Distant Dreams (31 page)

“I don’t know that I agree with that. She is a very spirited young woman and holds her dreams and desires in the highest degree of importance. But then, so do you. You desire to marry well and keep a home and husband. You see yourself as a wife and mother, and those are admirable ambitions. But even so, why fault your sister for being unconventional?”

“She’s mean tempered and cares nothing for me,” Virginia said rather haughtily. “York and I used to be close, but now she’s clearly his favorite, and he bows down to her every request.”

“Not quite. As I understand it, York chose work in Washington over Carolina’s desire for him to remain at Oakbridge.”

“What are you talking about?” Virginia sounded rather indignant.

“York told me she was devastated when he decided to accept the job as aide to President Jackson. He had promised to tutor her a bit, but when the job opportunity presented itself, he could hardly resist. It meant disappointing Carolina, but his own path was as important as her dreams. So I don’t know that I would think him as devoted to her as you believe.”

Virginia got to her feet and seemed to struggle for words. “I don’t want to talk about them. I want to talk about us.”

James immediately got to his feet. “Us? What about us?”

“That’s precisely what I’d like to know.”

“I thought we’d already discussed that,” James said rather lamely.

“And there was nothing more you wanted to say?”

“I thought you understood. My future is so uncertain right now. I am not even certain, now that I am recovered, how much longer I shall remain here at Oakbridge.”

“So you won’t be tutoring Carolina much longer? Is that what you’re saying?”

“I suppose in a way, I am. Although I’ve not given your father any kind of notice to end our arrangement.”

“And had you planned to tell me about it?”

James saw the pain in her eyes. “Of course I would have spoken with you of it.” He wondered how he might comfort her without actually offering some type of promise.

Virginia swept the skirt of her gown to one side and edged her way around the settee. “I’ve made my feelings clear, perhaps foolishly so. I have no desire to be ill thought of by you, and I pray that is not so.”

“I could never think ill of you, Virginia.”

She nodded. “It is enough, then, that you know my heart. What happens from this point is, I suppose, out of my control.”

But control was Virginia’s specialty, and she wasn’t about to lose her only real chance at a summer wedding. James Baldwin was going to marry her if it took every conniving, underhanded plan she could muster. First, however, she had to deal with Carolina. Perhaps it was her sister’s fault that James had changed his attitude about his future. He hadn’t even wanted to talk about the railroad when he’d first arrived. Now he was considering working for it once again.

Virginia had hoped, with Carolina seeming to be involved with her coming-out party, that James would be left more to her manipulations. She hadn’t been disappointed when Carolina had cut her lessons short that afternoon to join their mother in planning the menus and decorations for the ball. What had been disappointing was that no matter how Virginia had tried to set the scene of romance, James Baldwin remained reticent beyond expressing his affection. Somehow, she had to draw out the passion she knew he must feel and put it into action.

“Carolina!” Virginia called softly and knocked lightly on her sister’s bedroom door later that evening.

Carolina, already clad in her nightgown, opened the door. “Virginia? Whatever do you want?”

Virginia pushed her way into the room. “We need to discuss James.”

“James?”

Virginia eyed her carefully. “Yes, James. Why? Does that subject not bode well for you?”

“I . . . it’s just . . .” Carolina fell silent and snapped shut the book she had been holding. “What has this got to do with me?”

“That’s exactly what I’d like to know,” Virginia said stiffly. She looked Carolina over from head to foot and didn’t like what she saw. It was suddenly clear that her sister was no longer a child; instead, she was every bit a rival.

Carolina flopped onto the goose-down mattress and yawned. “I haven’t any idea what you’re talking about.”

She appeared for all intents and purposes to be completely bored with the topic of discussion, but Virginia was not convinced. “I intend to marry James, and I won’t allow for any interference on your part. Whatever notions of glory you’ve been putting in his head regarding the railroad, you can just forget.”

“What?” Carolina was genuinely stunned.

“James is thinking about returning to work for the railroad. This could happen in short course and will very likely involve him moving north to Baltimore.”

“This is news to me,” Carolina replied.

“I won’t allow you to interfere.” Virginia stood directly in front of her sister, a force to be reckoned with. “I mean it.” She shook her finger to emphasize her mind on the matter. “I will marry James Baldwin, and if you know what’s good for you, you will stay away from him and keep your notions about the railroad to yourself.” Carolina appeared to cower at the hateful words, much to Virginia’s delight.

Going to the door, Virginia turned. “I am completely sincere in this. I can make life most miserable for you if you cross me. It’s too late for me to start another courtship all over again. I want James Baldwin. Mother and Father want me to marry James Baldwin, and I believe even James wants this arrangement. He’s just afraid to take the extra step forward.”

“But you’ll give him the push he needs. Is that it?” Carolina snapped, suddenly finding her voice.

Virginia gave a calculated smile. “I’ll do whatever it takes to ensure our nuptials. If that means putting you in your place, or manipulating him, so be it. Consider yourself amply warned, little sister.”

33

Coming of Age

From the moment Carolina opened her eyes in the morning, she felt a foreboding of the events to come. This was her sixteenth birthday, a day any young woman should look forward to with absolute delight. But Carolina wasn’t just any young woman, and she dreaded this day as she had no other.

Sitting up to yawn and stretch, Carolina tore the mop cap from her head and let her brown curls tumble down her back. The house was uncommonly quiet, and so for a few minutes she did nothing but enjoy the peace of the morning. It was no doubt to be her last quiet moment for some time to come.

The room bore a slight chill, but it was refreshing, and Carolina pushed back her covers with great abandonment and went to the window. Clad only in her white cotton nightgown, she drew back the curtains and welcomed the day.

How she loved spring. The orchards were in full bloom, showering the ground with dainty-petaled flowers whenever a stiff wind blew up. Yellow-flowered sassafras and persimmon trees set their colors against the reddish purple of redbud and newly blooming lilac. Beyond these walls the world was alive with color, and Carolina longed only to embrace it all and hide herself away within it.

With a heavy sigh, she tied the curtain in place and plopped down dejectedly on the window seat. Why must I endure this day? she wondered silently. Coming of age was a highly celebrated tradition, she knew full well. From the time a girl was little, she was taught about this pinnacle of life. Once presented to society in a coming-out debut, people treated her differently, and the world expected certain things of her. But in some ways, coming of age was a bit like being caught stealing cookies. The mere existence of one’s hand in the jar proved one’s guilt, and there were certain penalties to be faced. Despite the joy of the treat—the cookies or the newly given respect—there were definite disadvantages to the situation as well.

Hugging her knees to her chest, Carolina laid her head against the windowpane and tried to work up some enthusiasm. How can I look forward to this day? Virginia is angry at me, believing that somehow I’ve tried to interfere between her and James. My own feelings are such that I can scarcely address her in conversation without worrying I might betray my heart. And tonight I’ll be expected to become a young woman who desires nothing more than to seek out a husband and settle down to a life of hostessing formal dinners and giving grand balls.

She thought about her little ruse over the last weeks in trying to show enthusiasm for the party in order to please her mother. Would she now have to go through life performing that same deception? Following the course set for her by society and never at liberty to seek her personal fulfillment in her own way? Finding her identity in that of her husband?

At the sound of her bedroom door opening, Carolina looked up and found the warm brown face of Hannah to be a welcome relief.

“I sees my little chicken be up and about,” Hannah said, smiling wide. “Happy Birthday, Miz Carolina.”

“Thank you, Hannah.” Carolina got up from her place at the window and stretched her arms into the air. “I was just noticing how beautiful it is outside. All the trees are in bloom and the flowers are glorious.”

“Yassum, I hear tell Miz Margaret say she gwanna have the best of ’em at de party.”

Carolina frowned, but a quick glance indicated Hannah, who was busy laying out her clothes, had not noticed. No sense in having to answer to Hannah for her concerns about the party.

“Mother said that Miriam will be mostly helping me with my clothes and hair from now on. I’m going to miss you, Hannah.” Carolina paused for a moment, realizing yet another change due to her coming of age. “I can’t imagine life without you here in the morning first thing and tucking me in at night.”

“Babies grow up, Miz Carolina. Old Mammy is for takin’ care of babies, which you ain’t rightly one any mo’.”

“Oh, I know all that. I know, too, you’ll just be down the hall in the nursery seeing to my sisters, but it won’t be the same. Nothing will be the same.” She bit her lip, which had suddenly started to quiver. There was no way Hannah wouldn’t notice that. For a slave without education, Hannah was wise beyond her station.

“I ’spect you’ve been thinkin’ on dat for some time. Growin’ up ain’t a thing to be put off. You got no choice but what you make it. So go have a bad time today. Won’t change a thing. You is still gwanna be sixteen an’ dey is still gwanna be things expected of you, child.”

Carolina smiled and nodded. “I know. I know. Granny told me the same thing.”

“Granny knows.” Hannah came forward with a cotton morning dress. The white material was printed with tiny purple and pink flowers and seemed to complement Carolina’s morning observations of the blossoming spring. The skirt was trimmed in wide-paneled lavender lace with a ribbon of the same color at the waist. The bodice, with its capelike bertha collar, was trimmed in a narrower version of the skirt lace and bore a tiny lavender ribbon bow at the center of the neckline.

Carolina anxiously accepted the white cotton undergarments and allowed Hannah to corset her in, although she didn’t really need the supporting garment. Fitting her arms into the elbow-length flounced sleeves, Carolina tried to steady her nerves. In her mind she ran through the day’s agenda. There was to be a lawn supper in the late afternoon with time to retire and rest before the ball. The ball itself would start after eight and last well into the night. There would be toasts to her at midnight, and a buffet of mouth-watering treats would be laid out for the visitors. Those who were to spend the night would dally another hour, maybe two if conversation stimulated them to do so. Others who would make journeys back home would leave as soon after the birthday cake as possible, offering congratulations and teasing questions about whether she’d picked a young man to marry.

She knew these things because her mother had told her it would be so, and now, waiting for Hannah to hook up the back of her dress, Carolina shuddered and wished it were the next day with the party well behind her.

There was little more time to worry about the day. York arrived soon after breakfast, bringing with him a birthday gift of two novels and much discussion on the happenings in Washington. Hannah gave Carolina a present of finely crocheted mitts, which Carolina assured her would be perfect with her coming-out gown.

Later in the morning Carolina made a brief visit to Granny, who spent most of her time in unconsciousness. Sleep seemed to be all the old woman could handle these days, and Carolina always hesitated to disturb her slumber. Feeling comforted that Granny had made it through yet another night, Carolina returned to the house, slipping through the kitchen entrance, where Naomi barked out orders to a bevy of dark-skinned staff.

Passing through the house, Carolina inhaled the sweet fragrance of multiple bouquets and garland trim. Some servants busied themselves setting out crystal, china, and silver, while others rolled up rugs and removed unneeded furniture to storage. No one seemed to take notice of her as she moved from room to room.

Fleetingly, she wondered where James was, but Carolina’s mother had made it clear there would be no lessons today, so he was probably somewhere enjoying the respite. It was just as well he was gone. Her thoughts were confused enough.

She found Maryland running up and down the stairs, as usual. Brown curls bobbed as the child enjoyed her favorite game.

“Maryland Adams, how many times has Mother told you not to run on the stairs?” Carolina asked, with hands on hips. She tried to sound stern, but Mary looked so sweet and happy.

“ ’Free times,” Mary answered, and as she skipped down to where Carolina stood she held up her hand, her face contorted in severe concentration. She tried hard to isolate three fingers, but her hand didn’t want to cooperate, much to the child’s consternation.

“I’ll bet it was more than three times,” Carolina said, lifting the squirming Mary into her arms. She rubbed her nose against Mary’s and laughed at her sister’s giggles. “Now, Mistress Mary, how did you get out of the nursery?”

“I wun,” Mary answered. “I wun fast.”

“Yes, I’ll just bet you did.” Carolina started to climb the stairs. “Well, I’m taking you back. Hannah has probably worn herself out looking for you.”