Ditching The Dream (Dream Series) (26 page)

“I’d walk you to your apartment, but I’m not really dressed,” he said waving a hand over his shamelessly naked body. He flashed me a sly smile and watched with his head out the door as I made my way two doors down, then let myself inside.

Safely in my apartment, I collapsed on the chair, dropped my purse on the floor, and wondered what in the hell I was doing. I didn’t know who I was anymore.

I pushed myself to the kitchen and set up the coffee maker to brew a pot and headed for the shower. I had to leave in less than an hour.

S
howered in record time, I sat and drowned myself in as much coffee as I could get before I had to get to Ed Scott’s for a crazy Friday lunch shift. While sucking down the delicious brew, I took a hard look at what I had gotten into. I had basically run away from my husband to prove to myself that I could stand on my own two feet. For the most part, I was doing quite well. Apartment. Bills. At least making enough to pay those easily. And gainfully employed.

What I hadn’t planned on, or even thought about, was the companionship aspect of life. And I most definitely hadn’t expected to get together with one, let alone two men. But here I was, for the most part, dating, and sleeping with, two men.

Maybe Shelby was right. Maybe I did want a divorce. Maybe Greg and I weren’t compatible at all, rather two people that had stuck together out of obligation. There was most definitely a disconnect between us. Or we’d simply grown apart. What bothered me the most was that I don’t ever recall a fire between Greg and me like there was with Kevin, or Jack.

I was most surprised by my newfound sexuality. I had never been assertive in bed like I was with Kevin. Nor submissive like I was with Jack. With Greg, and I was ashamed to admit it even to myself, I was more or less like furniture. I just
was.
I was little more than a hole in the mattress. I didn’t feel desirable. I felt like a tool.

Greg and I felt like… Tevye and Golde from
Fiddler on the Roof
. “After twenty five years… Do you love me?” Yes. I loved him. He was a good provider, and kind and all that. But, I never felt anticipation for the next time we’d see each other. In the beginning, I looked forward to him coming home every night for dinner, but that faded very quickly. In fact, most nights when he came home, I felt like curling up and watching TV. Or going to bed — by myself, especially when the kids had grown to be self-sufficient in high school and then left home for college.

I was always jealous of what Jess and Jim had. They never stopped acting like teenagers, with their hands always all over each other. Now I was the one feeling like that, with Kevin and Jack.

I had no idea what to expect when I got married. No idea of what could be. I’d had so little experience in the whole men and dating department. My parents functioned and were polite to one another. Like Greg and I were. But I often found myself wishing for what Jess and Jim had. Like Jess said, I was pretty much a virgin.

Dumping the rest of the coffee pot into a travel tumbler with the Statue of Liberty on it, I decided that on my next day off, I’d look into visiting an attorney to discuss my options for dissolving my marriage. The saddest part of that decision was that I wasn’t sad about it. It was something that had been bouncing around in my mind for a couple years. I had hoped that once the kids were out of the house we’d find one another again, but that wasn’t happening. He never listened to me when the kids were home, and now that they were gone, the situation, hadn’t changed in the slightest. And when I came here, and he told me to go and be with other men?? Ending the marriage was the right decision. I felt like a giant cloud lifted off of me and that the sun was shining down.

Friday’s lunch shift was a mad house, but I rocked it like a Bon Jovi concert at Madison Square Garden. Maybe because of my decision about my future. Maybe it was because I felt beautiful and wanted. In the past two days I’d had phenomenal sex with two incredible men. Okay, maybe I felt a little slutty, but I wasn’t exclusive with either one of them. I was
‘sowing my wild oats,’
I reasoned. I mentally kicked myself for marrying so young. But that was water under the proverbial bridge. I was in the here and now.

When Tom showed up for his shift around four, I was ready to collapse. I was more than ready to head home and curl up with a big glass of wine and a good book.

I clocked out and stashed my apron in the back room. When I exited the back room, I was suddenly pushed up against the wall. Looking up, my eyes locked with Jack’s. The intensity in his eyes was somewhere between fierce, lost, and predatory.

“Jack! You scared me half to death! What are you doing?”

“I came here to ask you the same thing,” he growled. His warm breath, smelling of mint, mixed with his cologne and his hands on my shoulders pinning me to the wall was a heady mix.

“What are you talking about?” I asked, my breath shallow, in part from the start he gave me. But a bigger part of my stilted breathing was from the arousal that I was feeling creep up on me. I was pinned to the wall by a gorgeous, strong, and demanding man. “I was just clocking out and now I’m headed home.”

“What is the story with your neighbor?”

Shit!
The fire that started in my belly went out, as if it had been doused with an ice cold bucket of water. Clearly he saw me leave with Kevin last night. And although we hadn’t said we were exclusive, it was clear he was not of the same opinion. But what the hell? He was pursuing me even though he knew I was married, or separated, or soon to be divorced, or whatever that part of my life was doing. And he was entertaining a handful of women.

“What are you talking about?” Let’s go for innocent and hope he dropped it.

“I saw you leave with your
neighbor
, last night. What was his name? Keith?”

“Oh, you mean Kevin.” I might as well face up to it.
I’m a big girl.
This whole
setting-out-on-my-own
bit was about being a grown up. “He’s a neighbor. He took me out last night. He introduced me to Times Square.” We’ll just leave out the latter half of the ‘date.’

One thing I hadn’t expected from my innocent description of my date with Kevin was the hurt I saw in Jack’s eyes. “Why are you going out with other men?” he breathed.

I didn’t know how to answer that. He looked so lost. So confused. But then I remembered…

“Why are you coming in here with other women?” I spat back.

He sucked in a quick breath. Yup. That’s the reaction I wanted.

“That was business,” he said through clenched teeth.

“Business, huh? Floozies pawing you and crawling into your lap? What exactly
do
you do?”

I watched him ponder if he should come clean or not. I mean really, what’s the big deal? Maybe I just spell it out for him. Maybe I spill that I know who he is, and not just Jack Stevens, Supermodel.

“Not the time or place for this discussion. Where are you going now?”

“Home. I really need a hot shower, thank you.”

“Come to my place. You can have a bath. I saw you eye it the other morning,” he said, his voice hoarse.

Oohhh. A bath. In that gorgeous tub?
I was so tempted. But until I got my shit straightened out, I really should stay away from both Jack and Kevin.
Mental note: when did I start swearing?

I started to shake my head and refuse his offer, but he stopped me with his lips taking hold of mine.
Oh hell.
Remember that fire that had gone out? Those embers leapt back to life.

“I wasn’t asking,” he muttered against my lips.

“Jack, I –” I tried pushing him back, but there were two problems with that. For starters, he was so strong, he wasn’t budging. Secondly, as soon as my hands touched his chest, even through his expensive suit and shirt, all resolve left my body. I was so eager to see that chest again.

“Let’s go,” he said turning and taking my elbow in his hand.

I planted my feet and glared at him. “I cannot just walk out there with you manhandling me.”

“Fine, after you,” he said, gesturing for me to walk out ahead of him. His face was firm, but his eyes were another story. They were pleading.

“Okay,” I swallowed. “But don’t follow too closely. This place is a rumor mill and I’m fairly certain that going out with the customers is frowned upon.”

I pushed my purse up over my shoulder and straightened myself, then with confidence, walked ahead of him. Passing the bar, I waved good-bye to Shelby and Tom, then made for the front door, practically running.

Once outside, I turned toward my apartment. Not two seconds later was Jack behind me.

“Where do you think you are going?” he asked.

“Home.”

“Home is the other way.”

“
My
home, Jack. Listen, I really need a night to myself to sort my head out.”

“Please. Come to
my
home. The bath, some wine…”

“Then what?”

A smirk spread across his face and he raised an eyebrow.

“Stop it,” I said giggling a little. I looked into his eyes. I needed him.
Damn it!
“Let me at least get some clothes.”

He studied my face, then took hold of my elbow and walked us to the curb, hailing a cab. There was an urgency in his movements that didn’t leave any room for discussion, and I found that I didn’t want to argue.

It was a painfully silent ride to my building, Jack’s hand never leaving my knee, his thumb gently rubbing my thigh. I wondered if Jack could hear my pounding heart over the cacophony of the city outside of the cab.

We pulled up outside my building and I climbed out, Jack sliding out behind me. “I’ll be right back,” I said, pushing Jack back in the cab. “If I’m not down in fifteen minutes, you can come up. I’ll leave word with Dominic.” I said, nodding my head at Dominic, who was already holding the door open for me.

Jack pressed his lips together and looked into my eyes. “Ten,” he countered and sat back in the cab.

I rolled my eyes and made for the door. I left word with Dominic, Jack’s eyes on me the whole time, and ran toward the elevator, which thankfully was already waiting in the lobby.

Exiting the elevator, I held my breath as I passed Kevin’s door. Quickly I scooted into my apartment and grabbed a bag and started packing.

What was I doing? I was packing for a night away when I had just resolved to spend the night getting my head on straight. I considered not packing and just sitting tight, but then I remembered that Jack would be upstairs in eight minutes if I weren’t back downstairs. Good grief. I really needed my head examined.

Clothes. Toothbrush. Nightgown – okay, not sure why I grabbed that.
Right… Paging Dr. Freud.

Locking my door behind me, Mrs. Hanlon’s door opened.

“Ah, Elizabeth, my pet. How are you getting along in this great city?”

“Oh! Mrs. Hanlon. Just great, thanks for asking,” I said nervously checking my watch. I had precisely three minutes to make it back to the cab.

“Going somewhere?” she asked.

“Just going to a friend’s house for the night,” I replied as politely as I could.

“Glad to see you and Mr. Parker have made
friends
. He’s a nice lad.”

I stopped cold.
What?

“Never mind. I should keep to myself,” she tutted. “Have a great time, chicken.”

Chicken???
Just what was she trying to say? I mean, yes, I was a total chicken, as evidenced by letting myself get bullied by Jack to come to his place, but I was making big strides. Okay, I just snuck by Kevin’s door and I was going to sneak by it again. But chicken? Really?

“Excuse me?” I asked before she closed the door.

“What’s that?”

“Did you call me ‘chicken’?” I asked trying to force a small laugh.

“Oh yes. Sorry. Actually an Irish term of endearment. It’s like ‘sweetheart.’ I tend to forget it means something else entirely here. You’re all good, sweetie. Bye.”

My mind a jumbled mess, I started to sneak back down the hall checking my watch. One minute left.

“I thought that was your voice I heard,” Kevin said stepping into my path. I almost swallowed my tongue. He pulled me into a hug and gave the side of my head a kiss.

“What are you up to tonight? I was thinking of catching a movie. Want to join me? Just relaxing,” he said.

I blinked at him, trying to process everything. He was was as sexy as ever, wearing a tight green T-shirt that made his eyes pop and slim fitting jeans. If I weren’t headed to another man’s place, I would have pushed him right back into his apartment and asked for a repeat of last night. But the fact of the matter was, I was headed to Jack’s when I’d already intended to stay in and rest. What a cluster-fuck I’d created.
I really had to get this cursing thing under control.

“That sounds great, but I’m actually headed out. Another night?” I tried.

His eyes darted down to my bag and his face fell. “Oh. Jack?” he asked.

Oh my God. I can’t breathe. What am I doing?