Ditching The Dream (Dream Series) (9 page)

G
etting a whiff of her in the elevator smelling like steak, I now had a fierce craving. I didn’t even have to eat it. I knew that every time I smelled steak, I was going to think of her. She said she worked at a steak house nearby. I was going to have to figure out which one.

When did she move in? And how did I miss it? I knew it was a furnished apartment. Maybe she didn’t have much in tow. How long was she staying? Why was I so affected by a total stranger? I only broke up with Erica six months ago. I wasn’t looking for a girlfriend. In fact, I was enjoying the single life. But now she’s here. Elizabeth.

Why did I have to go and freak her out by touching her? I just couldn’t help myself. Before I knew it, my hand was on the small of her back. She felt so good. I could still feel her on my hand. Then, she caught me staring at her.
Way to go, Kev.

Elizabeth Fairchild. Beautiful name for a beautiful woman. Did she start to call herself
Mrs
? Maybe she was a new divorcée? I’d have to look for rings. I hoped I would see her again soon. I was grateful that Spring break was this week.

S
crubbed up, and no longer sporting Eau du Steak, I towel dried my hair. An unexpected bonus to getting all my hair cut off was that I could use less shampoo and conditioner, and I could towel dry my hair.

I sat down in the comfy living room chair with my phone and pulled up the home number. I stared at the entry building up the courage to touch the number and let the call go through. I counted to three and tapped it. The phone rang and rang. Was Greg out? I checked the time. It was eleven o’clock here, which meant it was eight back home. Greg was never out this –

“Hello? Elizabeth?” Greg answered, sounding anxious and out of breath. My heart broke a little. What was I doing?

“Hi, Greg,” I managed.

“How’s New York?” he asked quietly. “I see there’s great weather out your way. It’s been rainy here.”

Is he really making small talk?
I couldn’t believe my ears. “Um, good. It’s good. And yes the weather has been great.”

“How’s the job hunting going? Any luck? I hear it’s brutal out there.”

“I actually got a job already. Been working since Thursday.”

“Really? That’s amazing. Where are you working?”

“Greg, are we really making small talk?” I blurted. I couldn’t help it. This was awkward enough. “What’s next? Neighbor gossip?”

“You want the neighbor gossip? My wife left me.” I could hear him breathe deeply on the other end of the line. “Why? Why did you leave? Couldn’t you just talk to me? We could have worked this out.” I could hear desperation in his voice. “Do you want a divorce? Do I need a lawyer?”
Crack
. Was that my heart breaking?

I steeled myself and took a breath before replying. “I don’t know, but I do know that I need to do this. I am learning a lot about what I am capable of.”

“But Elizabeth, you’ve always been capable.
More
than capable. You are one of the smartest, most clever, strongest women I know.”

“What? Keeping the house clean? Cooking dinner? The PTA? The book club? That’s all fine and good, but there’s more to life. I need to know that I can survive on my own, Greg. I’ve never done that before. I went from my parent’s house to yours. I’ve never stood on my own two damn feet. I needed to find my light again.” I was really getting steamed. Why did I even bother calling? I knew he wouldn’t understand.

“There’s something more here. There has to be. What is it, Bets?”

“Nothing. I swear.” And that was the truth. I just wanted to be – no,
needed
to be independent. To know I could do it.

“Well, I’ve been giving it some thought and –”

“If you’re going to suggest that I’m out here shacked up with a man, again, I swear I’ll hang up right now!”

“It’s not that, well not exactly.”

“What do you mean ‘not exactly’?” I retorted accusingly.

“I know that your, um,
experiences
were limited when we met. Maybe you need to…”

Silence fell heavy on the line. My heart was beating in my chest so hard and blood was rushing in my ears. Is he suggesting what I
think
he’s suggesting? How do I respond to
that
? I gulped hard.

“I mean,” he continued, “before we met, I had been with a lot of girls, and women. In high school and college.”

My mouth dropped open. He
was
talking about what I thought he was talking about. I couldn’t speak if I wanted to. I was stunned. I was
appalled!
How dare he! He was turning this into a – a – I didn’t know what!

“Bets? Are you there?” he asked.

“Uh-huh,” was all I could muster.

“So, I guess I’m saying if you need to – to – sow your wild oats or whatever, do that. But come back to me. Please.”

“Wait a minute. You’re saying you want me to go and sleep around with random men in New York? Are you out of your mind? What kind of woman do you think I am?”

“I was just saying –”

“Is that what you think of me? Do you really think that low of me? What in the hell, Greg! You are out of your ever-lovin’ mind! Twenty-four years together and you don’t know me at all!” I was practically screaming now. I was so furious! Did he really think if I just went and slept with someone I’d get ‘this’ out of my system. Not to mention that my ‘sabbatical’ was never about sex.

“That’s not what I’m saying, but if you need to… Besides it’s getting awfully old eating frozen dinners and takeout.”

Whoa
!
Hold the phone
! Did he just turn this into
HIS
needs? I’ve done nothing but support his needs for years! “Sorry, did you say you’re eating frozen meals and takeout?”

“Well, what did you expect? Even if I had the time, I don’t know how to cook. Nor iron for that matter. I burned the tail of my good shirt, you know, the one I bought in London? Is a month what you need? It’s about all I can take. I’ll give you a month.”

My blood boiled!

“I don’t even know what to say right now, so I’ll start with you won’t die from microwave meals, take your damn shirts to the cleaners, and I don’t know WHAT to say about your insinuations about other men. And I have no idea how long
this
will take. Now, I’m going to hang up before I say something I’ll regret. ‘Bye.”

I ended the call in a huff, wishing I’d been on the kind of phone I’d had in my parents’ house. A corded phone. The old kind, with the bells, so when you hung up on someone angrily, they
knew
it. There was not much pleasure in pressing “End” angrily.

I quickly changed out of my pajamas into a pair of jeans and top, grabbed my purse and headed out. I needed some fortification, and all that was in my fridge was milk, which was not going to cut it.
A month. It’s all I can take.
What. An. Ass. I’d given him more than twenty years of being quiet and losing myself to what he wanted me to be.

One of the great things I was loving about living in the city was that at any hour of the day, even at 11:07 p.m. just about anything was available. I found a respectable looking restaurant, with a bar, on Third Avenue that was still open. The place was dead, which was to be expected at this hour on a Sunday night, and I was grateful for that. I took a seat at the bar, and with Greg’s voice and insinuations in my head, I ordered an Alabama Slammer – a good drink for when you’re mad, right? But as I sipped, a tiny part of me wondered if Greg wasn’t
all
wrong…

It was true that I’d only had one other sexual partner before I got married, and I couldn’t even remember it. It was my senior year of high school, and I was totally drunk on a ski trip with my group of friends. Our group of girls met up with a group of guys from out-of-state, and several rounds of ‘Quarters’ and ‘Bullshit’ later, I went back to my room with Ron, or Rick, or whatever his name was. I only knew that I’d ‘
done the deed
’ because Julie, the girl I was sharing a room with, said she’d walked in on us. I’d sworn off one-night stands after that.

In my first year away in college, it was clear that all the guys were pretty much only interested in one-night stands, not a relationship. So, I spent the year a single lady. Which was fine by me, actually. My roommate, Ana, got enough action for the both of us. Some of which I was in the room for when she thought I was asleep.

Then I met Greg my second year in college. He was sweet. Made no overt gestures toward sex. We dated three months before we took things to that level. He was caring and tender. He was safe. And the rest was history, as they say. One partner I couldn’t remember, and one partner I’d spent twenty odd years with.

I bet Ana wasn’t sitting around, alone in a bar with a drink, wondering if she should have been with more guys when she was in college.

Finishing my cocktail, I felt somewhat better. I paid my check and made my way the three blocks back home, crawled back into my pajamas and into bed. But I couldn’t sleep.
A month.
Ha!

Checking the clock, it was twelve-forty. That meant it was only nine-forty back home. I wondered if Jessica was still awake. I shot her a text:

12:40a.m.

Hey. U still up?

I got my answer about ten seconds later when my phone buzzed with an incoming call.

“Hey single mama!” she chirped without waiting for me to say a word. “How’s the Big Apple treating ya? You staying safe?”

“Gotta say – not bad. Not bad at all. How’s the neighborhood without me?”

“Boring. Book club Wednesday night was
not
the same. Our best bartender was missing,” she teased.

From the very beginning, I had been the designated bartender of our bi-monthly get togethers. “Jodi decided to pour. Needless to say, no one was safe to drive home.” Jodi was one of the biggest partiers in our book club of eleven neighborhood gals. Refilling drinks before you knew you were low and really heavy on the spirits.

“Did you find a job yet?” she bubbled.

“Wanna laugh?”

“Of course!” she replied.

“I got a job bartending at a steak house.”

“You did not!”

“I did. I poured a Firecracker Martini as part of the interview process.”

“That is priceless! But don’t you need a license or something to do that?”

“They asked if I had one, I said no, they hired me anyway. The GM is going to get me set up with a class so I can get certified.”

“Gotta love New York. How about a place to live? Or are you still living at the Hyatt?”

“No, I actually found an apartment. It’s small, but clean. And has a doorman.”

“Well, that’s good. Can’t be too careful. New York is a tad more dangerous than our little community.”

“So, what else is new? Have you seen Greg?”

“Not much is new.” Jessica got quiet, which was an unusual trait for her. This must be bad. “Jim called him to see if Greg wanted to go out tonight with the guys. They were all headed over to watch some baseball game and Greg turned him down.”

Oh, yes – it was bad. I’d never known Greg to turn anything baseball related down. “Did I royally screw this all up, Jess? Am I making a colossal mistake?”

“Absolutely not! You’ve not been in a good marriage for years. I mean, I know Jim is Greg’s best friend, but you are mine. You’ve been co-existing… that’s it! No one needs to be a hole in the mattress. This is good. It’s good for both of you. Greg will see what he’s missing and you’ll see what a strong, amazing person you are.”

“Alright, alright…” I agreed. “I talked with him tonight. He actually had the audacity to complain that he was reduced to eating microwave meals and takeout.”

“See, that’s what I’m saying. He views you as his personal chef and errand runner.”

“And he thinks I’m doing this because I want to be with another guy. He actually told me to go and ‘sow my wild oats.’ Oh, and I have one month to figure myself out. I’ve spent twenty years losing myself and I get one month to find me?” I laughed.

“What an ass!” she blasted. “But then again… Would you do that? ‘Sow your wild oats,’ as he so eloquently put it. I mean, think about it. If he’s giving you permission…”

“Jess – that’s not why I did this and you know it!”

“I know, I know. But if you’ve got his
blessing
, as it were…”

“Jessica Felicity Richards!” I screeched.

“Hey, I’m just sayin’…”

“You would. But you know I’m not here for that. It was not about my sex life.”

“Well, you are practically a virgin.”

“I’m not a virgin. I’ve had three kids.”

“That’s not what I’m saying and you know it. If it were me, I would go for it,” she asserted.

“You would not. Jim and you are so perfect together.”

“Yeah, we are,” she sighed. “But hey, if he gave me permission — let’s just say that I would give it serious consideration. But you and Greg are not me and Jim. So, any prospects?”

My mind instantly jumped to Jack and Kevin, my stomach filling with butterflies. Jack with his intensity. Kevin and his easy going nature with the electric touch. Both had well-built bodies. Both were… What was
wrong
with me? I was not here to philander! I was here to prove to myself what I was capable of. And I was
not
capable of having an affair.