Dangerous Defiance (15 page)

Once they had toweled off, they climbed into the bed and rather than making love, Jackson held her to him, her back to his front, and she knew he lay awake behind her, unable to sleep.

“My clothes are still in your washing machine,” she said, not sure why she said it. She wasn’t even thinking about it.

“Are you glad to be going back to work now that this is over? Do you feel you did right by Ben?”

“I don’t know,” she said, tucking his hand closer to herself. “He’s gone at the end of the day. None of this changes that. His family lost him for good. Same with those people who died from New Hope and all the lost homes. Lost lives really, whole lives.” A tear slid down the side of her face.

“You’ll be able to mourn him now that this is settled. You’ll pick up your routine again and life will carry on.”

More quiet tears. He was right, she knew it. Problem was, it all sounded so damned lonely. The passion she had felt before, the excitement over all she could do, somehow it had all changed in the last weeks and she was left feeling sad and empty at the thought of returning back to work, back to her lonely home and life.

“What about you?” she began, trying to sound cheerful. “New Hope will get back to normal. I bet you’re looking forward to that.”

“I can do with less excitement, that’s for sure,” he said, but it sounded so empty, like there was so much more he wanted to say.

“Jackson?” she began.

“Hm?”

“I never thought I’d say this but I’ll miss you in a weird way,” she managed, unable to hold back a sniffle.

He squeezed her tight. “Remember, I owe you a spanking. I hope you’ll come back for that.”

She giggled through her tears. It was quiet after that and the next morning when they woke, they drove back to New Hope. They spent that Sunday together and he made love to her that night. It was different than the times before, gentler and softer, the weight of their time together coming to an end hanging heavy in the air. She cried at the end but this time, she wasn’t sure if she hid her tears from him or not.

He sat with her at the airport until her flight was called and she boarded the tiny plane with propellers. They scared the crap out of her but it was a relatively short flight. It took all she had to smile when he hugged her once more, patting her bottom, reminding her to come back any time. And when they took off, she watched the tiny town disappear from view while the captain came on over the intercom announcing flight conditions.

She would forget this soon. She would forget him soon. Ben’s death was one thing but now, now that she knew his killer, it didn’t make letting him go any easier. She would have a new boss, a new mentor. She would have a decent career, everything she wanted as far as that was concerned.

Meeting Jackson Montgomery wasn’t something she had counted on and she certainly hadn’t expected to fall in love with him.

She shook her head, sudden chills prickling her flesh, making every hair stand on end. No, this wasn’t love. It was just all of it together, the excitement, the mystery, the action. She was just high from it. Over the next weeks she would come down off that high and go back to life as usual.

“What can I get you to drink?” the flight attendant asked, interrupting her thoughts, which was just fine.

“Oh, a Coke, please. Thanks.”

She took the beverage but passed on the cookie. Taking a sip, she settled back into her seat and decided to focus on the future.

* * *

Three months later, the house still felt lonely without her, which was stupid because she had only been there a few nights. Jackson took a load of laundry from the dryer and dumped it onto the couch to fold it. He chuckled, the image of her trying to zip her suitcase shut when she’d just stuffed everything inside it coming back to him.

He had received a few e-mails from her but they were only a few sentences long. She hadn’t been reprimanded at work. In fact, she had been reassigned to Ben’s mentor whom she trusted and was working on her next case. Larimer was cleared of all allegations and Hanson was awaiting trial along with Royson for sabotage and four counts of murder in addition to everything else. It would be a long trial but Jackson’s part was done and so was Jess’s. They could move on and the homes that were lost would be rebuilt on the government’s dime.

Jess had mentioned something about a standing invitation for him to come see her in D.C. but he wasn’t sure about that. He had feelings for her, couldn’t get her out of his mind and her absence only accentuated just how deep those feelings were. He had managed to avoid falling in love since his marriage had broken up years ago but now, his world felt empty without her and if truth be told, his heart hurt from missing her.

She had mentioned a boyfriend in one of her e-mails. He had never commented on it, ignored it altogether in fact.

His phone rang. Jackson got up to answer it and every time, there was a tiny twinge of excitement that it might be her but disappointment always followed that small hope. It was time for life to get back to normal and for the residents of New Hope to begin rebuilding their lives, him included.

He found his phone on the kitchen counter and picked it up to look at the display, disappointment again tugging at his heart. “Hey, Carl,” he said. “What’s up?”

As soon as Jackson switched on the kitchen light and grabbed a beer from the fridge, his doorbell rang. He went to it absently while explaining where a file Carl was looking for was. The bell rang again and he pulled the door open and stopped.

Jess stood outside on the porch step looking up at him. They just stared at each other for a long time.

“Carl, I’ve got to go.” He hung up even while the other man was speaking.

“Hi,” she said. She smiled a nervous smile.

“Hi.” He tucked the phone into his back pocket, still staring at her.

“You said I was welcome any time,” she began, her tone light or at least she tried to make it appear so, but her waning smile belied her anxiety.

He exhaled and smiled, stepping aside. “You are,” he said. “I’m just surprised to see you. Come in.”

She looked good. Her hair was cut a little shorter and she was wearing a bit more makeup, but otherwise, she looked the same: a little disheveled, but good.

She came inside and they stood awkwardly in the entryway. “I’m sorry, is this a bad time? I should have called maybe?” she asked, her eyes glancing around him suddenly. “I was… passing through with work and…”

“No.” He smiled, exhaling, relaxing a little. “Not a bad time.” Without a thought, he wrapped his arms around her and pulled her to him. She came without a sound, burying her face in his chest. He thought he heard her sniffle but just kept her tight to him.

God, it felt good to hold her again.

“It’s really good to see you, Jess.”

He felt her take in a deep, ragged breath and pulled her back to look down at her reddened eyes. “What is it? What’s wrong?” he asked, closing the door and walking her to the couch, sitting her down on it. He sat on the edge of the coffee table, setting the beer down beside him and taking hold of her shoulders. “Has something happened?”

“I’m not really passing through,” she began. “I quit my job.”

He stared at her, wondering if he heard right. “Sorry, come again?”

“I quit my job.”

“Jess… why?”

She shrugged her shoulders. “I don’t know. I just… It wasn’t working anymore and I wanted to come back here.”

Jackson was shocked, that was the only word for it.

“You look… surprised?” she asked.

“I guess I am. You didn’t have to quit your job to come back here. What wasn’t working? I don’t really understand.”

She stared up at him, her expression hurt. She was trying hard not to allow the tears that were forming to spill. “I… you don’t want me?” She wiped at her eyes.

Jackson stared down at her for a moment before shaking his head and pulling her close again.

“Jess, stop crying. That’s not it, of course I want you. Christ, you’re all I can think about. You’re all I’ve been thinking about since the day I took you to the airport and watched you disappear on that plane.”

“Then why didn’t you come? I told you that you should come.”

“Because I didn’t want a long-distance relationship. You had a boyfriend. You have… had a career at the FBI, Jess. You’re young…”

“I just turned twenty-seven. I’m not that young.”

“Impulsive…”

“Impulsive?” There it was, that stubborn expression she got when she felt defensive.

“You quit your job,” he said.

“I’m not impulsive, I just know what I want.”

“And what’s that?”

“You.”

* * *

The realization of what she had done came crashing over Jess.

He didn’t want her. Why hadn’t she called first? It hadn’t even occurred to her. She had wanted to surprise him. What had she done? She had quit her job!

He was right. She was impulsive. She had quit her job on impulse!

Jackson looked at her, then at the beer he had set down beside him. He ran a hand through his hair, then picked up the beer and drained half the bottle. Jess licked her lips and he handed it to her. She took it and finished the rest.

“Thirsty?” he asked, both eyebrows up.

“I just needed a drink,” she said, hiccupping once. “Why did you think I had a boyfriend?” she asked.

“You mentioned some guy in an e-mail.”

“No, I didn’t. What guy?”

“Parker something,” he said, looking away. “I had the impression you were living with him.”

“Parker?” she asked, confused. “You thought Parker was my boyfriend?”

“You made some comment about him making a mess of your apartment. I figured you’d moved in with your boyfriend.”

She raised her eyebrows and her face brightened into a giant smile. She reached for her purse and took out her phone, scrolling through some photos. “He did make a mess of my apartment. Even caught a mouse he decided to leave on my pillow for a gift!” she said, holding out the phone to show him a photo of a very fat black cat. “He’s my friend’s cat. I was cat sitting for two weeks.”

He took the phone and looked at the photo. “I’m pretty sure I would have remembered if you’d mentioned Parker was a cat.”

She took her phone back and gave him a look. “So all this time, you were thinking I was living with a guy? Really, after three months like I would move in with some guy?” she asked. “I’m not
that
impulsive.”

“You quit your job and show up unannounced on my doorstep. I’d call that pretty impulsive.”

“Well, I’m not moving in with you. I’m just…” she exhaled, looking down for a moment. “What about you? I mean, are you… is there a Parker in your life?” she asked, trying to sound casual but truly nervous that he would say yes. Because really, he could say yes.

“No, there’s no Parker in my life. Nothing’s changed for me. Tell me more about why you quit.”

“The last few months have been different. When Ben was there, it was… I felt like I was doing something good, you know? Now, I’m going through the motions. I don’t want that. I don’t want to be a machine. I thought it was what I wanted. When I finished high school, I couldn’t wait to get out of Shippensburg.”

“You’re from Shippensburg?” he asked, his eyebrows up. “Pennsylvania?”

“You can’t help where you’re born,” she defended. Shippensburg was an even smaller town than New Hope, Georgia.

“Go on.”

“I wanted out and I got out, and joining the FBI was what I wanted then, or thought I wanted. It all came about kind of easily for me but after what happened, what we went through and before that, with Ben and I working on the case, the part I liked was the part where I got to help the people that couldn’t really help themselves, you know? Like you did, when you were in Afghanistan. You saved those girls’ lives. No one would have cared about what happened to them, but you did. And you lost your career over it.”

“I’d do it again, Jess. I don’t want to be somewhere where you’re punished for doing what’s right.”

“That’s what I mean. Of course there are good people working for the bureau but it’s just not for me. It’s not where I can do what I really want to do.”

“And that is?”

“Well, I’ve been talking to a friend who started up a newspaper, one where we don’t report the weather or the breaking news of the day isn’t the cat who climbed into the tree and the fireman who rescued it. He calls it like he sees it and tells the truth, the real truth. I want that. That’s what I’m meant to do, it’s how I can make some difference.”

He nodded, taking it all in.

“And I can do it from anywhere. Even a small town like New Hope, Georgia.”

Jackson came and sat next to her on the couch. “I think that’s really great, Jess. I just don’t want you to regret it later. Working for the FBI is a big deal.”

“I might be impulsive, but really, I know my mind, Jackson. I know what is good for me and what’s not and I’m learning to get better at listening to those instincts.”

“I missed you,” he said, his eyes searching hers. “A lot.”

“Me too.”

He touched her face with the back of two fingers, then brushed her hair behind her ear, taking her face into his hand and holding her, leaning in to kiss her.

“I took my same room at the Dorado Hotel,” she said, feeling her face flush from his kiss, his intense gaze. “Aida remembered me.”

He chuckled. “You did make quite the first impression.” He kissed her again.

“Your arm is all healed up?” she asked, their foreheads together, breath short while he unbuttoned her blouse.

“Good as new,” he said. “And I believe I owe you a spanking.”

He pushed her backwards on the sofa, kissing her. “Do you forget anything?” she managed between kisses.

“Not really. Not important things like that at least.” He stripped off her blouse and kissed her neck, settling himself between her legs. He pressed his hips to her and she groaned, her body coming alive. His hand slid down between them to undo her jeans and without pulling her pants off, he slid one hand inside. She remembered the feel of his rough hands as one closed over her sex.

“I missed that,” she said when he lifted her, carrying her upstairs to the bedroom, kissing her all along until they were both naked and lying on his bed, his body heavy on hers as he made love to her slowly, exploring every inch of her.