might come when you would no longer be able to perform?”

“You know the old saying. Those who can do and those who can’t teach. I’d just assumed when the time came that I was no longer viable as a performer, then I’d open a dance school here in Grady Gulch. Other than that I hadn’t made any alternative life plans.”

A frown danced across her forehead once again. “But let’s not talk about this anymore. Tell me about happy times, Adam. Talk to me about your family when you were all young. Talk to me about Christmases past and Fourth of July celebrations.”

And that was exactly what he did.

He spoke of birthday parties and town festivals. They laughed together as he told her about searching the house for Christmas presents and crying when he found them, because he knew he’d ruined his own surprise on Christmas morning.

Many of the stories revolved around Adam and Sam, and as he told her the funny things that had happened with the two of them he felt a yearning for all that had been lost and would never be again.

“Now, tell me some things about your childhood here in Grady Gulch. Surely you have some nice memories,” he said.

“I do,” she agreed. “As you know, it was a wonderful place to grow up. Mom worked hard and I had dance lessons twice a week, but I still found time for friends. June Riley and I ran around a lot together. We stayed in touch for a while after I left town but she moved from here when she got married three years ago and I didn’t hear from her anymore.”

“Denver Walton certainly looked like he wouldn’t mind seeing you when I’m not around,” he said as he tried to ignore a touch of jealousy.

She laughed. “You mean when Maddy isn’t around. She was giving me the evil eye, just like she used to do when we were in high school. Denver is a couple of years older than me but we went out on a couple of dates and Maddy and her friends treated me like I was a piece of dog poo stuck to her high heels. I guess they dated off and on through high school.”

“They break up as often as a dog barks,” Adam said with humor.

It was almost midnight when she held up her hand and pleaded sleepiness. He didn’t offer to help her into the wheelchair, but rather watched with interest as she pulled it closer to where she sat, stood and balanced on her good foot, then pivoted into the chair.

“Thank you, Adam,” she said once she was settled in the wheelchair.

“For what?” He also got up from the sofa.

“For bringing back my laughter, for giving me things to smile about. I had forgotten about happiness before you moved in here and you’ve brought some of that back to me.”

“You’re an amazing woman, Melanie. I know you’ll figure out a way to do or be whoever you want.”

She gazed at him ruefully. “I’ve already had seven months in this chair and I’m no closer to figuring that out than I was on my first day on wheels.”

He smiled at her and pointed to the pictures on the wall. “Hopefully that was the last of your anger, or of you looking back and focusing on what you can’t do. Now it’s time to move forward and look at everything you can do.”

She raised her chin and smiled, the gesture shooting heat throughout his entire body. “You’re right. It’s time I really start thinking about all the things I’m capable of instead of dwelling on the one thing I can no longer do.”

With her chin uplifted and a positive light spilling from her eyes, Adam wanted nothing more than to grab her up in his arms, carry her upstairs to his bed and make love to her.

But he hadn’t forgotten how she’d stopped things from advancing on the night he stole a kiss from her. He remembered Nick’s warning about breaking
Melanie’s heart, but he thought it far more likely that she was going to be his first real heartbreak.

Chapter 8

W
as she insane? This was the thought that had raced through Melanie’s head for the past couple of days. She hadn’t been under the influence of her pills when the teakettle was misplaced, and her robe and nightgown hadn’t been where they belonged. She hadn’t taken any pain pills when she thought she’d received a strange phone call or on the night that she thought she’d seen somebody lurking in her front yard.

Had that simply been the work of her own madness? The desperate need of an invalid to create some sort of drama in her life?

Was it possible to have a mental snap from reality and not even know it? She stared down at the sketch pad on the kitchen table, but her thoughts were far away from anything she might have drawn.

Hadn’t her mother mentioned at one time that she had a crazy aunt who wound up being institutionalized for hearing voices in her head? Was it possible that there was some mental illness gene inside her that had finally become active?

Was all of this just the beginnings of a total descent into madness? Maybe she should talk to a doctor...to a psychiatrist to see what was going on. Losing the use of her leg had been difficult, but believing she might possibly be losing her mind was horrible.

“You want me to make you something for dinner before I leave?” Tilly asked Melanie, who jumped at the sound of her voice.

“Gosh, Tilly, you scared me. I’d forgotten that you were in the house. And no, thanks. I’ll just make myself a salad or something easy when I get hungry.”

“Where’s that man of yours today? He seems to be here underfoot most days.”

“He’s not my man and he drove into Evanston this afternoon to check out some things at the community college, and then I think he has one of his meetings tonight,” Melanie replied.

Tilly leaned her skinny butt against the cabinets and gave Melanie a coy smile. “You know what the latest gossip is that’s making the rounds?”

“I can’t imagine,” Melanie replied dryly.

“That you and Adam are lovers.”

Despite her dark thoughts earlier about herself, a burst of laughter escaped Melanie. “Yeah, right, nothing like a one-legged woman to turn a man on.”

“Half the men in this one-horse town would find you sexy and beautiful one legged or two,” Tilly replied fervently. “You just spend too much time holed up here all alone. You’re beautiful from the inside out and the fact that you are in a wheelchair doesn’t take any of that away from you. Besides, since Adam moved in here, you have a new sparkle in your eyes. Makes me wonder what’s going on between the two of you when I’m not around.”

Once again Melanie laughed. “Nothing. Absolutely nothing is going on,” she replied. “We’re enjoying a very nice friendship.”

“Friends with benefits?” Tilly asked with another of her coy smiles.

“Tilly! Absolutely not.” Melanie closed her sketchbook and smiled at Tilly.

Tilly grunted in dismay. “Too bad. I always did think that man was hot sin on two long legs.”

“It wasn’t that long ago you thought he was a serial killer chasing you down the stairs,” Melanie reminded Tilly with a giggle.

Tilly’s eyes widened. “Seriously, did you see how he looked with just that little towel wrapped around his waist? My goodness, if that wasn’t a case of eye candy, I don’t know what is.”

For a moment Melanie’s head filled with a vision of Adam hurrying down the stairs, the pale blue towel riding low on his slim hips. She sighed and turned the conversation toward the Halloween festivities the town had planned for the next week. She didn’t want to talk about Adam Benson. She didn’t even want to think about him.

“I heard that all the businesses along Main Street are going to stay open and give out candy in hopes of discouraging the children from going door to door anywhere else,” Tilly informed her.

“That sounds like a good plan.”

Tilly nodded. “It was Sheriff Evans’s idea. That poor man has enough on his head with the two murders unsolved to have to worry about some kid going missing or getting lost going from farmhouse to farmhouse for treats.”

“I’ll need to get some candy. If all of Main Street is going to be open for business to ghosts and goblins, then I’ll probably get some knocks on my door, as well.”

“I’ll pick up a big bag of candy and bring it with me the next time I stop by,” Tilly said.

“No, that’s not necessary. I’ll get some from the store.” Melanie thought about how easy it would be to take the ramp and wheel down the sidewalk to the grocery store a short block away.

The outing would do her good and she had a week to get up her nerve to actually accomplish it. Besides, it was time she got out more. Maybe that was her problem. She’d been cooped up for so long here, she was slowly going out of her mind, imagining bogeymen and phone calls and beating pictures on the wall to death.

The weather was supposed to go through a little warm-up in the next couple of days and she’d just plan a time to get out and buy the candy then.

“Are you sure?” Tilly asked. “I don’t mind picking it up for you.”

Melanie smiled. “I know, Tilly, but I need to start getting out and doing more things for myself.”

Tilly nodded but tears suddenly appeared in her eyes. “I know. I want you to be independent but I just don’t want you to stop needing me.”

Melanie looked at her in surprise. “Tilly, you’re like my second mother. I’ll always need you in my life,” she said softly. “I just don’t need you to do so many things for me.”

“You’re changing,” Tilly said, a hint of pride in her voice. “You’re getting stronger and that’s good. Your mother would be so proud of you, Melanie. I just want to make sure I’ll always have a place in your life.”

“That’s a given,” Melanie said gently.

Tilly nodded and straightened. “And now I’m going to finish the dusting upstairs so I can head out of here.”

When she left the room, Melanie leaned back in her chair and thought about Tilly. Matilda Graves and
Melanie’s mother had been more like sisters than friends. Olive had never remarried after Melanie’s father left and Tilly had never married at all.

Tilly had sat beside Melanie’s mother at every dance recital Melanie had ever danced in, the two women had been together on the night of Melanie’s prom and Tilly had grieved as deeply as Olive had when Melanie got on a plane to move to New York City to realize her dreams.

Within thirty minutes Tilly was gone and the evening stretched out before Melanie. She expected Adam to be gone until after she went to bed, and as she moved to the living room, she realized she’d come to look forward to his company whenever he was around.

He’d now officially been her tenant for two weeks, and with each day that passed, she found herself drawn to him more and more.

She didn’t want to fall in love with him. She was even made uncomfortable by the fact that she liked him so much. Her cheeks warmed as she thought of the rumor that she and Adam were lovers.

The very idea was ridiculous. Or was it? There was no question that Adam felt a crazy desire for her, a desire born of close proximity, or of boredom or pity. It had to be one of those three.

She didn’t believe his desire was anything real, but the desire she felt for him was very real. His kisses had stirred something in her that she’d never felt before.

But she also knew it was possible that her desire for him had been born from gratitude, and that if she followed through on it, he would eventually break her heart. Therefore she would deny him and herself any acting out on that passion. They shouldn’t kiss again and she had to maintain some sort of emotional distance.

She was in a wheelchair and it was quite possible she was losing her mind. She would never be the kind of complete woman Adam would want or need in his life. No matter how self-sufficient she might eventually become, she would still always be a burden on any man.

Her mother had lived a full and happy life alone. Melanie would do the same. She’d rather be alone than allow somebody into her life who would eventually come to resent her for all her limitations.

Still, that didn’t keep her from dreaming about Adam, from occasionally falling into fantasies of what it would be like to make love with him.

In the living room she settled herself on the sofa and grabbed the remote to turn on the television. She tuned to a favorite crime drama show and for the next two hours lost herself in the world of actors and actresses in life-and-death situations.

By the time ten o’clock rolled around, her eyes were drifting closed with sleepiness and so she got back into her chair and went into her bedroom.

Her nightly routine of washing her face and changing into her nightclothes had become second nature to her and within minutes she was in bed, with the only light in the room the moonbeams drifting in through the window.

The light created dancing shadows on the ceiling and she watched them until she was half hypnotized and finally fell asleep.

Almost every night since the day she’d gone into the wheelchair, she’d dreamed of dancing, but on this night her dreams were filled with Adam.

She remembered how it had felt to be held in his arms as she cried, the warmth and strength of his embrace comforting and yet enticing and exciting.

The kisses they had shared had heated her body to the extent that she forgot all about the pain in her leg, the cold deadness in her foot. She’d felt completely alive and whole, and all she’d been able to think about was the fire of his kiss, which warmed her from head to toe and left her wanting more of him.

His hand as he stroked up and down the length of her leg had pooled heat in her stomach, had warmed her blood, and she’d felt like an addict...wanting more...more.

Even in her dream she knew he was not hers to keep but was only borrowed for the time being, until he moved on. And he would move on.

If he decided to follow his dream and become a deputy, there was no work here in Grady Gulch. He’d have to leave town, start building a new life, and there was no way that life would include a nutty, crippled woman.

Still in her dreams he was in her bed, holding her, making love to her with blue fire in his eyes and hot passion on his lips.

She came awake suddenly and for a moment she thought it was an overwhelming sadness that had pulled her from her dreams. But it took her only an instant to realize it was something else.

A glance at the clock let her know she’d been sleeping for only an hour or so, but she had the strangest, craziest feeling that she was no longer alone in the room.

She told herself it was some sort of weird feeling left over from a half-remembered dream. Knowing that further sleep was unattainable, she sat up and leaned over to grab the arms of her wheelchair.

In stunned disbelief she realized her wheelchair wasn’t there. But it should be there...where it always was when she got into bed.

Frantic, her state of half drowsiness jerking away, she shot her gaze around the room. She gasped as she saw the gleam of the metal chair in one corner of the room.

Dear God, had she gotten so crazy that she’d parked her wheelchair over there and somehow hobbled to her bed?

She clutched her hands on both sides of her head, wondering when this would all end...how this would all end for her. She was desperately afraid that not only would she never walk again, but she’d also wind up being locked up in some hospital for the insane.

* * *

Adam sat in the all-night café, nursing a cup of coffee and listening to some of his fellow AA members. He didn’t always join them after the meeting for a cup of coffee or something to eat, but he’d decided to do so tonight.

He was still seeking a balance between wanting to be with Melanie and needing to get on with his own life. It was difficult, because he’d rather spend all of his time with her.

“Here we are,” the waitress said as she placed a piece of warm apple pie in front of Adam and a slice of cherry in front of Jason Murray.

There were a total of four men who sat at the table. Jason Murray was a twenty-five-year-old who worked at a video store and had begun drinking when he was fifteen. Lawrence Connors was a fifty-year-old man who had finally realized he had a drinking problem after three failed marriages. Jack Rogers, the final member at the table, was about Adam’s age and had also spent most of his time ranching. Too much isolation and too many lonely nights, Jack had confessed, were his reasons for drinking.

“I don’t know why you keep coming to these meetings,” Jason said to Adam as he cut into his pie. “We all know that you aren’t like us, that alcohol isn’t a driving demon in your head.”

“Maybe I just come because I like the company,” Adam countered.

Lawrence laughed. “Yeah, there’s nothing that’s as much fun as hanging out with a bunch of recovering alcoholics.”

“Coming to the meetings is good for my soul,” Adam replied easily. “It reminds me of how fragile all of us are and how we have to be accountable for what we do with our lives.”

“I think if my old man had been around when I was growing up, I wouldn’t have started drinking in the first place,” Jason said.

“Accountability,” Lawrence repeated firmly. “That’s what we’re talking about here. You’re responsible for the choices you made, and whether your old man was in your life or not, you chose to raise a bottle to your mouth over and over again.”

“You’re right,” Jason agreed and then smiled at the three older men. “But I’m also making the choice to get it right now.”

“And we’re all proud of you,” Jack replied.

As they drank coffee and ate their pie, the conversation turned to normal man things...hunting, farming and sports. Adam always enjoyed these conversations, the subject matters ones he had often talked about with Sam and sometimes Nick.

Now Sam was incarcerated and Nick talked about nothing but Garrett’s funny antics and the charming little things that Courtney did. His life completely revolved around his family, as it should, but talking to Nick often made Adam feel very lonely.

He thought of the phone calls he’d resisted taking from Sam and the twelve steps of recovery. When he came to the step that called for each individual to take a personal inventory, he knew he fell short. He needed to let the judicial system take care of Sam, but more than that, Adam needed to forgive his brother.