Crazy In Love With A Thug: Bari and Seven (8 page)

Chapter 19

“So, how does it feel to be a grown-up?” Seven asked.

We had been back home from Arkansas for two days. We stayed long enough to bury my grandmother and grandfather side by side, to get Uncle Meestake calmed down enough to not go after and kill my mother and sister and then we flew back home.

“Free,” I responded simply.

“The shit is overrated if you ask me,” he replied. “But you didn’t ask me though.”

“Right,” I laughed.

“Ay, make yourself at home, Bari. I got some shit to do. I’ll be back in a while though.”

“You want me to stay here by myself?”

“You’ll be fine. Girl, ain’t nobody crazy enough to try to come up in here,” he laughed. “I thought you knew.”

“Thought I knew what?” I asked.

“Not that I really thought you knew anything…it’s just something that people say.”

“Oh. Well, no, I didn’t know,” I said.

“I guess you didn’t,” he laughed.

As soon as he walked out the door, his house phone started ringing. I stared at it like it was a foreign object. The ringing was persistent, and what if it was Seven? He had his cell phone with him. Maybe he was trying to call to tell me something. I reluctantly picked it up.

“Ay, Bari, is Seven there?” It was Darshon.

"No."

"Do you know where he is? He was supposed to be here a long time ago."

"I don't know where he is. He just said he would be gone for a while. He didn't say where, but then again, he doesn't owe me any explanations."

"So, what's up with you? You fuckin' my brother now? Damn, you keepin' that shit in the family, huh?"

"I'm not doing anything with your brother."

"You'a lyin' ass bitch, but it's all good. He talk about you like y’all been kickin' it for years or some shit. Everything is ‘Bari did this’ ...’Bari did that’. Y’all fuckin'."

"You can think what you want to think. I don't give a damn really."

"You know what they call bitches like you?" He asked.

"Lucky?"

I hung up the phone and went back to what I was doing.

I turned the stereo back up and danced around my room, pretending that I knew without a doubt that my milkshake would bring all the boys to my yard. I swung open the door, danced out into the hall and ran right into Seven. I screamed. He wasn't even supposed to be home. My towel slipped from around my breast and made a puddle at my feet.

"Damn,” Seven said. I backed into the room and closed the door. "I know you're not gon' leave this towel on the floor," he teased.

"That's not funny," I said.

I was too embarrassed to open the door.

"Bari, come on, quit trippin'."

I was overreacting. I put my robe on and stepped out into the hall. I walked past Seven without a word. I opened the bathroom door and was about to step inside when he called my name.

"What?" I snapped.

He had a serious look on his face.

"There's some boys out here for you."

"For me?" I asked in alarm.

Darshon had something to do with this, I was sure of it.

"Yeah. I think they had the wrong place though. They thought I was a waiter or something. I asked them what they wanted, and they all said 'Milkshakes’." He was laughing before he even finished his sentence. I slammed the door. "I just came to get something that I forgot. I'm leaving again," he said through the door.

"Bye!" I yelled back. He laughed.

"See ya in the morning."

"Alright," I said.

I didn't care. I wanted to finish my movie anyway. I threw on a pair of white pajama pants, a souvenir from my shopping spree with Darshon, and a red tank top. I had forgotten to tell Seven that Darshon had called. I went back downstairs, plopped on the couch and grabbed the remote. I pushed pause to answer the ringing phone.

"Hello?"

"Did you tell Seven that Darshon called? He ain't made it here yet."

"Who is this?"

Then the voice registered in my mind; Trish.

"You know who this is. I'm the one that was fucking Seven before you. Damn, it wasn't enough for you to have one member of the family? Maybe we can get together sometime and compare notes."

"It's not like that, Trish. Seven is my friend, more of a friend than you and Darshon have been to me. And since you want to speak on family reunions, what are you and Darshon up to?"

"Bitch, that ain't none of your damn business, and for your information, it ain't nothing new with me and Darshon. It's been going down like that with us for a long time. I had him before you did. Damn, are you getting tired of leftovers yet, Bari?"

"Can't get tired of what I haven't had, Trish. You can think whatever you want to. If you want to think it's like that with me and Seven, go ahead and think that, but let me drop this on you right quick. It wouldn't matter if it was me or somebody else sharing his bed, it ain't you."

I hung up the phone. I sat for a moment and thought about Trish. She was such an evil person. My mind drifted back to a conversation we had one night, when we were still living in the big house.

“Bari, you have to start making friends, and in order to do that, you're going to have to be more open to new things; wear make-up, wear jazzier clothes and stop talking like you're from England or some damn where. Learn to be hip. Try to fit in. If you don't, people will never accept you. It's bad enough that you're so dark, you have to go the extra mile to get people to like you, even if it's only for the way you dress, or because you keep a tight ass hair style. Make people want to be cool with you. I'm not talking about boyfriends, 'cause I don't think that's gon' happen no matter what you do,” she had laughed. “But friends. You make people not like you because you shy away from them. If you want to have people like you, you have to try to come up to their level.”

She had taken me to have my nails done, my hair done, then took me to a spa to get a facial and have someone teach me how to do my make-up. Then she took me shopping at the big department stores. My closet had more designer clothes than Macy's.

I'm sure she had sold everything I had by now. I didn't care. I formulated a plan in my head. I would start tomorrow. I would give myself a make-over from head to toe. I was lonely. I wanted friends, someone to talk to on the phone, someone to go to the mall with, movies with. I had never had a boyfriend. I wouldn't dare like a boy after that fiasco I had at school with someone I thought was God's gift to the female population on Earth. He went to the boy’s school across the street from the private girls’ school I went to.

I was in the eighth grade. A girl who had pretended to by my friend told him and everybody that would listen that I liked him. By the time the rumor made it around the school, I had purchased condoms for my plan of him being my first, then changed my mind and decided to trick him into getting me pregnant. It was the most embarrassing year of my life, and after he finished clowning me one day after school, I had sworn I would never put myself in that position again.

I not only needed a make-over, I needed an attitude adjustment. Being nice to people, nicer than they had ever been to me, wasn't accomplishing anything but my own hurt feelings. I had to let people know that I wasn't going to stand anymore for being ran over, stepped on and disrespected. It was time to stand up for myself.

I got up and ran to my room, opened the drawer to the nightstand and pulled out the Cosmopolitan magazine that I had been reading on the plane on the way from Big Mama's house. There was also a VIBE that Seven had been looking at. I grabbed that, too. I took them back downstairs with me and sat on the couch, slowly flipping through the pages. I looked at each and every page, studied them, memorized make-up tips, hair styles, clothing trends, nail designs and advice columns. I remembered the Essence magazine that I left on the kitchen table. I had been reading it at the courthouse earlier in the day. I ran and got it, then sat down on the couch. I was mesmerized. There were women in there with skin even darker than mine. They were beautiful, make-up perfect, not a hair out of place. I tore out damn near every page in the book. I was ready for the new Bari; to be more assertive, to be more popular, to be anybody except who I was; a nobody.

Chapter 20

"What'chu up to? Ain't it kinda late for you to be up?" Seven asked, coming in with his jacket slung over one shoulder.

"Not really, it's Friday."

"Did you eat?"

"Not hungry," I replied.

"That's not cool, Bari. You should eat. If for no other reason than you know your body needs

it."

"I can't eat when I'm not hungry."

"What happened at the end of the movie?"

"I wish I would."

I flopped down on the couch.

"You really ain't gon' tell me?" I shook my head. "That's my punishment for leaving?" I nodded. "I don't want to know anyway. I'll just watch it now," he laughed.

"Fine," I smiled, and got up and headed for the stairs. When I got to the top, I yelled down, "Seven!"

"Yeah!"

I blurted out the end of the movie, then ran to my room and shut the door. I fell on my bed, laughing out loud. Seven really was my friend. He was a good person. I was laying in my bed thinking about what the next day would bring, and my transformation. I heard the shower come on down the hall. I listened to the radio for a while. Sleep just didn't want to come.

I would take one last look at my references, then go to bed. I had forgotten my magazine pages. I went back downstairs to get them. He was laying on the couch in Calvin Klein pajama bottoms and a white wife beater. He was built like he spent his every moment in somebody's gym. My eyes went from the muscles in his arms, to his chest, down to his stomach. He was a beautiful shade of chocolate. Not the chocolate you get at any candy store either, but the kind you have to go to a gourmet store to get. The smooth kind that melts right before your eyes. He hit pause on the remote and then looked at me. I stood there looking back at him.

"You alright, Bari? You ain't gon' pass out on me are you?"

"Um ...no. I left something there."

I pointed at the couch near his head where my pages were sticking out from under a throw pillow and getting wrinkled and crinkled.

"So, get it."

"Can you hand it to me, please? It's right there."

"I know where it is. Get it."

I stood there, face flushing as he openly looked me up and down, his eyes lingering on my breasts. I folded my arms across my chest.

"Them pajamas got a shirt to 'em?"

"Yes,” I choked out.

"You might want to put that on," he smiled.

"I didn't think you'd be here. You said you'd see me in the morning."

"But I'm here now."

"Sorry."

"It's cool. It don't bother me one bit. I wouldn't care if you ran around here asshole naked, but to keep from having to walk around with your arms folded all the time, just wear stuff you won't feel uncomfortable in when you're in front of me. ‘Cause like I told you earlier, I'm gon' look."

I nodded dumbly, my eyes fixed on the muscular arms that held me numerous times while I cried. I had a sudden craving to have them around me again. I missed their security, their safety, their feel. 

"Bari." My head snapped up. "Come here. Sit down." He moved over, and I sat in the place he indicated. "What are you looking at me like that for?"

"Like what?"

"You know good and damn well like what." I shook my head to show I had no idea what he was talking about. His phone rang. I thanked God. "Yeah ...don't be calling me with that bullshit...I'm grown though, I'm grown though ...I don't give a fuck what he said." He was talking nonchalantly and calmly. "But if I was, why would I lie? If I was gon' be ashamed enough to lie about fucking somebody, it would have been you ..." he hung up the phone, and shook his head.

"I know. I got the same call."

"From Trish?" He asked.

I nodded.

"I had forgot to tell you that Darshon called before you left the second time."

"Was that before or after your milkshake brought the boys to the yard?" He asked seriously, then started laughing at the look on my face. "What did he say?"

“Basically the same, but he was waiting for you to get to where he was."

"He was in jail,” he said. My eyes widened. "Dumb ass. What did Trish call you for?"

"To see why you hadn't gotten there yet. She asked if I gave you Darshon's message. If I would have told her I forgot, it would have been even worse."

"You got that right," he agreed. "That's fucked up though."

"I don't care really. Trish will say anything to hurt me, whether it's true or not."

"What are you staring at?” He asked, following my eyes out a window that we both knew I couldn't see out of.

"I don't know," I said and fixed on a shadow on the wall.

I didn't want to look at Seven. Well actually, I did want to look at him, but I didn't want him to look at me looking at him.

"Bari," I looked down at him, laying there on the couch, looking like a piece of Godiva chocolate. "Do you think the last wishes of somebody dying should be fulfilled?"

"Of course, always. Everyone's dying wish should be granted, no matter what. It's the last wish they'll ever get to make."

"Bari, Uncle Meestake talked to me, too." My face flushed, then tears came to my eyes. "And so did Big Mama. Although when we talked, I didn't know she was going to die, but I know what she told your Uncle." A small smile formed at the corners of my lips at the recollection of Big Mama and Uncle Meestake's matchmaking attempts. "So, how is that ever gon' happen if you can't even look at me?" A nervous laugh escaped my throat. "That's funny?"

"You can't use that like that," I said.

"Like what? In case you haven't figured it out yet, I agree with both of them. I think I could take care of you better than anybody else could," he said, looking into my eyes. "I mean that. I know it's only been a short time, and you don't really trust me yet, but you will."

"I do trust you, Seven. I'm just not....I don't..."

"You don't what?"

"I'm not the kind of person that's made for somebody like you to love," I said, and tears sprang to my eyes.

"Somebody like me? What's somebody like me?"

"Not just you. Anybody," I said, conjuring up Mama's words in my head. I would be nothing but a big let-down to Seven. Him and anyone else that wasted their time trying to care about me. "Look, Seven," I said, getting to my feet. "I've never had a boyfriend before, and when I do, I don't want it to be because he's doing a favor for my family. I want somebody that's going to care about me the way I care about them. I'm not going to live my life to try to please my uncle or my grandmother. I'm going to do what I want to do, and what I think is best for me. I appreciate what you're trying to do. You're trying to ease my uncle's mind, but this isn't the way to do it. My feelings have to matter at some point. And it'll never be said that Bari really cares for Seven, and he's only with her because he's trying to keep somebody else from worrying about her. Do you understand that?"

He nodded.

"Now, do you understand this? I don't do shit to please nobody else. I do what I want to do, and for no other reason than because I want to do it. I liked your grandmother a lot, and your uncle, too, but ain't no way in hell I'd inconvenience myself to make somebody else happy, especially somebody in another state. I ain't gon' lie to you, Bari. I got on that plane and went with you because I felt bad for you. I ain't never done no shit like that in my life, for nobody. But everything after that, up to this day, I've done because I wanted to do it. I could have helped you find an apartment somewhere. I could have helped you find a hotel to stay in. I could have just charged you rent every month to stay here, but I wanted you here with me. I like you. You're cool to me. I care about you, probably more than I want to at this point. I'm attracted to you in a way that I haven't been with anybody in a long time. It's not just physical. I'm attracted to your mind, and I can't even think of the last time I was attracted to more than a big ass and big tits." My eyes gave away my thoughts. "I'm keepin' it real with you. I think I'd be good for you. It doesn't have anything to do with anybody else but me and you,'' he said quietly. He took my hand and pulled me back down on the couch. I sat next to him and stared at the carpet. "Let me ask you a question, Bari.'' I looked at him. "Answer me honestly, okay?"

"Okay."

"Promise.”

"I promise I'll answer you honestly.''

"Can you honestly tell me that you've never thought of me as anything other than a friend?"

I thought about lying. He'd never know. I let my eyes rest on the window with no view and thought about all the times I had found myself thinking about Seven, missing Seven, wishing someone like Seven could love someone like me. I looked down at him. His eyes were searching mine for a sign that I was about to lie.

"No,'' I said quietly. "I can't honestly tell you that."

"Then what are you trippin' off of, Bari?"

"Darshon and Trish ..."

"Fuck Darshon and Trish. We're talking about you and me. You can make up a million excuses, but for real, you don’t have even one.”

“I just don't know what to say. It's not that easy."

"Why not? You got a man?"

"No."

"Then what's so hard about saying we can try? Is it because you just don't want to? I can accept that. Is it because you don't look at me on that level? I can accept that. Is it because you're scared that I'm gon' treat you like everybody else has? ‘Cause I can't accept that. I ain't like nobody else that you've ever come across in your life, Bari. I'm not out to hurt you. What would I get out of that?"

I had lain awake in my bed many times imagining this moment, just imagining that it wasn't so farfetched for Seven to care about me in a real way. Here it was, and I didn't know what to do. Fear was my main reason. He was verbally abusive. I could count on two hands how many times he had called Trish bitches in a five minute period. And not only was he verbally abusive, he had slapped her. He was physically abusive as well.

"Seven look, it's just not a good time. I have too many things going on in my life right now. I finally got what I've wanted for a long time, to be on my own, and I want to see what that feels like."

"You already know what it feels like. You've been on your own for six months already."

I knew what he meant.

"It's just that..."

"Quit. Just say what you got to say. I'm a grown man. I can handle it, Bari. Keep it real. This is an honest conversation. Don't be scared to say what you want to say." I looked at him. "Go ahead."

"You called Trish two hundred bitches and then slapped her," I said in a rush of breath.

He smiled, then ran his thumb back and forth over my hand.

"You called her two thousand bitches and then damn near broke her jaw. Do I need to go on?" I smiled against my will. "Bari, I really, really like you. I like coming home and knowing you're here. I like calling, and you answer the phone. I like missing you when I'm not here. I've never felt that before, and I like it. You give me a lot to look forward to."

"You don't really know me, Seven." He sat up on the couch. "I have too many issues." He put his arm around my shoulders. "Too many insecurities." His hand moved to the back of my head as he pulled me close to him. "Too many ..."

His lips touched mine. I had never kissed a boy, let alone a man, but I had done the hand-practice many times. Not even that prepared me for this. It was slow and lazy, and long.

"You wanna be with me, Bari?" He asked when he pulled back. He looked at me. I nodded in honesty. "Tell me you're mine."

I looked into his eyes. I felt like I was being hypnotized.

"I'm yours," I said, right before my lips met his again.