Dangerous Depths (The Sea Monster Memoirs) (14 page)

My good luck
party reminded me why I loved being a selkie.

This was the world I had missed so much: glacier homes and ar
ctic pools, dancing under the moonlight, bonding with everyone. The beauty of the selkie side of Rathe was endless. In Earth’s realm, ice and snow only existed in shades of white. In Rathe, the trees were frosted in shades of blue, green, and silver, and the leaves never died. 

Call me biased, but our part of Rathe was so much prettier than the mer’s. Our world constantly glistened. Our three moons always reflected their light off something: the water, ice, or even a snowflake falling from the sky. Ours was a world of colorful, sparkling, unbreakable glass. The constant frigid temperatures kept my soul warm.

Lavender snow-capped mountains stretched tall into the always-dark sky. Ice paths of all lengths and inclines had been carved into the nearest mountain like massive sliding boards. Selkies slid down them, laughing and enjoying the twists and turns before splashing into the water. And, of course, there was music.

For the first time in a long time, I let loose. I danced until my lungs and muscles hurt, and then I danced some more. No one forced me to drink because they knew the rush that blood or vodka would give me was nothing compared to my excitement about finding Vienna.

“You seem confident,” Dina said, dancing with me for the fifth time. She hadn’t tried flirting with me. Everyone knew where my head and heart were—with Vienna. The same place they had been since I was a kid.

“I know I’m coming back. And I’m bringing Vienna back with me.”

“No doubts at all?”

I took a swig of my water. “None.”

“Are you scared?”

“I was, but not anymore.”

She raised her glass. “I admire your courage, Rownan. I wouldn’t dare go into Harte.”

“You might if your soul mate was trapped in there.”

Dina bobbed her head, but I’d never known her to date anyone more than a few weeks. She had no concept of what it felt like to know another soul was “the one.”

A slower song began. I stopped dancing and wiped sweat from my face. “I need to take a breather.”

“Okay.” Dina hugged me, squeezing me an extra time before she let go. “See you when you come home.”

She always saw through my lies. I was leaving the party, and she knew it. I didn’t want a bunch of emotional goodbyes. I didn’t want to see so many selkies look at me with worry or sadness. Silently sneaking away was best for everyone.

I tousled her wet hair. “Tell everyone I said thanks for the party.”

She nodded and smiled. “Sure thing.”

I headed home so I could pass out much earlier than usual. The sooner I fell asleep, the sooner tomorrow would arrive.

~

I jolted awake, haunted by the same reoccurring nightmare of Vienna burning to death.

I was on the beach of our home, sleeping under the moonlight.

“I’ll find you,” I vowed, staring up at the moons. “I swear, I’ll find a way, Vienna. Hold on just a little while longer.”

One green star shot across the dark sky and faded into the horizon. Medusa could shed as many tears as she wanted. I was not going to fail Vienna again.

The waves gently ebbed and flowed, calming me. But I was too calm. It usually took me a good hour or more to recover from that nightmare. Something was off.

I turned around and found Indrea standing behind me in a fur coat. The wind blew her purple hair around her face, but her violet eyes were locked on me. Merfolk and selkies had been battling for so long that it should’ve felt strange to see Indrea in our side of Rathe, but instead I was relieved. She walked forward and stood over me. She was using her calming abilities on me, and I was grateful. “I’m sorry to wake you. I didn’t realize you’d be asleep this early.”

“Don’t apologize. You did me a favor. Nightmares suck.”

She wrapped her coat tightly around herself and sat down in the sand beside me. “I came for one last healing session. Just to make sure you’re as strong as possible.”

“I appreciate that.”

She tilted her head back and admired the sky. “I had nearly forgotten how enchanting this side of our world is.”

I looked up too. Blue and green lights streaked the sky. If humans saw them shooting through the dark and falling into the ocean they might think it was a meteor shower, but in Rathe it was more than that.

“She’s weeping for you,” Indrea said. “It must feel good to be so loved.”

I was still calm, even though I should have been angry. “If Medusa loves me so much, and if she’s so sad, then why would she allow this to happen?”

“Many things are beyond her control.”

“If we were a mer couple, I bet she would’ve done something to stop it.”

Indrea sighed. “We’re home. There’s no reason for further fighting between sea creatures. Medusa loves all of her children equally.”

“I don’t believe that.” More calmness washed over me. “I’m okay, Indrea. Stop wasting your energy.”

“Helping you is not a waste.”

Once upon a time, Indrea had been like a mother to Treygan and an aunt to me. She and my mother were great friends. Ever since Treygan and I were kids, Indrea and Caspian were the Violets who had always helped us get out of trouble, or healed us when we were hurt. Me, Vienna, Treygan, Delmar, Kimber, even Pango and Koraline—no matter what happened, Indrea and Caspian were there for all of us.

“I turned my back on you,” I mumbled. “Why are you helping me?”

“You did what you believed was right. You were loyal to your kind. No one can fault you for that.”

“I fault myself for it. I abandoned my brother, my best friends, but worse than any of that, I abandoned Vienna. I never should’ve left her.”

Indrea turned to look at me. She placed her hand over mine. “What happened that day? Why were you and Vienna separated?”

I tensed. Indrea’s calming powers were wearing off.
I stayed silent as my guilt intensified.

“Sometimes it helps to talk about it, Rownan. Bottling up your feelings never ends well.”

I pulled my hand free of hers and sank my fingers into the sand. “I told her to go through the gate, to make sure her family was home safe. I went back for my mother. I promised Vienna I’d return by sunset.”

Indrea nodded once. “I see.”

“It’s the only promise I’ve ever broken. To her, I mean.”

“Promises are fragile things. They are easy to break, and difficult to repair once the damage is done.”

“I have to fix this mess I made.”

A subtle grin spread across Indrea’s face; a mixture of sadness and something else I couldn’t interpret. “Do you remember when you were just a pup and Treygan was going through that awkward stage of discovering his abilities, you two were underwater wrestling and he accidentally destroyed a coral reef?”

I flinched at the memory. I was digging pieces of coral out of my back and neck for days. It dawned on me that Indrea said
he
destroyed the reef, but we told her I was the one who shattered it. Treygan had been getting in a lot of trouble, and he had been warned that if he had one more slip-up he would be punished. It was so long ago, but I instinctively kept the lie going. “You mean the time a dolphin pile-drove
me
into the reef?”

Indrea laughed. “Do you think any of us believed that story? We knew what really happened.”

“You knew I lied? Why didn’t you say anything?”

“Because you were protecting your brother. Some acts, even lies, when done to help another soul are a noble testament to one’s character.”

I hung my head. “I’m not noble.”

Indrea turned and raised my chin. “That was a demonstration of your true character. So was trying to save your mother’s life at that gate, even though it meant putting your own life and future at risk. And, by gods, if insisting on going to Harte to find Vienna isn’t a brave and selfless deed, then I don’t know what is.”

“It’s not selfless. It’s greedy.” Letting Yara and Treygan come with me was even worse. Years of bottled-up grief threatened to pour out of me. I didn’t know what would happen if I let it out. It would be like the levy of a damn breaking. I respected Indrea too much to make her deal with that. 

She and Caspian had chosen to be trapped in Earth’s realm. They weren’t even there when the warning went out. They didn’t race to return home like the rest of us. They
were
home, but they accepted the possibility of never seeing Rathe again, and they willingly swam through the gate, knowing they would be locked out. They did it because they cared about the sea creatures who would be trapped. They wanted to help us survive. And they did. What
they
did was brave. It was selfless. I was nothing like them. “I miss Vienna like crazy. I’m only going to Harte because I don’t want to live without her. How is that brave?”

“Trust me, it’s one of the bravest acts I’ve ever witnessed. And I’ve been alive a long time.”

We sat silent for a few minutes, watching the waves roll onto the shore.

“The guilt is overwhelming at times,” I admitted. “Because of my broken promise, she’s in some damned place alone. I’ll never forgive myself for that.”

“Forgiveness will be one of your most important weapons on this journey. As for your broken promise,” Indrea wrapped her arm around me like she used to do when I was a child, “that day when you shattered the reef, you asked me what you could do to fix it. Do you remember what I told you?”

I didn’t have to think hard. Indrea’s words echoed through my mind loud and clear. “You said, ‘Time and the tides will fix what’s been broken. Focus on making yourself whole again.’”

“Exactly. I suggest you follow that same advice for your current predicament.”

“The tides can’t fix this.”

“You’d be surprised what forces of nature can do. You just worry about doing your part. Concentrate on making yourself whole again.”

I needed Vienna to feel whole. Maybe that’s what Indrea meant. I had to focus on finding her and bringing her home. Medusa’s tears still streaked the sky. “Indrea, do you think Vienna is okay?”

She squeezed my injured arm, but I felt no pain. “She will be. Once she’s with you again.”

“So you’re confident she’s still alive? That her soul hasn’t been consumed by evil?”

“As long as a soul remembers how to love, as long as Vienna could remember those she loved, she could fight off the evil. I don’t believe Vienna could ever forget you, Rownan.”

Everyone had been telling me how insane I was, and that I would never make it back from Harte, but Indrea understood. People had told her she and Caspian were crazy for voluntarily trapping themselves in Earth’s realm when the gate closed, but they survived. They were proof that some risks were worth it.

“Earlier, you told me I could do this. Do you really believe that?” I faced her and saw certainty and faith in her amethyst eyes. Faith that couldn’t be faked.

“I have always believed in you, Rownan. I never stopped.”

I sat on the sill of the largest window of our nest, staring at the three foreboding moons in the sky. Tomorrow it would all be over.

My time with Yara was almost up. She didn’t even want to spend her last night with me. Another tear streamed down my cheek. I caught it on my finger, held my hand out the window, and watched it drop, disappearing into the clouds below me.

“Why are you such a sniveling, depressed mess?” Otabia asked. “Pull yourself together!”

“Yara’s with Treygan tonight,” I told her. “Again. Always with Treygan.”

“Can’t say I blame her.” Mariza flopped down in a chair. The frame of branches creaked under her weight. “I’ve longed to devour him for ages. I’m jealous that motley mutt can have him whenever she wants.”

I used to feel the same, but ever since he went off the market I couldn’t look at him that way. “He’s not all that great.”

“I beg to differ,” Otabia said.

Mariza pouted her lips so they were even plumper than usual. “It’s not fair that both of you have sampled him. Nixie drank a whole memory from him. And you,” she pointed at Otabia, “you licked the entire length of his spine.” Mariza sighed dreamily. “Nixie, tell me again how he tasted.”

I shook my head. She was an insatiable leech. “I’ve already told you a dozen times.”

Mariza clapped her hands. “Tell me again. Again!”

Otabia cooed. “Like the most decadent chocolate with a touch of sea salt.”

If only they could see how ridiculous they were, getting all worked up over Treygan. A million other males existed in the worlds, and we could seduce almost any of them at any time, but they had to crave the ones they couldn’t have. 

“Let me relive it,” Mariza begged, reaching for Otabia’s arm.

Otabia pulled out of her grasp. “I’m tired of you sucking blood out of me. Go get your own memories.”

I pulled my knees to my chest. A splatter of blood lingered on my leg. I must have missed it when I cleaned up after my feedings. I wiped it away and stared out the window again.

“We sense you’re sad.” Otabia sounded annoyed. “But you’re also scared. We don’t like being scared. It’s not familiar to us.”

“It makes me all itchy and twitchy.” Mariza turned,
draping her legs over the arm of her chair. “Knock it off.”

My voice screeched louder than I intended, but I was tired of everything always being about them. “I can’t help how I feel!”

Otabia paced in front of me, looking leery. “Is this where we’re supposed to ask you to share your worries with us? One of those wretched moments where venting would alleviate your anger and sorrow?”

“We have to do something,” Mariza said. “I can’t stand all this doom and gloom putting a damper on my mood.”

“It might help,” I offered meekly. The last creatures in the world to be compassionate were Otabia and Mariza, but I didn’t feel like flying all the way to Echo Bayou to talk to the sprites again. “Yara didn’t even want to spend time with me tonight. She doesn’t care that we may never see each other after tomorrow.”

“Not this again,” Mariza whined. “If Yara wasn’t alive—”

“Don’t say that!” I snapped.

“
If
, I said
if
she wasn’t alive, you would be free. Cleo crossed over. You’d have no one left to answer to, no one to send you on errands or order you to do their bidding. I would kill for that.”

“I’m not like the two of you. I enjoy being needed.”

“Silly water sprite tendencies still lingering.” Mariza tsked. “Awful idea that was, promoting such a busybody creature.”

I silently agreed. I had made a mistake leaving my family and becoming a siren, but there was no undoing it, and no way out of it except death. As much as Otabia and Mariza would have liked to get rid of me, I’d never give them the satisfaction.