Everything You Always Wanted To Know About Acting (But Were Afraid To Ask, Dear) (30 page)

Actors – please avoid watching your showreel more than five times a day. It can lead to ‘showreel compulsive disorder’, dear.

Showreels

A showreel is a short video that showcases an actor’s screen work, and they are becoming more and more essential, particularly to get work in TV and film. They are usually no more than five minutes long, and are put together with the purpose of ‘showing off’ an actor, so that casting directors can see what actors look like on screen.

Many actors often find themselves in a problematic situation – where they have no TV experience, and in order to get the experience they need a showreel. This is obviously very difficult, but with video cameras being so cheap, and out-of-work
Holby
directors so desperate for work, there are many ways of making showreels by yourself.

Firstly, there are people that offer ‘showreel making’ services. If you search the internet you can find many professional directors who will direct and edit your scenes for you. This kind of service usually costs around £300–500 depending on how many scenes you want filmed. All you have to do is choose your scenes and fellow actors – and they will provide the camera equipment, film and edit the scenes together for you. In fact, they will do everything apart from learning the lines and acting the scenes, which sadly is still your responsibility, dear.

Another way of assembling scenes for a showreel is by acting in student films. I have spoken to many people who have been involved in these – and have heard of varying levels of success. Some actors say you can never be sure about the quality of the finished film. But then the same can be said if you play a guest role in
Midsomer Murders
. The good thing about student films is that plenty of them are made, and some agents will even put their clients up for them. Of course, they involve auditioning just like ‘real’ work, but can be a marvellous way of building up lots of decent screen-time. However, you must always be sure to read the script fully before agreeing to do them. Student films tend to involve crying, nudity, and aimless wandering around parks and London suburbs. Fine if you like aimless wandering, but pretty boring if you don’t.

If you are making your own showreel, please avoid using footage from a recent holiday in Greece. Unless, of course, you find a really impressive setting and feel compelled to pretend you are in
Gladiator
. In which case you should go for it and give your best ‘Russell Crowe’. But for God’s sake don’t sing whilst being Russell Crowe. As this always ends in tears, dear.

When deciding which scenes to use, it is essential they show you playing lots of different characters. If in doubt, an easy way of accomplishing this is by attaching an accessory to your face. For example, have one character wearing glasses, a second one with a moustache, another with stubble, another cleanly shaved, and a final one from America (if you can’t do the accent just wear a tight vest with the star-spangled banner on it).

Another clever trick is to get some of your actor friends to wear masks of celebrities – and do a scene with them. Or you could edit together some clips of yourself with some clips of famous actors so it looks like you are acting in the same scene. This method has been used by many actors, and indeed formed the basis of Hugh Grant’s early film career.

It is very important that your showreel looks professional and is of a high quality. I have seen many showreels recently
that look amateurish and home-made. This is particularly obvious when the actor’s mum and dad are playing all the other characters. Of course, this is fine if your mum is Judi Dench, but not so compelling if your mum is Kerry Katona.

Also, you should avoid filming yourself on an iPhone. It is always obvious when someone has done this as it is apparent they are holding the phone with one hand and acting with the other. Obviously you can get someone else to record you, but always ensure they have a steady hand. There is nothing worse than shaky showreels. They look like
The Blair Witch Project
, and make me feel giddy. Which results in me vomiting all over your headshot. And that is not very pleasant for anyone. Particularly your face, dear.

A word of warning
: As a safety precaution you should always double-check the edit of your showreel before allowing it to be viewed. It is so very quick and easy to put work out there – indeed, it takes only a few minutes to upload a showreel online. Whilst this is marvellously time-efficient, it can also be extremely dangerous. I remember one horrific story where an actor uploaded his showreel only to receive a panicked call from his agent four hours later telling him that he’d actually uploaded a video of himself doing naughty things with his partner. Whilst this was hugely embarrassing for the actor in question, it did get him a sudden influx of auditions – and Russell Grant hasn’t stopped working since.

There is a habit in showreels to feature funky music at the beginning with a montage of the actor in various roles. Be aware that this montage is viewed as a joke – as casting directors don’t really want to watch actors gurning and flapping their arms around to random bits of pop music. I have heard of many careers being stopped short as a result of these first flimsy thirty seconds. It really is rather sad. Often showreel montages feature ridiculous close-ups of actors staring at the camera with varying degrees of intensity before hitting something and frantically running around in a jubilant manner. If we wanted to see that we would just find some footage of you getting drunk on YouTube. There is
a saying in the business: ‘A montage never displays good acting. A montage displays actors who think they are good at acting.’ I don’t know who said that, and I don’t really know what it means, but it sounds rather impressive, dear.

In truth, the main use of a showreel is simply to show how you look on screen. It is surprising how different some actors actually appear on TV and film – which is why a showreel is vital in allowing the casting director and director to see what you look like. You’d never believe it, but in real life David Tennant is actually four-foot-two and black. The camera never lies – it just distorts reality, dear.

Finally, never have clips of you performing on
stage
on your showreel. Whilst this can be tempting, particularly if you are playing a leading role, it can have appalling results on the viewer. I have known casting directors spontaneously combust after seeing such footage. There is a major difference between stage acting and screen acting – and you don’t want a beautifully subtle TV scene undermined by a ridiculously over-the-top scene from your last pantomime. Unless, of course, your screen scene is from
Doctors
, in which case a stage scene will be far subtler.

What’s the difference between acting on stage and acting on film? At least £5,000, dear.

Acting for Camera

Acting for camera is a very different discipline to acting on stage. For one thing, if you are doing a film you get a Winnebago, a driver, more money, and intense jealousy from fellow performers.

There have been many guides over the years about the best techniques and methods for screen acting. It is common knowledge that you should not blink on screen, you should
not look directly at the camera, you should never flap your arms too wildly, you should avoid smoking a cigarette (as it’s a bugger for continuity), and you should speak as quietly as possible. Obviously, this advice is all the stuff of legend – and the only true way of learning screen acting is to do it
yourself
.

It is generally accepted that you should try and be smaller when acting on screen, and avoid those moments of huge gurning that work so wonderfully on stage. That is not to say that the odd gurn can’t make an appearance – you just have to be very selective about when and where it is released. This is also the same for eyebrows. Eyebrows are the one body part that have a mind of their own on screen. You may think you have control of your facial features, but as soon as you find yourself in front of a camera your face will adopt a performance and physicality all of its own. This is something you will only realise when you watch footage of yourself.

Many actors spend years attempting to control their face – as they want to have that perfect ‘still’ look on camera. As an example, just watch the most celebrated film stars and their ‘controlled’ faces. Their eyebrows will only move on certain occasions, their eyes will only blink when they look down, and their nose will only flare when they are showing intense aggression. These kinds of sophisticated techniques are not learnt overnight, dear.

One of the best ways to control your face is by sitting in front of a mirror and staring at yourself. It is advisable to keep your clothes on for this practice – to prevent any unnecessary distraction. Once you feel comfortable, vocalise some lines and observe what happens to your face. The first thing you will notice is your face’s athleticism – and whilst this is something to be applauded in children’s theatre, it is not useful when filming
Silent Witness
.

You also have to be aware of the good and bad side of your face. Everybody has one of each, and those that say otherwise have two bad ones. Your good side should obviously be the side that sees more of the camera, and your bad side should be kept for more shocking, heartfelt and tense moments.

For every actor that wins an Oscar there are another ten thousand living below the poverty line: Equity minimum, dear.