Embracing Life (12 page)

The air is cold. His body is stifling. My tears sting, and my body aches from the fall.

He snakes his arm around my waist, attempting to lift my now limp body. My body slides along the mattress, and something jabs me in the stomach as my body bends.  I see it, the knife. My body, however, is unresponsive. I am beaten, battered, and bleeding. Flopping my arms to my front, I grasp for the knife one last time. I have a loose hold of the tiny wooden handle, and I have very little strength left.

Now. One last time, Mel.

I grip it and roll my body with all the strength I have left. Turning to the right, he comes stumbling down. I catch him off-guard, and now crashes to the floor like a sack of potatoes. The sound of his body hitting the floor is deafening as he groans and whines, sounding like an injured bull. I get to my feet, still wielding the knife.

Once more, I lunge with my reclaimed weapon, catching him right above his eye. He doesn’t react this time, and I lose the grip on the knife, letting it topple to the floor. I hear it drop from the mattress to the wooden floor with a light knock, and I know instantly that I have lost my battle. I look up with tears shadowing my eyes. I cannot focus on the image in front of me; my eyes burn with tears and the pain radiating through my face. I see a blur of what looks like his hand, and before I know it, I am once again thrown into darkness that plagues me so.

I
am brought back to the here and now with a jolt. I must have been dreaming. I know I didn’t pass out. I try to shake myself from the memories of that day. Those scars taunt me, and my failed attempt to protect myself, laughs at me.

I look at the man who has plagued my soul, and I try so desperately to find some good in him. I want to plead to his inner good, but there isn’t any, not that I can see anyway. I have a plan, and I have to stick to it. I must get a message to someone, anyone. The rest of my life depends on it. I look ahead, spotting the dock not too far from where we are. I have to get him to stop. The street is littered with little tourist shops, lining the coast.  I see a small store on the corner of the street. I have to try.

“Steven, can you just stop let me get some anti-nausea medication or something? It won’t take long. You can come with me if you want.” Turning to face me, he looks long and hard and sighs.  Suddenly, I feel the car take a sharp left turn, coming to a screaming halt in front of the store. Cars are blaring their horns, and I see drivers flipping him off as they pass. With his eyes trained on me, I pass a faint smile across my weary face. I reach for the door handle. My escape. Freedom is just past this steel shield.

“Breathe
, Mel! Breathe, Baby.” I no longer fear €the voice circling around my mind. His voice calms me. Josh! Stretching my weak fingers around the door handle, I am abruptly pulled back. His fingers dig into the sensitive skin on my neck. His breath runs down my face as he speaks.

“Melanie, my sweet, look at me.” I keep my eyes trained on the store, just seconds from me. I will not look at him. I do not have the strength to keep the lies from showing in my eyes.

“MELANIE, look at me!” He raises his voice as he calls my name, and it sends shivers down my spine. I can hear my heart beating rapidly within my chest. I don’t want to look at him. I cannot hide my lies from him much longer. With my face draining from his touch, I fear my deceitful eyes will give me away.

Breathe, Baby! Breathe. 

Slowly, I pull my neck from his hands, turning to face him. Tears stream down my sensitive cheeks. I see his eyes glint with what seems like tears, and he breathes in deep. He likes the fear. It’s fear that drives his horrid soul. My fear!

“I will be right here, Melanie. I will give you this time to get what you need, but know this, I will be watching. If I see you talk, touch, or even as much a motion to anyone, I will come for you, and your behavior will be dealt with accordingly,” he warns as his finger pushes my chin.

All I can do is nod my head. I have questioned myself so many times over the last five years. What did I do to provoke him? Am I truly to blame? Sighing deep, I lower my head. A flash of light catches my eye as I begin to turn. I would recognize that anywhere. He has a gun. Panic shoots through my body. He has a damn gun!

My eyes dart between him and the silver flash, and he notices. He grabs my neck once more as his hand slides to the gun rested under his left leg. I never noticed it before. Where did it come from?

“Your punishment if you disobey,” he deadpans. Right then, I inhale all the remaining oxygen within the car. Solidly, I nod as I slide my body to the car door and slowly exit.

The air around me is fresh and cold with the lingering smell of rain. I breathe deep as I make my way to the front of the store. I don’t look back. I have to get into the safety of the store. Reaching for the handle of the old, rusted, and dingy green door, I suddenly remember that I do not have my purse, which, of course, is the key to buying anything these days.

“Breath Melanie, Breathe,” the calming voice says, invading my mind. His voice is constant, giving me just a little strength.

Sucking all the air I can, I make my way back to the car. Steven looks bewildered and maybe a little relieved. His eyes looked pleased. He thinks I have changed my mind. Slowly, I open the door to my car, and his body shifts to grasp the wheel. I look right at him as I move the passenger seat forward to reach my purse.

“I forgot my purse. Sorry,” I gasp.

He says nothing. His eyes remain locked on to me. I push the passenger seat further into place, and I see my cell phone, lying face down, in the floorboard.  My purse is open, the contents sprawled along the back seat. I clear my throat, turn towards him, and smile, lowering my upper body into the car to reach for the items I so desperately need. My wallet and notebook have slipped out, and I graze the items, allowing them to fall to the floor. They pile neatly on top of my phone. In a rush, I stuff the items, as well as my lifeline, into the oversized bag. My notebook spreads and falls. Grasping a page as it tumbles, I feel his hand on my wrist.

“You won’t need that, Mel. Now go! We don’t have a lot of time.”

I drop the notebook and slowly back out of the car. The water that coats my car, soaks my legs as I drag my body upwards. Once again, we catch each other’s eyes. My jeans soak in the liquid, bearing the cold sensation on my sensitive skin. I walk back towards the little store and take a deep, cleansing breath as I step through the door. Scanning the stark store floor before me, the shelves are barely stocked. Dust covered trinkets of all shapes and sizes line the walls. The clock above the counter chimes 5:00, breaking me from my thoughts. There is no one at the cash register. I hear no voices, just the ever present ticking of the clock.

Slowly walking around the store, eyes forward, I reach into my purse and grab my phone. As I grip the small device deep within my purse, I glance towards the store window. The cold, brisk air outside creates steam from the exhaust blowing wistfully into the air. Glancing down at the phone, the indicator light flashes green to red in rapid succession. My battery is low. Missed calls, voicemails, and text messages fill the screen. Numbers I do not recognize teamed with messages and calls from Katie and Mike.  My hand shakes as I stab the number one, but the connection is poor.

I resort to a text message, but I have to think hard to whom I can send it too. Mike? Katie? The unknown? No! It has to be Mike, my brother, my protector of sorts. It’s not his voice that I hear streaming through my mind. It’s Josh’s. As I type, his face fills my head. The distant memory of those beautiful blue eyes, eyes that are overfilled with love for me, flood my mind.

The details stream through me as type. Mike will know exactly what to do. Steven told me where he had moored his boat, so I can at least give them my next destination.

Mike I hope you get this. Steven is here. Mike, he found me. He has a boat docked at Cruiser. Help me...My battery is dying. Help me Mike!

I hit send, hoping and praying that he receives my message. Moving towards the front of the store, I glance up. Steven is still in the front seat, staring at me. I can’t see his eyes, but I feel the heat of his glare. My hand shakes as I hold the box up to show him I have what I came in for. He gives me an acknowledging nod and turns once more to the front of the vehicle. Approaching the counter, still with no cashier or assistant of any kind, my eyes drift to the sound of the tick tock. Cigarettes engulf the back wall. His favorite cigarette beams at me, laughing at me and reminding me of his taste and the stench that once filled my lungs. NO! I scold myself. 

There is a small bell nestled on the side of the counter. I strike it once, and it rings through the store, but still, no one comes. I hit it again and again and again. But still no one comes. Impatience infuriates me. I go to strike the bell once more, but I am stopped by a cool wind, lapping at my fragile body. I shiver as it engulfs me. I follow the breeze to the back of the store. There’s a door and light. The sun shines in, reflecting off the glass. Rays of light bounce around the room. My heart skips, and my lungs seize as I embrace the sight before me. I take a mindless step in the direction of the heartwarming glow. With each mousy step, my heart surges, urging me forward. My eyes follow each bouncing ray, and I am hypnotized.

My phone chimes, thrusting me out of my wandering mind. It must not have died. I place my hand in my purse to retrieve it. Steven!

“Move Mel!” His voice pushes me forward. Glancing back, I see the car, and the shadow that once inhabited it is no longer there. Steven! Snapping my body around, my eyes search the scene. I don’t see him. He is not there! “Run Mel!” the urgency in his voice makes me jump.

I
start to move slowly at first still very aware of my surroundings. But overdrive kicks in, and I run. With my head down, I run. I am running for my life. I can see the door to the back right in front of me, and I know I only have seconds to I make it. My pulse races and my lungs strain. Light blinds me as I push my way onto the street. I don’t stop. I can’t! Lights flash before me, but I don’t stop. Car horns blare as I race across the street. I still don’t stop!

“Melanie! Melanie, stop! Wait, Mel. Please stop” His voice clouds my mind as I run. “Melanie, baby, stop!” I am confused. The voice grows louder. It’s telling me to stop, but he told me to run. Which one do I believe? Which do I follow? Damn it! I don’t know!

The sound is like warm honey. It’s so smooth, unlike the sharp, deep tone I have heard for the last four hours. Glancing up long enough to gauge my location, the pier comes into view. My body feels numb. I hear nothing but the whooshing sound of the wind as it flows over me. Reaching the pier, I stop. I freeze. My body is tired.

Walking closer and closer to the edge of the pier, the voice that guided me returns, but it’s muffled.

“Mel.”

The water below is choppy and a dirty green. The rain from earlier has stirred it up. I lower myself down, ignoring the slight rumble of thunder above me and the nausea that has hit me full on. My breaths are staggered. My body is cold and numb but tight. I am tense yet drained. Fatigue and the shock of today is finally setting in, taking a toll on my weary body. My eyelids become heavy, and the darkness of the tunnel invades. Every
fiber of my body is telling me I need to rest, but my mind is still in overdrive. I still have the feeling that I need to run. I am my very own contradiction at play.

As I lay my weary body down on the pier, the skies break and rain comes belting down. The muffled voice returns, and it sounds so distant. Over and over, the voice calls my name. Josh! Those blue sea-like eyes soothe my thoughts. Closing my eyes, I feel the rain as it flows over my body. The cold touch of each drop cleanses me.

“Melanie, baby,” drifts through the cold wind that whips at my face, and tears fall from my burning eyes.

“Josh,” I cry. “Thank you,” I whisper as I allow the darkness to consume me. I am slowly drifting now. I finally feel safe enough to sleep, and sleep I will.

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