Elliot and the Pixie Plot (8 page)

“Like, when I say ‘Time in,’ then the battle begins,” Fidget said.

“Happy thoughts,” Elliot mumbled to the tune from
Surfer Teen.

“Time in!” Fidget sliced her wand through the air, and sparks shot out from the end of it. The crowd cheered as she flew away and the battle began.

Grissel ran toward Elliot, but stopped in the center of the ring where Fidget had stood. With a low growl, he crouched on all fours. Elliot knew what was happening. He was preparing to scare Elliot to death.

Rockin’ muscles lean and mean.

Grissel’s bony skin began to bubble in rhythm.

Oddly, he bubbled to the rhythm of the lyrics stuck in Elliot’s head.

Elliot started singing them: “
You’re Surfer Teen
...”

As he sang, Elliot pictured Grissel as a surfer teen. Grissel on all fours on a surfboard. But Goblins hate water, so he’d have to balance on the surfboard so that no water splashed on him.

Maybe just because he was so tired, that the pictures he imagined seemed really funny. Funnier than Grissel was scary, and Elliot was laughing hard before he even finished the lyrics.

Grissel growled at Elliot, arching his back even higher. It should have been scary, but for some reason it wasn’t. Maybe Elliot was laughing too hard to be scared. Now he was picturing Grissel wearing a swimsuit with tropical flowers. And sunglasses—he’d have to wear sunglasses! Pink ones that matched his swimsuit. If a green-skinned Goblin gets a suntan, does he turn olive green? What color is a sunburn? Mud color?

Tears came to Elliot’s eyes as he laughed. His stomach ached from laughter.

“Nobody laughs at me,” Grissel said, rising up to his full height. He lunged at Elliot with bare teeth. Elliot used the only weapon he had available to him. Spit. He spit on Grissel while Grissel was still in midair. The spit landed in Grissel’s eye, and he fell to the ground, screaming and writhing in pain.

“Oh, that’s so totally time out,” Fidget said, fluttering into the ring from above. She stared down at Grissel, who was still helpless on the ground. “This is, like, such a bummer.”

Elliot jumped into the air in celebration. So Grissel had not killed him, and the time-out was over. “That’s it?” he said. “Then I won.”

“Wrong,” Grissel said. “I scared you to death. You’re just slow at dying.”

Elliot folded his arms. “Am not. I’ll bet I could die really fast if you were any good at scaring me.”

“I’ve been scary longer than you’ve been alive,” Grissel said. “Just admit you’ve lost and die already, then I’ll go free.”

“Like, that’s totally enough.” Fidget flicked her wand at the crowd. “All of you just go away.”

And with that, the entire audience disappeared. Elliot wasn’t sure where they’d all gone. Somewhere safe, he hoped.

Grissel smiled wickedly at Elliot. “Now it’s just you and me, little king.”

But Fidget flew between them. “You had your chance, Goblin. You’re so yesterday, and I’m already on tomorrow. Back you go to the Brownie jail.”

Grissel’s protest was only half spoken when Fidget poofed him away with her wand.

Elliot held up his hands, the way bad guys do when the cops say to freeze. Fidget sighed. “Don’t be so lame, human. If I wanted to kill you, I’d have just done it already.”

“You’re letting me go home?”

“Hello?” Fidget rapped Elliot’s head with her wand, then she pointed it at the Glimmering Forest. “Does it look like we’ve beaten the Fairies? You’re not going home yet.”

“I know you’ve got a Fairy problem,” Elliot said, “but I’ve got a problem too, one named Cami Wortson. If you think Goblins are scary, you should see this girl when she gets a bad grade.”

“Can Cami Wortson turn you inside out with a wave of her wand?”

Elliot clutched his stomach. Maybe if she had a wand she could. She’d probably enjoy doing it too.

Fidget folded her arms. “Let’s get this straight, human. Even if this Cami Wortson has snakes for hair and spikes for teeth, I’m still the scariest girl you know. And if you want to go home, then you’ll have to solve my problem first.”

“You think I can get the Fairies out of Glimmering Forest? I can’t even get my sister out of the bathroom in the morning.”

“I’ll take care of the Fairies. All I need from you is one little hair.”

“My hair?” Elliot would shave himself bald if that’s all it took to go home. It’d be hard to explain the baldness to his family, but it would be worth it.

Fidget sighed in a way that reminded Elliot of how stupid his question was. “Eww, gag me! I so totally don’t want human hair. To keep the Fairies out of Glimmering Forest, all I need is one hair from their worst enemy—the Demon Kovol.”

Dear Reader, if you’ve recently traveled to Greenland, you probably noticed the musk ox grazing nearby. The musk ox has two layers of hair, so even when it loses the outside layer, it still has plenty of hair left. The hair can be two to three feet long and sometimes drags on the ground. So if Fidget had ordered Elliot to steal a hair from a musk ox, as long as Elliot was nice about it, the musk ox probably wouldn’t have cared.

But that’s not what Fidget ordered.

She wanted a hair from a very different creature.

Elliot had about a hundred reasons why he wasn’t going to snatch a hair from the Demon Kovol. For one thing, Kovol was supposed to be asleep for another thousand years. If he woke up to someone pulling his hair out, that was sure to start his day off badly, not to mention that he would definitely end Elliot’s day in a very unpleasant way. And for another reason, everyone Elliot had ever asked about Kovol sounded like they’d rather face a dentist’s drill without being numb than face ten seconds with Kovol.

Agatha the Hag had told Elliot that Kovol was the last of the Underworld Demons. He didn’t know why Kovol was the last, and he didn’t know why Kovol was sleeping. But Agatha had seemed certain that asleep was the way everyone in the Underworld wanted Kovol to remain.

Elliot didn’t have time to tell Fidget why he wasn’t going to snatch a hair from Kovol. She apparently had bigger problems to deal with. Fidget stamped her foot and whined, “Oh, fruit rot. I’m late for my hair stylist. Now it’ll be wash and go. Not awesome!”

Elliot tried to say something before she fluttered away, but she cut him off and said, “Oh, and that other human with you—Tubs—he’s staying here until you bring me the hair. Better hurry before I get bored and put him in time-out with a Troll.” With that, she poofed Elliot away. He decided that he didn’t like being poofed places. It made his stomach feel upside down. For all he knew, maybe it was.

But the question for now was where Fidget had sent him. He was standing on some grass near a small town set on a hill, where it looked as if little homes had been made from caves in the hillside. A maze of dirt paths went from one house to another, so it would be nearly impossible to travel anywhere without stopping at a dozen homes along the way. Wherever he was, Elliot decided he liked this place. He wouldn’t fit inside any of the homes, but it was a friendly looking town. All it needed was a good ice cream store and it would have been perfect.

“Elliot?” Patches came running up from behind him. “I mean, Your Highness. You’re free?”

“Is this Burrowsville?” Despite the serious task that lay ahead of him, Elliot couldn’t help but feel excited about seeing the land where he was king.

“This is Burrowsville. Your home away from home, I hope. You can come to our cave for dinner. My mother really wants to meet you. She just made a fresh batch of turnip juice this morning. Squished it with her own toes.”

“Yum.” Elliot smiled grimly. “Maybe another time. I need to—”

“Your Highness?” Fudd came running over a hill and bowed low before Elliot. Back when Fudd was a bad Brownie trying to get Elliot killed, it made sense that he should also be mean-looking. His long, crooked nose and thin slits for eyes seemed a little unusual for a good Brownie, who was most definitely not trying to kill Elliot. But nothing could be done about Fudd’s face, so Elliot had gotten used to it. Fudd clasped his hands together and added, “How did—oh, Princess Fidget must have sent you here.”

“I need to meet with you and Mr. Willimaker,” Elliot said. “Privately.”

Fudd nodded, and then said to Patches, “Take the king to Burrow Cave. He should fit comfortably in there.”

Ten minutes later, Elliot disagreed with Fudd. He did
not
fit comfortably inside the cave. It was easily wide enough, but he had to tilt his head in order to sit up. He could lie down for the meeting, but that didn’t seem very king-like. Mr. Willimaker and Fudd had offered to bring in some Brownies to dig the floor lower for him, but there was no time.

With his head tilted almost down to his shoulder, Elliot explained what Fidget wanted him to do.

“Get a hair from Kovol?” Mr. Willimaker exclaimed. “You can’t.”

“I have to,” Elliot said. “She still has Tubs in the jail.”

Mr. Willimaker shook his head. “No, I really meant that you can’t. Humans aren’t allowed in Demon Territory. We don’t get many human visitors, of course, but it’s still the rule. There’s even Elfish guards and a big sign telling humans to stay out.”

Fudd clamped a hand on Mr. Willimaker’s shoulder and said, “A Brownie could do it.” Mr. Willimaker frowned at Fudd. He didn’t look convinced.

“How dangerous is Demon Territory if the Demon is asleep?” Elliot asked.

“How dangerous is a lion’s den if the lion’s asleep?” Mr. Willimaker responded. “And if the lion’s really hungry because he hasn’t eaten for a thousand years? And then you go up and ask him for just one little hair? You think he’ll just smile and hand it over?”

“Then I’m not sending you there for a job I have to do,” Elliot said. “If you’ll come with me as far as the border of Demon Territory, I’ll do the rest.”

“Your Highness,” Mr. Willimaker said, “it’s not worth it, not for Tubs Lawless.”

“Tubs is only here because of me,” Elliot said, sitting up straight and banging his ear on the roof of the cave. He tilted his head a bit more and then said, “I have to do this.”

“Then we’ll leave first thing in the morning,” Fudd said. “First, Your Highness, I believe you need a good sleep, and you look hungry. Your subjects, the Brownies, would like to honor you with a royal feast tonight.”

The closest thing to a royal feast Elliot had ever had was when the power went out before Wendy had finished burning dinner and the food came out about right. And he was hungry now.

Fudd stood. “I’ll take care of dinner plans.” With that, he poofed away.

Mr. Willimaker stood as well. “And please don’t be offended, Your Highness, but checkered pajamas aren’t the best way to meet your subjects. May I suggest we have a tailor prepare some clothes for you?”

Elliot looked down at his pajamas. “Yes, please.”

Mr. Willimaker bowed to Elliot, then said, “Sir, don’t worry about Kovol’s hair. With Fudd and me by your side, nothing can go wrong.”

He poofed away, leaving Elliot alone in the cave. Somehow, Mr. Willimaker’s words didn’t make Elliot feel better. If he’d learned anything since becoming king of the Brownies, it was that something could always go wrong.