Crossing the Line (10 page)

His heart was pounding in his chest. It was loud. And it sounded . . . not right. 

Somehow, through the foggy haze of Paul’s brain, he registered that the pounding wasn’t, in fact, coming from him. Someone was at the door. 

He froze.

Paul straightened and took a step back. His gaze never left Megan where she was sprawled out on his kitchen table, her clothes in complete disarray, and one naked breast pink and swollen from his attention. He was rock hard, his body already protesting the loss of heat and pressure. 

Megan opened her eyes, searching. “Paul?”

She sat up and reached for him. 

He shook his head. “Someone’s at the door.”

A confused look crossed her face, and whoever it was knocked again, this time on the kitchen door. Megan scrambled to her feet, and snatched her sweater up off the floor while straightening her bra. With a sly smile, she slipped the sweater back over her head. “Aren’t you going to see who it is?”

Shaking his head to try and clear it, he went to answer the door. 

His partner, Janey, stood on the other side of the doorway, looking somewhere between worried and irritated. “There you are. I was starting to think I’d have to send out a search party.”

“Sorry. I was . . . I didn’t hear you at first.”

Janey pushed her way past Paul, and handed him a folder. “This came in right as I was about to walk out the door. I thought you’d want to get your hands on it ASAP. It’s the DNA results from the third murder victim.” Janey paused when she noticed Megan standing across the room. “Oh, hi, Megan.”

“Hello, Detective Davis.”

There was tension in the room, and Janey seemed to pick up on it. She looked from Paul to Megan, and then back to Paul again. For several minutes, no one said anything, and guilt began to take root. Less than five minutes before, he’d been ravishing his nanny on the kitchen table. Nope. Not a thing to feel guilty about there. 

Paul cleared his throat, and rubbed the back of his neck. “I’ll read through the files tonight after Chloe goes to bed.”

Nodding, Janey moved back toward the door to leave. “Call me if you need anything, or if . . .” She paused, and glanced briefly over at Megan. “. . . if you want to talk.”

“I will. And thanks for the file.”

Janey acted as if she couldn’t get out of his house quick enough, and he knew she suspected what she’d nearly walked in on. Paul shut the door firmly behind her, and turned to face Megan. She was standing with her arms wrapped protectively around her waist. 

“Don’t say it,” she whispered.

He closed his eyes and sighed. “Okay, I won’t.”

“Good.”

Looking over at her, his heart clenched with his next words. “But that doesn’t change anything.”

She shook her head. “How can you say that?”

“Megan—”

“No! You can’t stand there and say that you feel nothing. You’re attracted to me. Admit it.”

Paul leaned back against the doorjamb, feeling as if there were a twenty-pound weight on his chest. “Yes, I’m attracted to you.”

“Then why won’t you give us a chance?”

Looking at her standing in his kitchen, the way she had her body positioned, she looked young—younger than twenty-three. “We would never work.”

“You keep saying that, but I want to know why.” He opened his mouth to reply, but she interrupted him. “And don’t say it’s because you still love your wife. I know you love Melissa, and you always will. I’m okay with that. And I don’t see what that has to do with us. She’s not here. I am.”

Paul listened to Megan’s speech, and watched as she squared her shoulders waiting for his response. He averted his eyes, and took several slow, deep breaths. “A part of me died that morning the patrolman came to tell me Melissa had been pronounced dead at the scene. They didn’t even bother taking her to the emergency room. She went straight to the morgue.”

He found Megan’s eyes again, and there were tears glistening in them. “I’m sorry,” she whispered.

His heart clenched painfully, seeing that he was causing her pain. It had to be done, though. She needed to understand. “You’re young. You deserve to find a guy who will be able to give you what you need . . . what you deserve. I’m sorry, but I’m not him.”

Before she could say anything else, Paul opened the door behind him. “I’ll get Chloe, and then we’ll pick up the pizza before we come home.” He paused. “You should call your sister back and apologize. Tell her you’re coming to visit. The last thing you want to do is leave a rift between you and the ones you love. You never know when you won’t have the opportunity to take it back.”

With those parting words, Paul walked out the door leaving Megan standing in the kitchen. He hated hurting her, but she’d left him no choice. There couldn’t be a
them
. Kissing Megan had made him feel alive. She made him feel as if he deserved to be loved again. 

He didn’t. The last words he ever said to his wife weren’t ones of love. They were ones of frustration and anger. 

No. There was one thing Paul was sure of. He didn’t deserve a second chance. Not after the way he’d royally screwed up the first one. If it hadn’t been for him, Melissa would never have been out that time of night in the first place, and she’d still be there with him. Chloe would still have her mother. They’d be a family. 

As Paul drove toward Debbie’s house, he brushed away a few stray tears. He needed to pull himself together. The last thing he wanted was for Chloe to see him crying. She’d want to know why, and it wasn’t something he could explain to her. 

All he had to do was make it another five weeks. Then Chloe would be off with her grandparents, and Megan would be at her sister’s. Maybe the distance would be good for all of them, and Megan would realize that he wasn’t the right guy for her. It was his only hope, because he didn’t know how much longer he would be able to resist her if she didn’t. 

Chapter 8

Megan stood staring at the door Paul had exited minutes before. The last words he’d spoken to her echoed in her head over and over again. He didn’t think he could be the man she needed . . . deserved. How was that possible? Paul was the best man she’d ever met. He loved his daughter and would do anything for her—for his family as well.

Before she could dwell on it too much, the phone rang, and she blindly answered it. “Hello?”

“Hey, Megan. It’s Gage.”

That brought her quickly out of her musings. “Is Becca all right?”

“Yeah, yeah. She’s fine. She’s lying down at the moment.”

“Oh. Okay.” It wasn’t like her sister to take naps, but maybe that was part of the whole pregnancy thing, too. It wasn’t as if Megan was used to being around pregnant women.

Gage cleared his throat. “Look, you can tell me to butt out, or whatever, but Rebecca was really hurt when you said you didn’t want to visit. She thinks she . . . we’ve done something to make you feel as if you aren’t welcome.”

“No, it’s not . . . that.” 

“Then what?”

Megan sighed. She didn’t want to lie, but she couldn’t exactly tell the truth. “I’m not crazy about leaving Paul alone for an entire month.”

“Why?”

“No reason.” 

Her reply was too quick. “What’s wrong?”

The tone in his voice was the same she’d heard from Paul a time or two. Luckily, those times had all involved Chloe and not her.

She decided to be vague, but honest. “I think Chris and Elizabeth’s wedding affected him more than he’s admitting.”

“How so? Did something happen? Did he say something?”

Megan hesitated. “No. Not exactly. It’s more what he hasn’t said.” She paused. “Maybe I’m reading too much into it. I don’t know.”

But she did know. Megan knew what Chris and Elizabeth’s wedding had done to Paul—knew that he’d gotten himself so drunk he couldn’t remember what had happened. And given what he’d admitted to her only moments before, she was betting that his grief had more of a hold on him than anyone realized. 

“Maybe I should call Ma.”

“No!” Megan nearly bit her own tongue. An outburst like that wasn’t going to help her cause in the slightest. “No. I mean, if he wants to talk about it, he will, right? I don’t think it’s good to force it, and I don’t think he’d appreciate it if your parents got involved.”

Gage didn’t respond right away, and when he did, he didn’t sound happy. “I suppose you’re right. Paul’s always the one taking care of everyone else. He doesn’t really like it when people stick their nose into his business.”

She breathed a sigh of relief. “Exactly. But you see why I don’t want to leave right now.”

“Why didn’t you just tell your sister this? I’m sure she would have understood.”

Megan released an exasperated sigh. “Because I really didn’t want to say anything to anyone, nosy.”

He laughed. “Okay, okay. I won’t pry. But your sister does want to see you. What if you come out for a week or something? Surely Paul can survive without his housekeeper for one week.”

“I’m not a housekeeper. I’m the nanny.”

Gage made a dismissive sound. “Tomato, tamahto.” He paused. “So will you come? I’ll even set up the first floor bedroom for you so you don’t have to hear us.”

“Pfft. That would work if you two kept it in your bedroom.”

He laughed. 

“Well?”

She leaned back in her chair, and picked a nonexistent piece of fuzz off her sweater. One week. Megan didn’t want to leave Paul at all, but she had to admit that she did want to see her sister. “Okay. I’ll come for a week.”

“Great. I’ll have Rebecca call and the two of you can get everything arranged. We’ll pay for your plane ticket, and pick you up at the airport.”

“You don’t have to do that.”

“We want to. You’re family, remember?”

Megan hung up a few minutes later, and she instantly felt guilty. She shouldn’t have said anything to Gage. It wasn’t any of his business or anyone else’s, but if she hadn’t told him, then he and Rebecca would have thought she was intentionally avoiding them.

Glancing up at the clock, Megan realized that almost a half hour had passed since Paul walked out. He and Chloe would be back with the pizza soon, and Megan had no idea what mood he’d be in when he returned. One thing she knew for sure, however, was that she had to find some way to make Paul understand that he was the right guy for her. How she was going to do that, though, she had no idea. 

Tessa smiled when she saw him standing on her front porch. “Oh, hi, Paul.”

“Hello, Tessa. How are you?”

She chuckled, and stepped back to allow him to enter. “Same as usual. You know how it is, chasing after a five-year-old all day.”

It was his turn to laugh, although it was halfhearted. He couldn’t get his mind off what had happened with Megan. Of course, lately he couldn’t seem to think about much else.

Paul followed Tessa as she led him down the hall to Debbie’s room, where the two girls were playing. They heard the adults enter, and looked up from their dolls. 

“Daddy!” Chloe trilled, jumping up and running over to greet him.

He picked her up, and hugged her tight. Chloe was the only thing in his world right now that made sense to him. She was his one constant. “Hiya, sweetpea. How was your afternoon? Did you have fun with Debbie?”

“Uh-huh. We played with her new dollhouse. It’s pretty, isn’t it, Daddy?”

Chloe pointed to the large, three-story dollhouse they’d been playing with when he’d walked in. “Wow. It’s big.”

She nodded, and then glanced behind him. “Where’s Megan? I want to show her Debbie’s dollhouse.”

Paul set Chloe down on her feet . . . more as a distraction. “You can show her another time. We’re going to pick up the pizza for tonight and meet her at home. You can tell her all about it then.”

Her lower lip jutted out in a pout. “But I wanted to show her.”

“You can show her next time. Go say goodbye to Debbie.”

Chloe lowered her head, and trudged back over to Debbie. “Bye, Debbie.”

Debbie stood, and gave Chloe a hug, which she returned. 

They said their goodbyes and Paul helped Chloe into the backseat of his car. Once he was satisfied that Chloe was strapped in securely, Paul walked around to the driver’s side and got in. As he pulled away from the curb, his frown deepened. He couldn’t let whatever was happening with Megan affect his relationship with Chloe—he couldn’t. “What do you say we order the pizza, and then go to the park across the street while we wait?”

“Yay!” Chloe kicked her legs in excitement, and a huge smile lit up her face.

He could do this. He would do this. Megan was just Chloe’s nanny. Nothing more.