Dangerous Depths (The Sea Monster Memoirs) (28 page)

“We can’t stop her. No one could have stopped me.” Otabia lifted her black eyes, and for the first time in a long time, she looked at me with worry and maybe—impossible as it seemed—love. Her shoulders slumped. “You probably won’t make it out, but in case you do, I’ll tell you where I went wrong so you don’t make the same mistake.”

Treygan’s eyes fluttered open.

“Oh, thank gods.” I hugged him so tight his ribs smashed against mine.

He glanced around at the water surrounding us, then at our raft. “Where are we? What happened?”

Treygan had been passed out for a while. While sitting beside him and praying he would wake up, I had stewed with guilt and self-loathing for what I had done with the kraken. I wanted to believe I had been tricked, caught up in some powerful trance where I had no control over what I did, but that seemed like a cop-out. I should have said no. I should have fought the kraken, not indulged in a steamy make-out session with him.

“Where’s your suit and gear?” Treygan smoothed down my hair, cradling my face in his hand and checking me for injuries. My hallmarks were a mix of blue, gray, and green—sadness, anger, and shame. “Are you okay?”

“Okay is a very subjective term in this place.”

He cracked a smile, but worry tugged it down into a frown again. “How long was I out?”

I shrugged. “I’ve lost track of time.”

His brow lifted and he scanned the river we were floating down. The land was covered in flames. We had no choice but to stay in the river, out of the burning inferno on either side of us.

“Let me try shadowing Rownan,” Treygan said. “If he has stayed awake, he’ll be a better judge of how long we’ve been here.”

Treygan slipped away into shadow mode. I fidgeted with my hands, cursing them for touching the kraken so intimately. I cringed at the memory of my nails raking down his back. How could I ever tell Treygan what I had done?  He’d never forgive me.

“Strange.” Treygan’s voice startled me. “I saw him and Vienna, but it was like looking at them through a sheet of ice.”

“Nothing here surprises me anymore,” I murmured.

He lifted my chin. “Hey, talk to me. Something has you upset. What happened while I was unconscious?”

“We’re in hell. And it’s beating us every step of the way. You don’t want to know what happened while you were out because it’s so heinous that you’ll never look at me the same.”

“Yara, I expected heinous. Actually, I expected a lot worse than what we’ve endured so far. You can tell me anything, and I will still look at you the same. If anything, I’ll be proud of you for surviving whatever you had to face.”

“Proud of me?” I laughed like a crazy person. I sounded maniacal, even to myself. For the first time since he woke, I really looked at him. He said we could survive anything, so we would see if he really meant it. “You were pulled underwater by a—” I paused, flinching at the change in his eyes.

“By a what?” he asked.

I couldn’t think about anything except how different he looked. “Your eyes are darker. They aren’t as blue as they used to be.”

“I was promoted to Indigo. Of course my eyes would darken.”

“Oh.”

He pulled back.
“It’s amazing how one word can be filled with so much disappointment. My tail and hair darkened. You had to have known my eyes would turn indigo too.”

I eyed him skeptically. What if he wasn’t the real Treygan? The kraken could have swapped him for an imposter. What if he was the kraken in the form of Treygan?

As if reading my mind, he opened his jacket and pulled his arm out, showing me the branded words. “It’s me, Yara. Only my eyes have changed.” I glanced away, but he held my hand, pulling my attention back to him. “I’m still me.”

“It’s just … they were such a pretty blue.”

He let go of my hand. “You don’t like my eyes now that they’re a different color? That seems a bit shallow.”

“You’re misunderstanding. It’s not that I don’t like them. But my first time sharing your soul was such a life-changing experience for me. The strongest part of my memory of that event was your intense blue eyes. It makes me sad to think I’ll never look into your eyes and see them that same way again.”

“I’m sorry, but it’s not like I can change them back.” His voice grew louder and irritated. “I loved your gold tail. Most of my memories of us together are when your tail was gold and your hair was yellow, but I don’t throw that in your face.”

A dull pain ached in my chest. “You liked me better as a Yellow?”

“I didn’t say that.” His nostrils flared. “I wouldn’t have even brought it up if you hadn’t mentioned that you don’t like my eyes.”

“I didn’t say I don’t like them.”

“You’re implying it.”

“I don’t imply things. I say exactly how I feel. You of all people should know that.”

He turned away from me and stared at the river for a painful few seconds of silence. “Can we please stop arguing? Neither one of us can change how we look.”

“So, you
did
like me better as a Yellow?”

Treygan let out a frustrated sigh and raked his fingers through his hair. “That’s not what I said.” He turned around and leaned close to me. “You are beautiful. Yellow, white, or polka-dotted, you are and always will be beautiful in my eyes—no matter what color they turn.”

I sat there, staring at him. Gorgeous as he was, it occurred to me that one day, eventually, he would become a Violet. His eyes would turn purple. What if they were light purple like Indrea’s? He would look totally different. I felt horrible for even thinking I might not be as attracted to him if he was a Violet, but the thought kept tugging at me. I wanted him to stay the same Blue I fell in love with. I didn’t want to think about how Treygan might change again. None of it mattered anyway. We’d never leave Harte.

“What now?” he asked. “Your forehead is wrinkled
which means you’re thinking intensely about something you don’t want to think about.”

How could he know me so well? I didn’t want to talk about it anymore. “I’m fine.”

“And there’s another one.”

“Another what?”

“Another lie.”

I stiffened.

“Did you think I’d never figure it out?” he snapped. “You’ve lied at least three times since your transformation. How long were you going to hide
that
ability from me?”

I fumbled for an explanation. “I didn’t … I thought maybe ….”

“You negotiated for it, didn’t you? When you met Medusa. You actually requested the ability to lie again.”

I lowered my guilty eyes.

“Most sea creatures don’t live a shallow existence,” Treygan said, “but apparently our new leader insisted upon it.”

“I requested that ability to protect you!”

“Protect me? From the truth? I don’t ever want to be protected from the truth!”

“You don’t know that.” The kraken’s kisses flashed through my mind again.

Treygan turned his back to me. “Pride, wrath, greed, we’re being sucked in by every type of sin.”

Don’t forget lust.
I hated Harte. I hated what it was doing to us.

We drifted for what must have been miles past fire, ice, and crumbling mountains, but we never saw another living soul. I was so exhausted I collapsed, lying flat on my back.

Treygan turned around. His voice was still cold. “Are you okay?”

“Weak and lightheaded. And I’m so hot.” I reached into the water, splashing my arms and face. “Even the water is too warm.”

He leaned closer and wiped sweat from my brow. “It is sweltering.” He stripped off his jacket the rest of the way and draped it around my shoulders. “Put that on. It will help cool you down.”

I gratefully accepted and slid it on. The rubbery material cooled my arms and torso, but sweat still seeped out of the rest of my skin. “Are we floating in the right direction? Toward Rownan?”

“I’m not sure. My senses are off and I’m disoriented.” Treygan scanned the raft and river. “Maybe we should swim. It would be faster.”

“No,” I practically shouted
, picturing the kraken lurking below us. “Let’s stay out of the water.” I could tell Treygan wanted to ask me why, but he didn’t. He knew I was keeping secrets from him. “I’m sorry for lying. I’d never lie unless it was to keep you from being hurt.”

His eyes met mine, softening more the longer he stared at me. He wrapped his arms around me and kissed my head. I thought about how his embrace dulled in comparison to the kraken’s. And I hated myself for it.

~

I drifted in and out of a hazy cloud of worry, guilt, anger, and a dozen other negative emotions. Occasionally, I would think of Rownan and Vienna and remember our mission, but mostly I just wanted to slither off the raft and drown myself for being such a weak and awful person.

My pinky was hooked around Treygan’s. That’s as much skin to skin contact as we could handle because we were so miserably hot. I was lying in a pool of my own sweat, but I didn’t have enough energy to move to a drier spot on the raft.

Treygan let go of me and rolled over, splashing into the water. My fingers reached for him, but that was all I could muster. I didn’t even have the strength to sit up.

He surfaced and draped his arms over the edge of the raft, dropping his head onto his forearm. “I needed water.”

I managed to nod.

“You should get in too. It helps. Not much, but some.”

“No,” I mumbled. I didn’t want to ever dip foot or fin in the kraken’s ocean again.

“This river seems never-ending. I don’t know where it’s taking us. We need a plan. Maybe swim somewhere.”

“Just leave me.”

Treygan stretched forward, relinking his wet pinky with mine. “Not a chance.”

“What if we surrender to it?”

“Surrender to what?”

I struggled to take a big breath, knowing it would take so much energy to say everything I was thinking. “The darkness. People who are insane don’t know they’re insane. They live in their own reality. We could exist the same way.” My lips felt heavy. My words slurred. “If we don’t remember a different world, if we don’t remember light and love exist somewhere else, we’d be content.”

“You’re talking nonsense because you’re dehydrated,” Treygan said. “We’re going to get out of here.”

“I don’t want to fight anymore.”

“You’re exhausted. I am too, but we have to keep going until we find a way out.”

“No one has ever found their way out.” I closed my eyes, lured into the enticing darkness. “And stayed sane.”

“No one has ever died, negotiated a deal with Medusa and Poseidon, and been given a second chance at life either, but you pulled that off. Finding a way out of here should be simple compared to that.”

“My wings are gone. Even if we find the gate …” I was too tired to finish.

“We’ll find another way.”

“And if there is no other way?”

He ran his fingers through my hair. “Then we hang in there until someone comes for us.”

“No one w
ould come
with
us. No one will come for us either.”

“They’ll come for you,” Treygan said. “You’re too important.”