Determinant -Guardians of Vesturon [3] (27 page)

*****

“Do you plan on sleeping your life away?”

I groaned as I rolled over to look at him. “I’m mad at you!” I grunted as I rubbed my eyes, trying to get them to open.

“And here I thought you would be pleased to see me!” Jurek said as his eyes crinkled.

“You told them to keep me locked up in here! I’ve been trapped in here for days!” I said, pouting.

“January, need I remind you that you are still a prisoner? They were merely following my orders. Did Tak not stop in for a visit?” he asked with a smirk.

“Yeah, a most unpleasant one too. Why did you send
him
? He was like talking to a five year old!”

The room was filled with Jurek’s rumbling laughter.

“Now what’s so funny?”

“Your description of Tak! I wish I could have seen the two of you. Who won?”

“What do you mean?”

“You and Tak are of like minds. Very argumentative. I was wondering who won the argument.”

“Honestly, I think it was a tie,” I scrunched up my face and stuck my tongue out at him.

That only brought another round of guffaws from him.

“Well, I wondered how you would deal with Tak’s grumpiness. He can be testy at times.”

His expression turned from jovial to serious, reminding me of his volatility.

“What? What’s happened?” Without stopping to think, I dashed to his side and grabbed his arm. The immediate burning pain made me flinch, causing me to increase the pressure of my grasp. Jurek’s eyes flashed silver, but I didn’t care. I needed to know what was happening.

“Your Rykerian is safe. He is unharmed and as healthy as ever.”

I hadn’t realized I was holding my breath until it rushed out of me when I heard his words.

“Oh, thank God! And the others?”

“Some have not fared as well. They sent in a team of three to try to infiltrate the power generating station. Two were able to safely escape but one was killed in the process.”

My heart fell to my knees. I felt a torrent of grief wash over me.

“Who? Do you know who?”

“I believe his name was Kennar. Not one of your Yarristers, so have no fear.”

“I knew him,” I mumbled.

I lifted my eyes to his and said, “He was a good man. He died for your family. I hope you are happy.”

“Need I remind you he died for you as well?” he retorted acidly.

“What?”

“He was following the orders of his leader, your Rykerian. Yes, January, your Rykerian will go to any lengths to save you, including putting himself and those closest to him at risk. He will stop at nothing to save you. I know this for he has told me. He is much more honest about his feelings than you are.”

I opened my mouth to dispute him but he cut me off before I had the chance.

“Cease with the lies January! When are you going to admit your feelings for him? You are only lying to yourself. Do you think others cannot see how you feel? I am no youngling that I cannot recognize what it is you are doing. Do you think I cannot hear your heart beat faster when you say his name? Do you think I cannot see how your face softens and your eyes light up at the mere mention of him? Do you think I do not recognize when your belly tightens with fear when you think that something has happened to him? When will you pull yourself out of your cocoon and acknowledge these things? You cannot let fear rule your life forever.”

“You don’t know anything about my feelings!” I screamed. “You don’t know what it’s like to be a scared child and the only thing you want is to feel your mother’s arms around you, but instead, you feel her hatred pouring out. You don’t know how that rejection feels. You don’t know what it’s like to lie awake at night, locked in the attic, frightened out of your wits with no one to turn to. You couldn’t possibly understand why I’m afraid to take this leap!”

“And that is your biggest misconception,” his voiced edged with steel. “You are so blinded by your own self-pity and misery; you cannot see the truth of the world around you. You are the one who knows nothing about this. Your mother may have hated you, but at least you weren’t responsible for her death, when the only thing she was trying to do was to nurture her very own infant child! And yes, I know rejection too. I was rejected and hated by my father for killing his one true love. So stop with your self-pity. You are not the only one who has been dealt a horrible hand in life!”

Sweet holy heaven! The blood drained from my face as I reeled in astonishment. His words came rushing back to me when he told me how his species was close to extinction...when he explained how the Praestani infants were so powerful that they often killed their mothers. It had happened to him! My heart was filled with his pain and I had the deepest urge to comfort him. I looked into his eyes and I sensed his power diminishing. I knew he understood my intentions.

I rushed to him and my words tumbled out, unbidden, “I am
so very sorry.
I didn’t know. Dear God, I didn’t know. What you must’ve gone through your whole life, trying to deal with this. Oh Jurek, my heart hurts for you.” My arms were wrapped tightly around him, my face buried in his shoulder in my attempts to comfort him.

He whispered back raggedly, “You could not have known. It is not something I speak of to many. The fact that I have even told you has me baffled.”

I looked up at him and his eyes were that beautiful shade of lavender, soft and lovely. I reached up and put my hand on his cheek, my heart pouring out to him.

We were standing there, me embracing him, and it turned into one of those awkward moments. Eventually my gaze fell to the floor as I stepped away from him and knotted my fingers. The silence expanded between us.

His voice startled me. “January, you must open your heart to Rykerian. Do not live your life in fear of being hurt because you will find you are not living at all. I know this because that is what I have done. For many years I have buried my feelings and it has turned me into something I am not very proud of. Do not let this happen to you. Your Rykerian is a very honorable man. He will never betray you; let yourself love him.”

“I am so afraid,” I admitted.

“Your fears are misplaced. What you should fear most is life without him.”

His words turned on the light in my brain. My arms fell to my sides and I turned away from him, contemplating his words. He was dead right. My fears of living with Rykerian made no sense. I should be more scared of living without him.

“How is it that the one who holds me captive sheds so much light on my life?” I mumbled, more to myself than anything.

“We are often blind to the truth of ourselves. Sometimes it can take an outsider to bring that truth to light.”

“I suppose you’re right. I want to see him. No, I
need
to see him Jurek. When?”

“I have no answer for you. My hopes are that it will be soon.”

I thought for a moment. What was Rykerian doing now?

“Can I send him a message? Please?”

He nodded his head in that abrupt way of his and reached for my hand. In seconds I was in Rykerian’s mind, experiencing his grief over the loss of Kennar, and the fear over my well-being. I communicated with him. I poured my heart out to him, telling him I was okay and that no harm would come to me. I knew this for the truth it was, although I couldn’t explain it to Rykerian. I was so deep in his mind, that my body began reacting to all of his emotions. My heart was racing, my pulse quickening, my blood was rushing through my veins scorching me; my belly was on fire with fear. I poured my soul into him and tried to ease his discomfort. We were so deeply connected, that when I released him, the emptiness of his absence made me physically hurt.

Jurek had to carry me to the bed for I didn’t have the strength to stand, much less walk.

“Are you feeling okay?” he gently asked as he lay me down.

“Yeah, just weak.” I grasped his arm, squeezing. “Thank you. For doing that. And for...” For some reason, I was shy about Rykerian now.

“It was noth...”

“Don’t say that. It was way more than nothing. This is totally nuts, but I owe you Jurek. I really do. I have to say this though. This is downright strange...this thing between us. I’ve never been very close with anyone. I only had a few friends but never ones I could tell my troubles to, but with you it’s different. I’m not sure how or why this happened, but thank you.”

“I do not understand myself January. I feel like you are a lost sister. There is some reason for this and perhaps we will discover it one day.”

I was so sleepy I couldn’t hold my eyes open any longer and I fell into a deep, dreamless sleep.

Another week passed. I was becoming more anxious about returning to Rykerian. I drove myself and everyone else crazy with my questioning.

Any news yet? What’s the progress? Is everyone okay? How much longer? Can I go out for a walk? Have you seen Rykerian? Have you communicated with him? Has he asked about me? What did he say?

The list went on and on.

I practiced my mind blocking every day. I wish I knew what else I could do. I often thought about what other Vesturion powers I might possess. The thought of having them sort of freaked me out. If someone could teach me about them, I would feel more comfortable.

Jurek popped in one day and commented that my ability to block thoughts had grown significantly.

“Seriously? You can tell?”

“Most assuredly. Although you cannot block them from me, I sense the barrier you have erected. Against the weak Vesturion mind, it should prove to be very effective.” The corners of his mouth turned up as he said that. He certainly knew how to goad me, and he did it so well.

I punched him in the shoulder as hard as I could. The only problem with that was any contact with him was usually more painful for me than it was him.

“When will you learn, my friend?”

Jurek had been unsuccessfully trying to teach me to control my temper. He wanted me to stop and think before I reacted. I had a tendency to speak my mind and he said before doing that, I needed to bide my time. I wasn’t a very strong adversary if I ran my mouth for all to hear.

“I don’t understand what the big deal is!”

“You will someday when you are mated to your Rykerian and are the subject of those who want to hurt or even destroy you.”

“I think you are overreacting.” I flung myself on the couch.

“You do not understand. The Yarristers are a very powerful family. Rykerian’s father is the Great Leader of Vesturon and is a controlling figure in Universal Rule. I am not terribly familiar with Earth and its governing policies, but the Yarristers are royalty, January. You must learn how to protect yourself.”

“Maybe you should teach me how to fight instead!” I blurted out.

That comment was met with gales of laughter. I should have expected as much.

I walked up to him and swung with all my might, landing another blow on his shoulder. It stung but I couldn’t have cared less.

Rubbing my hand I stormed, “Stop laughing at me! I’m serious. You talk about learning to defend myself. Then Buddy, put your money where your mouth is. Teach me how!”

Eyeing me skeptically, he questioned, “You are serious, are you not?”

“Dead serious!”

“Well then Ms. St. Davis, are you prepared to take some mighty hard blows?”

Hmm, I hadn’t thought about actually getting hurt. I guess if I were going to properly learn to fight, I would have to take some hard knocks.

“Yeah, I am,” I assured him, and myself as well.

“You are certain about this?”

“Absolutely.”

“How much do you know about your own powers?”

I explained how I could hear thoughts from the time I was very young. But that was it.

“It makes me wonder what else you are capable of achieving.”

“Can you teach me that as well?”

“I do not know. It usually takes someone that has mastered a certain power to be able to teach it to others. Since you and I are two different species, and since I have never tried to teach your species before, I do not know if I am able. But, I am willing to try.”

“Now?”

“Now is as good a time as any.”

“What can you tell me about that Command thing?”

“Command is the most potent of the Vesturion powers. As you know, it is completely ineffective against the Praestani. However, I believe we are the only species like that. It is a Vesturion’s greatest strength, if they have that ability. Like most species, the powers can vary from one individual to the next. I do know that Command is especially rare and the most difficult to master.”

“How would one go about seeing if they have it?”

“I would imagine it would take great concentration, but January, I think it would serve you better if you began trying to learn a lesser power, such as Telekinesis.”

“Okay, then let’s give it a go.”

“You understand how Telekinesis works.”

I shot him a look that said, “Duh!”

“Right then. How about we start with something very small. Like that small pillow on the sofa?”

I went to retrieve it but he stopped me saying, “Leave it be. You will attempt to move it from there. Concentrate on it now. There will most likely be a place in your mind you can go. My guess is that it is the same place where you find your barrier to block your thoughts. Seek out that place now and focus on nothing but that,” he instructed.

I sat with my eyes closed and found my blocking blanket, as I had come to call it. I let my mind wander around it, touching it, feeling it glide though my thoughts. I slid along it, enjoying the comfort it brought to me...like my very own security blanket.

“Now use your thoughts to visualize what you think you would need to move a physical object. Maybe your hand, or a device of some kind. Let yourself get comfortable there. Relax your body and wrap your mind around whatever it is you are visualizing.”

My thoughts envisioned a long handled gripper of sorts, the kind of thing an elderly person might use to pick up an item off the floor. I wrapped my mind around that device, ran my imaginary hands up and down it, examining how it might work.