Epilogue: The Dark Duet (12 page)

“I know what the movie was about, Rubi.
I get the point.
My
point is Kubrick
was so obsessed with portraying the dystopian future that he neglected to push
the message to a mainstream audience. Film students and artistic types are not
typically prone to violence. The message is nothing new for them. The average
movie-goer has to be kicked in the face with the truth or they don’t fucking get
it. Why do you think Mel Gibson’s
The Passion
of the Christ
did so well? It was like a hammer of guilt hitting people in
the face.”

“Fuck Mel Gibson!” Claudia contributed.
“I don’t care if he’s talented. He’s a sanctimonious ass and the last person
with any right to make a movie about Jesus.” Rubio caressed Claudia’s arm.

“No need to get
worked up, Claudia. We’re just talking.” Rubio looked toward me. “What do you
think, James? Are you a Kubrick fan?”

It was the first time anyone had called
me James. It was such a simple name. It had no hidden meaning like
dog
or
loyal disciple
. It was just a name. A normal name for a normal
person.

“Um, I’ve never seen the movie and I
don’t really know who Kubrick is. We saw the new
Harry Potter
last week.  I
liked that one.” I smiled and sipped some sangria. Everyone burst into laughter,
and Livvie leaned over to give me another easy kiss.

“I’m sorry, Sexy.
Sometimes we get our nerd on without thinking about other people. Let’s change
the subject.”

“I don’t mind. I like hearing what you
think. I follow the conversation. Personally, I’d like to think a person can
change for the better. But I think Rubio is correct as well—a person has to
have a reason to change. They have to believe their situation will be made
better by changing. Otherwise, that person is at a disadvantage. Violence is
necessary if you live in a violent world.” My heart was thumping hard.

Rubio’s expression turned sour. “I
never said violence was necessary. I said there’s too much of it and we need to
find a way to treat it as a societal disease.”  

“That will
never happen. Even flowers kill, Rubio. Human beings are far more flawed than
flowers. We all do what we feel we must do. If that means killing… so be it.
Survival—”

“Is the most important thing,” Livvie
finished. Her expression turned wistful. She set her fork down and stood. “I’m
bored of this conversation. Let’s play more Rock Band.” She smiled, but it
didn’t reach her eyes. I knew that smile well.

I regretted ever opening my stupid
mouth.

We played Rock Band for a few more
hours. I got much better at the guitar and actually enjoyed myself. I’d studied
a lot of things about America and Americans. I’d learned about their pop culture,
but I’d never played a video game. It was very entertaining and I decided I’d
be buying a PlayStation the very next day.

Afterward, Claudia and Rubio decided to
pack up more than their share of the leftovers and head home. They hugged me
goodbye—yes, both of them—and I thought it was a little strange. I went with it,
though. I could be a hugger… maybe. No, it was weird.

“If we were in The States, you could
buy one on the cheap tomorrow. Too bad Spain doesn’t celebrate Black Friday,”
Livvie said as she turned the faucet on and began washing dishes.

“What the hell is that?” I asked and
opened the dishwasher.

“It’s a sacred tradition where
thousands of hoarders camp outside stores and then bludgeon their neighbors for
the best prices on PlayStations and iPads. I used to go with my mom.” She
shrugged.

“I think I’ll just order one on the
computer. Unless you would find it romantic for me to bludgeon your neighbors?”
I smiled. Livvie laughed.

“Hmmm… maybe.
Let’s see who complains about the loud rock music.” She shoved me with her
shoulder. “You did good today. My friends are a little in love with you, I
think.”

I felt a strange pang in my chest.

“I did my best.
They seem nice. Claudia is a little too friendly, and I don’t understand how
Rubio does anything in those skinny pants, but they obviously love you. You’re
very lucky, Kitten.” I paused. “There seems to be no shortage of people who
love you.”

Livvie was scouring a pot and didn’t
meet my eyes.

“Caleb,” she
sighed.

“I like James. Maybe you should call me
that. Less chance you’ll slip around your friends. I could call you Sophia. We
could, I don’t know… pretend. We could pretend to be normal… together. I’m not
wearing those skinny jeans, though.” I tried to keep the conversation light.
We’d had such a great day and I didn’t want to ruin it.

Livvie handed me the pot for rinsing.

“I’ve been
thinking about that. I think… it could be a good idea. It might sound weird,
but when they changed my name I felt free to become someone else. Livvie was a
sad girl. She cared too much about things that didn’t matter and let people
take advantage of her. Sophia is self-aware and she doesn’t take shit from
anyone.”

I didn’t care for her words.

“You never took
shit from anyone. You’re the strongest person I know. Stronger than me.” I
swallowed. “But I know what you mean. Rafiq started calling me Caleb after he…”
I couldn’t say the word rescued. Rafiq had never rescued me. “I used to be
called something far less flattering.”

Livvie handed me another dish and moved
closer to me. Our arms brushed whenever we moved.

“What was it?”

I mentioned the name in Arabic.

“That doesn’t
sound bad. What’s wrong with it?”

I had to laugh to keep from feeling
everything else.

“It means dog.
My name was dog.” I took the dish Livvie had been washing from her hands and
rinsed it before putting it in the dishwasher. I didn’t want to acknowledge her
shock.

“Why would anyone…? The world is
fucking disgusting.” She stopped washing dishes and put her arms around my
waist from behind. “I think you’re a miracle, James. I think you deserve to be
happy. We both do.”

I kept washing dishes.

“I don’t know
if you’re right, Sophia. I know you deserve to be happy. I know you deserve
someone… better, but I’m selfish. I want you. I want you bad enough to try and
be someone better.

“That said, it wouldn’t surprise me if
you decided it was too little, too late. I won’t be here a second longer than
you want me to be. I promise.” I didn’t mention the part where I’d lose my
fucking mind. I wasn’t sure what I would do if Livvie didn’t want to be with
me. I didn’t necessarily have anything to go back to except killing and
smuggling. Was I a better person? Maybe not. I was only better when I was
living for her. I felt like a time-bomb.

“Then I’m selfish too, because I want
you just as much. I know it’s been odd between us. How could it not be? We
don’t know each other in this world, but I’ve seen you at your worst, and what
I know is that you’d do anything to protect me. That’s enough for now. The rest
will come.” She kissed my back and came back to the sink to continue washing.

“There’s not much to me, you know? Not
much that’s good anyway. What else do you expect to learn?” I knew my
expression wasn’t doing much to hide my frustration.

“I know we both like Harry Potter. I
know you have to get drunk to meet my friends because you’re nervous. You pay
attention when you’re not speaking and whenever you do, you add something to
the conversation. You like to read as much as I do. I know I’ll never catch you
in a pair of skinny jeans.” She laughed and bumped me with her hip. “I know
you’re a quick learner. You killed it on guitar in just a few hours. You help
with dishes. I’m learning a lot of things about you, James. I like it.”

“This is the part where I’d grab you
and fuck you in front of the sink, but I have to be honest—I am stuffed! I
can’t wait to put on a pair of lounging pants and take a nap.”

We laughed.

“That’s the
turkey. It makes everyone sleepy. Tomorrow we get to eat leftovers all day. So
good.” She looked at me sidelong and made her lips curve into a mischievous
smile. “I’ll be sure to ask you to fuck me before I feed you.”

“Ask me?” I asked through a laugh.
She’d never have to ask me.

“Beg you?” she purred.

My cock stirred.

“Well, I guess
you
do
know me.”

“Do you have plans for Christmas?” I asked
Livvie. She handed me a cup of coffee and took a sip of her own. The
temperature had been dropping steadily, but the streets were still crowded with
would-be shoppers. Livvie and I seemed a bit at odds with our surroundings due
to our lack of shopping bags. She smiled at me brightly.

“Yes. I plan to spend the better part
of the day super glued to your body.” She ran one of her mitten-clad hands down
the front of my coat. I laughed.

“Well then, I’m
looking forward to it already. I’ll be sure to giftwrap.” I tugged her close
and kissed her more passionately than was appropriate in public. Her lips were
cold but the inside of her mouth was warm and tasted faintly of coffee and
sugar. “But I meant with other people. Are there people you have to see?”

A strange expression marred her
features.

“No. It’s just
us. Claudia and Rubio are each spending time with their families. They’re only
going to see each other for part of the day because Rubio’s family lives in
Madrid. Claudia invited us to go over to her mom’s house, but I didn’t figure
you’d want to go. Honestly, I don’t feel like going either. We might all get
together on Christmas Eve, though. Why do you ask?”

I took her hand and led her into the
flow of bodies, making our way toward the next block of shopping. It had been
her idea to go shopping, but Livvie had yet to purchase a single thing.

“I’ve never
celebrated Christmas. I haven’t celebrated a lot of holidays, actually. I
thought since I liked your Thanksgiving, I might… branch out.”

“Oh yeah?” Livvie said excitedly. “That’s
great, Sexy! Now I feel bad for not getting you a gift yet. We’ll have to do it
up right if it’s your first Christmas. I figured you didn’t celebrate it, so I
didn’t want to push the subject. If you weren’t into it, no reason for me to
celebrate.”

I noticed the undercurrent of sadness
in Livvie’s voice and suspected it had something to do with her lack of family.
I was oddly tempted to ask about them. I didn’t much care for her mother, but I
knew she had siblings and I didn’t know if she spoke to them or not. Then
again, her having a relationship with her family didn’t necessarily bode well
for me.

“You’ve already given me more than I’ve
ever had. You wouldn’t want to spoil me, would you?” I flashed my most
suggestive grin. Livvie looked at me sidelong.

“I wouldn’t
dream
of spoiling you. You’re a big
enough pain as it is.”

“I’m sorry, I thought I was gentle.” I
braced for the punch I knew I was coming. She can be such a violent little
thing.

“Don’t be gross!” she admonished. It was
difficult to take her seriously while she was laughing. “I wonder if there’s
still time to get a tree. Usually people put them up after Thanksgiving, but
there has to be a lot somewhere that sells them. I’ll ask Claudia. She usually
knows where to go for stuff. I mean, I’ve learned a bunch since I’ve been here,
but like, I’m not
from
here so I need
help sometimes. Ha! This one time I got lost…” Livvie seemed completely
engrossed in the art of one-sided conversation. I admit it, I tuned out a
little. I thought I had learned the various sides to Livvie while in Mexico,
but I was beginning to feel as though I’d only scratched the surface. I rather
liked the idea of new discoveries—even when the discovery was that Livvie could
be as much of a rambler as Claudia.

“I was thinking of something else
entirely,” I broke in. Livvie halted, much to the chagrin of the pedestrians
behind us trying to get upstream with the other salmon.

“What were you
thinking?” She looked somewhat perturbed and I wasn’t sure why.

“What’s that face for?”

She shook her head and pasted on a
saccharine smile.

“Nothing.
Nothing.
It’s just… what were you going
to say?” She smiled a bit more genuinely.

“You were thinking something. Just tell
me what it was.” I took a sip from my coffee. I’d never been much of a coffee
drinker, but it was slowly growing on me. Livvie usually had some with her
breakfast. She blew out a breath.

“I don’t know,
I thought you might say something about… visiting friends of yours. Or
something.”

“Wow,” I said. “You think I have
friends? Friends I would want to spend holidays with, no less.” I had to laugh
out loud at the ridiculousness of it.

“Well, not friends, but… you know
people.” She lifted an ebony brow and tilted her head to the side with
suspicion.

“I’ve left all that behind, Livvie. You
know that,” I said evenly.

“I thought you were going to call me
Sophia from now on.” She looked down at her shoe and kicked at an imaginary
rock.