Echoes of Dollanganger (24 page)

When I looked at him, he seemed oblivious to everything going on around us. He just stood there like a disgusted chaperone, turning down offers of beer and
booze and declining an invitation to smoke some pot. He brushed everyone off abruptly. Even I was surprised at the way he was ignoring his buddies. I saw the surprised and disgusted looks on their faces. When Tina put her hands on his arm, he pulled away from her so abruptly everyone around them stopped talking and drinking. I didn't hear what he said, but whatever it was, it shocked her.

“What's with Kane?” Suzette asked me.

“Nothing. Why?”

“He looks like he lost his best friend or something,” Kyra said. “Usually, he's the life of the party.”

“Maybe he's just a little tired.”

“From what?” Suzette asked, her eyes widening with some sexual suggestion.

“I don't kiss and tell,” I replied, and the girls laughed. Tina was standing nearby, eavesdropping, so I spoke louder.

They asked where we had gone to dinner, and I described it and the restaurant. Kyra was the only one who had been there, with her parents on an anniversary. Of course, they wanted to know about Darlena's boyfriend and what she was like, too. While I talked to my girlfriends, I saw Kane circle the living room, gazing at everyone, the couples dancing, observing like someone researching a primitive tribe, paying only half attention to anything anyone said to him, and then planting himself in a corner of the living room and sipping a soft drink. He stood back, looking aloof.

Tina was off to my right, holding court with some
of her closer friends, complaining about Kane, and looking at me with darts in her eyes. What could he possibly have said to her? I didn't have to wait long to find out. She came toward me with her friends. I braced myself.

“I don't know . . . I mean, we don't know what you've done to Kane Hill, but he's more of a snob than ever.”

“That's lame. I didn't think he was ever a snob,” I replied coolly. I looked at my girlfriends. “Did any of you?”

“Of course not,” Suzette said. “He's anything but that.” The girls around us seconded it with “Absolutely” and “For sure,” nodding their heads.

Tina could see she was outnumbered. “He's ruining my party,” she whined.

I looked at him across the way, still standing in a corner, looking so defiant that no one approached him. “You mean, it wasn't ruined before we got here?” I asked.

Even her friends broke out in smiles, and a few laughed.

“Anytime you want to leave is fine with me,” Tina said, and marched off.

“Me, too, actually,” I muttered. I made my way across the living room to Kane. “What are you doing?” I asked.

“Opening my eyes,” he said. “I never realized how juvenile some of our friends are.”

“Are they?”

He looked at me with a smirk instead of that
charming offbeat smile I had come to cherish. “Christopher Dollanganger at ten was more mature.”

“But was he happy? Could he ever be?”

“I guess we'll find out.”

I didn't want to continue talking about the Dollangangers. Even with the music blaring, I was afraid of being overheard. “What did you say to Tina Kennedy? Our quick departure won't break her heart.”

He finally smiled. “I merely told her that her multiple orgasms were embarrassing me. And I added something else that had to do with her physiology.”

“Why did we come here, Kane? You're not even trying to enjoy this party.”

“You don't want me to get into things, drink and then drive, or smoke that crap and talk about some new violent video game or about which one of these girls is the easiest, do you?”

“Then let's go,” I said, almost shouting. “I didn't want to come here.”

He nodded and started around the living room, avoiding anyone who wanted to speak to him. I followed, and just before we exited, I looked back at my girlfriends. Almost all of them lifted their shoulders and raised their hands, palms up. What could I tell them that would help them understand? That everyone gets in and out of a mood, and Kane was just in a dark one? It would pass, just like it did for them? That was all I could think of saying, and I knew it would be what I would repeat when they called or saw me. I smiled and nodded. Only Suzette smiled back. Everyone else continued to look confused.

The cool night air was a relief. My ears were ringing when I got into the car. Without speaking, Kane started the engine and drove us away as if we were fleeing a bank robbery. He slowed down at the corner.

“I'm sorry,” he said. “I thought we'd amuse ourselves for a while, but I guess I was just not in the mood.”

“Exactly how I would put it,” I said.

“Let's face it, Kristin. You and I are so far above all that now.”

“Above what, Kane? A party with the only friends we have?”

“That sort of party.”

Maybe he was right, I thought. I should be happy that he felt this way. It wasn't a party my father would approve of me attending. Someone could easily get into serious trouble driving later on, and Tina's parents would be in equally big trouble. Everything he was saying was right, and yet there was something about it that disturbed me. It was as if he were being too adult. No wonder Tina had called him snobby. People who were as wealthy as Kane's family were expected to be snobby. Their friends were all well-to-do. If they mingled with people who had less, it was usually at some event at school.

When we arrived on my street, he slowed down and suddenly pulled to the curb when my house came into view.

“What are we doing?” I asked. He was just looking up in the direction of my attic.

“I so looked forward to going up there with you this week,” he said, still looking at the attic and not at me. “It really has become special for us, hasn't it?” he asked, turning to me.

“Yes.”

He smiled. “I'm glad you think of it the same way. I'll probably be sorry when we reach the end of the diary.”

I didn't know what to say. Sorry when we reached the end of the diary? He looked like he really meant it. “I don't know how I'll feel then, Kane. What I do know is not to expect a happy ending.”

“Yes, but we're there. We're part of them in a way no one else is, right?”

“I suppose. Yes.”

“Maybe when we're alone like this, we should call each other Christopher and Cathy.”

“What?”

“I'm just kidding,” he said quickly, then shifted into drive and turned into my driveway. My father's truck was there. I could tell from where it was parked that he had used it and not my car to go to his dinner. “Sorry this wasn't the greatest night,” Kane said.

“I enjoyed the dinner, Kane. I really did. I like your sister, and I liked Julio, too. I think you're being a little too hard on him.”

“Yeah, maybe. We'll do it again, but just ourselves one night. I like dressing up for you.”

He leaned forward to kiss me. It wasn't a bad kiss; it was just different. I could feel him holding back, and
I thought that maybe he didn't want to get too passionate in my driveway. He opened his car door and hurried around to open mine.

“M'lady,” he said, holding out his arm. We walked up to the front door together. “Any way we can get together in the attic tomorrow?” he asked as soon as we got there.

“I don't think so. I have to do some housework in the morning and then go with my father and get all our shopping done for Thanksgiving dinner and our regular week's food. We'll probably do some pre-Christmas shopping, too. Dad likes me to help him pick out gifts for Todd's children and his wife and something for my aunt Barbara. We'll have lunch out, and he'll want to make us dinner. He hasn't for a while. I need to spend some quality time with him.”

I could feel his disappointment. Then he burst into more of a Kane Hill smile. “Well, only two and a half days left of school before the Thanksgiving break. I bet we finish the diary by a week from tomorrow, anyway.”

“Maybe,” I said.

He kissed me again, softer but quicker, and then headed to his car. Before he got in, he paused and looked up at the attic. He didn't look back at me. He got in and backed out. Suddenly, I felt very cold and hurried into the house.

I was surprised my father wasn't waiting up for me. The television wasn't on, and there was only a small lamp lit in the living room and a nightlight on in the kitchen. I turned off everything I had to and
started up the stairs. He came out of his room in his robe just as I turned toward my room.

“Hey. I was just going down to wait for you,” he said.

“Oh. I turned everything off.”

“That's all right. You won't have to wake me up to go to sleep. How was your dinner?”

“Very impressive. I had something called coq au vin.”

He raised his eyebrows. “I haven't had that for years. It's going to get so I'll have to study up on some recipes to impress you.”

“I doubt it. How was your dinner?”

“The steak was a little overcooked.”

“I didn't mean the food. Was it a business dinner or what?”

“Business dinner,” he said. “As it turns out, the decorator is married.” He shrugged. “Which was fine with me. I guess I'm just a little . . .”

“Paranoid,” I filled in, and he smiled. “Anyway, Mrs. Osterhouse will be happy to hear it,” I added, and he shook his head.

“Good night, Kristin,” he sang, and headed back to his bedroom.

“
Bonne nuit
,” I said, mimicking the maître d' at La Reserve.

He glanced back, smiled again, and went into his room.

*  *  *

I meant what I had told Kane. I wanted my Sunday to be full of quality time with my father. To do that,
I had to put Christopher's diary and Foxworth Hall out of my mind. And to do
that
, I had to put Kane out of my mind, too. With my vague answers, I thwarted my father's questions at breakfast about my dinner date, and he changed the subject quickly. One thing we were both good at was reading each other's moods.

Sometimes I thought we could blindfold ourselves and move through our house all day without bumping into each other. We were very good at anticipating each other's needs. I was confident that this was true to some degree for all my friends and their parents, but not to the extent that it was for my father and me. It wasn't only because I was an only child. My mother was no longer with us. He had no one else to command his interest and attention, and neither did I. Once we were both home, our world revolved around only each other. How were our days? What had made us happy, and what had made us sad? Sometimes the most trivial things became headline news. We worked at making each other laugh and often talked until I retreated to do my homework. It was as if from the day my mother passed away, we were both afraid of silence.

We began this Sunday morning like all others, by doing our weekly cleaning of the house. My father always took the kitchen, because “it's a battleground I've known,” he said, referring to his earlier days working in the diner. While he went at the floor, stove, grill, and refrigerator, I vacuumed the living room, polished furniture, and went over the windows. Both
of us did laundry, but he was better at folding everything, because he did it so long in the navy and when he was a bachelor. The bottom line was that we had become an efficient two-man team and could do this house by midday. We would go off to lunch to reward ourselves.

Midway through my work, the phone began to ring. The first call was from Suzette. I had anticipated it, of course, and gave her my planned response about Kane's behavior at the party. I knew she didn't buy it, but I deflected any more questions and told her I had to get back to my housework because my father and I had plans for the day.

The last thing she said made me nervous. “You didn't used to be this secretive, Kristin. Something's changed you.”

Of course I protested and then promised to talk to her more the first chance I got.

Kane's call came not five minutes afterward. My father popped his head into the living room and chanted, “Busy, busy.” I grimaced, and he laughed.

“Both my sister and Julio think you're great,” Kane began. “I took your advice and apologized to him for my behavior. He's not so bad, and my sister needs an ally in this house, anyway.”

“Good.”

“So your day is still full?”

“To the brim. I've got to get back to my vacuuming, or I'll be too far behind to do what we have to do.”

“Tomorrow afternoon, then?”

“Yes. Oh, and I'll meet you at school, Kane.”

“Why?”

“I just think it's better if you don't pick me up every morning.”

“Better?”

“Trust me,” I said.

“Okay,” he said, obviously upset. “Have a good time.”

“Thanks,” I said. Later, when I had a chance, I would explain to him that it would help me keep everything secret if I didn't look like I was spending every free breathing moment with him. My father knew I was still reading Christopher's diary. It would only be natural for him to suspect that Kane knew about it if he was with me whenever I was free to do it.

The phone rang again, but I didn't answer it. It was Kyra, and I knew she would have the same questions and the same reactions to my answers as Suzette did. Most likely, Suzette had already called her to complain about me, and she had volunteered to see where she could get with me. We were always curious about each other, but this curiosity about Kane and me was becoming irritating. Probably unfairly so, but I couldn't help it. Besides, the calls were slowing me up. When I finally put away the vacuum cleaner, I saw my father waiting at the foot of the stairs. I had the feeling he had been watching me for a while.

“What?” I asked.

“Maybe we should do the attic,” he said. “We haven't for some time.”