Read Deep Surrendering: Episode Eleven Online

Authors: Chelsea M. Cameron

Tags: #New Adult Romance

Deep Surrendering: Episode Eleven (8 page)

BOOK: Deep Surrendering: Episode Eleven

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Things were spectacular. And then I ran into Chase at the library when I was returning a book. I’d been avoiding it and studying at Fin’s because I didn’t want to run into him. I mean, I hadn’t done anything wrong, but it was just an awkward situation.

“Hey, long time no see. Where have you been?” he asked. He smiled at me brightly and I felt like crap.

“Just busy.” Ugh, I didn’t want to do this. “Um, there’s no other way to say this, but remember that guy I told you about?” He nodded and I could tell he wasn’t pleased, but he put on a huge smile anyway. Oh, he was going to make some girl out there so happy. It just wasn’t me.

“Well, he came back and we’re together again. I wish I could explain the whole thing, but it’s a really long and insane story.” He probably wouldn’t believe a lot of it.

“That’s great,” he said. “Are you happy? You look happy.”

Now it was my turn to beam.

“I am happy. So much that I want to yell on rooftops and run around skipping and I can’t stop smiling. That kind of love.”

“Good, I’m really happy for you.” He seemed to start pulling away.

“I’m sorry I didn’t say anything. I was just so wrapped up in him that I forgot about everything else for a few days. But I definitely need my study buddy.” It sounded juvenile to call him that, but I didn’t know what else to call him.

“Awesome. What about Thursday night?”

“Sure, that sounds great. Five? Our usual table?” He nodded and then leaned forward to envelope me in a hug. I hugged him back, and he let go quickly. Like he was worried about hugging me too long. How sweet.

“I’ll see you then. Oh, and I’m happy for you. Really.” Chase didn’t sound totally convinced and I hated myself a little inside.

“Thanks,” I said, giving him another smile. “See you on Thursday?”

“See you on Thursday,” he said before he headed back to his table. Maybe I could find someone for him. If only Chloe was straight. Speaking of her, she texted me just as I was leaving the library.

Have you gotten out of bed yet, or are your legs still wrapped around Fin?

I snorted and called her instead of replying.

“No, my legs are not still wrapped around him. I’m just headed home. Where are you?”

“At work. Or hell. They’re the same thing.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Whatever. I just wanted to check in and see if your lady bits had been rubbed raw yet.” I made a face. Sometimes I hated the way she described things.

“No. I’m good. But thanks for your concern.”

“You’re welcome. How are things going?” I told her about Fin being back for good and that he’d asked me to move in with him.

“Are you going to?”

“I want to. But it’s way too soon. Way too soon. He just got back.”

“Are you trying to convince me or yourself?” Damn her. I hated when she was perceptive.

“It’s crazy, Chlo. We haven’t been together long-term yet. Long-distance isn’t the same as being with someone every day.”

“You’re scared,” she said.

“Obviously. This could all blow up in my face.” I hailed a cab and told him my address.

“Look, I’ll be out of work in ten minutes. I’m coming over and we’re going to talk about his. Okay?” She was going to come over whether I liked it or not.

“Sounds good. I’ll get the wine out.” She laughed.

“You know me so well.”

I had a glass of wine waiting for Chloe when she buzzed me to let her in. It was the first thing she reached for when she walked through the door.

“Dear God, I need this today. I’ll tell you about it later, but right now we need to talk about you and Fin.” She dragged me over to the couch and forced me to sit down.

“I pretty much told you everything.” Well, not everything. She didn’t know about Sapphire. Or his insane father. Or a lot of things. I hated keeping secrets from her, but they weren’t my secrets to tell. They belonged to Fin.

“So what’s holding you back from moving in with him?” I couldn’t exactly put it into words, but I was going to try.

“He’s so wonderful and I love him so much and I guess I’m afraid it’s too good to be true. That he isn’t everything that I think he is. That we’ll move in together and then I’ll find out something about him, or he’ll find something about me and that will end it and I don’t think I can deal with it ending again.” Never again.

“Right. That’s all true. But if you don’t try, and don’t give this relationship everything you have, then what’s the point? It’s scary as hell throwing caution to the wind, but sometimes you have to take a huge risk to get a huge reward.” She’d taken a huge risk with Harmony and the reward hadn’t paid off. That was what I worried about. Because she’d been destroyed when that relationship ended. Utterly destroyed.

“I know you’re scared, but don’t let that stop you from something that could turn out to be everything you think it’s going to be. What if he is wonderful and your relationship is the kind everyone dreams about? Would you give that up because you’re scared? No, it’s not going to be perfect, but sometimes you can get pretty damn close.” She was right, I knew in my soul. I was giving into fear. Still, I just needed some more time to be ready to make that leap.

“Look, you don’t have to decide anything right now. You have time. And I don’t think Fin is going anywhere. He’s obsessed with you.” I laughed.

“I’m pretty obsessed with him. I guess it’s because so much has gone wrong so far that I keep expecting things to go wrong.” There I go again.

“Things will go wrong. And you’ll learn how to face it together.” Now she sounded like me and I sounded like Fin. I wasn’t so confident when he wasn’t with me. It gave my brain time to wonder about all the bad stuff.

“When did you become good at giving love advice?” I asked.

“I have no idea. I feel like I’m just repeating lines I heard in movies.” That made both of us laugh and she drained the rest of her wine.

“Okay, enough about me. Tell me about your day.” She rolled her eyes and set her glass down.

“Well it all started when one of our waxers gave a girl a Brazilian by accident…”

“You’re late. I was just about to call and see where you were,” Fin said when I let myself into his apartment.

“Sorry. Chloe came over to chat and we lost track of time.” He smiled and came to give me a kiss before we walked back to the kitchen together.

“That’s fine. I was just wondering.” He stirred some sauce on the stove and then gave me a taste. Everything Fin had ever made was beyond delicious. In another life, he might have been a chef.

“Sorry, should have texted you. How was your day?”

“Really good, actually. I think it’s actually going to work. But I have something to tell you that I don’t think you’re going to like.” Crap. I braced myself.

“What is it?”

“I have to go away again. Just for a few days, but still. I’m so sorry, but this has to be done. There are signatures and all sorts of things that I need to do in person. Plus I need to close up the old offices and go through everything and I can’t even tell you how many other things.” I tried not to be too disappointed, but I couldn’t help it.

“That’s fine,” I said, and I cringed at how pouty my voice was.

“I want you to come with me,” he said, setting the spoon down.

“You want me to come with you?” I asked.

“Yes. I know I’ll be working all day, but you can go sightseeing and visit museums or just hang out in the room. You don’t have to come if you don’t want to—” I stopped him with a kiss as I threw myself on him.

“I would love to come with you! I don’t care if I have to hang out in the hotel all day. I’ll find something to do with myself.”

“Are you sure?”

“Absolutely!” I was planning on heading to Italy soon anyway. I still hadn’t told Fin about that trip, but I planned to get another ticket and surprise him with it. He’d probably insist on paying for everything, but I really wanted to give him something. He’d given me so much.

“I know you’ll have to take a few days off from classes. Is that okay?” I’d make it okay.

“Yes. Oh Fin, I’m so excited!” I hadn’t travelled anywhere in so long.

“You’re already mentally packing, aren’t you?” he said a few seconds later. How did he know?

“No,” I said, even though I was lying. He just grinned to himself and then went to put dinner on the table.

“So I’ve been thinking,” I said.

“That can be dangerous, you know,” he said. Wow, he was in a really good mood. I smacked him on the arm and continued.

“I’ve been thinking that maybe I might like to move in with you. I love this apartment. It feels like home. And it has all of your stuff in it, which I also love.” Being surrounded by Fin’s things had been so nice when he’d been gone. I didn’t know how I would have gotten through it without having this place to visit when I needed to.

“You want to move in here?”

“Yes. Is that okay?” He’d been so enthusiastic about it before.

“Oh, I want you to move in with me, but I wasn’t sure if you’d want to come here. I thought you might want to get a new place and buy furniture together.” Oh. I hadn’t thought about that. Buying furniture with Fin. Picking a color scheme and arguing about curtain fabric. I couldn’t help but smile when I thought about it. Our styles were so different, it would be interesting to see what kind of house we’d put together.

“Well, that’s something else to consider,” I said. “And we’d need to figure out how to do rent and utilities and all that. I’m not letting you take care of everything. I’ll let you get away with a lot, but not that.” He opened his mouth and I knew he was going to protest, but I slapped my hand over it to stop him.

“Nope. No negotiation. If we’re doing this, we’re doing it fifty-fifty.” He licked my palm and I moved my hand.

“Ninety-ten,” he said. “With me doing the ninety.”

I narrowed my eyes. “Fifty. Fifty.”

“Eighty-twenty.”

What had I gotten myself into?

Look for the final episode of

Deep Surrendering

Episode 11

when it comes out on January 22nd.