Edge of the Heat 3 (12 page)

He looked at Vivian. “Now we fill in all the deleted information we can find, and see how it fits together.”

Hawk worked intently for the rest of the afternoon. Vivian made them lasagna and brought it to him. He shoved fork-fulls in his mouth while still clicking and typing with the other hand. With each date and deleted investigation or incident he put another piece of Senator Oberlin and Norman Foster’s last 5 years of mayhem together. Every time he put a piece of information up he starred it with either a red star or a blue star. Red meant they already had information on this and he needed to pull their files. Blue meant he’d never heard of it or connected it with Foster or Oberlin before and Craig needed to investigate.

When he had all nineteen instances on the board, he turned back to his computer. “Now, to see if we can put a face to this hacker.” He typed i./ into a text bar and the screen filled with characters. To Vivian, it looked like some sort of a high-speed search program.

After a few moments the searching stopped. “Nothing,” Hawk said.

“What are you hoping to find?”

“I’m searching the Internet and 826 public databases, looking for iperiodslash. If this is something this hacker uses in public, maybe we can put a username or a picture to the phrase. And then we can find him. Maybe some variation will work.”

He typed in i period /, and then i period slash with no results.

Vivian spoke up. “What about eye. E-y-e. Or dot. D-o-t.”

Hawk shot her a smile that made Vivian’s insides quiver. “Good thinking. You should have been a detective,” he told her.

“Science is about solving puzzles too. In fact we work a lot like this.” She sounded a little breathless to herself. Spending all day near him was taking its toll on her. She felt like she was holding herself back from her true feelings constantly. She couldn’t kiss him, sit on his lap, tell him how gorgeous he was, or run her fingers through his hair. She couldn’t bite his lower lip or his ear ... or his chest muscles.

Exhaustion piled high on Vivian’s shoulders suddenly. She needed to take a little break from being in his presence.

“I’m going to go lay down for a few minutes. I don’t think I slept well last night.” He shot her a concerned look as she stood up.

“Are you OK?”

“Yep, fine, I just need a little rest.” Vivian practically ran down the hallway to her room. She didn’t lock the door this time, but did close it. She lay on the bed and let her mind run back over the day. Hawk’s manly smell, the feel of his hands when he touched her, the warmth in his eyes when he smiled at her. Vivian felt her entire body grow warm, and between her legs began to throb. Vivian shifted positions, trying to deny it. But it wouldn’t go away. Her mind filled with images of Hawk and her body responded. Her body wanted nothing more than to run down the hall and jump on Hawk and insist he take her. But her mind overrode her body. She could insist all she wanted, but that didn’t mean he would want the same thing.

Aaaaaaaaaaaaah
, Vivian screamed inside her head and writhed on the bed in frustration. She couldn’t believe how much this man turned her on, how ready her body was for him, even though he obviously didn’t want her back that way. She looked at the lock on the door, her mind working. She contemplated locking it and taking care of herself. She didn’t have any
tools
, but she had her hand. It was better that way anyway, she could be completely silent. She was afraid if she didn’t she wouldn’t be able to be around him for the rest of the evening without jumping on him. Her cheeks flamed red and hot at the thought of
masturbating
with Hawk 15 feet away. Her mind told her,
Don’t lock the door, maybe he’ll walk in on you, and join you
. An erotic image flashed through her mind. Hawk, bare-chested, jeans unbuttoned, eyes fiery, walking toward her with that predatory grin on his lips. Vivian whimpered and her hands went to the button of her jeans.

Outside her door, a loud clattering noise rang though the small house. Hawk roared her name. “Vivian!”

Vivian leaped out of bed, her heart hammering, her cheeks on fire. She smoothed her hair and jerked the door open, wondering if the house was burning down. Hawk, running her way, skidded into her, and grabbed her upper arms to keep her from falling. She could taste his excitement. Their bodies were so close she could feel the heat coming off of him.

“You did it again Vivian! I found him! Eyedotslash, all spelled out. I even found a website that might be his. I can have Craig serve a warrant to the host and we can get an address for him!”

Vivian gaped at him. It all seemed to good to be true. But she couldn’t hardly think about it because he was so close, and touching her. She stared into his eyes. His smile faltered as he stared back. She saw his eyes go to her lips. She leaned in just a little bit and lowered her lashes, her body betraying what her mind said to do. Hawk’s head came forward slowly and his lips met hers. A shock of sensation shot through her body, whipsawing her hips forward. The throbbing between her legs intensified. She whimpered again into his mouth and leaned into his body, trying to press every inch of herself against him. She wondered for a second if this was a dream. But it couldn’t be. She dreamed of him every night and it was never this good. This solid. This real.

Hawk’s mouth touched hers gently at first, the warm, wet sensation thrilling her. His tongue slid into her mouth and when she met it with her own, every nerve in her body cried out for more. She snaked her arms around his waist and pressed her body to his with more force, unashamedly grinding her pelvis against his. His skin practically seared her through their clothes. She sought the heat, wanting to be consumed in it.

He pulled back and looked in her eyes. She whimpered again and tried to catch his escaping lips with her own, her entire being crying out for more. He took her face in his hands gently, and brought his lips to hers again, with more intensity. Greedily, she welcomed him.

Hips pressed against his, she felt his hard length growing and pressing against her. She dropped a hand down to his butt, rock hard in his jeans. The other hand she slipped forward and grasped his cock through his pants. He moaned slightly into her mouth, the sound spurring her on. She fumbled for the button on his jeans.

Suddenly he stopped. He pulled his head back and grasped her by the upper arms, pushing her body away from his. “Vivian.”  His voice sounded strangled and gruff. And commanding. He was telling her no.

He turned around and stormed out of the house through the front door, leaving Vivian wilted and confused behind him.

H
awk pushed out the door and strode into the yard, the evening damp cooling his skin. What had he done? He had
kissed
Vivian? What was he thinking?

A little voice pushed through his consciousness,
She kissed you back, a lot
. He thought for a second. She did kiss him back, hard. The thought made his still-standing erection pulse. And there was that. She had done a lot more than kiss him - did she want him?

Suddenly understanding coursed through him. She did want him. He remembered glances and looks and kind words, and in the last few days, soft touches on his arm or back when she brought him a plate of food. He shook his head and laughed at himself. God he was an idiot. The stupidest kind of idiot. So blinded by his own past and his own hangups and the fear of his own feelings that he had completely missed that she had feelings too.

He wondered at it all for a second. How was it that he had been a complete asshole to her for so long and she still felt positively towards him? Why would a woman like her, gorgeous, sweet, sophisticated yet down-to-earth, and whip-smart be interested in him? Could it be just a physical thing? He guessed it could be, but that didn’t seem very likely. Vivian didn’t seem like that type of woman to him.

Gravel crunched under his feet as he quickly walked in circles under the wide canopy of evergreens surrounding the yard, trying to work through his thoughts.

It’s time to come clean
, he thought.
Do you want Vivian? Do you
like
Vivian? Are you prepared for the complications of going back in there and following through on whatever almost happened between you two? Are you prepared for a relationship again, if it leads to that?
Hawk ground his hands into fists, determined not to run from the questions.

Do you want Vivian?
He thought back to the feel of her lips on his and knew he wanted her. More than that. He desired her. He desired her with ever cell in his body.

Did he like her
? That was a little more difficult. It wasn’t just a matter of feeling what his body wanted. It required a level of openness with himself that he hadn’t had for years. Since Gianna had - done what she did. Just the thought of that hurt him. And not because of Gianna, not anymore. But the rest of it. Even after 11 years, it still hurt him badly to think about it. But thinking of it was just a distraction wasn’t it? Because Gianna had nothing to do with Vivian. He had felt like his life had ended the day the private investigator had come back with the news of her incredible dishonesty, but it hadn’t. Here he was, more than a decade later, still alive. And for the first time in that long, he was contemplating what a woman meant to him.
So contemplate it
, he growled inside his head. Yes, he did like Vivian. A lot. In fact, he couldn’t think of anything that he didn’t like about her right now.

Was he prepared for the complications of just sex if that’s all it turned out to be
? No. He wasn’t. Not with her. 10 years ago he would have said
hell yeah
,
why not,
but he’d learned a thing or two in the last decade. For one, he’d learned just sex was almost never worth it with people in your social circle. No matter how much he wanted her. At least that’s what he told himself, out here, in the cool night air, with no warm, soft Vivian within his reach.

Was he prepared for a relationship again?
Nothing came to his mind. He asked the question again, expecting protest.
Am I prepared to be in a relationship, with a woman
? But the protest didn’t materialize. He didn’t feel fear. His mind wasn’t rebelling. In fact, did he feel a faint sense of excitement? A sense of being alive?

Hawk shook his head. Man he was difficult sometimes. He glanced back towards the cabin, wondering if Vivian was packing again. He’d better get in there quickly. He screwed up his courage.
Now for the harder part
.

He strode quickly toward the house, scanning the room once he got inside. Vivian was sitting on the couch with her tablet. She didn’t look up when he came in.

He walked to the table and sat down, slightly out of her view. This might be easier if she wasn’t looking at him. He studied her. The curve of her neck. The way her hair cascaded over her shoulder. He felt his wilting erection jerk slightly again, but told it to calm down.

“Vivian, please accept my apology again. I... Your... Our kiss sparked some old feelings in me that I had to work out before we went any farther.”

“Oh, and did you?” Her voice was cool, her eyes still on her tablet.

“I did. I think. I tried anyway. It’s not so easy when you’ve been avoiding your feelings for over a decade like I have.”

She looked at him now, concern in her eyes, but didn’t say anything.

“I think you deserve to know why I’ve been such an ass to you in the past, and why I pulled away from you today.” 

She nodded slightly.

He sighed. “Do you mind if I get a beer out of the fridge? This might take a while.”

She didn’t say anything. He took that as a yes and grabbed himself a beer, bringing her one too, in case. If she didn’t want it, he’d get to it soon enough. She took it though. He took a long swallow of his and jumped in with both feet.

“Did you know I haven’t been in a relationship for 11 years?”

He steeled himself for her to say “I’m not looking for a relationship, I just want to fuck,” or something like that. He had no idea if she would say something like that, ever, but if she did, it was all over for him. The thought of those words coming out of her refined mouth made him crazy. He wouldn’t be able to help himself, consequences be damned. From some women those words would be a turn-off. A sure sign that they jumped into bed with every dog that sniffed ‘round their door. From someone like Vivian though, words like that would mean something special was about to happen. Something a man just didn’t turn down because it might
complicate things
.

She didn’t say it though, she only blinked and stared at him with those big, gorgeous eyes.

“11 years is a long time,” She finally said, spurring him to go on.

“Yeah.” Hawk took another long swallow and rubbed his face. He needed a shave.

“There was a woman,” he started. “She hurt me pretty badly,” he managed to say before his throat squeezed shut.

He looked up at her, looking for help to go on.

“Do I remind you of her?” Vivian asked softly, encouragingly.

He smiled a small smile, relieved. “You did. You look a bit like her, your hair, your body type. There’s something in the way you carry yourself that’s a bit like her. But the more I get to know you, the more I realize you aren’t anything like her.” He had to stop again. He took a few swallows of beer, trying to loosen his throat muscles.

Vivian smiled back. “Tell me about her. Tell me what she did that hurt you so badly.”

Hawk tried. He opened his mouth.  Nothing came out. He’d never told anyone this. He’d never talked about it after he left home for good in 2003. His parents knew the full story, he thought, but not because he’d told them. His heart hurt. Hurt so bad he thought he was having some sort of an attack. The thought of telling Vivian terrified him. But the thought of not telling her terrified him more. He suddenly became afraid that if he didn’t get this out now, he’d live like he’d been living for the last 11 years for the rest of his life. Half-dead. Scared to love. Unable to move on.