Devoted - The Complete Series: A BWWM Romance Boxset (8 page)

Luckily, just as I think I’m about to start sobbing and ruin this whole night with my unexplainable impulses, Bradley pulls my hands up over my head, holding them there and thrusts into me hard. My attention snaps back to the growing pleasure building up inside me. A warmth spreads through my belly as he pumps his thick member into me faster. The sensation grows larger and brighter until it explodes like a supernova sun, the pleasurable heat billowing out through my limbs as my orgasm rolls through me. Bradley’s body tightens as he plunges his cock deep inside me and fills me with his seed. Unmoving, the two of us lie together, still joined and listen to the mesh of our panting and our heartbeats filling our ears.

When Bradley untangles his fingers from mine, I realize I’ve lost all feeling in my hands, but I couldn’t care less. Right now the only thing I care about is lying next to him, safe in his arms as he traces love letters onto my skin. My body is being covered by a blanket of foggy sleep that I can’t resist when Bradley suddenly sits up, and my eyes spring open.

“What is it?” I find the worried expression on his face unnerving.

“I don’t know how to say this.” He rubs the back of his neck, looking down and away from me.

“What?”

“It’s just that, I uh, I need to leave ridiculously early this morning so I think it would be better I call a car to pick you up and take you home tonight.” He looks at his hands.

My zen-like buzz is quickly squashed by my disappointment. I’m familiar with this song and dance. The old ‘I got what I wanted now you have to leave,’ routine. Normally this wouldn’t even bother me. Normally I would be just as eager to get out the door as he is to watch me go, but after the way we danced and talked, hell even after the way we just fucked, I just thought he was different.

“That’s fine.” I sit up and slip off the edge of the bed so he can’t see my face. I don’t want him to see how hurt I am. I was a fool to think this was anything more than this.
There are two types of women in this world, and I’ve never been brought home to meet anyone’s Mama.
I don’t know why I thought that was suddenly going to change. I quickly walk out the bedroom door to grab my dress. This time, it’s Bradley following me into the kitchen hot on my heels.

“Hey, are you upset? It’s not that I want to kick you out or anything, I just have an early flight and…”

“Why would I be upset?” I force a smile and hope I’m being convincing. “I had a great time; it was really nice to see you again.”

I pull my dress on and step into my heels. “Would you mind zipping me?” I turn my back to him and stare at the floor.
Shut it down, Brianna
. He tugs up my zipper, much less suavely then he pulled it down. By the time he manages to get my gown done back up, I’ve gotten my emotions under control.

“Well, I hope that we can meet up again after I return from my trip. I’ll only be gone for a couple weeks.” He leans in to kiss me, but I just give him a quick peck and sidestep out of the way.

“That sounds great. I look forward to it.” I push the fake smile further across my face. I won’t hold my breath.

“Ok, well, let me call you a car.” He picks up his cellphone.

“You know, I think I’ll go wait for it in the lobby. I could really use a cigarette anyway.” I grab my clutch and smooth my hands over my hair and then my dress hoping I don’t look like too much of a hot mess.

“Then, just wait a sec. I’ll join you. I just need to put on some clothes.” Bradley nods down at his completely naked, completely sexy frame. I only allow myself a glimpse, I don’t want to be pulled in again.

“No, seriously, it’s fine. Please, just call me the car and I’ll go wait. I’m sure I’ll hear from you when you get back.” Try as I might, I couldn’t make that last part sound genuine.

Bradley doesn’t argue. I didn’t expect him to. As I said, I know this song and dance well. Now it’s time for my exit.

“Ok, well, I have your number.”

“Yep.” I lean in and give him a brusque kiss on the cheek. “I’ll see you around.”

Before he can suck me in or drag this out any longer, I head to the door. When I look back, he’s watching me leave with his mouth twisted into a little bow. He looks upset, but I don’t have time to get invested in what he’s feeling right now, not when I’m all over the place like this. It’s just best for me to go home.

When I walk out the condo, I take a deep breath and push it all down.
Too much wine and too much dancing, it’s a dangerous combination.
But I know in my heart that it’s more than that. I know that I let him get to me.

Chapter Ten:

Bradley

“Braddy! Braddy! Looka meee,” Brooklyn squeals with delight as she squirms down the hip-height slide. At two-years-old she hasn’t quite mastered the “L” sound in my name, instead calling me ‘Braddy’. It’s cute as hell, except when Eileen has her moments and tries to correct Brooklyn into saying “Daddy” instead.

“Great job, honey,” I cheer her on and am instantly rewarded with her toothy smile.

“I did it!” She claps her tiny hands together in delight. “Just like a big girl.”

“You sure did, kiddo.”

“No, Braddy. I’m not a kiddo. I’m a Brooklyn.”

“Yes, you are,” I try to keep a straight face at her indignant tone. “You did a great job, Brooklyn.” Satisfied with my correction, she runs surprisingly fast on her short legs back up the ramp to climb to the top of the slide again.

“It’s so nice to have the family together,” Eileen says dreamily while she watches her daughter play.

Looking up at Brooklyn’s beaming smile, it’s hard to argue. Even if the circumstances aren’t ideal. “It’s nice to see her,” I nod. “You know, you don’t need to start a crisis to get me to visit, Eileen. I have no problem visiting regularly if that’s what you want.”

“What do you mean ‘start a crisis’, huh?” She snaps from her peaceful state.

Here we go
. “Ok, that was bad phrasing. I just mean that I can visit for more than emergencies.”

“I’m sorry, but how is firing an abusive thief for a Nanny ‘creating a crisis’ exactly? She bulldozes over me. “She was abusing her!” Other parents in the part dart their eyes toward us, pretending not to take notice of her soaring voice.

She isn’t well
.
You wouldn’t get angry at someone for having cancer
, I remind myself for probably the tenth time today alone. Eileen’s moods haven’t been stable since the day I met her, but the drinking has taken it to a whole new level. She’s absolutely intolerable on her best days now, and when I have the pleasure of dealing with them it just sets my heart on fire to know that this is the kind of mother Brooklyn is stuck with.
Fucking courts, since when did being a woman automatically make you a good mother?

I want to grab her by her shoulders and give her a shake, to point my finger in her face and tell her that I’m sick of her bullshit. Nobody believes her abuse stories; nobody believes just about anything that comes out of her mouth. Yet, I remain stoic. There’s no amount of shoulder shaking or yelling in the world that will make Eileen see reality for what it is.

“Ok, ok,” I hold up my hands in surrender. In my heart, I know there’s no other choice than to wave the white flag when she gets like this. It’s a slippery slope to the bottom of the rabbit hole. “It sounds like you made the right call then, you needed to do what was best for Brooklyn and you did it.” I praise her insanity and want to choke on the lies and bile rising in my throat. “I’m just trying to help you out, Eileen. I don’t want to fight, ok? The offer is on the table that if you need me to be around more, we’ll make that work. It’s up to you if you take it or not.”

Watching Brooklyn twirl around the park in circles gives me mixed emotions. On the one hand I’m happy, no, I’m fucking thrilled that she doesn’t seem to understand the instability in her life yet. However, on the other hand, I literally have to choke back tears when I realize that with each passing day she’s closer to finding out. I just hope that when the day comes that twirling in the playground is no longer enough to take away all her troubles, that I’m awarded custody of her. Lord help her if she’s still in Eileen’s care when she finally realizes, or even worse, questions how messed up she is.

Eileen’s sniffling draws my attention away from my girl. “You know, sometimes I see her like this, and I think we’d be better off with Jesus. Like, I need to keep her from learning about all the wickedness in the world. You know what I mean?” She implores, her cloudy eyes searching my face. My veins frost over as I try to make sense of what she’s saying.
Better off with Jesus?

I try to think before I speak, to add some element of rational thought into Eileen’s brain. “You know,” I furrow my brow, searching for the right words. The perfect words. “Just because there is wickedness, doesn’t mean that Brooklyn will fall into it. You’re raising a strong girl, right? I’m sure you’re teaching her how to avoid the people that don’t have good intentions.”

Eileen throws her arms around my neck so tight; I gasp for air. Her sobs fill the space around us as she buries her head in my jacket. “That’s just it!” She cries. “I can’t teach her how to avoid those people. I am those people! I’m filled with the same darkness I want to hide her away from.”

“I’m sure you’re just being hard on yourself,” I try to comfort her, or myself. Either way, I don’t think it’s working. “If you really feel that way, I can help you find some help you know. I don’t mind. In fact, I’d be really happy to set it all up for you…”

Her tears dry up, and her blue eyes turn icy as her mood changes again. Dropping her arms from my neck, she crosses them across her chest like she’s trying to fold in on herself. Glancing over at Brooklyn, her smiling face tells me that she hasn’t picked up on her mother’s melt down. Thankfully.

“I appreciate that, Bradley.” Her voice blasts my ears like an arctic breeze. “But, there’s no help you can find me that will make any difference. It’s too late for me.” Her chin trembles as I watch her eyes fill back up with more waterworks. I’m starting to wonder if I should start recording these conversations, surely this level of instability would be admissible in a court case? I know I’ve brought it up to Dwight before, but there must be some kind of loophole we can exploit. “I think the devil is in me at times.” She whispers so low that I run the statement through my mind several times before fully understanding the gravity of what she’s saying.

“Oh?”
Try to sound supportive. Cool. Calm. Not like you’re freaking out.
“How’s that?” It takes all of my effort to sound nonchalant and to try to keep judgement from my tone.

“Well, I try to stay away from the bottle. You know that” she looks over at me, and I nod, but I have my doubts. “But, he keeps dragging me back down into sin. And it’s getting worse. I make so many mistakes, but I think the devil takes me over, you know? He must because I wake up the next day and don’t remember hours and hours of the night before. It’s just gone. Poof!” She opens her hand like a magician throwing sparkles from her palm at a kid’s birthday party. “But his mistakes aren’t gone. The spending, the partying, the men.” Fat tears fall onto her cheeks as she disappears into her fragmented memories.

“Eileen, that’s just a black out. Everyone who drinks a lot…er, everyone has dealt with that from time to time,” I try to prop her up. There’s no use in tearing her down, not when she still has so much control over Brooklyn’s destiny. The best thing to do is make Eileen feel good about herself and insulate her with as much external help as possible. I still need to sort out another Nanny for her before the day is through.

“Braddy! Come here,” Brooklyn jumps excitedly in the sand, interrupting our conversation. In a way, I’m grateful for the distraction. “Help me on the swing? Come here, Braddy.” She insists, pointing at the smaller set of swings setup for toddlers across the park.