Devil's Embrace (44 page)

Cassie was feeling rather overwhelmed, and she could not help herself. She burst out laughing. “I do hope that I am not, though the earl—” She bit her lip and looked away from Jenny’s questioning eyes.

“I have told no one that you and Edward are not wed.”

“Thank you. I fear it would embarrass Edward were you to do so. You see, I was forced to come here as Lady Delford, and Edward, obligingly, has maintained the deception.” Cassie saw that Jenny’s eyes were fastened on the open bedchamber door, and on the rumpled bed beyond it. Her vivid eyes dimmed.

Jenny recovered and spoke, for the silence was growing long between them. “You are fortunate, Miss Brougham. Edward is an excellent lover.” She saw a flush rise in Cassie’s cheeks, and hastened to add, “Please forgive me for causing you embarrassment. I cannot seem to swallow words that want to be said.”

Cassie said slowly, “It is a fault that I share with you. Does Edward take you to task?”

“He does now, but didn’t, not at first. You see, he held himself quite aloof from people when he first arrived, so much so that he was thought to be a rather cold, cynical man without much sensibility. But I saw he was troubled, though I did not understand the reason. He grieved for you, and would not allow anyone to be close to him. I met him one evening when he rescued me from the loutish attentions of a German captain. Any man who was capable of such anger could not be without feeling. I began to love him that night, Miss Brougham. It frightened me, for I had never before met a man who touched me as he did. And it only grew stronger as the weeks passed. I finally admitted to myself that there was nothing I could do to stem it, that indeed, I was bound to him.”

“And you are here to fight for him.”

“Yes.”

Cassie was forced to admire the courage that brought Jenny to see her. It was something that she would do. She bowed her head, remembering her pitifully brief encounter
in Genoa with the Contessa Giusti. She had been a coward then. She had run, leaving the contessa laughing in triumph behind her. And now she was facing another rival, for another man. What a lunatic thought it was.

“Does Edward love you, Miss Lacy?”

“Yes, he does.” She paused a moment, her green eyes clear and straight on Cassie’s face. “Perhaps you wondered where Edward was this morning. I am certain that he did not tell you, but I must. He was with me. Indeed, I was waiting for him, knowing that he would come, knowing what he would say to me. He was so formal, like the old Edward. It was as if he had practiced the words he would say to me. He asked my forgiveness, but I could not give it to him. Perhaps I am not a very kind person, but I asked him to tell me that he did not love me. He could not say it, Miss Brougham.”

Cassie stared at her, stunned. Edward’s distraction over luncheon—it made sense now.

“Edward is such a bloody gentleman.”

“Yes,” Cassie said, “he is.”

“The first time he told me he loved me was after I seduced him.”

Cassie thought of that long ago afternoon in the cave. Like Jenny, she had been the seductress.

“Please do not think me an immoral woman, Miss Brougham. But I wanted him so badly. He was ill and staying at my father’s house. Such a proper gentleman he was.” A smile lit up Jenny’s face. “Do you know that I drugged his wine? Even with opium lulling his mind, he protested. When I finally told him that I would give my virginity to a Hessian if he did not take me, he grinned in that special way of his, and then gave me such pleasure that I regretted not seducing him months before.” Jenny drew to a sudden halt. “I hope that I have not shocked you, it is just that—”

“You needn’t explain, Miss Lacy, I quite understand.” She thought of the pleasure she had known with the earl, and lowered her face so that Jenny would not see her eyes.

Jenny suddenly rose and paced about the room. She whirled about, misery filling her voice. “I want what is best for Edward. Dammit, you left him.”

“Through no fault of my own,” Cassie said quietly. “It is a very long and quite arduous story, Miss Lacy, and I would never think to bore you with it.”

What an elegant setdown, Jenny thought, and not delivered unkindly. She had tried to nurture fancies of Cassandra as a proud, willful girl, in the final summation a disagreeable witch. She had not been certain which would hurt more—to be right or wrong.

“What a wretched coil,” Jenny said. “Edward’s wretched honor forces him back to you. He has no choice.”

Choice. The earl had never given her a choice. Could Jenny be right? Would Edward marry her because there was naught else for him to do? She was on the point of asking Jenny why the devil she believed that Edward’s honor was his only motive for wishing to marry her. But she drew up short. Neither of them had spoken of love. She because she could not. Could Edward not? She tried to picture a future with Edward, but there was only the earl’s dark face in her mind. And the earl’s child in her womb.

Cassie said finally, “You wish me to give him up then. Go home to England.” She paused a moment. “You have known Edward for only months, Miss Lacy. I have known Edward all my life. We grew up together. The day before we were to be wed, I was kidnaped. Have you any idea what that was like, Miss Lacy?”

Jenny stared at her numbly.

“Kidnaped by a man I had known since I was a child, a man who wanted me because—” She could not repeat the story about her mother she had told Edward. She knew the earl loved her for herself. At least he had, before she had escaped him.

“What happened?”

“So very much.” The words were wrenched out of her, leaving her naked to herself. Cassie was trembling. She said brokenly, her hands covering her face, “Oh God, what is to be done? I was such a coward, such a blind fool. Are there never choices? Must we always follow stupid, meaningless dictums without regard to our feelings?”

“I wish that you were a bitch,” Jenny said. “It is I who
am the bitch, selfish and thoughtless. It is just that I want Edward so very much.”

“You are very different from Edward.”

“Perhaps. Edward is gentle and very kind. But there is a streak of iron strength in him. I will never love another man as I love him.”

And I will never love another man as I love the earl.

Cassie rose slowly. “Edward will be back shortly, Miss Lacy. You must give me time to think.”

“It is all that I ask.”

“Good-bye, Miss Lacy.” Cassie took a white shapely hand into hers.

“Oh, incidentally,” Cassie said, halting Jenny in the open doorway, “do you particularly like to sail?”

Jenny looked taken aback. “Sail? No, not particularly. If you would know the truth, I have always preferred being the passenger, and not the one doing the work.”

“That is good,” Cassie said, a smile lighting her eyes.

Cassie wondered, as she wandered back into the sitting room, what Eliott would say when his sister arrived on his doorstep, unwed and her belly large with child.

A
lthough the yellow dimity curtains were drawn tight across the windows, the bedchamber was still uncomfortably cool as the early afternoon sun tried to break through the overcast.

Cassie lay on her side, her knees drawn up to her belly, clad only in her light muslin shift. The small luncheon she had managed to eat had not settled well, and now she felt drained and weak in the aftermath of having been ill. She moved her hand over her still flat belly, wondering if her violent retching could in any way harm the small babe in her womb. She remembered the many mornings the previous fall when she had returned to bed, pale and trembling, and the earl had gathered her in his arms and stroked her gently until her stomach had righted itself. Although she did not wish it, tears welled up in Cassie’s eyes and a soft, broken sob broke from her throat. She had never felt so alone and uncertain in her life. And she was still so far from her home. Over and over again, she thought about what she felt, about what she wondered if she had known even before Jennifer Lacy’s unexpected visit. She would not marry Edward, no matter her unborn child.

She thought of the man she loved, now a world away from her. It had been she who had allowed unreasoning anger and willful pride to destroy the bond that had grown between them. Even last fall when she had agreed to wed him, there would have been love between them. She knew, with helpless fury at herself, that she would have come to return the love he felt for her. If only he had allowed her freedom, allowed her to make her own choices. If only he had told her about Becky Petersham.

Cassie was locked so deeply into herself that she did not hear the outward door open and close. She felt a light hand upon her shoulder.

“Cass.”

She tried to sniff back her tears. She turned over on her back and gazed up at Edward. She remembered vividly how she had loved his face, had memorized its every plane and contour. A wan smile touched her lips, and she sniffed yet again.

“Are you all right?”

“Yes, ’twas just a bout of nausea. Mrs. Beatty’s luncheon was not to the child’s liking.” She saw his hazel eyes flit quickly to her belly, and he made his face impassive. She wished she had remained silent.

“You are looking dashing, sir,” she said, hoping to set his thoughts in another direction. “Did you see General Howe?”

“Aye, I saw him, and also General Clinton—with John Andre’s help.”

“Ah yes, Major Andre. A man, I think, who dearly loves the ladies.”

“Indeed,” Edward said stiffly. “Would you like your dressing gown, Cassie?”

How often had she shocked or displeased him, she wondered. “Yes, thank you, Edward.” She swung her legs over the side of the bed and rose slowly, for she had begun to feel dizzy of late if she suddenly jumped up. She met Edward’s eyes and felt herself flush with embarrassment. Her swollen breasts strained against the soft muslin shift, and the material had slipped up, revealing her legs. She lowered her eyes as he handed her the dressing gown.

Edward’s eyes fell on her hair, tumbled sensually, full and loose, over her slender shoulders and down her back. He turned away from her, cursing the burgeoning ache in his loins. She had been violently ill and even now looked pale and listless.

“Would you care for tea, Cass?”

“I do not like tea, Edward. I have never liked tea.”

There was bitterness in her voice, and he turned back to her in surprise.

Cassie felt instantly contrite and splayed her hands apologetically in front of her. “Forgive me for my wretched tongue. I would not have you think me a raging termagant.” She rose slowly, shaking her dressing gown over her ankles.

He smiled at her gently. “You are not a termagant, Cass. It was stupid of me to have forgotten.”

Edward followed her awkwardly to the sitting room and watched her seat herself carefully upon the settee. He unfastened his sword. “General Howe was not particularly obliging, Cass. Indeed, I fear there is little chance of his releasing me before summer.”

Cassie drew in her breath, thinking of the ship sailing for England the following week. She watched him nervously as he set his sword precisely upon the table.

“I see,” she said.

“And also,” Edward continued, sitting himself opposite her, “General Clinton ordered me, and you, of course, to a ball Friday evening. He is a boorish, stubborn man, but listens to John Andre. Thus the ball. He hopes, I suppose, to impress the Tories with his generosity and graciousness. It will serve him well, for a little time, at least. I hope you will not mind attending.”

“As Lady Delford?”

“You forget that by Friday you will be Lady Delford.”

God help me, she thought, and said quietly, “I have given the matter much thought, Edward.”

“What matter? I just told you of the blasted ball.”

“The matter of my future and yours. No, please do not interrupt me, for I must say this. I made a terrible mistake in believing that your sentiments, as well as mine, could remain unchanged for so many months. Both of us are not what we were, Edward. And I see now that even if we had not been parted, we are not really suited to each other.”

“What nonsense is this, Cassie?”

She winced at the cold impatience in his voice. She knew it as the tone of an English gentleman when honor and duty were at stake.

“I am giving us back choices, Edward. I have decided
that I cannot wed you. I will leave next week for England. I am going home.”

He sat forward, and clasped his lean hands tightly together between his thighs. “I am willing to grant you lapses of reason, Cassie, because of your condition. But if you seriously believe I would ever allow you to journey alone back to Hemphill Hall, unprotected and carrying a bastard child, you sorely mistake my character. If I were to allow such a thing, I would expect Eliott to put a bullet through my gullet.”

She smiled at him sadly. “You cannot always lead your life bound to such unrestrained honor, Edward.”

“Do you forget that if that black-hearted devil had not abducted you we would have wed?”

“But then, Edward, you fancied that you loved me. And the earl, in his own right, believed it too.”

“How can you defend that bastard? By God, Cassie, I begin to think your wits are gone awry. Is it not enough that you carry the man’s child?”

They were arguing senselessly, hurtfully. Cassie wished she could somehow weave her thoughts so that Edward would understand. “We are tearing at each other, Edward, and to no purpose. If I pose you one question, will you reply honestly?”

He hesitated, and his hazel eyes narrowed in frustration. “If you insist upon this ridiculous game, Cassie, very well.”

“How do you feel about being a father to another man’s child?”

“Since I have no choice in the matter, I will learn to accept it. It is your child, as well as his.”

She said very quietly, “You would probably begin to hate me for it and the child.”

“So now you will accuse me of cruelty.” He rose abruptly and paced away from her. He turned suddenly, his face hard. “I would that you keep your woman’s vacillating emotions to yourself. We will do what is right, and that’s an end to it.”